CSI: Sanctuary: Chapter 5

A/N: This is the start of season four, for those who might not catch the specific episode references that will appear in the next few chapters.

Greg picked up the empty test tube. He really wasn't in the mood for this tonight. It wasn't one of his better nights.

"I'm just getting started on your DNA sample, Nick. It'll be awhile. You know that."

Carefully, he tweezed the piece of hair from the paper bindle. His hands started to shake as the tweezers got closer and closer to the test tube. There was an audible rattle as the metal and glass connected.

Nick leaned over his shoulder and watched his hands for a moment before looking into his face. "G? You ok?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

Finally, the hair slipped into the test tube. Greg reached for the syringe, but the longer Nick stood there, chest pressed to his back at a slight angle, the shakier his hands got.

"Maybe you need to take a break."

"I'm not letting that explosion beat me."

"Did I say that? I meant, take a break right now. Just for a few minutes. It might help you to relax a bit, steady your hands."

Nick was the one who had runaway the last time they'd been together, months ago. Again. Nick was the one who refused to talk about what was going on between them. So why was he acting like he cared so much? He just wanted Nick to go away. Maybe then his hands would stop shaking.

Nick moved to stand directly behind him. Reaching around Greg, he slid his hands down lab coated arms leaving a trail of warmth behind, until skin met skin. Their fingers intertwined and Nick held Greg's hands in his for several frozen moments.

"We're at work," Greg mumbled, barely coherent. His heart pounded inside his rib cage. After how many months of nothing, Nick suddenly felt like everything was ok? Like they could act like lovers at work when the whole lab knew Nick was married to someone else? No way.

"They stopped trembling. Didn't they?"

Greg looked down, and indeed, his hands were still. He saw that the halls were empty on the other side of the glass. No one had seen them.

"Thanks," he said, and knew he meant it, even though he wished he didn't.

"You're welcome." Nick stepped away toward the door. "Hey, when I get off shift I'm gonna head over to the gym. You want to join me?"

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course. Take your time." Nick gave his shoulder a squeeze and left the DNA lab.

Nick was already stretching in the corner of the gym when he saw Greg walk in early the next morning. He wasn't the only one who'd noticed the man wearing slightly baggy jeans and a Marilyn Manson shirt with his brown hair spiked up and partially bleached. He looked as out of place with the buff cops on the other side of the room as they would at a bar full of drag queens. Not that the drag queens would complain. They were good looking officers. But straight as hell. And probably married.

The cops kept their eyes on Greg as he made his way over to Nick, his sneakers silent on the grey carpeting. To save him any grief they might put him through, Nick called out to him, letting them know he had a friend in the room so they wouldn't bother him.

"Where's your sweats man? I thought you were gonna work out with me."

"I'm not here to work out. You know I can't run in the Desert Relay because I'm not officially a CSI yet. So why bother working out and preparing for it?"

"Ok, so what are you doing here then?"

"I came because you asked me to. Besides, I thought you might like a little pep while you work out."

"You're not gonna dress in a mini skirt and carry pom poms around with you, are you?"

"Do you see a mini skirt?"

"Good."

"But maybe... when you cross that finish line... I could be dressed up for you."

Nick lowered his voice into a warning growl. "Don't say that around here. If you ever do that you'll get yourself killed. You hear me? You're already on those cops' radar as someone they should be making fun of."

"I was only joking."

"Please don't joke about that around here." Nick locked eyes with him, pleading.

"Ok, I promise. But why do you care so much? I mean, it's not like you've come to see me since the last time you ran away."

Shit. Of course Greg had to bring that up. Thankfully, it had been awhile since they'd slept together. He was doing his best not to fall for him. But if he was, why had he invited him to work out at the gym? Because he was lonely. Because he missed Greg's voice. His touch. His very presence. His best obviously wasn't good enough.

He knew the moment they got close again he would be running in the other direction. Why couldn't he make up his mind and just go one way or the other? Because he couldn't stay away. Like a moth to a flame he was drawn.

"Tell me something." Nick switched legs and began stretching the other. "How long have your hands been doing that?"

"You know when it started. And you're changing the subject." Greg leaned on a bar bell set.

"How often does that happen?"

"If you were involved more, you would know."

"Don't act like a child, Greg. Be straight with me."

Greg snorted.

"You know what I mean. Tell me the truth. I might not know what to do about this situation between us, but that doesn't mean I don't care. Now, talk to me."

He sighed. "At least once or twice when I'm at work. Occasionally when I'm at home, but not a lot."

"Everyday when you're at work?"

Greg nodded.

Nick was concerned, though he tried not to show it. How had he missed this? Maybe Greg was right and he wasn't involved enough. But was being so involved in Greg's life really such a good idea? Even if he was drawn to him like he was?

He got up and moved to the treadmill not far away.

