A/N Thank you once more for your kind comments!
Answering some questions, yes of course there's going to be a happy ending for MerDer, I don't finish my fics with anything else. And there are less than 10 chapters left so it's not even that far…
We're going to jump a little along the timeline in the next few updates.
Enjoy!
"Mom, I don't think it's the best of ideas," with a shake of his head, Derek followed her mother to the car.
"Nonsense," snorted Carolyn taking the place of the passenger at the front.
"She's had a surgery. Relatively simple but still a surgery. She needs her rest," he argued.
"And what do you think I'm going to do? Make her clean the house? Work in the garden? I was a nurse, Sweetie. I used to work in the hospital. And I still have got my wits about me. I know Meredith needs her rest, I just want to make sure she gets it."
"She probably won't even agree," he shrugged.
"I'm very persuasive," she assured him, eyeing him suspiciously as he sat behind the wheel, strapping the seatbelt. "Why the sudden reluctance to see Meredith?"
"It's not reluctance," he muttered inserting the key into the ignition.
She put her hand on his before he could start the car.
"Derek don't lie to me, please," she said quietly. "Have you… given up? Perhaps you think Meredith is right about your feelings?"
"No," he denied vehemently. "No. I love her. It's not my need for order and comfort in life."
"Great, do you plan on proving it to Mer?"
"I do," he nodded.
"By avoiding her?"
"No, not by avoiding her," he sighed. "But I can't run amok around her. I'm thinking through some things… the last few months… what I did. I have to fully understand the scope of what I did. Then I can go to Meredith, apologize and make up for it."
"What brought about this?" she asked shrewdly.
"Meredith… she said something when she was on morphine…"
"Morphine makes people say all kinds of things-"
"Surprising how it makes people tell the truth," he snorted. "She would have never told me that if she hadn't been on drugs."
"What did she tell you?" frowned Carolyn.
"Please, don't ask me that," he stated. "I… this needs to stay between me and Mer. It's enough that I tell you it's not how you raised me to treat a woman."
"I will ask no more," she assured him gently. "So you hurt her and now you're ashamed to face her. You're thinking about what you did wrong, that's okay. But you can't suddenly disappear. Meredith might get an impression you certainly don't want to create."
"But I can't-"
"No one said it would be easy," she interrupted. "Gaining one's forgiveness is hard but there's also forgiving yourself, and that's even harder."
"I think I can see what you mean."
"But no matter how hard it is, there's one thing you cannot do," she looked at him seriously.
"I know," he nodded and started the engine. "I will never give up."
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Meredith zipped her handbag and looked around her hospital room. Finally, she was done with playing the role of a patient.
She prayed that her streak of bad luck was finally over. Because really, a break-up with the love of your life, meeting your estranged father after over two decades and having a surgery, all during the period of a few weeks, a very inopportune few weeks, was the worst bad karma in the world. The intern test was in two weeks' time!
She knew Bailey would try to keep her away, enjoying her convalescence… but she was doing good! Not every patient needed weeks of recovery. Sure, her abdomen was a bit achy, there was a nasty bruise around the scars but she was fine! She'd stay put for the weekend in order to completely recover but after that, wild horses wouldn't stop her from sneaking into Grace and trolling for surgeries.
"Going home already?"
She turned around with surprise to see Chief Webber standing in the doorway.
"Chief, yeah, going home," she nodded. No, she was not. She was going to the apartment she shared with Cristina. It was not her home. Come to think of it, she didn't know what was home for her now or if she had any at all. "Is… there anything I can do for you, Chief?"
"Actually…" he hesitated. "As you're probably aware of, we do not condone second and third year residents specializing."
"I am-"
"However, if the given resident exhibits a special talent that could be groomed in a certain department, we should not discourage them."
Meredith looked at him questioningly.
"Have you a preference already, Meredith?"
They certainly discussed it with Derek. They wanted to keep working together in the same hospital. But that depended on three factors, their personal choice, the possibility of being granted fellowship in the given specialty and possible competition between the two of them. She probably shouldn't worry about any of these any more.
"I've had a long conversation with Dr. Evans."
"I've heard he's back on the East Coast," answered Meredith conversationally wishing that Webber would just stop beating around the bush.
"Only temporarily, I hope," announced Richard, a proud note in his voice.
"He's going to work at Grace permanently?" she asked interestedly.
"I'm 90 per cent positive that I secured one of the greatest surgical talents for the hospital, yes."
