Thank you for your lovely comments and please, keep them coming!

Have a nice week,

Em

"Mom!" Meredith opened the door to find Carolyn standing on the doorstep of the apartment she shared with Cristina.

"You look so surprised, Sweetie," she chuckled and proceeded to take into a hug. "You promised me you'd pop in when we spoke on the phone last Friday and you never came. So here I am."

"I'm sorry, Ma," she sighed reciprocating the embrace. "I heard… Derek stays at the house some nights… I didn't want to run into him. Works is enough… We get along… but it's hard."

"I realize that. That's why I came here myself."

"Mom? Mom?" Cristina ran out of the kitchen, a bowl of cheerios in her hands. "Is this… is this Ellis Grey?"

"God forbid," snorted Meredith, ushering Carolyn to come in.

"I'm Carolyn Shepherd," she reached to shake hands with Cristina.

"Oh, the prett- I mean, Derek's mom," Cristina didn't even try to mask her disappointment. "Cristina Yang. I guess I'll leave you to it. If you need me, I'm just behind the wall." She gave Meredith a meaningful look and departed.

"You have some interesting friends," chuckled Carolyn sitting down on the sofa.

"She's a surgery junkie," explained Meredith with a smile of her own. "But she's got a heart… somewhere."

"I won't beat around the bush," sighed Carolyn. "Derek told me about the meeting with your father."

"Oh."

"Are you holding on?" Carolyn asked softly taking her hand.

"I… I am," she answered decidedly. "I actually… feel better. I think I needed that confrontation. Since I was a teenager I had this… I had this feeling there was something wrong with me. That I lacked something."

Carolyn only squeezed her hand reassuringly letting her talk.

"Now I know and fully accept none of this was my fault," stated Meredith clearly. "It was my parents' inability to communicate like two adults. My mother is… well, my mother. She doesn't let anyone dictate her anything and my father… He's the complete opposite."

"The child is never at fault in these situation. But it's common they think they are," sighed Carolyn. "Does he want to reconnect? Your father?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure I want to go there."

"And apart from that, how's it going?"

Meredith didn't have to look at her to know what she was asking about. She also knew Carolyn was the one person she didn't have to put a brave face for at the moment.

"It's been three weeks, Ma," she said suddenly, every outer sign of sunny disposition fading from her face, replaced by weariness. "Three weeks. And I still wake up every morning surprised where I am and why Derek isn't with me…"

"I know the feeling. I wake up some days staring at Michael's side of the bed. And it's been eighteen years."

"Some days…" repeated Meredith thoughtfully. "Does it go away?"

"Not really. But you get used to it."

"I don't think I really want this to go away…"

"How are your relations with Derek? He hasn't been very talkative lately."

"It's as good as it can be. He's actually," Meredith allowed herself a small smile. "He's been sweet. Like his old self…"

"And it gets you thinking…" Carolyn began carefully.

"It did," she admitted cradling her chin in her hands. "It got me wondering what would happen if I just gave in… But that's just an illusion," she said abruptly. "I'm not going to fool myself. There's no going back for us. We can't rebuild our relationship on good intentions and… old habits. And it's all there is. He needs to understand that."

"It hasn't been easy on him either," remarked Carolyn. "He's beating himself up."

"I know," Meredith muttered dejectedly. "But frankly, he still doesn't know what was wrong with us. He just misses our former life…"

"Meri, I'm not here to persuade you to reconcile with Derek," stipulated Carolyn, a trace of hesitation in her voice. "But I'd like to ask you a favor nevertheless."

Meredith looked at her warily. "A favor?" It's about Derek, isn't it?"

"My son has made many mistakes. Probably more than I know of," Carolyn said knowingly as Meredith lowered her eyes. "He is paying for those mistakes, I assure you. And I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it or he didn't bring it on his own head. But you know him. He's is different than you in that respect. Even if your heart breaks into two, you continue to go on. He doesn't. He stops living. He stops taking care of himself. Your exam is within weeks. If he doesn't pull himself together fast… I don't even want to think what is going to happen when he fails it as well."

"Is it really that bad?" whispered Meredith anxiously.

"He's trying to keep it together around you. After hours he doesn't feel the need to. I went to your apartment last night," explained Carolyn. "It looks like a warzone. And trust me, I've been a mother long enough to see some pretty bad mess. My words have no impact. He just shrugs and tells me not to worry. "

"You want me to talk to him."

"He'll listen to you."

"Will he really?" Meredith asked dubiously. "I've been trying to make him listen to me for weeks. Not with good results, obviously."

"I'm relieved to say that period is behind him," assured Carolyn. "But… it's your decision Meredith. I'm not going to pressure you into this if you're not ready… This is an ordeal for both of you.

