A/N I wanted to thank you all for ongoing interest!

I know there's a lot of heartbreak to deal with right now but it's not going to drag on forever. They're just hitting their low at the moment. I'll try to alleviate the drama with flashbacks.

Hope you enjoy…

Yours,

Em

The Shepherd kitchen was shrouded in deadly silence. Only the clock on the wall ticked meticulously counting the passing time. The warm evening sun bathing the room didn't dissipate the gloom. One could think there had been a death in the family as five women sat around the table over their teacups, their faces troubled.

"I… I can't believe that," Lanie's small voice broke the stillness.

"I wished we'd stayed home last night," sighed Mia. "She needed us and we weren't here."

"She needed peace and quiet yesterday," said Carolyn.

"But… are you really sure?" asked Kathleen. "It's just… it's an argument. They'll cool off and Mer will be back in no time. You don't just pack your bags and walk away like that. It's not like Meredith at all!"

"It's not," agreed Nancy. "But I'm glad she finally listened to my advice."

"Nancy!" gasped Lanie. "How can you say that!"

"Have you seen the state she's in?" Nancy went on harshly. "Derek left her emotionally a long time ago. You know it's true. She's been struggling for months alone. I hope she's going to be able to get some reprieve now. Maybe it will make our idiot brother wise up."

"That's not how it sounds like," Mia muttered grimly. "I called Mer as soon as Mom told us what's going on. One of her friends picked up. Some Cristina, she's a bitch by the way. She yelled at me not even to try to bother Mer because she's not ever going to back to my asshole brother."

"Well… at least she has people that care for her around…" sighed Lanie. "Even if it should be us."

"It might be difficult for her to turn to us," remarked Kath. "We're his sisters…"

"We're also her sisters," said Mia fiercely. "She's broken up with him, it doesn't mean she can break up with us."

"So… is it really the end of Meredith and Derek?" Lanie asked quietly.

A new wave of silence fell over the kitchen. They got lost in thoughts how to try to remedy the situation when they were interrupted by the sound of the opening door.

A short while later Derek appeared in the doorway, a little out of breath.

"Ma-" he trailed off nervously, taking half step back. He should have known a Shepherd emergency conference was just a matter of time. Perhaps, calling would have been a better option given the way all of his sisters glared at him, their eyes so narrowed they could probably barely see.

Mia was the first to break the awkward moment. With the speed of lightning, she grabbed a saucer from the table and flung it across the room in the direction of his head. He managed to duck with a gasp and the little plate crashed into smithereens against the wall.

"Amelia! This is uncalled for!" Carolyn raised her voice.

"What the hell," Derek muttered straightening up. "You wanted to kill me?"

"Obviously not," snapped at him Mia as she stood up to gather up the splinters. "I would need something heavier to get through that thick skull of yours!"

"What were you thinking, Derek, to let things go this far?" Lanie reproached him. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing happened to me," he rolled his eyes.

"Then you've been making Meredith, supposedly the love of your life, miserable for weeks on end just for fun?" she snorted.

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did!" Mia rounded on him, shoving him aside while she was picking up the broken pieces of the saucer. "You neglected her, you traded her for surgeries-"

"Mia, that is enough," Carolyn stopped her looking at her son. "What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I… I talked with Mer," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

He noted with slight relief that there was finally something else than hostility in the eyes of his siblings.

"You did?"

"And?"

"Just spit it out?"

"Did you make up?"

"No," he sighed. "She got this ridiculous idea that I don't love or something."

"And do you love her?" asked Nancy, her eyes piercing him.

"How can you even ask?" he snapped.

"So we know what she told you. What did you tell her?" asked Carolyn.

"I tried to reason with her. She didn't listen. You know she's-"

"Did you apologize?"

"For what? I've-"

"Derek," his mother cut him off. "I asked you to come when you thought through things. You clearly haven't. Please, go."