"And… no offence," she frowned, "why are you telling this to a lowly intern, Chief?"
"But you're not a lowly resident, Meredith," he chuckled. "Certainly not in Dr. Evans's opinion…"
"He's mentioned me, Sir?"
"More than that actually," went on Webber. "He praised very highly your skills, knowledge and application. He even expressed his readiness to oversee your further development as a surgeon."
"Dr. Evans said that?" she asked, feeling excitement. He wasn't just joking around then…
"He did. And as I said we don't normally allow second year residents to specialize but as long as you do all your hours required in other departments, I'm completely fine with you doing extra work in neuro."
"I… thank you," she breathed out.
"But that's not only a privilege," he warned her sharply. "It's an obligation. You're going to have a unique opportunity to learn from the best but you need to repay for that with your gratitude and full dedication to Dr. Evans."
"Wait a minute," she let out a soft gasp of realization. It was too good to be true. "I'm a bargaining chip…"
"Meredith-"
"I am!" she shook her head with disbelief, her fists clenching in anger. "You wouldn't bend the rules for nothing! That was one of his conditions, wasn't it? And you'd do anything to keep him here."
"He's used to having an assistant around him," Richard explained slowly. "And he asked if this arrangement was possible. I made no objections."
"Well, I am," she huffed. "I refuse to be treated like an object. This place doesn't own me, regardless of some of you try to talk us into!"
"Think of what this can do to your chances," Webber tried to keep his nerves in check. But if there was a thing Grey women excelled at, it was a sharp tongue. "Your future chances of becoming a chief resident, a fellow here-"
"In return for what? Becoming Evan's bitch? His arm candy for formal occasions? Or maybe his impressionable intern fling?"
"I thought you'd know by now that Tom Evans it too much of an honorable man to play games like this!" he gritted out.
"An honorable man? That's an oxymoron per se," she snorted giving him a hard look.
"That's enough," he growled. "I tolerated your impertinence for far too long. You will do as I say!"
"I'm sorry, did we come in a bad time?"
Both of them glanced t the door where Carolyn was standing with her hand ready to knock on the door, Derek right behind her.
"No, I was just leaving," said Webber apologetically. "Excuse me."
"That was your chief, right? He seemed angry…" said Carolyn and walked in to take her into a careful but loving hug.
"He…" Meredith passed a hand though her hair absent-mindedly, "he wants me to rot at home getting better after the surgery."
"Well, he's right," chuckled Carolyn. "And it's better to follow your boss's orders."
"So… what are you doing here?" asked Meredith glancing at her and Derek who kept close to the door.
"You're being discharged, Sweetie," she smiled. "We're here to take you home."
"Take me… home?" she repeated. "Home where?"
"I got your room all ready for you-"
"Oh, Ma, really," Meredith started to shake her head. "I'm absolutely fine, I'll stay with Cristina-"
"I'm sure Cristina is a great friend but she can barely keep herself alive from what I've seen," remarked Carolyn cheerfully taking Meredith's handbag. "And you need to be pampered now."
"I-" Meredith started to protest.
"You want to be back on your feet as soon as you can, right?"
"Sure-"
"Then you need to rest, eat and sleep. I'll make sure you do all these things at home," Carolyn stated categorically. "Nurse, can we have the wheelchair, please?"
"The wheelchair?" cringed Meredith. "Why the wheelchair?"
"It's the hospital policy, Meri."
"No wheelchair! I'm a doctor!" she pouted getting to her feet from the bed. "I can't been seen around as a patient!"
"You also cannot be seen walking out on your own feet," argued Carolyn. "So, it's either the wheel chair or Derek carrying you out."
Meredith was seated in the chair in a flash, mute and red on the face.
"Yes, I thought it'd work," quipped Carolyn. "Derek, help her out, Dear."
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
FLASHBACK
"Really?"
"Yeah, the dinner's next Saturday. So glad that you're free then."
"Oh," Meredith's face visibly fell.
Derek was just invited to a formal dinner at his boss's house. A posh dinner with the cream of academic medical environment. They were both fortunate enough to find a job actually close to their career path. Derek was working as a secretary for one of their former professors, while she was assisting one of Boston's oncologists on a research project.
"You… want me to come too?" she asked drying her hair with a towel.
"Well, yeah, I wouldn't think of going without you," he answered as he started to undress to have his shower.
"I'm not really cut out for these things," she sighed, her eyes following him as he threw his shirt into the hamper.
