A/N Thank you for your constant interest!
Enjoy…
Derek let out a sigh of relief as he fished his keys out of the shoulder bag and unlocked the door. Talking to Meredith had to wait though. He was supposed to be back at the hospital before noon and he needed his sleep drastically.
But as he crossed the threshold all thoughts of work evaporated from his mind immediately. He stepped into the dark silent apartment, viscerally knowing that something was off. He couldn't put his finger on it. He could feel it. An uncanny sense of coldness. Not a physical one, it was a warm night. It was because… he couldn't feel her presence. Meredith said something about going somewhere, right? Her face before answering his page swam back into his memory.
He threw the keys onto a shelf opposite the inbuilt closet near the door and stared at the floor with a frown. There were no Meredith's shoes. Not a single pair. They usually cluttered the space until they had a bit of free time to clean the flat once a week. He took a peek inside the closet . Not only didn't he notice her shoes anywhere, he realized it was half empty...
"I won't be home tonight, Derek."
He hurried to turn on the light. He wasn't wrong, Meredith's things were gone. Full of misgivings, he moved to their bedroom, not even bothering to take off his shoes. Almost frantically, he pushed the main closet wide open… A chill ran down his spine. None of Meredith's jackets, blouses, jeans… None. He pulled open a drawer after drawer. His clothes lay solitary in neat piles.
He moved on to the living room. It looked basically the same as always. Except that a number of medical books disappeared from the shelves. Some of the crockery was gone from the kitchen.
Meredith was gone.
He cursed under his breath. Things between them were a bit sour lately but it was no reason to pack up and go. He needed to find her and straighten things up before the entire family was involved.
He searched for his phone and chose her number. He wasn't surprised when she didn't pick up. With a sigh, he grabbed the keys and stormed out.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Carolyn sat up in her bed having been woken by the insistent ringing of the doorbell. She glanced at the clock. Two a.m. It couldn't be the twins. It was too early for them. And they had two spare sets of keys anyway.
She knew who it must be. She knew her son would arrive at her doorstep tonight just as she had seen Meredith off. With a deep sigh and a strict expression, she put on her bathrobe and descended the stairs to open the door.
"Derek. What in the God's name do you think you're doing making all this noise in the middle of the night!" she berated him sternly.
"I'm looking for Meredith," he explained hurriedly striding inside, his eyes sweeping the interior of his childhood home searchingly. "Is she here?"
"No, she's not here," answered Carolyn folding her arms over her chest. "You could have called to get that answer." She was harsh with him, she knew that. But he didn't look like he realized the full impact of what had happened. He needed to face the music at long last.
"Maybe, but I'm aware of women solidarity in this family so I had to check myself."
"Now you have," she said dryly. "I'd like to go back to sleep."
"Wait a minute," he frowned. "You're not going to fuss over it? Ask thousands of questions about what happened? Why I'm looking for Meredith in the dead of the night?"
"It's your life. You don't like me interfering in it."
"Right," he snorted. "You know she took her things and left. You talked to her."
"She's my daughter, I talked to her."
"So, do you know where is she? Nancy? Kath?"
"She's not staying with either," sighed Carolyn. "Don't harass your sisters. Go home and get some sleep. You look like hell."
He frowned at her, surprised by the disapproving tone of her voice. She never used that tone with him.
"What are you talking about? I can't just got to bed and get a good night's sleep," he said slowly. "I don't know where Mer is."
"You should get used to that," she answered, though her voice softened a little. Even though he brought it on himself, and on Meredith, he was going to suffer an excruciating pain. Soon. Her heart was already breaking for him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he gritted out.
"That you need to give this girl a break and stop hurting her."
"I would never hurt Meredith," he argued with annoyance. "Look, I need to talk to her, tonight. I need to explain what's going on and take her back home. And honestly, you could be more helpful!"
"I already had been. Meredith is safe where she is, that's all you need to know right now," she ushered him towards the door. "Go back… home. Go back home. You can come when your eyes are not blinkered anymore. Not sooner."
"Mom!" he called after her as she closed the door and leaned back against it. She had to be strong. For both of her children.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Derek slowly stumbled back into the apartment, not knowing what to think and what to do. Calling Meredith a hundred times since he left his mother's house didn't bring any results. He was smart enough not to call his two elder sisters. He believed she wasn't with them. If she didn't want to be found, and everything indicated that she didn't, she would opt for some place else to stay. Clearly that would be his first natural choice to look for after Carolyn's house. He was ninety per cent sure she was at Cristina's. But he had no idea where the Asian doctor might live.
The whole situation was strangely surreal. He still couldn't believe Meredith just left without notice. If she intended to make her point and show him she was angry with him for some reason, she succeeded. She tended to resort to drastic solutions.