"Mom," he sighed tiredly. "If you could talk-"

"No, I couldn't," she shook her head. "Only one person can convince Meredith to reconcile with you and that is not me. I think that's all, dear. Come to see me when you've reflected on what you did wrong."

He tried to argue but he was met with five hard stares and slowly walked out with a defeated expression on his face.

"I still think you're too easy on him, Ma," said Mia sitting back at her place. "He doesn't even see what's the problem!"

"And he won't see it unless he realizes it on his own," answered gently Carolyn. "And… we're all humans. We make mistakes. Your brother is going to pay for them dearly even if he doesn't expect it yet. He's going to need us then. He's going to need you."

"Well, I won't be there for him if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass," she shrugged. "I'm on Mer's side through and through."

"What about the wedding?" asked suddenly Kath,

"I don't see it happening in these circumstances," grumbled Nancy. "If ever."

"We have to start cancelling everything I guess,' sighed Kath dejectedly. "And fast too if we want to save at least some of the money."

"Don't you worry about this. I'll take care of it," assured them Carolyn.

"I'm gonna help you, it's a lot of-"

"I said I'd take care of it. Alone," she emphasized.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

He had no choice but to go back to their apartment. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. Without the sparkly presence of Meredith and its tangible proof in the form of her belongings if felt eerie. Her belongings… That sounded odd too. They were together for so long, time seemed to obliterate any kind of boundaries between them. They shopped for each other, they had a joint account for years, they bought the apartment together. They were fused into one, as if recreated into one organism. And now there was a crack in this well-oiled machine, which left him disconcerted and at loss.

He crossed the dark flat and stopped dead in the middle of the bedroom. Just as the previous night, the concept of sleeping in their bed alone deterred him. He took a spare pillow and a blanket from the closet and trudged to extend the coach. He lay down with a heavy sigh, staring at the ceiling.

It was unbelievable that Meredith could assume he didn't love her. It was as clear as the sun. Hm, apparently not to her. Not to his sisters and mother either.

He tried to analyze recent weeks in his head looking for any clues that Meredith considered taking such drastic measures as temporarily moving out. Surely they rowed a lot. They were always teasing each other, sometimes they were snarky, they tended to snap and then passionately make up. But the past weeks were just filled more with anger and frustration than anything else, he got that. He remembered the glass of beer poured into his lap, Meredith parading naked in front of their colleagues… The one thing he couldn't remember was the last time they talked to each other. Simply. Just the two of them. In peace. About nothing in particular, just their random thoughts.

They didn't have time. That was the constant excuse. It never should have been. Work was not a justification for neglecting their relationship. It was their failure. Apparently, more of his failure than hers. He got so caught up with the world of surgery. He felt like he truly belonged in the OR. But even that pride of accomplishment and high of learning how to save lives were nothing without Meredith at his side. Completely nothing.

He sighed and flipped to his side uncomfortably. He remembered too painfully the last time he had equally grim thoughts and no Meredith with him to dissipate them. But then he appeared to hold his hand just like an angel, soothing every kind of pain he experienced. He needed to have her back with him again. He would get her back. He would apologize, make up for everything and he would get her back.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

FLASHBACK

It felt surprisingly good to be back in Seattle, in his childhood home. The month they spent trekking around Europe was unforgettable, seeing with their own eyes all the wonders they recognized from TV and books but also following more off-beaten tracks. They discovered everything together, hand in hand, lips on lips. They had the time of their lives. But really, they would be equally blissful anywhere. They just had to be together, that was the absolute condition.

"I was just going to woke you up, dear. It's almost noon," Carolyn greeted him in the kitchen, an amused reproach in her voice. In reality, she was going to let him sleep as much as he wanted to. She had few occasions to spoil her boy these days, with him and Meredith studying on the other side of the continent. She hadn't seen them since Easter as they went for their hard earned holiday across the pond. Their plane just arrived home yesterday evening.

"It's the jet lag, Ma," he chuckled and kissed her cheek moving to sit at the kitchen table where a saved portion of breakfast was waiting for him.

