Okay, so, I probably should have had this up sooner, but oh well.

BACK TO THE EPIC FUCKED-UPNESS OF CRACK!

I have noticed that I have a TON of cuss words in here... I should probably add a warning...

WARNING: TON'S OF CUSSING AND SHIT.

There we go! All better! ANYWAY.

THANK YOU- Rachelnot, JustinneXD, Purple-psychopath, and mindreadingweirdo for such epic reviews! And thanks to everyone that reviewed my Twilight crack! I love the review's people, keep 'em coming! (To put it in better words- The more reviews I have, the sooner you get epic, crack-filled chapters of this story.)

LET THE CRACK BEGIN.

So, after another long ass summer with his muggle relatives from Hell, Harry goes back to Hogwarts yet again! What adventures await our young hero this time, you ask? Well, your gonna have to wait and see, bitches.

Harry's on the train with Hermione, who's bushy hair has been tamed somewhat, and Ron, who's still as clueless as ever. Suddenly, the train stops, and everyone's just like "what the fuck?" and shit. Then this creepy ass Death looking thing comes up and Harry faints (I don't care if men say they 'passed out', that bitch fainted!) and everyone's like "NOES, HARRY!"

When Harry wakes back up, Hermione and Ron are all like "WTF just happened?", and there's a new guy in the compartment! (well, he was actually always there, but he doesn't make his big introduction until now)named Remus Lupin and he's all like "Want some chocolate?" with his weirdness.

When they get to Hogwarts, Dumbledore's like "IT IS NOT SHAVE!" At his epic podium. McGonagall face-palms and is like "It's not SAFE, you bloody moron!" And Dumbledore's like "that's what I said!"

Hagrid turns out to be the teacher in some weird-ass creature class with Hippogriffs and shit, and takes the students to see Buckbeak, which is some strange combination between an eagle and a horse...

ANYWAY, so Draco, like the stupid little moron he is, goes up and is like "Bow down to Malfoy, bitch!" to Buckbeak, who basically mauls his arm like "bitch, please, you bow down to ME." before Hagrid's like "NOES!" and lures him off with a dead (1)FERRET. And then Draco's like "NOES, MY BEAUTIFUL ARM!" and is all whiny and bitchy and goes to the hospital wing.

AFTER THAT, Buckbeak is sentenced to death because Draco's father, Lucius, is like "I USE MY AUTHORITY!" and get's him killed. What a shame.

So that happens, and Ron is bitten by his pet rat, Scabbers, who runs off, so they run after it, only to have Ron get pulled down into a HOLE by some weird ass dog. Then Hermione's like "NOES, RON!" because she secretly loves him even though she wont admit it because she has mental problems like that. So they go down into the hole to save Ron's dumb ass, and they end up in the shrieking shack! Don't ask why it's called the shrieking shack, I do NOT know. Anyway, so they go down there, and this weird dude is down there named Sirius Black, and he like, mauled Ron's leg because it turns out he's an animagus. Whatever the hell that means. ANYWAY, so then the Lupin guy shows up, who happens to be the new DADA teacher (Quirell died, Lockheart lost his memory) and is all like "HEY, 'SUP?" And Sirius is like "OMFG I FOUNDED HIM!" And shit.

Then SNAPE show's up and it's just a party now, and Harry hits him with some weird spell and he lands on a... a... bed? I think?

ANYWAY, so it turns out that Ron's pet ISNT a rat, but it's a PERSON! Named wormtail... who works for Voldemort. So then Sirius tries to kill him, and they all end up outside of the rabbit hole and then Wormtail get's away with all his icky... yucky... worm-ness... And then Lupin turns into a freaking wolf because NOBODY is normal in Harry Fucking Potter!

Anyway, so Sirius gets pwned by Lupin and lays dying with Harry next to the black lake, and then Harry faints (again) and wakes up in the hospital wing! With Hermione, and Ron, who's leg is all mangled and shit. So then Hermione has this freaky thing that can do weird shit to time. So they go back in time, save Buckbeak, save Sirius, save Harry, and some other weird ass shit (but somehow they couldn't go back and catch Wormtail? What the fuck?" and then they go back into their own time before dinner!

So then Harry goes to Lupin (Who's going away, *sniff sniff*) and is like "Your a WEREWOLF?" and stuff and Lupin's like "Why yes, I am!" and is all like... yeah and stuff. So Lupin leaves, and Harry's back in Dumbledore's office, AGAIN.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Why yes Barry, I did!"

"Harry, sir. My name is HARRY."

"That's what I said, Barry. Anyhow, how was your year?"

"OH, MY YEAR WAS SUNSHINES, AND DAISIES, AN- HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT WAS? Ron's leg was almost TOOK OFF by my SUPPOSED GODFATHER."

"Oh yes, it was, wasn't it? Poor dear, I hope she feel's better soon!"

"... What. The. Fuck?"

SO. What did you think of THAT?

(1)- I think it's sort of funny that Buckbeak eats ferrets, and then the next year Draco is turned INTO a ferret, and in third year Buckbeak tries to maul him. Coincidence? I think NOT.

(Buckbeak is just psychic like that *nods*)

Okay, I had to do this. I am counting how many times I saw certain words.

ANYWAY was said a grand total of 6 times

SHIT was said a grand total of 6 times

FUCK was said a grand total of 4 times

If I mis-counted, let me know.