A/N Thank you for all the reviews and welcome, all new readers!
Enjoy!
"Meredith?" she heard his concerned voice in her ear as they continued their morning rounds. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," she sighed. She just winced once and he picked it up without mistake. Now, when they were broken up he seemed to be at her every beck and call, ready to fulfill all her wishes, attentive to the slightest change of her mood.
"Are you sure?" he asked keeping close to her side. "You're really pale. And you look like you're in pain."
"It's nothing," she waved her hand dismissively. "Just… indigestion or something."
To tell the truth, her abdomen was killing her. She felt nauseous since early morning and the feeling like she might throw up any minute didn't go away ever since. But she was stronger than that. A minor stomach bug wouldn't stop her from doing her job, mere weeks towards the end of the internship.
They stopped in half a circle around Bailey who was dividing tasks for the day. However, her words seemed to enter one of Meredith's ears and fly through the other senselessly. She imperceptibly rubbed her stomach, taking deep breaths, little beads of sweat growing on her brow. Finally, it was too much. She felt the bile rising in her throat and she lunged for the trash can in the last moment.
"Meredith?" Derek was right behind her, his hand protectively on her back. Her mind briefly went to the couple of occasions he held her hair up when she emptied the contents of her stomach. After Nancy's wedding, after a party in med school, after failed oyster dinner in Europe. It was never as humiliating as now.
"Oh, crap! Are you pregnant?" Cristina's loud voice rang in Meredith's ears, and everyone else's.
Meredith cringed over the trashcan. Cristina couldn't really chose to ask that personal question in a more private setting... Everyone seemed to go mute. Bailey stopped talking. And she could clearly feel Derek's hand on her back coming to a significant halt.
Another wave of nausea hit her hard and she lunged forward.
"Mer…" Derek's muffled whisper sounded beside her.
"Okay, people, I've told you what to do, get a move on," Bailey's professionalism took control of the situation. She shooed Sloan and Karev away and helped Meredith to stand up precariously. "Yang, you're coming too."
"I want to-" Derek kept his arm around her still.
"Nuh-uh," Bailey shook her head, prying her away from him. "You've done enough already. Go find your attending before I send you to the pit."
He stayed there listlessly watching them go away, his mind reeling.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"So," Cristina began cheerfully while doing an exam on Meredith's abdomen. "That complicates the situation, doesn't it?"
Meredith winced in pain and grumbled, "What complicates the situation?"
"A McBaby," she cooed, her face stretched in a wide grin for some reason.
"I'm not pregnant," sighed Meredith, writhing on the gurney trying to get into a comfortable position.
"Right," snorted Cristina
"We used… protection…" mumbled Meredith feeling her hot forehead.
"Hm, was that protection in the form of abstinence?" Cristina rolled her eyes.
"Pill…"
"Great, you were practically loaded with McDreamy's swimmers every night and you claim you can't be pregnant…" snorted Cristina.
"Ugh, do you want me to puke over your shoes?" Meredith narrowed her eyes, rolling onto her side.
Cristina swiftly moved away as a precaution. "Hey, I'm just being helpfully honest!"
"Honest? Maybe," breathed out Meredith. "Helpful? Not so much…"
"You're a doctor, Mer. You know it's not impossible-"
"It's just a stomach bug," swallowed Meredith. "Or an ulcer…"
"Or a chatty kid with ridiculous hair. What are you gonna do if it's the third option?"
Meredith closed her eyes, her palm going to her abdomen almost timidly. The pill never failed her yet. Why would it suddenly? But what if it did? What if she was growing a life inside her? A life that she created with Derek?
Her eyes shot open when Bailey entered the exam room with a file in her hands.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
FLASHBACK
"Hey, Luke," Meredith greeted her neighbor with a smile.
Jenny and Luke were their neighbors and for the last couple of years they grew quite close. The married couple living next door were in their late twenties and felt much more like a good company that many of their fellow students. Maybe because they had already a stable relationship just like them. They even had a little girl of one.