He turned to frown at her, his hands stilled on the zipper of his jeans for a second. She was shying away from his eyes.
"Mer?"
" I know how these dinners look," she sighed. "My mother used to have them from time to time. I always sneaked in the stairs to look. It's a gathering of self-important buffoons, a circle of self-adoration."
"I realize that, hopefully it's just a couple of hours," he chuckled and knelt before her on the bathroom tiles. "Now tell me what really is the problem?"
"There's always a question time, or a confession time," she explained. "Your time to divulge personal details. We'll be fresh meat on Saturday. New faces, top students, Ellis Grey's daughter. And I know, I know I don't have to tell them anything," she cut him short. "But then I don't have much to tell them at all. I come from a broken home. I haven't seen my father for some twenty years. My mother disinherited me and I haven't heard from her since… That's just fabulous."
"Mer," he breathed out taking her face into his hand. "Are you ashamed of yourself? Because of these people? You don't get to be ashamed, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. You've got the most beautiful heart and mind," he whispered softly. "Body too," he winked at her getting to his feet to finish undressing.
"All right, I'll come with you," she smiled at him. "But you will owe me a lot of hot dirty sex."
"You're so demanding," he smirked standing naked before her. "How about I start right now? Care to join me in the shower?"
"But I've already had one," she bit her lip, her hands dropping the towel anyway.
"Oh, I can still find lots of dirty, I'm sure," he grinned as he reached his hand towards her.
Without another word, she stood up to shed her bathrobe and follow him under the warm stream of water.
END OF FLASHBACK
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
It felt strangely surreal. She was sitting at the Shepherd family table again in the company of Carolyn, the twins and Derek. For the last few years, he took the place at the head of the table, symbolizing him being the man of the family, while Meredith was always at his right hand. Not today. Somehow Derek opted to sit down in the middle. He was acting a bit strangely anyway, he was very subdued and couldn't even meet her eyes.
"It's a pity we're more than a year younger," sighed Mia looking at Meredith. "We could be your interns next year!"
"Or we could be Derek's," Lanie rolled her eyes. "That would blow."
"Lanie," Carolyn berated her gently.
"I don't think they would assign a family member as your resident," smiled Meredith.
"We could still get you," argued Mia. "We don't share the last name. And we probably never will," she added sourly.
Meredith observed Derek with concern. No one else noticed as his knuckles went white when he gripped his fork just a little too strongly.
"Or we could get that cute guy," smiled Lanie. "You know which one. Killer smile, short hair, big eyes, chocolate skin…"
"The one that Mer and Cristina call the pretty boy?" Mia wondered aloud.
"Cristina, Cristina calls him the pretty boy," corrected Meredith hastily. Derek's jaw was tightly set.
"But you can't deny he is a pretty boy," snickered Mia. "Who makes pretty eyes at you."
"You know, Mom, I think I'll be going… home," breathed out Derek, pushing his chair back, his face ashen.
"You haven't finished-"
"I'm not really hungry."
"Sweetie, maybe you should stay for the night," offered Carolyn.
"No, Mom, I really shouldn't," he shook his head, taking a quick glance at Meredith.
"Derek, sit," it was Meredith who spoke up this time. "I feel like we're a divorcing couple fighting about Ma's custody. Let's be adult about this. We can spend a night under the same roof."
"Oh, okay," he sighed and plopped back on the chair.
Carolyn smiled imperceptibly while Mia rolled her eyes.
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
It was well after midnight when Derek took his ritual trip to the kitchen for a glass of water. The routine was making it easier to fall asleep. His insomnia attacked him with a double strength tonight with Meredith so close to him. She was staying in her old room, just like years ago. Unfortunately, he couldn't sneak in with her just like years ago.
Just as he was walking out of the kitchen, he bumped into another person making a nightly trip around the house.
"Derek!" she gasped.
"Mia," he sighed resignedly. Great, the sister who hated him the most at the moment. "Sorry," he mumbled and moved to step around her in the darkness.
She blocked his way, again and again.
"What?" he sighed tiredly. "What do you want, Mia? Let me know that you hate me? Punish me? Pick a fight?"
"I want you to care!" she hissed. "I want you to go through the same hell Meredith is!"
"Well, I am," he answered, but there was no anger in his voice. "I've failed… and lost the love of my life. I have to live with it. And with the knowledge that it's my own fault-"
He suddenly staggered backwards as Mia threw her arms around him pulling him into a hug.