"Really?" she laughed teasingly. "Meri was on her feet hours ago. Or haven't you noticed?"

"Oh, I did," he grumbled. How could he not notice with that bulge in his boxers he woke up with and no one to take care of it? "Where is she?"

"Kath dragged her to the mall under the pretext of shopping," smiled Carolyn. "But I just think they want to discuss some boy stuff. I believe there might be another wedding in the family soon."

"Seriously?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise barely slowing down on chewing his food. "Kath? Getting married? When? Why? To whom exactly?"

"You've actually met him, Derek," she remarked amusedly. "More than once." Derek's possessiveness was hilarious. But it was also what Michael would do if he was alive. Derek would be a wonderful father to his own children some day. It probably wouldn't be soon though. There were still four years of med school before him and Meredith, and then the busy internship. "You could take the example of your sisters actually and tie the knot," she remarked lightly. "It's four years already that Meredith has been wearing the ring."

"We're pretty much broke right now, Ma," he sighed. "We'll save up this year and see. I want to give Meredith a wedding she deserves, something that she'll never forget."

"She won't anyway," she smiled at him, halting her domestic obligations to sit across him and just look at her precious son. She was so proud of him. "A woman simply can't forget the day she marries the love of her life."

"I know but I want to give her everything," he grinned. "The moon and the stars and everything between."

"That's good, Sweetie," she smiled as he finished his plate. "I just have one request."

"Sure?"

"When you're giving Meredith the moon and the stars uhm, at night, try to be considerate of other occupants of the house."

He blushed furiously. "Uhm, if you're talking about last night I swear it wasn't us. I was like wood…" he bit on his tongue and flushed even harder. "I mean, as dead as wood, not… I was dead tired."

"I'm not talking about last night, just as a precaution," she quipped. "I don't like sleeping with earplugs."

"I… will keep that in mind," he cleared his throat and got to his feet. "I'm going to dust off the bike. You need me to run some errands?"

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

"This one's fabulous!" Kathleen's eyes were shining as they took in a long sparkling gown in the window.

"Yeah…" Meredith cocked her head. "It's… puffy… and it looks like it can stand on its own…"

"Mer!" Kath burst in giggles. "You can count on being equally helpful when Derbear will finally make an honest woman out of you!"

"Hey, you're not even half as honest as me!" laughed Meredith. "You're the one who's dress hunting without the ring on her finger… Oh, wait, that's my phone. Maybe Derek's finally dragged his lazy ass from bed."

It wasn't Derek though. She glanced at the screen but she didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Is it Meredith Grey?"

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"I'm calling from Seattle Grace Hospital."

Meredith felt misgivings. Why would anyone from Grace be calling her…? Her mother didn't work there for a couple of years. She frowned deeply bringing Kath's attention. "What's wrong?"

She held her hand higher to give her a sign she was listening to the person on the other end of the line.

"We have information that you're on one Derek Shepherd's emergency contact list."

Her heart froze. Her heart literally froze in fear, thousands of more and more gruesomely tragic scenarios zooming through her mind. She opened her mouth but no sound came out.

"Ma'am? Do you know anyone called Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes," she breathed out catching Kath's hand desperately as if she was falling. "I'm… It's my fiancé…"

"I'm sorry to inform you that he was met with an accident and transported to our hospital."

"What…?" she gasped, her legs blundering around, Kath putting a steadying arm around her waist. "What… what happened?"

"We'll explain everything here. Can you please arrive as soon as you can? We might need you to make some medical decisions-"

The rest of the formal talk completely escaped her attention. Her legs felt momentarily too weak to support her weight.

"Mer? Meredith? What happened?" Kath kept asking frantically, her own face white. "Is… is it Derek?"

Meredith gave her one silent look and jumped to her feet breaking into a run, Kathleen trying to keep up with her. It was no time to be weak. Derek needed her, she kept repeating feverishly inside her head, keeping the tears at bay. She had to be strong for Derek. And he had to be okay. Because light would go off from this world for her if she was to lose him.

