A/N Hey, thank you for still reading and commenting!
I could have posted this update a while ago but I was waiting for more feedback. There's been a sudden dramatic drop in the number of reviews and I was wondering if it's just a slow season, the overall discontent with where the story's going or giving me your feedback elsewhere than on …
Anyway, if you enjoy the fic, please, let me know. Your comments are my motivation!
Hope you enjoy…
Em
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
This was screwing up her day. Worse, it was going to screw up her days for weeks, months even. It had to be her interns, of course it did. Always one of hers, spreading STD, pissing off the nurses, screwing like bunnies in the on-call room. Now this. A break up. Not some hissy fit. A fully fledged calling-off-the-wedding kind of break up. The intern drama was going to bite her in the ass.
Shepherd looked as though he had ants in his pants, pacing up and down, sighing, wringing his hands. Where was the cool McDreamy exterior now? He'd be of little use today unless he was to kill somebody instead of healing them.
His eyes lit up which was the unmistakable sign that Grey was in the vicinity. Bailey sighed with annoyance.
"Morning." Meredith arrived at the nurses' station with the recently indispensable company of Cristina Yang.
Shepherd tried to stand beside her but Cristina squeezed between them blocking his way.
Time for action.
"Your tasks for the day," Bailey growled at the five of them. "Karev, you're with Dr. Altman, go. No, Yang, I'm not interested in what you've got to say however fascinating it may be. If you don't want to end up on scut, I'd advise to find Dr. Robbins, stat. Sloan, you're with me today. Shepherd…" she hesitated. "Pit."
"What? What did I do?" he protested with a frown of irritation.
"Nothing, and I'd prefer it to stay that way."
"Grey," she looked at her pink-haired intern. She was Shepherd's complete opposite this morning. Cool and collected, her face as impassive as a stone. But a more pronounced make-up suggested she was hiding rings under her eyes while the resignation reflecting in her green orbs screamed that she couldn't have had a good night's sleep. "Grey, you're with Dr. Evans."
"Dr. Evans?" she asked with curiosity. "He's still here?"
"Apparently, he agreed to take a few more cases," shrugged Bailey. Somehow Dr. Evans wasn't in a hurry to return to the East Coast… She wasn't going to tell her that though. Nor that he personally requested her for the case… "Look, if you're not on the top of your game-"
"I am," Meredith interrupted curtly. "I don't screw up cases for personal reasons. And I am not going to screw up your day," she said as though she was reading Bailey's mind.
"Very well, then," sighed Bailey and watched her go. Predictably, Shepherd was waiting for her around the corner.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"Meredith," he breathed out trying to keep up with her.
"Derek," she nodded and continued her walk down the corridor without a look in his direction. Looking at him was painful, more painful than she anticipated. He was right there next to her but he was no longer hers. She couldn't touch, kiss him, smile at him. She felt as if she had been transported into a parallel dimension where she and Derek were nothing instead of everything as the right order of the universe established.
"Mer, it is going too far," he said hurriedly. "We need to talk."
"I don't think we do. Certainly not now," she answered calmly. "I'm kinda in a hurry. I don't think world-class neurosurgeons like to wait for anybody."
"Could you at least look at me?" he pleaded. "I know we've been rocky recently. I didn't make much effort to make it better and I'm sorry for that."
She sighed inwardly. She knew it was going to be like that. He thought they were having an argument. That one I'm sorry and a round of make-up sex would solve all the problems and they'd go back to their routine.
God, why didn't he listen to her? Why couldn't he stop and think? He used to use his brain so well in the past. But she couldn't really hold it against him. Adapting to such a radical change was difficult. Didn't she know about it…
She hoped the transition would be smooth for him, that he'd accept they couldn't build their future life together on routines. She almost wanted him to realize he didn't love her anymore as that would mean he wasn't going to suffer. She didn't want to see him in pain. She couldn't stand that.
"I'd got to the pit if I were you Derek," she said quietly an disappeared behind the door to the patient's room where she was already awaited by her attending.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
The day sucked, like really sucked. All the world seemed to be against him. Meredith, his family, Bailey… The latter had to sent him to the pit for some reason.
He finally thought he found himself a surgical case among looking into sore throats, stitching up minor cuts and inspecting penises disfigured with STD.
It really looked like a possible case of appendicitis.
It wasn't. Having completed the tests, it turned out that the kid who was complaining about severe abdominal pain had swallowed a bunch of monopoly pieces… Did that require surgical intervention?
"Certainly not," snorted Bailey, deadpanned. "You're observing his stool to make sure they're all out."