"Oh, God, Derek! You're back," she whispered, her voice shaky. "I thought you'd never be back!"
He sighed hugging her back. It wasn't only Meredith he disappointed, it was his whole family.
"I am back. And I intend to stay."
"Good," she muttered into his shoulder. "Because we need you. This family is incomplete without you."
"I learned my lesson. The hard way."
"What are you going to do now?" she asked him. "You need to fight for her! Show her you really care! You can't believe how resigned Mer is."
"I would graffiti a gigantic I love you on Seattle Grace front if I knew it would change her mind. It wouldn't. But I'm working on it…"
"Okay," she sighed. "You can count on us. And… I'm sorry for the flying saucer…"
"I deserved that."
"You did," she chuckled.
They said their goodnights and Derek climbed the stairs to go back to his room. But he instinctively stopped at the top, just before Meredith's door. Didn't he want to just go in…but he was happy with what she was giving him anyway. That was more than he deserved. And he could still barely face her…
He turned away with a sigh, steering himself to his solitary room when he heard a distinctive click of the door. It opened a little and he could make out her slender silhouette against the light coming from the window in her room. She didn't say a word, she went back in but she left the door open.
His heart beating wild, he accepted the silent invitation. When he crossed the doorstep, his eyes fell at the bed, as usual. He couldn't believe it. The duvet was pulled open at one side, telling him to snuck in.
He didn't need to be told twice. With bated breath, he slid under the covers which still carried the warmth of her body. He lay on his back keeping his distance despite his urges. He needed to take it slow.
"Hi," he breathed out.
"Hi," she answered quietly. "So, what's going on, Derek?"
"What's… going on?"
"Don't stall for time. I know you're going through something."
"I'm figuring things out…" he sighed.
"What things? Because that look you've had for the last few days? It's exactly the same you wore when you thought having a hard-on around me was the end of the world."
Derek was speechless for a second, his face heating up with a blush. He finally chuckled. "Well, there's something in it…"
"And you didn't sit at your Dad's place," she went on more seriously, half-surprised half-amazed he took her jab so lightly. Weeks ago he went for a round of rough sex. He wasn't even irritated now. "Did Mom tell you something…?"
"I would really be a goner if Mom had to tell me not to take the place I don't deserve…" he sighed.
Her heart clenched, she felt his pain.
"I'm trying to be that man you fell in love with," he confessed.
"Everybody changes," she stated gently.
"I know people change," he admitted. "But I… I refuse to believe I am that asshole who doesn't respect his loved ones. I am… I am not him…"
"Der…" she breathed out.
"Meredith," he rolled onto his side. "I'm figuring things out. And when I'm done, I… I'm going to apologize for every little thing I've done to you. But… what I can tell you now is that I never meant it to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I love you," he whispered heatedly.
"Derek…" she swallowed.
"Mer… are you… are you completely ruling out giving me another chance?" he asked painfully.
"I don't know," she confessed, pressing her eyes closed. "My… my head is a mess. I don't know what to think anymore…"
"Okay…" He felt somewhat relieved. That wasn't a positive answer but it wasn't a definite no either, like it was not so long ago. "I'll give you as much time as you want."
"But… I don't mind you being around…" she whispered.
"So… can I stay…?"
"Derek... I'm not ready for this…"
"Okay, sorry," he said quickly. "I told you I'm giving you time… I am. Take all the time you need. I will always be here. Goodnight, Mer."
"Goodnight," she said sweetly.
He reluctantly left her warm bed and slipped out into the corridor, bumping into his sister for the second time.
"Wow, bro. You've sure upped your game!"
THE GEEK AND THE REBEL
Carolyn readjusted her pillow and smiled in the darkness. Maybe she would be able to fall asleep now. As a single mother of five, and then six, she had to train her ear to distinguish most suspicious kinds of noises. It cost her a lot of getting up at night over the years. And even though all her children were already adult, her sleeping pattern was still very light, ready to be broken at the slightest of sounds.
She heard every one of the doors that opened after midnight. Every person that left and entered their room, or somebody else's room… She left a sigh of contentment. They were like magnets, these two. They couldn't stay apart for too long, they never could. So far her plan was working.
Their problems wouldn't disappear overnight. They still wouldn't be reconciled in the morning. But it was a step, a little step forward.
She closed her eyes peacefully. Maybe she wouldn't go bankrupt after all.
A/N Comment, pretty please?
Em ;)