Having broken every speed limit on the way, fifteen minutes later she was springing down the familiar lobby to the nurses' station.

"Derek Shepherd!" she shouted at the male nurse who just glanced at her and kept talking on the internal phone. Without thinking she yanked the receiver from his hand and grabbed the front of his scrubs. "Derek Shepherd! They brought him from accident! Where is he?"

"And you are?" he questioned her.

"His fiancée," she spat out. "Meredith Grey. From these Greys. If you had ever met my mother, Ellis Grey, you should know better than to trifle with me!"

His eyebrows rode high but apparently he met Grey senior too many times as he swiftly pointed her to one of the rooms.

She froze in the doorway, her heart clenching all over again. Derek was lying on a gurney, battered and bruised, his jeans torn. Her fingers rubbed her neck in panic when she noticed his eyes were closed, his neck in a stiffener. A series of serious and life-threatening medical issues she knew from her textbook flashed in her head.

Another chill went through her body as she realized there was only one doctor beside him scribbling something in the chart. The whole attention of the medical team seemed to be centered on another man in the other corner of the room. Either Derek was safe and sound or no longer an interesting case for another reason…

"Ma'am?" the young doctor in light blue scrubs appeared at her side. "Who are you?"

"I'm for Derek Shepherd, his fiancée," she recited hurriedly. "What's… what's happened… is it serious?"

"Mer?" his beloved though weakened voice sounded from the gurney.

She whizzed past the doctor to his side, delicately taking his hand in hers, her other palm grazing his cheek.

It might have been cliché but she couldn't stop her voice going an octave higher while it produced a term of endearment they rarely used. He looked so helpless and in pain. His forehead was covered in blood. "Baby! Oh, God! How do you feel? What happened?"

"Mer," he couched lightly and his eyes fluttered to look at her. "Bike… car…"

"He was on the bike when he was hit by a man who lost control of his car," explained the doctor. "He's lucky to come out of this relatively unscathed. Fortunately the bike threw him off before it got smashed by a truck coming from the opposite direction-"

"Lucky?" Meredith rounded on the doctor. "He has been unlucky to be placed into care of such an incompetent ignorant! Have you done any tests? The fact that he's conscious and he's groaning in pain doesn't mean he's okay! He could have internal bleeding-"

"I was told that Ellis Grey's daughter was in the hospital," a chuckle interrupted her rant. "And I knew where she was exactly just as I entered the ER."

"Dr. Webber," she glared at him. He knew the doctor in front of her. He was a friend of her mother's, which was a surprise in itself as her mother didn't have friends. "Your interns are idiots!"

"Feels just like I was talking to Ellis," he gave her a small smile and nodded at the intern to hand him the chart. "For now, it looks like Mr. Shepherd is suffering from a minor concussion, which is a miracle. His motorbike was wrecked to pieces. And the helmet provably saved his life."

"What's all this blood about?" she asked stifling the urge to clean it off.

"The shield split very unfortunately," explained her Webber. "We had to stitch up the cut. But it's going to be okay. Apart from that, there's bruising which is going to hurt for a while for sure. Now we're waiting to take him for a CT but we don't expect to find much."

"Thank you," she nodded not even looking at him as all her attention was on Derek.

"I heard you were just done with premed," Webber kept standing near the gurney. "Your mother told me when we talked last time."

"I don't know how she should know that," snorted Meredith dryly. "Me, personally, I haven't talked to her for the last four years. But you probably know that too."

"Meredith-"

"I don't really think it's the right time to talk about it," she cut the conversation short. "My fiancé is in pain! Could you possibly do something with that?"

"After he's back from the tests," assured her Webber and moved to walk out. "Meredith, I'll be happy to consider your application in a few years' time."

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

The wait for Derek to be wheeled into his recovery room seemed to be the longest in her life. She twisted her fingers nervously hoping, praying, that there would be no complications. He was battered enough already, she could feel every cut and bruise on his body as if it was her own.

