A/N Thank you for your feedback after the last chapter!

Here comes the moment you probably anticipated… I know some of my not like that direction but that's what happens in life sometimes. The premise for this story is based on real life. Besides, you know I always make it better in the end ;)

I hope you continue to enjoy…

She saw him sitting at the nurses' station, engrossed in some reading. Probably his patient's chart, as his forehead was creased in a small frown, the same he wore every time he was thinking hard. The same frown he sported while doing his homework in high school. She just stood there, her back getting cold against the hard wall, for an indefinite period of time. Watching him. Trying to pretend for a little longer that everything was okay. That they would go back home together after their shift, drink some wine before going to bed and make sweet love till the wee hours of the morning.

But it was never going to happen again. She had to live on memories from now on. She had a lot of them to hold on to. That was her blessing and her curse. She braced herself forward though every cell in her body, every fiber of her soul, was screaming in protest.

"Hey," he muttered in greeting. He didn't even lift his eyes from the file. He had trained the same sense of awareness of her presence as she had in regards to him.

"Derek," she said softly touching his forearm. She was greedy for the touch. She had to touch him as long as she still could. It wouldn't be long now. She could touch him for the last twelve years but suddenly it felt painfully little. So not enough. The whole lifetime wouldn't be enough. Two lifetimes wouldn't be enough. "Derek, can we talk for a second?"

"Mer, I'm waiting for the page," he sighed tiredly.

"It won't take long…" she pleaded. Just a few words and they would be… There would be no "we". "Maybe we can go to a conference room… or an on-call room?" she looked around tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. It wasn't ideal for this type of conversation. But… was there an ideal setting for a break-up with the love of your life?

She couldn't postpone it any longer. She made up her mind. Further putting it off would only prolong the torture of awaiting the inevitable. Or she could get cold feet and change her mind again which would be even worse. There was no way they could exist like that. It was… over… so over. Her heart was beating out of her chest. As if trying to run away before the final blow.

She led him along the corridor keeping a strong grip on his wrist. Every step felt like dying just a little inside. All your life running through your head in your last minutes? She understood now. All the happy memories swirled in her mind, depriving her lungs of air.

Beep-beep-beep

The damn pager. It had taken her mother away from her. Now it claimed Derek.

"I don't have time for you now. Do you want to talk about your surgery? We can talk about it home," he said, his eyes already darting to the stairs at the end of the hall.

"I… I won't be home tonight, Derek," she said quietly looking him in the eye. Time seemed to cease its course. People around were just blurs in slow motion.

"Okay then, tomorrow," he shrugged. "Are you going to Cristina's?"

"Derek," she blinked trying to fight the tears that she felt were too close for comfort. Her palm encased his cheek, her fingertips grazing the raven locks on his temple. "I tried so hard, Der. I really did. And I'm so sorry that I failed. But you can't really force someone to love you."

"What are you talking about?" he frowned at her in complete puzzlement.

"I…" her voice wavered for the tiniest of seconds. She cleared her throat and resumed. "I want you to know that I'm letting go. Now. From this moment on. You're free."

"What?" His face expressed only incomprehension.

"I know you'll feel guilty soon enough. Because you're a good person. I know that, I always knew. But I don't want you to try to make up because of any obligations. I'm freeing you from all of them. And I truly hope you'll be happy," she managed to arch her lips in a smile and not a grimace of pain. She leaned towards him one last time and pressed a small fleeting kiss to his lips, exactly the same as their first one. The full circle was done.

"Goodbye Derek," she smiled and moved away letting go of his hand. "Your patient's waiting."

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

Carolyn hurried to open the door to see Meredith standing listlessly in front of the house.

"Meri?" she asked, her eyes wide as she couldn't quite cover the surprise of seeing her in her high school haircut. "Why did-"

"Ma, please, don't ask," she breathed. "I'm sorry I'm so late… and without notice."

"Don't be silly, dear," Carolyn frowned apprehensively. "My children don't need notice to visit. Come on in. Are these your friends?" she pointed at Izzie and Cristina who were waiting in the car, both staring shamelessly in their direction.

"Yes, they're my friends and colleagues," Meredith explained breathlessly, her fingers running absent-mindedly over her engagement ring.

"Aren't they coming?"

"No, I… I'm just here for a minute, maybe two… Are Lanie and Mia in?" she asked nervously looking around.