"You still seeing your therapist?"

Greg sighed and followed him. "Yeah."

"Good. Look, I know things are rough right now, but they'll get better."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't be." Nick stretched his arms a little and continued to warm up the rest of his toned body. "But I know you. It might take some time, but you'll bounce back stronger than ever. You have dreams and goals, and I know nothing's going to get in the way of them. Not even shaky hands."

"What about your dreams and goals?"

"Huh?"

"The promotion? I heard Sara talking about it the other day. She wants it pretty bad. And you know how much she tries to suck up to Grissom. What if she gets it?"

"Then congratulations are in order. I'm happy right where I am. Even though I am qualified for the job, and it would be nice to have that fatter paycheck, I don't need it."

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"Did you talk to Kristy about it?"

"Yeah right. She'd just bite my head off and tell me to suck up to the boss more so she can spend more money shopping for shoes. She's got enough clothes. We don't need the money. We're good. Besides, we all know how tight the city's budget is. They're still debating about whether or not they want this position. I heard they're also thinking of the CSI level one spot you're looking for."

"There isn't room for both. And we both know they're going to take strong experience over whatever the hell it is I've got."

"You'll get your experience. Grissom knows what you want and he'll let you have it. You've been exceptional in the lab and you'll be exceptional in the field too."

"You're nervous about me switching."

"How...?"

"I know you, Nick. You can't hide things like that from me."

"I'm sorry. You have to understand." Nick lowered his voice so no one else could hear him. "This is new for me." He indicated the awkward relationship between them with an equally awkward hand motion. "I don't know what I'm doing, what I should be doing. I don't know anything."

"What, you think this is easier on me? Hell no. You think I know what I'm doing? Not a chance. Besides, I haven't seen you outside work in months. Is that what you want?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't know. And I don't want to talk about it. Not here."

"Then stop yackking and get on with your workout. I came here to make sure you're in good shape so we win this year. And that's my goal. Nothing more. Nothing less. You think you can deal with that?"

Nick nodded and finally began a slow jog on the treadmill. It wasn't just that he didn't need the money. Greg wanted out of the lab bad enough that Nick would gladly give up the promotion so he could get there. Greg was right though. He was nervous about him going into the field. Things happened in the real world. But, things also happened in the lab too. Greg's scars were proof of that, and Nick couldn't hold him back from his dreams. He wanted the position and he would get it.

As Greg watched, he picked up his pace, his whole body beginning to sweat. He brushed his forehead with the back of his hand before the tiny droplets stung his eyes.

He didn't want to be one of those closeted married types who had a boyfriend on the side. The notion that they'd actually had sex filled his mind every time he was reminded of their relationship, even though it wasn't really what he would call a relationship. Still. They'd had sex. And that had to mean something.

Right. He was a closeted married man in a secret relationship with another man, even though he spent most of his time pretending he wasn't.

And he couldn't be. Right? If he ignored the urge to kiss him, and didn't sleep with him again, that kept him on the right path. Didn't it?

If this was true, then why did his heart hurt every day he went home without Greg, as if someone was breaking it in half?

After their first time hanging out together at the gym, things were awkward, to say the least. Greg wanted nothing more than to touch Nick's sweat soaked body, to be the one who brought him a towel and helped him dry off after his shower. But they were in a public place, never mind the most homophobic gym in the city.

Even after Nick worked out, they never went back to Greg's place. Instead, he went home alone, wondering why things between them had to be the way they were and why he hadn't said something to his long time crush before he'd gotten married.

A few months passed, and while the two never saw each other outside of work aside from the gym once a week, Nick never left Greg's radar. He started to notice some things he hadn't seen before.

When the CSI entered the lab at midnight, a slight emotional change came over him. His facial expression always relaxed somewhat, telling Greg he was glad to be at work and that whatever he'd left behind was more unpleasant than his next case might be. But the closer the clock ticked toward eight in the morning, the more worried he looked and the more tense his body became.

The mornings Greg joined him at the gym, he watched Nick let his mind slip into another head space where nothing seemed to interfere with his concentration. It was there he could be at peace with whatever was going on, at least for a little while.

Something was wrong. But what?

Greg pulled the test results from the GCMS for Sara's case and looked them over. When he glanced out into the hallway he saw Nick watching him, the reflection in his eyes one of pure loneliness. It wasn't the first time Greg had seen that look aimed at him recently. But it was the first time Nick had seen him noticing. He was quick to turn away and shuffle back down the hall, head hanging from his shoulders.

By the end of shift Nick's energy level had bottomed out. He looked dreary, dark circles that seemed to constantly ring his eyes these days grew even darker, and his smile disappeared as if it would never come back. To their friends, he chalked it up to the double shift he'd pulled. But Greg saw right through his lies, the way his eyes shifted to the side when he spoke and the way he'd been watching Greg earlier.