Yep. He was dabbing in crap all day, including lunch time. He skipped that on purpose. He didn't think he could take any food for days after this experience. He couldn't shake off the snarky feeling that his current occupation was a painful metaphor of what his life looked like at the moment.
Meredith couldn't give him more than five seconds of her time. She was avoiding him. He couldn't force her into listening to him. Which meant he didn't have a clue how to make things right with her. Apologizing always worked before. One things was certain, the situation was making him a nervous wreck. And he could expect an assassin sent by one of his sisters any minute.
He leaned against the wall sitting on the floor of the patient's bathroom. A silvery top hat. Another milestone in his attempts of heaving himself up from this crap. Pun intended.
He tore the rubber gloves from his hands, scrubbed them clean with extra care and hurried out of the room taking the mask off with relief. At last some semi-fresh air.
He looked up, his head pulled like a magnet, to see Meredith leaving another patient's room, the neurogod, Evans, at her heels. Derek's jaws set as he noticed his smile.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
FLASHBACK
Med school was hard. But it was kind of great to be back right in the whirlwind of studying. After their month in Europe and especially, after the few weeks after Derek's motorbike accident, it felt good to enjoy student life once again. Mind you, Derek was afraid of getting smothered to death by his mother. He had to promise he wouldn't ride bikes anymore too; otherwise, he'd certainly be disinherited. But med school was much busier than premed, more serious and more exciting. They were closer to becoming doctors than ever. That required more work. Just one week into the semester , they already felt the load of obligations.
Therefore going to the bar on Friday night to unwind, maybe make some new friends, seemed like an excellent idea.
Derek was just getting back from the restroom when he stopped dead at the sight before him. Meredith was sitting at the bar, just where he left her, now rolling her eyes at a guy who butted himself at the place next to her, Derek's place. The self-assured smirk, studied moves slightly affected by consumed alcohol, all about him screamed he was a player intent on getting the tiny blond seated at the bar.
Derek got closer, murder on his mind.
"Come on, baby," the stranger grinned at her, an alcoholic haze in his eyes. "Let me buy you a drink."
"You call me baby once again," Meredith hissed at him, "your ability to produce them will be severely impaired."
"Aren't you feisty," he licked his lips, scanning her body from head to toes. "I like that in my women."
"You know what I hate in my men? Lousy pick-up lines."
"I take no for an answer, doll face-"
"Then maybe a fist making contact with your eye will be enough of an answer," snapped Derek prying himself in front of Meredith, as though shielding her with his body.
"Derek-"
"No one asked you for opinion," the guy got to his full height with challenge written on his face.
"No one has to," hissed Derek. "She's with me, I'm her fiancé."
"Like I care," the guy snorted.
"Back off before I lose my patience, she's mine."
"Oh, for the love of God!"
Meredith's irritated huff reached his ears. He turned around to see her grabbing her bag and sliding of her barstool to saunter towards the exit. Not paying any more attention to the dickhead, Derek hurried after her, the blond tresses jumping up and down before him as she walked driven by angry energy.
"Mer?" he breathed out taking longer strides to keep up with her short quick ones. "You wanna go home?"
"Yeah, I'm going home," she snapped taking the short cut through the park to their flat. "You can do whatever you want. You can stay back and get into a bar fight for all I care."
"Why are you mad?" he frowned as they turned into a dark park alley, completely deserted at this time of night.
"Oh, no reason!"
"Is it about this guy? Christ, Mer! He was a total ass! He was drooling on you like a dog in heat!"
"Really? I would have never guessed!" she snorted. "Actually, I felt like there were two angry dogs in heat fighting for a bitch!"
"You just didn't compare me to that asshole!"
"Why, you even look similar," she smirked. "And you have more gel in your hair! Remember to wash it out before going to bed."
"Seriously? I only tried to save you trouble talking to an obnoxious drunk. And I don't care you're angry or what, I would do the same this instant! Because you're my fiancée and I love you. Deal with it!"
She halted abruptly to face him, fuming, her eyes narrowed into slits. Suddenly, she let her bag fall to the ground and attacked his lips, hooking her arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards on impact, his own hands going to her hips. She pushed him back onto a bench and straddled him, all the time her tongue plundering his mouth viciously.
They were both in heat now, biting, sucking, kissing, groping… Derek pushed her t-shirt up over her breasts and pulled them out of her lacy bra, taking one rosy peak greedily into his mouth while toying the other with his fingers.
"Fuck!" she gasped, pushing her chest forward, offering her mound to his mercy. "God, I can't wait!"