"Hi, Mer," he breathed out hurriedly. "I have a huge favor to ask you."
"Sure, what is it?"
"You know Jen's working late tonight, and I've just got a call," he explained quickly. "I need to make a trip out of town. And I know it's a Friday night and you probably have plans with Derek already but I don't have anyone to leave Anna with."
"Oh," she mumbled. Luke better not be asking her what she thought he was… It wasn't like she didn't want to help him. Of course she did. But this… she wasn't really cut out for that. And Derek wouldn't be home for hours.
"So shall I bring her here? Jen's off at nine. She'll be back as soon as she can."
"Er, what about Tanya? Annie's babysitter?" Meredith twisted her fingers.
"Can't do," Luke shook his head. "Please?"
"I… it's not like I don't want to…" she began to explain embarrassedly. "But I'm kind of… I don't think Annie will survive a few hours alone with me…"
"You'll be great," Luke breathed out with relief. "Will be back in a sec."
Fifteen minutes later, her head was spinning with the instructions Luke was shooting at her. He only laughed at her confused expression and the questions concerning the simplest of things.
"Daddy has to go," he planted a gruff kiss to the little girl's cheek and carefully placed her into Meredith's deadly scared arms. "You'll be playing with Auntie Mer now."
Meredith carefully readjusted Annie on her hands. She carried her hundreds of times but never unadvised. She was to stay alone with a one-year-old…
"Bye bye!" Luke waved her his hand at his daughter and was already on his way out. "Thanks, Mer. You're saving my life."
"Bye bye!" babbled Anna, a smile on her lovely full face.
"I'm questioning your daddy's sanity right now," grumbled Meredith. "Who in their right mind would entrust me with their kid, huh?"
Annie giggled to herself stuffing her thumb into her mouth.
"Aren't you adorable?" sighed Meredith retreating to the coach to quickly scan the list Luke left her with. "We are going to survive this together, okay?" she asked the little blond head who was gazing at her with her big hazel eyes.
"Kay," mimicked her Annie.
"So, you're… fed, you have a clean diaper…" Meredith said pensively. "We can play."
"Play!"
"Yup, play," smiled Meredith and got up. However, she bumped into the table with her knee sending several objects flying to the floor. She eyed the powder that spilled on to the carpet with resignation. "Knew it wouldn't run that smooth. Crap," the curse escaped her mouth.
With horror, she noticed Annie's rosy lips open…
"Please, baby, pretty please, don't say it!"
"Clap!"
"Oh, thank God," she rested her forehead against Annie's. "Thank God!"
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Derek trudged to the door of their apartment with relief. It was absolutely freezing outside. He dreamed of nothing else than getting something hot to eat and snuggling under the covers with Meredith's equally hot body.
Not being able to find the keys with his numb hand, he pressed the buzzer. He waited on the doorstep but Meredith didn't come. He shuffled his feet impatiently and rang the doorbell again.
This time the door opened and he was met with a surprising sight. Meredith was cradling Jen and Luke's little girl to her chest, a wide grin on her lips. His fiancée's cheeks bore odd white smudges of unknown origin and she was cooing to Annie, "Look, Annie, look who's come! It's Uncle Derek! Say hi to Uncle Derek!" she gently took her little chubby hand and they waved together. "Doesn't Derek look funny?" Meredith eyed his wild her with an amused smile. He sent her a sour look. He ran out this morning and he didn't have time to use his hair products. As a result, several hours earlier his head resembled a bird's nest. A very messy birds' nest.
"Funny!" giggled Annie.
"Not funny," he shook his head and went in. "Are Jenny and Luke over?"
"Nope," she answered and all her attention turned back to the little child in her care, talking to her and laughing, as she left him standing in the door.
"My day was fine, by the way," he announced with an exaggeratedly boisterous voice. "Nice of you to ask, honey!"
He heard her carefree giggle in response. He quickly took off his coat, untangled the thick scarf from his neck and trotted to kitchen, where Meredith was making him a mug of hot tea.
