We're back, with yet another Epic installment of the Harry Potter Crack Series!

However, before we get started, I have some lovely review's to address. (If you don't care about review's, skip, if you care, well keep reading damn it! Why are you still reading this line?)

Searena= LMAO I'm not too sure you want to know what goes on up there. It is a vast, uncharted world filled with candy and LOL's!

Renesmeecullenisme= Yes, Buckbeak eats ferrets. I didn't really know either until a year or so ago. When I found out I was like "HOLY SHIT, REALLY?" And thank you for putting this story on your favorites!

JustinneXD (AKA my favorite reviewer! You need a cookie!)= Yeah, the Malfoy part was fun! Good 'ol Buckbeak! And as for the next one, here it is! FINALLY!

Well, that ends our review cover... thingy... NOW LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP!

A/N: Yes. I know. It's late. It's always late. BUT, It's to keep all my reader's in suspense! DUN DUN DUN DUUUUN!

Our heroes at Hogwarts return for yet another fun filled year, with longer hair, bigger attitudes, and fucking dress robes! But we'll get to that shit later.

So Harry is yet again embarking on the magical train to Hogwarts, with Hermione and Ron, who, I will note, seems to be getting stupider every year. (Or is that just me?) I will also note that Harry's hair looks like a mop. As does Ron's. Anyway, moving on!

So they get to Hogwarts, and everyone's like "yay, Hogwarts!" and shit, and there in the big grand, eating room thing (seriously, what is it called?) and then Dumbledore's like "THIS YEAR, WE SHALL HAVE SOME EPIC, SEXY STUDENTS FROM OTHER SCHOOLS FOR THE TREE-WIZARD TOURNAMENT!"

So these big, freaky guys come in from some school called Durmstrang in Bulgaria, and there all like "HA, we have pimp canes, bitches!" And everyone's like "HOLY SHIT!" and shit, then these pretty blonde girls come from this other school in France run by this giant woman named Maxime, who does happen to be a giant, and her students are all like "Ha, we're prettier than you!" to the Hogwarts girls, and all the guys are like "hot damn, I'd tap that" and other obscene language and crazy ass shit.

So, Dumbledore goes on about the amazing tri-wizard tournament, and all its epic amazingness, and whoever wins will have everlasting glory or some such shit. So then everyone's like "OOOOH, SHINY" But then Dumbledore kills the mood and is all like "ONLY SEVENTH YEARS BITCHES!" And then everyone who ISNT seventh year is like "Damn..."

Anyway, so then nothing of particular interest happens (Krum being chased by rabid fan girls, Hermione doing some character bashing, possibly a stupid Malfoy scene or two) until it's time to pick the three people competing and everyone's like "GO (insert whoever was picked here)" and stuff. So then Dumbledore's like "WE HAVE OUR THREE CHAMPIONS! GO BACK TO YOUR COMMON ROOMS YOU UNLUCKY SONS OF BITCHES!" and other degrading stuff until the goblet thing pops out another name and Dumbledore's like "Wtf?" but reads the name anyway.

"Harry... Potter... Who the hell is Harry Potter?" Dumbledore asks. Meanwhile, Harry is like "the fuck?" and Ron's like "fuck you, I'm not your bff anymore" and shit. So Harry goes up to Dumbledore and is like "Yo" and Dumbledore's like "Oh, it's you Larry!"

"Harry, sir."

"Harry, that's what I said. Is there something I can help you with?"

"You pulled my name out of the goblet, sir..."

"Goblet?"

"yes."

"What goblet?"

"The one your standing next to..."

"Oh, that? That's not a goblet. It's a chamber pot."

And Harry was like 0.o "ew..."

ANYWAY, moving on. So Harry competes in the Epic tri-wizard tournament, Get's nearly mauled by a dragon, get's a fancy golden negg (ERM, egg... right... egg...), goes underwater where Neville officially kills him for 45 seconds, saves Ron's sorry, red-headed ass, and get's suddenly very famous and very popular, all within the course of two hours!

The final tri-wizard tournament challenge was to go into this huge maze made entirely of plants that you could just cut through and find the goblet which happens to be a port key. Simple. But of course, only the characters of Harry Potter could fuck this up.

And they did.

Krum goes insane and nearly kills Harry, Harry teams up with Cedric (who looks suspiciously like a certain American, sparkly vampire...), they find the port key, get transported to a graveyard, Cedric's ass get's avada-kadavera'd, Harry goes emo for a whole five seconds, Voldy's like "OOOOH, I'M NOT TOUCHING YOOOOU, NOW I AM!", Harry screams, (oh, the wonders that could be done with that scene when it was in writing... LOL Voldy's a pedophile~) Oh, Voldy also gets dropped into a pot, Harry get's port-keyed back to Hogwarts before Voldy kills him and is like "DAMNIT I ALMOST HAD HIM! AGAIN!" and goes to be Emo until the next Movie.

And all this happens in what, an hour and a half?

Anyway, so Harry goes to Moody's office (this dude that important that will never appear again in this series) and Moody's polyjuice potion runs out and it turns out he's, DUN DUN DUN, BARTY CROUCH JR! Amazing. Anyway, so then everyone else comes running in, late as usual, and Dumbledore's like "Hey Sevvy, I found out where all your polyjuice potion went" and Snape's like "NO. SHIT."

So then, when all is said and done for a FOURTH time, Harry is back in Dumbledore's office after another hard year.

"Ah, good afternoon Gary."

"Harry Sir. My name is Harry."

"Yes, yes of course Gary, whatever you say. Sit, my boy, sit. What did you wish to see me about?"

"Um, I didn't. You called me here."

"I did?"

"Um, yes sir. You did. Five times."

"Oh, how uncharacteristic..."

"Uh-huh... Well sir, if there's nothing you wanted, I'll just be going."

"Wait, there was something... ah, here it is!"

"Sir... that's a jar of pickles..."

"yes my boy, very observant today. I cant open them."

"... What?"

"I cant open my pickles!"

"... Sir. I hate you."

So. How was THAT? I FINALLY FINISHED!

It's about time too -.-

Now, on to number five! (this ought to be interesting.)

Oh, and just to clear something up, a Negg is a really fancy looking egg on a website called Neopets~ And since Harry's egg (god that sounds so weird) is all pretty and gold, I figured Negg would fit.