Finally, an intern and a nurse brought him to her with the news that was like a balm on her soul.

"The CT was clean. It looks like everything is in order. We'll keep him tonight for observation though. That's just standard procedure.

"Baby?" she took his hand in hers again. "Everything's all right… How are you feeling?"

Even though his eyes were half-closed his lips cracked in a smile.

"Did you just call me baby?" he quipped, his voice steadier and stronger than before. "Again?"

"I can also call you an idiot who nearly got himself killed…"

"I prefer baby," he sighed. "But it… was not my fault…" he grimaced and swallowed hard. "He just… the car… it just veered into me… I didn't have time to react. I didn't think I was that scared in my life… ever…"

"It's okay…" she whispered sitting down at the edge of the bed and gently caressing his cheek. The confession about the last seconds before the crash was tearing her inside. But Derek needed to let it out. Her heart panged when she looked at the bandages around his head. He came so close to…

"I… it was weird… I don't remember much beyond seeing that car going at me… just… but I remember your face…"

"My face?"

"You're like… my guardian angel or something…" he muttered wincing slightly.

"Cheesy," she sighed and addressed the nurse that bustled near the door. "Nurse, can you give him something for the pain?"

"I'm fine, Mer," he assured her.

"Don't play macho," she pleaded. "You're in pain. And I hate to see you in pain. It's my pain too."

He gave in, nodding.

"Ma, Kath and Nancy are here," she told him quietly. "They wanted to give us a moment first. I'm going to get them okay? I don't want to keep them worried any longer."

"Sure, sure…" he answered, his face relaxing in the morphine bliss.

His suddenly invigorated voice stopped her again when she was almost out. "Mer… you're an angel with a sexy butt…"

Did she really have to go and bring the rest of the respectable family in? She bit her lip, this is going to be a long afternoon…

END OF FLASHBACK

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

Meredith sat up on her bed with a gasp. She just woke up drenched in cold sweat. She breathed in and out irregularly as she brought her face to her hands. She had that nightmare again. She rarely had nightmares but in the times of great stress the grisly images reappeared in her subconscious. She used to dream about it every single night for some two weeks after Derek's accident.

Her brain fabricated images of him lying in the street in the pool of his own blood. It was her greatest fear, to lose him. And now she had, though on a completely different level. She shouldn't compare the two situations. Derek was safe now, he would stay safe. She just wasn't his guardian angel anymore. She failed in that role anyway…

She got to her feet with a sigh. Maybe a glass of water would sooth her senses. Despite the late hour, the light in the living room was on.

"Cristina?" Meredith frowned as she saw her friend looking into one of the boxes curiously. "Not that I should mind that you're going through my stuff or something… But what are you doing?"

"I'm letting you live here," shrugged the Asian. "Show some gratitude."

"I'll be paying my share of the rent," reminded her Meredith walking barefoot to the kitchen. "And I would think it was Izzie who would be into the whole nesting thing…"

"It's not nesting," scoffed Cristina. "I didn't have a cardio case for a week, I'm restless. And I'm dealing with it through a rude weird invasion of privacy. Sorry for that by the way. I shared the flat with a chick from ortho a few months back. Some habits are contagious."

"God, I hope not," Meredith rolled her eyes returning with a glass of water and a smirk on her face. "You… would rather leave that blanket alone…"

"Why?"

"It witnessed that memorable forty seconds of Derek…"

"You kidding me?" chuckled Cristina and stared at Meredith. "You're not kidding me!" she shrieked and flinched away from the material, holding her hands limply in disgust. "Where the hell did you come from? Middle Ages? Oh, crap, where is the bleach?"

Meredith giggled softly and folded the blanket tenderly. For a moment she felt envious of Cristina to be able to distance herself so much from every human being as far as not to feel anything. But it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. She was grateful that life, God, karma, whatever it was, gave her that love. It gave the meaning to her existence. Despite that it inflicted agony on her heart, it let her live.