"You're cold to the bone, aren't you?" she asked giving him a quick look, careful not to drop the baby who was currently clawed to her blouse.
"Well, I was hoping for some hot lovin' to warm me up," he chuckled, sitting down.
"That'll have to wait," she smiled as she bustled around for lemon and sugar, Annie glued to her hip. "Luke away on business, Jen's still at work."
He observed his fiancée's every move with a new light in his eyes. There was something… warm, something warm and domestic about her today.
"You look good with a baby," he fired not really thinking of what meaning that phrase could carry.
"Yeah?" she grinned as she sat across him with the little girl on her lap. "Good?"
"It suits you," he stated in wonderment.
"Hm…" she smirked. "Makes you want to knock me up?"
He hesitated for a little and answered, "I guess it does."
"We've never really discussed it," she said pensively.
"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "You know… it's usually the next step… the marriage, the house… and the baby…"
"The next step?" she smiled placing the sugar bowl out of the reach of little hands. "I'm okay with that. One step at a time…"
"Yeah…one step at a time," he repeated mesmerized, an image of a blond tiny girl or a boy with wild black hair appearing before his eyes.
Meredith's suddenly shy smile told him she was sharing his vision.
END OF FLASHBACK
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
"Are you comfortable?" Cristina asked her as Meredith settled into the hospital bed in her room.
"Not really," she breathed out, grimacing in pain.
"You won't have to wait long," said Bailey. "I have a free slot after lunch. Yang is gonna prep you. Until then you can have some happy time with morphine." She turned to administer the drug.
"Wait!" Meredith stopped her. "Can you… can you tell Derek to come in?"
Both Cristina and Miranda stared at her questioningly.
"I know he's outside," she rolled her eyes. "Please, let him come in."
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Derek was on neuro today but he was far from concentration and application it required. Whenever he could he strolled around to catch a glimpse of Meredith or Yang. Bailey didn't want to tell him anything. And he had the right to know! The resident knew what was between them. Besides, if Meredith was… Well, in that case he was certainly an interested party.
He almost had a heart attack when he learnt Meredith had been admitted as a patient. She wouldn't have been if she was simply pregnant, right? Simply…? If Meredith was expecting their baby, nothing would be simple. Of course, she would keep it. There wasn't a shadow of doubt about it in Derek's mind. But they were broken up… What would a baby mean for their relationship? Meredith was so decided he only wanted to be here for his own comfort. Now, she would probably come to conclusion that he wanted so for the baby. And that would be one of the reasons, apart from his love for her. He wanted his children to have such a wonderful family as he grew up in himself. He always assumed their children would have the most loving and caring home in the world…
He spotted both Bailey and Yang coming out of her room. Maybe that was his chance…
"Shepherd!" Bailey's sharp voice called him across the corridor.
He frowned. He just thought about sneaking in to see her seconds ago. Was he that transparent? Yep, he probably was.
"She's asking for you," Bailey informed him surprisingly. "Go on. Just don't harangue her, the girl's in pain."
"In pain?" he gasped. "Why? What's wrong? Is she… is something…?"
"I said go on!"
He hurried in to see her crumpled in a bed that looked too big for her, her hand on her stomach.
"Mer?" he breathed out, being at her side in a flash. "God, Mer, what's wrong? Are you… are you…"
"I'm not… pregnant if that's what you're trying to ask me," she sighed.
"Oh." He couldn't help a sense of disappointment wash over him.
"I never really thought I was. I was conscientious about the pill."
"Then?" he sat on the edge of the bed, a new wave of concern overwhelming him all over again.
"Appendicitis," she shrugged. "Bailey's cutting me at 2."
"That's… one of the happier scenarios," he sighed with relief.
"Yeah," she chuckled. "Probably."
"Does it hurt much?" he asked gently.
"Like you wouldn't believe… I was about to get some morphine. But wanted to tell you I wasn't… you know. When I'm still not high. So… thanks for stopping by. Bye, Derek." She nodded at him and with a sigh of relief, pressed the button that would allow the bliss of morphine course through her organism.