"I won't be home tonight, Derek."
Her words struck him all over again. She knew already what she was going to do it. He just assumed she was planning a study night.
His heart skipped a beat as he remembered what she told him next.
"I tried so hard, Der. I really did. And I'm so sorry that I failed. But you can't really force someone to love you."
She failed him? You can't really force someone to love you? Who was she talking about?
"I want you to know that I'm letting go. Now. From this moment on. You're free."
Cold sweat appeared on his body. If he heard anyone else saying these words, he would automatically assume the person uttering them was breaking up with someone… He let out a nervous chuckle. It was impossible.
However, he couldn't get rid of the sudden apprehension he felt. And his mind couldn't evoke Meredith's next words so clearly as before. Some jumbled up phrases about feeling guilty, obligations and being happy swirled around in his brain.
"Goodbye Derek." That stood out vividly in his memory.
He got to his feet from the sofa and started to pace around in the dark living room, trying to match up the pieces of the puzzle. No way, Meredith loved him. She would never leave him. It was just an argument that blew out of proportion. They would sit down and talk and resolve this mess. They would be happy as they always were and resume the preparations for the wedding that seemed to get stuck in a dead point recently.
He threw himself back onto the couch trying to rationally cool down. It was him and Meredith for crying out loud. They were meant, they were destined, to be together since the creation of the universe.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"Mer! Mer!" Cristina lightly slapped her cheeks to bring her to consciousness.
Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she grinned. " 'Stinaa…"
"She's still buzzed," remarked Izzie standing in the doorway. She came over to check up on Meredith as Cristina was about to hurry to the hospital for her shift.
"She… she might have gotten too comfortable with Jose last night," she admitted guiltily.
"Jose," Meredith mumbled and felt around for the bottle. "Giff me my Josee… Wher's't…"
"No more Jose for you," stated categorically Izzie grabbing the bottle which still held around a quarter of its quantity and took it away to throw it out.
"Mer?" Cristina asked in a gentler tone but Meredith was already drifting away… a smile on her lips as images of past times fast forwarded before her eyes.
FLASHBACK
Derek stood snuggly behind her as she leaned against the balustrade, protecting her from the swarming crowd that elbowed their way around the balcony.
"It was worth it to spend that two hours in the queue after all," she sighed dreamily as her eyes took in the splendid panorama of Paris.
"Yeah, and I think we have to see all the landmarks as a proof that that we actually left our room," he murmured into her neck while his hands rubbed her hips.
She giggled. "Derek… Try to keep that hands from wandering around too much. I'd love to proceed but I think that the crowded top of the Eiffel Tower is too much, even for us."
He laughed and put an arm around her shoulders when they resumed their slow walk, their eyes admiring the French capital basked in the setting sun.
"You know, if we weren't engaged already, I would propose here and now."
"That would be cheesy," she teased him.
"You want to tell me that doing it in my mother's backyard with said mother and all the sisters watching wasn't cheesy?"
"It was perfect," she whispered and reached to plant a kiss to his lips.
FLASH
"Ugh, I think we've already been here, Mer," Derek frowned looking around. "That bridge looks familiar…"
"They all look the same," she grumbled, her nose buried into the map of Amsterdam. "Really! How hard is it to find the Red District?"
"Was that question literal or figurative?" he quipped. "Watch out!" he pulled her closer into his arms as a hurried biker zoomed past them.
"Guh! I hate bikes!" she snapped. "It's like Dead Baby Race Day, every day! Let's go," she pulled at his forearm and led him to a small passage between buildings.
"Mer… I think we're here…" he gasped as his eyes almost popped open at the sight of a woman in skimpy lingerie that was more revealing that covering. She was standing behind a transparent door in sultry poses.
"For the love of God!" shrieked Meredith furiously and pulled him back.
"What's wrong?" he questioned her.
"Nothing," she fussed around her backpack red on the face, not looking at him.
"Mer? Would you please tell me what is going on?" he sighed.
She muttered something under her breath.
"What? I didn't catch that."
"Is your dick hard?" she cleared her throat.
"What?" he frowned. "Did you just asked me about my penis?"
"Yeah, is that so hard to answer?" she said dryly. "Is it… hard?"
"Oh, I get it," he smirked folding his arms over his chest. "You're jealous."
"I don't get jealous," she shrugged.
"Right," he laughed. "So the sudden concern about the state of my penis isn't about that stripper. To answer your question, no, my dick is not hard."
She snorted. "She was some stripper, she had boobs like air balloons."
"Mer, I didn't get a hard-on looking at the stripper," he explained patiently. "If you graciously bothered to look at me, you'd know. You can even touch."