"Nah, they're enjoying their vacation doing god knows what in god knows where. I wouldn't expect them before early morning. Let's come to the kitchen, sweetie. Sit down, I'll get you something to drink-"

"Mom, no," she refused gently. Carolyn turned to face her, full of misgivings. She knew what was going on from the moment her eyes rested on her daughter, on her pink-haired daughter. But she wanted to pretend it was just another family visit for a little while longer. Because in that exact moment, the world of two of her children was crashing down. "I… I wanted you to know first… from me. You deserve to know first," she let out a deep breath and rubbed her cheek distractedly.

"You're letting go," stated Carolyn calmly.

"I… I am…" She confirmed, slightly amazed Carolyn used the same words she said to Derek.

"I'm sorry, Mom," she swallowed as her eyes felt heavy. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be what your son needed. And… I… couldn't help him…"

"Meredith," Carolyn's voice was strangled as she rushed to take her into her arms, just as she did for the first time many years ago. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Sweetie, absolutely nothing."

"I couldn't…" she gasped.

"You fought for him harder than any other person would," whispered Carolyn, her fingers caressing Meredith's short tufts of hair. "But a relationship requires work of two people. And you were trying for both for far too long."

Meredith leaned back and with a heavy heart pulled the ring from her finger. It felt empty. The silver band was there for the last eight years.

"I was honored to wear it, Mom," she confessed and handed it to Carolyn carefully. She didn't take it though. She closed Meredith's palm encasing it with her own, the ring inside.

"It belongs to you now," Carolyn whispered warmly.

"It belongs to Derek's future wife…" she argued with a trembling voice, the concept making her dizzy.

"This ring is to be worn by the love of my son's life. And you are his first, last and only love."

"He doesn't love me, Mom," she stated simply. "It's just… a habit. An obligation. Responsibility. There's no more love. I wouldn't… I wouldn't have left him if I thought otherwise. Maybe it was… puppy love," she chuckled remembering Cristina's words. "It's not true love. I'm making it easier for us both. I don't want him to stay with me because it's comfortable. None of us deserves that. Please, don't hate me for that-"

"Child," Carolyn stopped her categorically. "What are you talking about? You are my daughter. Regardless of what is going on between you and Derek. I love you no less than him. It's the same for the girls, your sisters. We are your family no matter what. You can come hereany time to talk and I fully expect you to. I expect you to be here for Thanksgiving, Christmas-"

"Mom," she interrupted weakly. She already had to face Derek at work. She didn't need another reminder of what she had lost. On the other hand, if she was to lose also the rest of the Shepherds, she wasn't sure she could survive it.

"No discussion, and you're keeping it," ordered Carolyn pointing at the ring. "It belonged to me after all, not to Derek. It is my decision what I want to do with it. It would be a disgrace if anyone else ever wore it. Because I know no one would ever love my some so generously and selflessly as you."

Meredith hung her eyes down and whispered, "It wasn't enough…"

Carolyn lifted her chin gently. "That's not your fault. It's not going to be easy for you but I want you to hold your head up high. Because you're an incredible woman and my son is a blind fool."

"You can't force anybody to love," shrugged Meredith.

"Oh, Sweetie," sighed Carolyn and once again hugged. She had feared all things to come to such an end. She warned Derek that Meredith needed to be reassured of his feelings. And now the young woman believed she meant nothing for him than an old life companion. Which was so not true. Derek loved her. Carolyn absolutely did not intend to persuade Meredith to believe that though. That girl needed a breather, both mental and physical. The wounds were open and raw. And she would never believe that in her current state of mind.

"I… I need to go," Meredith said suddenly. "Izzie and Cristina are waiting for me… They'll help me out with… they'll help me to move my things."

"Where are you going to stay?" Carolyn asked with concern. "You know you have your old room here-"

"He… might come and look for me here," admitted Meredith. "And I don't want to see him for the next forty-eight hours. I'm going to crash at Cristina's."

"Just be careful," pleaded Carolyn as she walked her to the front door. "Take care of yourself. And if you don't have the strength to call me, please, don't avoid my calls."

"Okay," she smiled but sobered immediately as she remembered about something. "Mom, I… the wedding… I… I can't even think about it… cancelling…"

"I'll take care of everything," assured her Carolyn. "Don't you worry."

Meredith nodded sadly and let Carolyn place a kiss on her cheek. "You still look good in pink, Meri."

She gave her a tiniest of smiles and hurried to the car.