Meredith nodded pensively. "I'm sorry… I didn't offer you anything to drink. Tea, coffee?"

"Tea will be excellent, my dear."

Meredith barely disappeared into the kitchen when Carolyn heard a quiet voice behind her, "You're sneaky, aren't you?"

"Sneaky?" chuckled Carolyn as Meredith's roommate went around the couch to face her. "I could say the same about you."

"I'm not going to pressure you, the pretty boy deserves this, he brought this on himself," enumerated Cristina. "But why don't you go and comfort him… blah blah. And you might even think about taking him back, huh?"

"Far it be from me to ever try to convince Meredith to make up with my son," Carolyn answered sincerely. "This… has to be her own decision. A conscious independent decision. But I will not sit listlessly when my children simply need each other. They share something special. And I believe none of them is ready to let go of it."

"I know, right," huffed Cristina, sinking onto the armchair previously vacated by Meredith. "She still keeps that pink fuzz on her head, doesn't she? Didn't even think about dyeing it back blond."

"Thank you for taking care of Meredith when she needed that," Carolyn gave her a piercing look. "It's good to have a person to take care of, isn't it?"

Cristina stared at her curiously. "It is actually… So, uhm, you want in on the bet on Mer and that empty headed son of yours?"

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

FLASHBACK

A deafening thud startled Derek up from his homework. It was Meredith who returned home slamming the front door with every ounce of strength her ineffectual arms possessed.

He left his books open on the bed and peeked out into the living room area just in time to see his fiancée pull her boots violently off her feet and throw them on the floor haphazardly. Her shoulder bag landed on the couch and slid to the floor, to Meredith's complete disinterest.

"Mer?" he asked cautiously.

"Hey," she muttered. She didn't walk up to kiss him but the scowl on her face softened somewhat. She wasn't mad at him then. Well, she didn't have a reason anyway.

She stalked off to the kitchen from where he heard the ear-splitting noise of clinking glasses and probably the coffee pitcher. He had no choice but to follow her and find out the source of her foul mood. And this was the foulest of Meredith's moods. On the other hand, he could still get some angry sex out of it…

"Meri?" he paused in the doorway to the kitchen. "What happened?"

"I hate, I hate, I hate that ass!" she shrieked pacing the small area up and down, almost spilling the lukewarm coffee with her mechanical moves.

"And who's the ass? And what did that ass do?" he was really worried now. His mind took him immediately to a scene where some idiot hit on her. But that wouldn't get her so worked up.

"Smithson! He's the ass! He's a self-important pompous old goat!" she spewed out viciously.

"Ah, that ass," sighed Derek. "He had your last lecture today, didn't he?"

"Yeah, and thank God for that," she huffed, coming to a halt to lean against the wall with her back, her arms folded over her chest tightly. Her face was all flushed, certainly not only from the biting cold outside, her breathing rugged. "I wouldn't be able to sit there like a good girl after that… so-called lecture!"

Derek sighed, almost anticipating a catastrophe. He already became familiar with Smithson's teaching style. Moreover, he warned Meredith about it. The arrogant professor enjoyed picking favorites and scapegoats among his students. Derek hoped Meredith wasn't included in the latter group.

"Can you imagine what he said to me? Do you have any idea?" she snorted. "Ass!"

"What did he say?" he asked, full of misgivings.

"He read out the attendance list and it was like a freaking Harry Potter moment," she breathed out.

"Harry Potter moment?" frowned Derek.

"He got to my name and went all weird. You know what he said? 'Well, well. A Grey, we have a wannabe celebrity here.' Can you imagine?" she shook her head raising her eyes to the ceiling.

"Why did he say such a thing?" he walked up to stand beside her.

"He said… he said," Meredith swallowed, "that royal blood is nothing in medicine and that Harper Averys are not inherited with genes."

"Oh, it's about…" he trailed off.

"My saint mother," she finished for him. "I can't believe it. I haven't seen her with my own eyes for years and yet she still finds a way to make my life miserable."

With a small sigh, he pulled her into his arms, one of his hands weaving through her hair.

"He said it's not going to be an easy ride for me and the fact that I'm the Ellis Grey's daughter doesn't entitle me to any preferential treatment. Like I would want any!"

"Of course you don't," he murmured soothingly. "And you don't need it! You'll show him who's the boss soon enough."

"Damn right, I will," she stated firmly. "And you know what? I'm taking your name when we're married."

"Really?" he breathed out excitedly.

"Yeah, Shepherd doesn't mean anything in medicine."

"Gee, thanks Mer," he grumbled, though the corners of his lips lifted humorously.

"I should study tonight but I'm still so… ugh! angry, I guess."

"Do you want to eat something?"

"Not really," she bit her lip coyly. "Food won't help me unwind..."