"I know I can touch!" she turned to him abruptly catching his groin in the middle of the crowded street. "Because it's my dick, understand?" she smirked, satisfied that indeed, he didn't get a hard-on at the sight of the naked stranger.
"Yes, it's yours. Totally," he breathed put feeling himself getting hard underneath her possessive fingers.
She released him and beckoned him resume their walk.
"Now that's just plain cruel!" he huffed, limping slightly, relieved that people around weren't paying much attention to their antics.
"Take it as a warning," she smiled linking her hand with his.
"You know you're the only woman I'm interested in, or," he cleared his throat, "my dick gets hard for."
"Good," she grinned and took a deep breath halting in the middle of a bridge that crossed the city's many canals. "It is beautiful here. But maybe, let's just skip the Red Light District… Mom wouldn't approve anyway…"
Derek laughed at her excuse. "What's next on the list?"
"Coffee shop…?" she wiggled her eyebrows.
"Interesting," he chuckled and they fell in step.
END OF FLASHBACK
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Derek massaged his neck trying to relieve the stiffness in his muscles. He finally dozed off on the couch sometime around 4 a.m. He didn't bother moving to the bedroom. It would feel to out of place to lie down on their bed without Meredith. They were forced to sleep separately on many occasions this year due to their working hours but it was different now. Meredith took all her things, like she'd moved out. He didn't want to sleep there until she was back.
He saw Cristina Yang stride purposefully into the hospital. He tore himself off the plastic chair in the lobby and hurried to meet her. He knew she was usually the first of them to be at work, trolling for good cases.
"Where is Meredith?" he shot at her as soon as he caught up with her.
She stared at him with wide eyes. "Good morning to you too."
"Where is Meredith?" he repeated loudly and clearly, following her towards the elevator.
"How the hell would I know?" she shrugged. "I'm not a god. Yet."
"Who else would know better than you," he snorted.
"Uhm, you? Aren't you the fiancé?" she quipped.
"She's at your place, I know that," he stated gouging her reaction.
"Why do you ask then if you know?"
"You're infuriating," he gritted through his teeth. "I don't know why Meredith's friends with you."
"Well, apparently, she's got a thing for infuriating people," she shot sending him a long look.
"Yang! I need to talk to her!"
She looked at him with a serious expression on her face. "You've had plenty of time to do that. Look, I don't know what's going on. But if I knew… I'd tell you that Meredith probably doesn't want to see you. So you should just… back off, you know." She raised her hand in a gesture to keep him away and pressed the button to close the lift doors.
Women solidarity. He had enough first-hand experience he could write a book about it. He had suspected Meredith might go for help to her newest friend. The smug condescending look on Cristina's face only confirmed his assumption. And she seemed to be taking some sick kind of pleasure in withholding his fiancée's whereabouts from him. Sure, he could just wait for the next day. Meredith had to appear at work eventually. But he needed to smooth the things over fast. It felt irksome not to have her at her side, the apartment - empty. His family was going to rip him to pieces, while everyone at Grace assumed he and Meredith were broken up. He was sick of attempts at flirting and saucy smiles every female in the vicinity seemed to be sending him. Sloan was only encouraging them with the jovial pats on his shoulder and congratulations on him finally being free.
As the day progressed, he reached that level of desperation as to get George O'Malley to cover the rest of his shift and sneak after Cristina Yang following her to her place. Luckily, it was just across the street.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"Mer, you should eat something," Izzie said with concern in her voice as she sat beside her on the bathroom floor. "It's evening already…"
"I've just thrown up all the contents of my stomach… which shouldn't be too much given the fact that I never had dinner last night but still…" she sighed resting the back of her head against the shower door. "I don't feel much like eating, you see."
"No more drinking!" the blonde ordered categorically.
"I'm done drinking," confirmed quietly Meredith.
"Maybe you should talk to Derek-"
"Izzie," she cut her off sharply. "I don't need an agony aunt. Everyone has been telling me for weeks to do it. I had done everything I could not to. I fought kicking and screaming. I didn't just walk out of home because I was annoyed."
"Okay… so what now?"
"I have… no idea," she shrugged. "Mom… Derek's Mom is taking care of calling everything off… I don't know what to do about the apartment…"
"The apartment?"
"We're not renting it, Iz," she sighed. "It's ours. We took a loan to get it. Together. It was supposed to be… forever…"
"Oh, Mer-"
"I don't want to hear that right now!" Meredith stood up abruptly. "I'm going to have a shower. I'm starting to stink."
The water felt refreshing on her skin, rinsing away the clammy feverish feel. It didn't make it any easier on her heart though. That sinking sickening feeling was holding her still in its tight grasp. She braced herself against the shower wall as she trembled involuntarily.
She was going to walk though her life alone.