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

"So," Cristina looked around standing in the middle of the living room, cracking her knuckles. "You have a lot of crap in here. That's quite a lot of work to carry everything out. What do you want to leave him with? Bare walls? Oh, and that hideous flower vase! Did he buy it for you? The guy has awful taste. No offence, by the way," she smirked.

"That's an engagement gift from one the Maloney Aunties. We would have caused a family feud had we chucked it away," she muttered distractedly, keeping a little to the side, her back to Cristina and Izzie. Inconspicuously, she took her heart necklace, Derek's present for her Sweet Sixteen, from underneath her shirt and shakily put her ex-engagement ring on the delicate chain. She couldn't leave it somewhere in the drawer or a jewelry box. It was too much of a heirloom. A sacred object. A sign of her love, even if it was ultimately unrequited. The ring will be close to the place where it belonged, her heart. She sighed as the cool metal band landed on her breast. "I'll only take what I need."

"Only take what I need? What about punishing him?" Cristina threw her arms to her sides. "You're supposed to be at war! At least, that's what happens in all chick-flicks…"

"I don't want to take things that are going to remind me of him," argued Meredith pleadingly. She just wanted to take her clothes and some of the books.

"What about the TV set?" proposed Cristina. "Unless it's going to remind you of all the cuddling on the coach…"

"I don't watch much television anyway," she shrugged. "Besides, it's like his baby or whatever."

"Well, a baby takes two people to make. I'm guessing you co-financed that baby."

"Cristina!" Izzie hissed across the room, wiggling her eyebrows in warning.

"What about that cliché plastic Eiffel Tower?" Cristina pointed at the little statuette standing on the TV.

"What do you expect to bring from Paris?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "We went there before med school. Trek around Europe…"

"Okay, probably too much porny and corny memories," nodded Cristina. "What about… that poster? It looks kinda cool…"

"It's from the sex museum in Amsterdam… same year."

Izzie shook her head at Cristina and her failed attempts.

"What about the table cloth?" she laughed simply.

"Traditional Belgium lace," gritted Meredith folding her arms.

"Okay, I get it," gave in Cristina. "You're like two halves of the apple or something. Let's just pack your clothes and leave before he gets here."

"I'll appreciate that," grumbled Meredith and strode to the bedroom. She pulled the closet open and started to take out her things haphazardly, which wasn't easy as her clothing was mixed with his… Her eyes fell on a blanket in the far corner. She slowly and delicately pulled it out, passing a tender hand over it. The blanket on which they first made love… They didn't throw it away. They cleaned it instead but it was never used again, as the blood never really came off.

"Meredith?"

She pressed the blanket to her chest, startled by Izzie's voice coming from the doorway.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"No, I'm not okay," Meredith muttered quickly hiding the blanket into the bag. What would Derek do with it anyway? It would probably land in the trash over time. That she didn't want, it did hold to many fond memories…

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

Derek rubbed his face vigorously trying to stay awake. He just needed to complete the post-op and he was done for the day. Well, for the night. It was nearly one a.m. As soon as his thoughts were no longer occupied by the patient, an image of Meredith reappeared in his mind. She was acting really strangely just before he was paged away. Maybe they could finally talk it through when he was home, hopefully, without screaming or angry sex. He was just tired of it all.

He arrived at the nurses' station with the patient's chart. The lights were dimmed as usual at night and there was only one person occupying the space behind the counter, Addison Montgomery.

"Derek," she grinned at him widely, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Addison," he nodded distractedly and moved behind the counter to leave the chart in the due place. Addison's long legs blocked his way.

He quickly moved his eyes away with a sigh. One could think she was already an attending, she had a black pencil skirt that barely peeked from underneath her lab coat and a pair of black stilettos on her feet. Did she intend to survive a night shift in that?

"Sorry, can you…?" he sighed. He really wanted to go home as fast as he could. The stress, tension and physical weariness were catching up on him.

"Can I… do what exactly, Derek?" she smirked at him pushing her chest forward, sliding to sit at the edge of the chair.

"Move, I'd like to leave my patient's chart- Whatever," he sighed and walked around the station to reach the place from the other side.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Addison wound a strand of hair around her finger. "It's just you and me here… you and me…"

She stood up suddenly and brushed against his arm as he was finishing scribbling post-op info in the chart.

"What are you doing?" he frowned flinching away as though he was burned. This was not normal colleague behavior, even for a person as forward as Addison Montgomery.

"I know there is an empty on-call room on this floor," she whispered licking her lips.

"I don't need an on-call room," he answered thickly. "I'm going home."