"Really," he smirked looking down at her.

"Mhm," she hummed playing with the button of her jeans.

"You… want sex," he grinned emphasizing every word.

"What are you planning to do about it?"

"Whatever you wish," he promised, sparks in his eyes.

"Whatever I wish…" she bit her lip and started to shed her clothes hastily, piling them up on the floor. Taking her cue, he undressed himself, his pants were getting uncomfortable anyway.

She turned her back to him, her blond hair flying around as she sent him a seductive smile over her shoulder. She bent over the counter, swaying her hips invitingly.

"I wish… hard and fast…" she purred.

He chuckled and was with her in one stride, his palms massaging her hips, pressing his heated groin against the tempting curves of her butt.

"What are you waiting for, Der…" she gasped in anticipation, as she shuddered from the temperature contrast between the cool counter top and his warm chest, her nipples hardening.

"Are you ready?" he asked tenderly, his fingertips reaching between her legs to slide over along her slick opening. "You are…"

"Have you ever doubted me?" she hummed and spread her legs for him, grounding hurriedly against his hardness, anxious to take it inside her. The day left her with an emotion overload. She needed to spend that energy and there wasn't a better way to achieve it.

As her mind was wandering somewhere else waiting for him, he unexpectedly pushed inside her making her gasp, her walls immediately contracting around his length.

"You're so… amazingly tight…" he breathed out as he made her bend further covering her back with his chest.

"And you so… hard… and big," she moaned releasing him to continue.

He rammed back into her repeatedly and she met his every thrust with guttural groan coming somewhere from the raw core of her being. All her qualms, bad feelings and anger gradually evaporated banished by everything Derek. There were none of them left when he pushed her over the edge and her world exploded along with his.

They half lay against the counter from a while waiting for the aftershocks of the intense pleasure to pass. Derek pulled her back into his arms and they stood naked, snuggly pressed into each other in the middle of their kitchen. She hoped this feeling of safety would never go away, this feeling only he could induce as he hooked his arms around her shoulders. They laughed softly as her palms grazed the hair on his forearms.

"Hope you intended to clean tonight," she chuckled feeling the juices of their coming trickle down her leg. "Your precious counter, right?" she jabbed.

"I'll live. We've defiled it a long time ago," he laughed planting a kiss onto her temple.

"We've defiled every surface in this apartment," she sighed. "It'll be hard to leave this place after all…"

"We'll have our own place back in Seattle," he consoled her, feeling his own nostalgia growing inside him. "Think about all the new places to christen…"

"True, true…" she grinned and turned to catch his lips in a brief kiss. She knelt to pick up their abandoned clothing. "Now I feel like having something to eat."

"That sounds vaguely dirty when you're in that position," he wiggled his eyebrows as her head was at the level of his hips.

"If you fix me something for dinner I'll take care of dessert…" she winked at him. "I'll be waiting in bed…" Looked like study plans would have to wait.

When he joined her some twenty minutes later in their bedroom he was met with a curious sight. But for a sweater thrown around her shoulders, Meredith was naked in front of their laptop.

"Okay now, I'm hoping it is homework that you're typing there and that the camera is turned off," he chuckled.

He frowned when only silence answered his joke.

"Meredith?" He stopped behind her rubbing her shoulders.

"I… I realized I had no idea what was going on with my own mother… whoever she might be, she is my mother still…" she said quietly. "I googled her."

"And? Found anything?" He kept his arm around her as he took the chair beside her.

"Apparently, she's long gone from California."

"She's not back to Grace, is she?" he asked, slightly unnerved. If they were to be completely honest, they had been relieved when they heard the news that Ellis Grey left Seattle's best hospital a few years back. It meant they would be able to apply for internship there without the risk of having to face her. It would be devastating for both of their careers. Meredith might be her estranged daughter but Derek was the one who caused it according to Ellis. It came as a shock, of course. Seattle Grace was Ellis Grey's place, she made her career there. They heard she moved to New York and then to Los Angeles. After that, no news.

"She's not," Meredith shook her head. "She's been travelling a lot… Doctors without Borders apparently…" she bit her lip. "What would my mother do with Doctors without Borders? She's been to Africa…" she scrolled down the page to look at the picture of Ellis and her fellow doctors in a tropical village.

"Wow," he breathed out staring at the screen in amazement. There was even something in the form of a smile, something he'd never seen on Ellis's face.

"And then she went with consults to Brazil… Australia… New Zealand… Eastern Europe…" enumerated Meredith, her expression puzzled.

"She's certainly been busy…"

"Well, she never thought about going as close home as Boston," shrugged Meredith and quickly shut down the page. "What about that dinner?"

He grabbed her hand tenderly letting her know he completely understood her, no words needed, and he had her back.