Worse, she was going to live her life without Derek. He hurt her, he was inconsiderate towards her. He obviously didn't care much for her. But it didn't make her love him any less. She knew since she was sixteen that there never could be another man for her. Did it mean she had to be miserable for the rest of her life? Given that she was in her mid-twenties, that meant a lot of time…
She laughed madly at her own scattered thoughts. She would worry about the rest of her life later. Now she just had to concentrate on making it through the day. Day after day.
When she was done, her stomach finally growled in hunger. She went to the kitchen where not only she found Izzie engaged in cooking but also Cristina, sitting at the counter and nibbling at some leftovers.
"You look less like crap than this morning," she greeted her impassively.
"And you more," Meredith bit back.
"You know, you're worth of each other," Izzie rolled her eyes staying busy around the stove.
"It is a pity we're not into vaginas," quipped Cristina. "All our problems would be immediately solved."
"You sure you wanna risk staying with her, Mer?" chuckled Izzie.
"No need to worry," assured Cristina. "I don't pray on innocent virgins."
"I'm not a virgin," grumbled Meredith.
"One guy who can't hold his stick up longer than forty seconds? You're totally a virgin."
"I'm not even going to argue with this," she shrugged.
"He… he was asking around about you," Cristina decided to be sincere.
"As I thought he would."
"He knows you're staying with me. Not a complete idiot after all."
"I hope you didn't-"
"Course not. Who do you take me for?"
Before Meredith had a chance to answer the doorbell rang insistently.
"Are you expecting someone?" Izzie threw Cristina a look over her shoulder.
"I don't thinks so-"
The doorbell sounded again, followed by loud knocking.
"Meredith!"
She froze on the bar stool, her heart clenching madly.
"Meredith, I know you're there!" he raised voice carried perfectly through the door. "Let's just talk like two adults. Can you explain me what is going on?"
"I'll take care of this," muttered Cristina and slid to the floor.
"No!" Meredith beat her to the door. "This is my mess, my life. I'm not going to hide behind any backs. I have to end it once and for all."
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"Derek-"
She barely opened the door when he took her into his arms. She went rigid as everything Derek invaded her senses. His touch, his scent, his feel… Her hands itched to weave around him. But with the remnants of her self-control she willed them down.
"Meredith, what possessed you to run away like that?" he sighed into her hair.
"Derek," she pushed herself away from his persistent embrace, a look of puzzlement reappearing on his face. "I explained everything yesterday," she said keeping him at a distance.
"Explained what?" he shook his head.
"Derek, we're… we're broken up," she said, her voice steady.
"What?" he chuckled.
"Don't make me say it over and over again," she sighed deeply rubbing her forehead tiredly. She felt all her strength draining from her organism. "We're over. There is no more we."
"What… How…" he stammered, looking at her in disbelief. "Don't even joke like that."
"Do you see me laughing?" her eyebrows arched pleadingly. "We are not together anymore, Derek. We're not engaged any longer. We're through."
As soon as she mentioned engagement, his eyes automatically went to her hands. He felt as though someone whacked him over the head. Hard. Her fingers, all of them, were bare. His mother's engagement ring was always on her finger except when in surgery. Before scrubbing in she always hooked the ring on the necklace that was his gift for her. Meredith would never took off her ring just like that…
"No…" he breathed out looking at her cautiously. "You can't… you can't do that… We're us…"
"We haven't been us for a long time," she sighed.
"How can you say that? We're Meredith and Derek," he argued trying to take her hand in his but she flinched away.
"No, we're not. That is the problem Derek."
"You can't force someone to love you."
"Is there… is there someone else?" he breathed out, ice running though his veins.
"What?" she gasped. "Who do you think I did that to my hair for?"
"Oh," he sighed with relief and almost laughed out, "Well, I love you. So what's the problem?"
"You don't love me, Derek. I stopped to feel like you do a while ago and I've just realized why."
"Mer, you know I love you," he chuckled. "How can you even say that?"
"Derek, it's time for you to reevaluate your own feelings," she went on calmly. "To look past that sense of comfort we were living in. Then you'll be ready to move on. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to forget. So please, do what I'm asking you to do and let me breathe. I think you should go now," she finished quietly and stepped back to close the door.
"Meredith," he pleaded. "This is crazy. Let's just sit down and-"
"Goodbye, Der," she smiled sadly and disappeared behind the door.
"Meredith!" he raised his voice, knocking in the door.
It opened the door again but it was Cristina he was faced with this time.
"I don't think she could be any clearer. She dumped your sorry ass. Go and deal with it. Somewhere else. I know the number to the cops and won't hesitate to use it," she barked, shutting the door into his face.
A/N Derek's been so comfortable in their relationship, he can't even imagine that he and Meredith could part. But it will come…
Have a great week!
Em