"Nick, are you and the family coming to the Christmas party this year?"

"Planning early Cath?"

"I know we haven't had Thanksgiving yet, but we have to plan early, if we all want the time off."

"Well, I can't." Nick put his water bottle in the refrigerator, not bothering to offer up an excuse.

Nick was lucky no one asked for one. Greg wondered what he would have said if they did. Last year they'd gone through the same thing and everyone had been just as deaf to his words. One of these days someone was going to catch on, someone who wasn't quiet about their possible concerns.

One by one everyone left the breakroom until only Greg and Nick were left.

"Going to the gym this morning?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll come with."

He neglected to tell Nick he never felt entirely comfortable hanging out with the tough cops. He wanted to be with Nick more, but he wasn't sure it would be wise to ask him over to his apartment unless Nick made the first move. He didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation.

When they got to the gym, Nick went to go change while Greg found a bench and sat down to wait.

"You got a heart condition?"

He raised his head to see a well muscled cop towering over him.

"Um... no?"

"No? You mean you don't know?" Two of his buddies put down the weights they'd been lifting and joined him, surrounding Greg. Blonde, tall, and menacing described one. The other had grey hair, clipped short in a military style. His face was stern, his arms crossed over his chest. He meant business and could have been their superior officer.

"No. I don't. What does it matter to you?" He tried not to let his fear show. What did they want with him? They were cops. What did that mean if they were trying to bully him?

"We never see you work out. What are you doing here?"

"What? I... don't understand."

"You don't belong here."

"I work for the crime lab. Is... is that a problem?" He clasped his hands together in his lap and prayed they wouldn't start to tremble.

"You're just a civilian. What do you do to help the world?"

"I run the DNA samples."

Someone snorted in laughter.

"A long time ago we didn't need soft people like you because the world didn't know anything about DNA," the superior officer lectured. "We solved a lot of cases that way. Now the world thinks we need some sort of a DNA sample in order to convict someone every time we go to court. It's called the CSI effect. Maybe you've heard of it? The thing is, we can still get a good conviction without some dumb DNA sample. Now you think about that before I kick your scrawny ass just for being here."

Greg nodded and they left him alone, returning to the other side of the room just as Nick came back from the locker room.

Relief flooded his veins.

"You ok?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. Fine. Come on, time to warm up."

"Thanks... for the company. I... I really appreciate it." Nick mumbled so low Greg had a hard time hearing him.

"Hey, it's what I'm here for."

As Nick got to work with Greg keeping him on track, the three cops went to shower and then left the building.

Greg worked hard to forget what they'd said to him. It didn't mean anything, really. They were just trying to intimidate him. He turned back to Nick as he began his jog on the treadmill, slowly slipping into the middle distance in front of him, his mind going blank. He looked relaxed, comfortable, almost happy. Almost. Behind the calm exterior, Greg knew a storm was brewing. He could see it plain as day, even if Nick didn't realize it was happening.

While Nick jogged, he had time to reflect on their relationship. He knew he'd been hard on the other man. Until now, he hadn't thought about what Nick was going through. He had a family to take care of. A beautiful little girl. It couldn't be easy with a wife and daughter.

So, what had happened to make Nick turn to him instead of Kristy?

While he was still healing from the explosion, Nick had spent more time at his apartment than he needed to, even once Greg was well enough to take care of things by himself. Not to mention the several times they'd had sex. He'd never thought of Nick as the cheating type and theirs was not the intercourse of an open relationship. If it was, Nick would have said something and he wouldn't have run away every time.

He was avoiding something at home. That was clear now.

Greg mentally hit himself in the head. He'd just blamed their coworkers for being deaf to Nick's excuses when he'd been missing something important himself. How could he have been so stupid and self-centered?

It was obvious Nick wasn't going to talk to anyone about his problems unless someone forced him too. Greg was the only one who'd noticed anything. He would have to be the one to talk to him, to find out what was wrong, and somehow try to help him ease his troubled mind.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw another group of cops walk in, a few of them still in uniform after a long shift. They glanced his way, their expressions none too pleasant, telling him once again, he didn't belong there, that he wasn't welcome.

Maybe next time he would come with his own sweats and start his own exercise regimen so they couldn't give him odd looks anymore. That way he and Nick could have something more in common outside work, other than him acting as Nick's fake running coach, which might be a good thing if it meant they could hang out more often.

On the other hand, police officers knew the law and knew how to stay out of trouble while doing their dirty deeds, when they weren't saving the world. Maybe he was too geeky for them, too civilian, or maybe it was because he was gay. Maybe they'd figured it out. But for sure they wouldn't get in trouble for anything they ever said to him.

Nick's hard breathing caught his attention and he turned away from the cops to check the mile logger.

"Come on, Nick. One more mile. You can do it."