She felt her panties soak with want over his blatant erection. She feverishly unbuckled his belt and his jeans pulling his rock hard penis out of the confines of his boxers. She pushed her own pants down her legs and finally impaled herself on his length with a soft outcry, her back tautening.
Unexpectedly, their urgency filled joining made them still. The moans, groans and whimpers died on their lips as they relished their connection. His male hardness enveloped by her molten slick heat. They gazed into each other's eyes longingly, their shaky breaths mingling. Their fingers intertwined together.
With a gentle smile she leaned forward for a kiss rising her hips over his hardness to lower them back, meeting his thrust up. They moved and rubbed against each other in a sensual rhythm quite opposite to the feral frenzy of their almost nonexistent foreplay. The silence of the night was only broken by the occasional rustle of leaves and their haggard breathing.
The pleasure slowly uncoiled in her belly but when it reached its peak, it exploded in strength and intensity that left her clinging breathlessly to her lover while he trembled releasing his seed inside her.
"Wow," he breathed out cradling her in his arms, their foreheads together, hidden by the curtain of her lavender scented hair.
"You're… kinda hot when you're get so worked up… self-righteous and jealous…" she cracked a smile.
He chuckled, his palms caressing her flanks and pulling her shirt down protectively. "Thanks."
She looked him in the eye, caressing his temple. "Don't you ever stop being jealous about me…" she beamed and reached for another kiss.
END OF FLSHBACK
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"You've done excellent work in here," Evans praised her with a smile. "Sometimes they just need a little push to believe that a relatively uncomplicated procedure can greatly improve their quality of life."
"So, I'll book the OR, prep Mr. Lavangie and meet you down there," she nodded.
"Dr. Grey," Evans gave her a piercing look. "I know it's still early but… have you given it a thought what specialty you'd like to pursue?"
"I… I've considered the options, of course," she replied curious where this conversation might lead.
"You've got a natural knack for neuro," he remarked.
"Really?" she couldn't help chuckling. Evans was a good guy. Even though the difference in authority between them was clearly cut, he made her feel like an equal on the personal level. "You think I have a knack for being a cocky workaholic with a god complex?"
He laughed at her snarky response. "Precision, quick thinking and infallible hands was what I had in mind but that works too, I guess."
"Dr. Grey?" she blanched hearing Derek's voice behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know he was angry.
"Is there a problem… Dr. Shepherd?" Evans frowned reading his name tag.
"No, absolutely not, Dr. Evans. I'd just like to speak with my fiancée as she seems to be done here for the time being," Derek stated dryly.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Evans," Meredith assured hurriedly, her face apologetic, as she pushed Derek away with her. "I'll get everything ready for the procedure."
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at Derek when they were out of the man's earshot. "Are you crazy talking to him like that? He can make your life hell without lifting his little finger!"
"What do you think you're doing!" he threw back at her. "You-"
"Derek, this has to stop right now," she cut him short. "You don't get to interfere in my life like that anymore. You don't get to be… I don't know, jealous."
"What? Of course-"
"We are not engaged anymore," she explained to him slowly and clearly. "I know it's hard. But you need to accept it and move on."
"Let's just talk-"
"There's nothing to talk anymore, Derek," she went on relentlessly. "The only thing I can think about we should discuss is settling our financial affairs."
"Financial affairs?" he breathed out.
"Joint account, the loan, the apartment…" she enumerated. "We need to find a way to separate it. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," he whispered, feeling stunned. If Mia's saucer had reached his head, it would have probably felt like that.
"I thought so," she acknowledged. "I don't want to think about it either for the time being. But we will have to take care of it eventually."
"No…" he shook his head slowly, as though his movements and mental processes were severely impaired.
"I'm sorry, I really am," she sighed. "I'm doing this for both of us. The sooner, the better. You need to face what you really feel and move on. I am. Bye, Derek."
She left him standing listlessly on the same spot. She was moving on? Yeah, right. Like that would happen. She needed some semblance of dignity though while Derek needed a wake-up call.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Carolyn straightened her back with a sigh, sitting up on her knees. She looked around over her small back garden. She was busy today. She pulled out every weed, planted new flowers… She had to keep her hands busy or she would just go crazy. Meredith and Derek were constantly on her mind.
How did it come to this point where that two people that were so utterly consumed by their love for each other could part? Carolyn rarely complained about life's injustice, life was simply what people made it, life. But she did question the order of this world, first, when her husband was taken away from her and now, as her children were no longer together. It was life's unfairness at its fullest.
She chastised herself immediately, she shouldn't lose hope. Meredith lost all hope and expectations, Derek didn't even have a clue yet what he lost. So she had to keep it together. They loved each other with a love that was everlasting and imperishable. They would be back together, married, giving her grandchildren one day. Or she would never forgive herself.