"You can go home later," she chuckled. "After we…. had little fun… fooling around… you know, relaxing. You seem tense," she remarked grabbing his bicep.

"I hope you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting," he wrenched his arm away. "I tolerated the flirting but this is too much. I'm engaged! We're coworkers. My fiancée is your coworker. Your standards are pretty low." Maybe he was too harsh. He didn't want to cause any bad blood in the workplace but God, he was just too tired. And frankly, Addison scared the crap out of him. She wasn't used to women coming onto him this hard. Sure, he grew comfortable with some flirting directed at him over the last few years but the open come and get me? Meredith was the only woman he could ever feel comfortable with. And he was more than fine with that. Mark tried to pull him to the dark side a few times but really, Derek would just laugh at his silly attempts. He only had eyes for Meredith, he always would.

"You're not engaged!" Addison chuckled.

"I don't think that conversation is going anywhere," he shrugged. "Please, desist whatever that you're doing. Let's forget about the last ten minutes and keep it a at a professional level. Stay away from me and Meredith."

"But she broke up with you!" Addison gasped impatiently. "What's the problem?"

"I'm really done talking with you," he answered categorically and strode away to the locker room to change.

Addison shrugged to herself and muttered, "Some men are jut suckers for punishment."

She was disgruntled though. She wanted to have some fun tonight. If not with Shepherd, his loss then. She looked around, the only man around would be the arrogant male nurse. He wasn't that bad…

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

Meredith slid to the floor with exhaustion, both physical and mental, after they deposited the last box in the middle of Cristina's apartment. Box after box… all her life enclosed in a couple of ugly carton boxes…

"You're off tomorrow, right?" asked Cristina standing behind her.

"Cristina, put that away!" Izzie berated her hotly. "It's not the solution!"

"Shut up, Barbie. Are you off?"

Meredith nodded hanging her head down, her spine seemed too weak to hold her up any longer.

"Then take this," said Cristina placing a bottle of tequila and a shot glass on the box in front of her face.

"Meredith, don't! Alcohol doesn't solve any problems!"

"Okay, it's not like I'm trying to turn her into an alcoholic! She needs something strong!"

"Can you just stop playing little angel and devil on my shoulders?" spat Meredith from her place on the floor and desperately grabbed for the drink, downing the shot in one gulp.

"That's my champ!" exclaimed Cristina as Meredith swallowed another portion of the burning liquid. It was like volcanic lava flowing through a ghost town.

After the third shot Meredith pushed the glass away and bitter tears streamed down her cheeks, violent sobs shaking her slender body.

"She needs something strong, was it?" snorted Izzie and moved to kneel down beside Meredith rubbing her back softly.

"Uh, you're better off without him…" Cristina tried to cheer her up.

"Not helping," Izzie mouthed to her over Meredith's shoulder.

"Er, you'll forget about him soon enough. We can even find you a new idiot-"

"I don' know if I wanna forget about him. I don' know if I could forget about him even if I wanted. And I don' wan' new idiot!" yelled Meredith, her words slurring from the alcohol she absorbed on empty stomach and her grief. "I wanna… my idiottt!" with that she passed out against Izzie's careful arms.

"And I wanna stick his penis in a blender," gritted out Cristina bringing a wet cloth from the kitchen to dampen Meredith's burning temples. "I'll take care of her tonight," she sighed to Izzie as she was back. "Go back to your place and get some sleep. You'll need to get your ass here and check up on her tomorrow when I'm at work."

"She looks peaceful now," sighed Izzie passing a hand over Meredith's forehead. She was sighing and mumbling something in her alcohol induced slumber. A shadow of smile wandered on her lips.

"Yeah, but she's going to have to wake up soon enough."

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

FLASHBACK

That day blissful smiles and copious tears mingled together in the Shepherd household, the most often on Carolyn's face. Two of her children graduated from school today, Meredith and Derek. It was one of the best days of her life. She couldn't help tears of pride and happiness stream down her face when first Meri, then Derek were called on to receive the diploma. And with the top results too. The world was open for them. They decided to pursue a career in medicine. Meredith was adamant about it since forever. Derek seemed to catch that passion. They way the two of them talked about medicine… discussed Meredith's mother's surgery tapes... It was a relief to see them so set on fulfilling their ambitions.

Their love for each other was in full bloom. They were maturing in that feeling. And well, she finally allowed them to sleep together without sneaking after they both turned eighteen. They were responsible adults and there were no more reasons why she should pretend to be a prude.