"Actually," he said putting his hands together and looking around for a chair. "I have a bit of free time. I'll stay with you."
"What? No, really. There's no need at all! I'm not dying, it's just an inflamed appendix…"
"Doesn't matter," he shrugged, getting comfortable in his seat. "You've spent a night in my hospital room after the accident and I was just bruised and had a concussion. The least I can do is to keep you company for a couple of hours."
"No, no!" she shook her head violently. "Derek, I've just had morphine!"
"So?"
"Well, you don't remember what you were like under morphine…" she snorted. "If you had, you would have probably bought a one way ticket to Alaska for what you said to Ma about our sex life…"
"As you said I can't remember," he grinned at her. "But everyone, including you, is always so eager to remind me."
"This is not funny! Get out!"
"It kinda is."
"Idiot!"
She sank into her bedcovers, her arms folded over her chest while a smile appeared over his face. It felt like good old times, them bantering lightly…
"You're so annoying!" she huffed, the quality of her voice slightly changed. "But… I won't be saying the stupidest things you told everyone, including, Mom, your two sisters, every doctor and nurse that came to your room. I won't say a word!"
"Sure, you won't, Mer," he grinned.
"I won't tell a soul about how we defiled Ma's kitchen. You've dished out all the vivid details anyway…"
"Oh, God…. I told my mother about that?" his voice faltered.
"Why do you think she never leaves us alone in there anymore, huh?"
"Oh…"
"I won't say anything about that quickie at Nancy's wedding… you know the one under the table, not the one in the closet."
"Good times," he sighed as he relaxed in the chair.
"And I won't say about our last night either. 'Cause I hated you for it."
He felt like he was punched in the gut. Even though her voice was cheerful from the drug, this was not a happy talk anymore. She clearly said she hated him for their last time together. His mind went to that night not so long ago. It was hot, it was fast and hard. She was a willing participant. He gave her two orgasms which she thoroughly enjoyed. She did, he could tell. After that, they had a shower… No, he had a shower. Meredith stayed in bed. He assumed she was just tired after a day at work and two rounds of hot sex. His breath hitched in his chest as he realized that it was the day after that she broke up with him. Was it the last straw for her? Why…?.
The sex. The break-up. Her conviction he didn't love her.
His heart sank. The physical side of their relationship was always closely tied with the emotional one. They were inseparable. Meredith must have felt different this time.
He had been angry, actually livid, and humiliated for her overly honest comment at the bar. Another thing, Meredith would never make fun about his short-lived performance during their first time. Was she so desperate to show him something was not right with them?
They got back home, they had sex, he went to shower… Alone. No moment after.
No moment after. He finally saw it how it must have looked in her eyes. He just… dismounted her and went to do his own thing, like he switched off the TV after watching a movie to occupy himself with something more time-worthy.
How could he be so so stupid to disrespect her so lowly? It was beyond stupidity. He hurt her in one of the most awful ways. And she still cared for him. He felt the recently familiar burning in his throat. He quietly walked up to the bed where Meredith was curled up with her back to him.
"Mer," he choked placing his hand, as gently as he could, on her shoulder blade. Did he intend to apologize? It was almost unspeakable, what he did. Anyway, he had to do something. He had to let her know he fully understood what he did to her and that his whole life would be too little to make up for it.
But he didn't. A soft snore reached his ears. She fell asleep.
The conversation had to wait. Only how could he ever be forgiven for the way he violated the sanctity of their love? Suddenly, his eyes caught a glint on her neck. He delicately pulled the simple chain. She still wore it… The pendant he got her for her Sweet Sixteen. She never took it down. His heart beat faster as he noticed something else. There was… there was their engagement ring hooked beside the little heart…It was no longer manifesting their love to the world but it was always with her… He could only hope it would some day return to its rightful place on her finger…
A/N And don't forget to review… ;)
Em
P.S. Just out of curiosity, are there any Polish readers? I know there is at least one.