"Evening, Carolyn!" her neighbor and friend greeted her from the other side of the fence.
"Marge!" she nodded.
"It looks lovely!" Margaret swept the fruits of her work appreciatively. "You've worked like a devil!"
"Now we know who's the lucky owner of the best kept garden in the neighborhood!" smirked Carolyn.
"You're going to take that back!" laughed Marge. "By the way, I've just seen Derek walking to the house. He seemed off. He's not getting cold feet I hope? I want to dance at that wedding before I'm completely old!"
"I'll see what he needs," breathed out Carolyn standing up with a heavy heart. "I'll see you later, Marge!"
Her son was here. And according to Marge he seemed off. She had told him specifically not to come back before he came to some conclusions. She knew he'd be in pain but it was necessary to face it now if he didn't want to hold that pain for the rest of his life.
She quietly crossed the house looking for him and finally halted in the doorway to the kitchen. Her heart clenched as she took him in, sitting at the table, his back hunched, his head buried in his hands.
"Derek?" she asked cautiously. "Son?"
"Meredith… left me," he breathed out, his voice hollow and still a bit disbelieving but slowly embracing the truth. "Mer left me…"
Carolyn was fighting her own tears now as she walked to stand behind his chair and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She did, Sweetie."
"How… how didn't I see it coming?"
"You didn't and that's why she left," she said softly.
"But I can't live without her!" it came out strangled and pained.
"She left you physically but didn't stop loving you…"
He turned to her slowly and confessed quietly, "She wants to though."
"No one likes hurting," she admitted. "But it's one thing to tell yourself to stop feeling and actually make it happen."
"What am I to do?" he asked helplessly.
"That's for you to find out. You need to realize what you did wrong, what you didn't do right, and rectify it. It won't be easy, it will be harsh, sometimes agonizing. But… it's the only way back to Meredith."
"It's worth it," he stated decidedly. "I'll do whatever it takes to get her back."
"Good. Because if you ever lose faith and stop fighting for her, God have you in his mercy!"
He plunged back into silence under her scrutiny.
"Perhaps you're hungry? I'll get you something-"
"No, thanks, Mom," he grimaced grabbing his side. "I'm… not really hungry…" Both the current situation in his private life and his case of the day left him far from craving for food.
"You need your strength, Dear," she admonished.
"I'll wait for breakfast. Can't really stomach anything right now."
"Maybe you'd like to stay here for the night?"
"Oh, God, yes. Thanks Ma," he breathed out with gratitude. He was more willing to sleep under the bridge than alone in what was supposed to be their apartment.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
He was fooling himself if he thought sleeping in his childhood home would actually make it better. It was even more torturous in a way. He stared at the ceiling for hours rubbing the small scar on his forehead, the only physical trace of his accident. Meredith would kiss it every night before falling asleep. It was a ritual.
He gruffly turned on his side, beating the pillow with his head. Whatever he looked at reminded him of her. Doing homework together, talking, laughing, having fun, making out, exploring their bodies… They spent so many nights squeezed together in the single bed. It felt too large for him now even if it was almost too short for a full grown man.
He threw the covers off himself and sat up. He was restless. He got up thinking that made a glass of cold water would cool the fuzziness in his brain. He didn't even reach the stairs. He halted before the door to the guest room which in time turned into Meredith's room, as if it had called his name. with a beating heart, he pushed it open and walked inside. He knew it would probably be even more painful but he couldn't prevent his legs from carrying him in, his mind from replaying the past.
The room was emptier than his. After his mother allowed them to sleep together, they didn't have to sneak anymore and just moved all the things she kept here to his room. But the guest room still had the charm of them falling in love, of giving up their innocence to one another.
His hand smoothed the single quilt covering the bed. He slowly lowered himself down. A new jolt of pain shot through his body, more acute than ever before, making him gasp from lack of breath. He was lightheaded. He felt himself sweating profusely. Something was constricting his chest, his lungs, his throat…
A longing such as he never knew surged through his soul. An unquenchable yearning for her. For her mischievous smile, naughty glint in her big emerald eyes, the softness of her skin, its flowery scent that enveloped him every night for years on end. The balmy whisper carried through the night, her warmth, her love… It was the light of his life making everything else pale in comparison.
He disappointed her. He disappointed her so much she couldn't even see his love for her anymore. How much of an idiot must he have been? He couldn't believe… He couldn't believe… He pressed his eyelids tight as he felt burning spreading in his throat. He blinked furiously. He was not going to cry. He had to be strong. To make it right with Meredith and his own conscience.