They looked so good together too. Meredith grew into a real beauty with her petite frame, delicate but resolute face surrounded by blond tresses. Derek was also past his awkward puberty stage. His face features hardened in way that the slightly crooked nose added to its rugged appeal. With Meredith's guidance he tamed his wild hair to his advantage. He also worked up a clearly masculine built that made females seize him up appreciatively. But he only had eyes for Meredith. That was a constant. Nothing was more important than Meredith.

That was why she finally decided to part with her engagement ring. It was her treasure. Michael bought it for her with his hard earned money and proposed during a night time stroll when she sneaked out of her parents' house to meet him secretly. Well, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Her connection with Michael was invincible and everlasting, just like Meredith and Derek's. And as they reached their adulthood, she bestowed the ring into Derek's care until the day he would be able to slip it onto Meredith's finger. Jolly, it had to be hard for her son to keep a secret from his beloved.

It wouldn't be long now, though, her instincts were telling her that there would be another occasion to rejoice about soon. Well, her instincts and the way Derek glanced up at Meredith and felt his pants pocket every ten minutes as they went through the celebratory dinner. She grinned softly when she saw her son ask Meredith discreetly if she could walk outside with him for a second. She tried to wait patiently sitting at that table with her daughters but… her curiosity got better of her and she trotted to the kitchen to peer over into the backyard.

"Ma?" Mia soon joined her. "Watcha looking at?"

"Shh!" berated her Carolyn.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

"So what's so important that you had to drag me out here in the middle of the dinner?" she smiled up him standing on her tiptoes and weaving her arms around his neck. Her lips naturally pressed a kiss to his jaw while she inhaled the scent of his cologne.

"It is… it is quite important," he murmured, his heart beating like mad. He shouted at himself internally to calm down. This was Meredith for god's sake. The woman who loved him.

"I bet it is…" she purred and her hand slid from his neck down over his chest and stomach to his pants. "It has been a busy couple of days. I'm missing you…"

"Me too," he gulped but to her hand from his penis before it could make itself known. He loved sex with Meredith but he didn't want to propose with a gigantic hard-on. "Wait, just a sec, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded looking at him questioningly.

"Meredith, I love you," he said letting out a deep calming breath.

"I love you too," she smiled sweetly.

"You're the love of my life," he went on. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Her smile grew even wider. "And you will. I can't wait when we'll be on our own in the fall."

"Meredith," he uttered her name solemnly and felt himself sliding down to his knees. He didn't plan on it, it just came naturally. Just like the impulse to ask her to become his wife in his mother's minute back garden.

"Derek?" she breathed out, her eyes wide as Derek took her hand into both of his.

"Will you do me the honor and agree to marry me?" he asked looking her sincerely in the eye.

"Oh, God, Der, I… You!" she rambled chaotically. Another look at his face told her how nervous he was so she just hurried to exclaim, "Yes! Of course, Love! I love you! Yes, I'll marry you!"

He laughed with obvious happiness and relief and get to his feet to swing her round in his arms. "You've just made me the happiest man on the planet!"

"You've just made me the happiest woman on the planet," she laughed feeling her eyes dampen somewhat despite her best efforts not to. "Now what, engagement sex?" she breathed into his neck.

"Not just yet," he chuckled and pulled his mother's ring from his pocket. "Allow me," he pleaded taking her hand and slowly slid the delicate piece of jewelry onto her finger.

"Isn't it…" she frowned at the familiar contours of the ring.

"It's the ring my father gave to Ma when he proposed, yes," he answered proudly.

"How…?" she looked up at him wildly.

"Mom gave it to me… gave it to us…"

"It's beautiful but I… It's your parents-"

He interrupted her kissing her tempting lips. "It's the sign of my parents' love. Now it's also the sign of our love."

They were to kiss again but a shrill "Oh my God" coming from the house made them look in the direction of the kitchen. Carolyn and the rest of the Shepherd women stood pressed to each other peeping at them.

Derek rolled his eyes at them while Meredith blushed all over.

Clapping and cheers came from the house but Derek did no longer care. He kissed his fiancée, he finally could call her something more than a girlfriend, he kissed her long and hard.

"We'll be together forever, promise me," she choked out, her eyes wet but an impossible smile on her lips.

"I promise you," he whispered with unhidden emotion, taking her face into his hands. "We'll be together forever. Always."

END OF FLASHBACK

A/N Would love to hear from you,

Em