END OF FLASHBACK

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

She stood facing the door to their… his... apartment for good five minutes. Is was the first time she was here since she had walked out with Izzie and Cristina and two suitcases.

She pressed the buzzer. Nothing. Not even a sound as she pressed her ear to the door.

With a sigh, she rummaged her bag for the key and opened the lock. She walked in noiselessly, cautiously, as if afraid she would be sucked right into their former life or the world of memories.

Her mouth hung open as she surveyed the apartment. Mom did not exaggerate. Warzone was a good word to describe the overwhelming chaos. She couldn't believe Derek came to this mess every day. He was such a compulsory cleaner. She slowly walked further in. All kinds of things were located haphazardly all around, as though Derek left them and didn't bother to carry them to where they belonged. His rumpled clothes lay in heaps, some on the armchair, some simply on the floor. Containers of take away food were thrown here and there.

She almost gasped when she realized Derek was lying on the couch, fast asleep. She tiptoed around and knelt close to him, concern taking over her mind. Even in slumber, his face wasn't peaceful or relaxed. His hair were completely tousled, a thick stubble on his face. He probably didn't shave for the last three days, the last time she saw him. Shadows of exhaustion marked his eyes.

She gazed around with a sigh, deciding not to wake him up, and rolled up her sleeves.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

His mind slowly returned to consciousness. Or maybe… he was still dreaming. His nose tweaked when he picked up a delicious aroma wafting from the kitchen. Yep, he was definitely still dreaming. There was no one that could possibly be cooking. Meredith left him, and she couldn't cook anyway. A soft thud and a muffled curse reached his ears. His eyes opened wide momentarily. It was his Meredith's voice… With a madly beating heart, he slowly lifted himself up on his elbows. The apartment was oddly clean… And she… Meredith was bustling around the kitchen, the usual frown of concentration on her forehead that appeared there always when she touched kitchenware.

"Meredith…" he choked, bringing her eyes onto him.

"Welcome back among the living." Her voice was seemingly expressionless but he detected a hint of reproach.

"What… are you doing here?" he breathed out as he heaved himself up to a sitting position. His joints were stiff from the coach. One could think he would have got used to the discomfort of sleeping in the living room by now.

"Being your friend or something," she grumbled back, carefully observing the content of the pot she was stirring on the stove.

"Friend…" he sighed resignedly, his stomach dropping with disappointment. She was not back…

"Yes, friend, Derek. Ma is worried sick about you. What are you doing to yourself?" she inquired impatiently. "And to the people who love you?"

"I… I… I… was too tired," he stammered. "Just… a month left till the test…"

"Yeah," she nodded. "That too. Derek, go get a shower. And then we have a talk."

He nodded and proceeded to do just what he was told to, a misplaced sense of bewilderment fleeting through his head as he spotted the shaking washing machine. Meredith managed to turn it on all herself…

When he was back, showered and wearing fresh clothes, she was waiting for him with food steaming on the counter top.

"Sit down. And eat," she ordered him.

He obediently took a stool beside her and grabbed the spoon. "Eh, you cooked?"

"Do you have memory problems too?" she uttered a little harsher than she intended. "It's a take away. Just a little domesticated."

"Derek," she broke the silence that fell while he was eating. "You can't go on like that."

"I… I can't live without you…" he confessed quietly.

"You need to learn how to," her voice was equally quiet but determined.

"I don't want to. We love each other-"

"No," she interrupted him categorically, her fist clenching painfully under the counter top. "I'm not here to discuss it with you, Derek. I'm here to ask you to stop destroying yourself. And you have people to lean onto. Beside me. Your mother. And your sisters. They were… unhappy with you but they love you. Please, Derek, do me this favor. I think I have the right to ask that of you."

His fingers stilled, as he stopped eating, his hunger suddenly gone.

"Der," she touched his wrist ephemerally. "I will always care for you."

He slowly tore his eyes from the plate in front of him to look at her face, seeing nothing but her honesty

"I will always be your anyway friend," she added with a small smile, making his heart melt. "I'm here because I genuinely care about you. Can you promise me you will take care of yourself?"

"Okay," he nodded slowly. He would do what she wished him to do. He could not disobey her request. He would preserve a semblance of normal life… but nothing could force him to sleep in their bed without her next to him.

"Thank you, Derek," she gave him another smile and got up. He felt her stand behind him, one hand on his shoulder, and press a lingering kiss onto the top of his head. "See you at work."

Derek didn't know if he should feel more cheerful or dejected after her visit. She still loved him, that was obvious. But Meredith was not a person that changed her mind easily. And right now she was adamant about her decision to stay apart. On the other hand, what else would he rather spend his life doing than tirelessly assure her of his love?