A/N Hey! *Taking a deep breath* I sooo hope you're going to enjoy this chapter. Won't say anything else, I don't want to spoil a thing, just-

enjoy, please!

Nancy's eyes bulged out as she opened the door to let Meredith in. She stood in the doorway, speechless, until she got hear bearings together and quipped, "Tell me it's your Sweet Sixteen, Mer. Because I'm still my under twenty pre-pregnancy me if that's the case."

"You're laughing at my humiliation?" Meredith gritted sourly. Maybe she should gone to the apartment and change first after all.

"Yes," Nancy replied briskly closing the door behind Meredith. "Sorry, I'm cranky."

"Todd and the kids away?"

"Yeah, it sucks when we can't get time off together," shrugged Nancy pouring them both a drink. "But at least you can do anything you please, cry, get drunk…"

"Thanks," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I just want to talk…"

"Just talk? Meredith Grey, you're getting boring."

"What should I do?" she asked quietly.

"Mer," Nancy shook her head. "It doesn't work like that and you know it."

"What should I do?"

"I can't tell you what to do."

"You told me to break up with Derek," argued Meredith. "And you were right."

"It was different," sighed Nancy. "You needed the break to get a new perspective, to wake him up. But… getting back together it's a completely different thing. I can't make the decisions for you. No one can."

"But you have an opinion, right?"

"I might have an opinion," admitted Nancy. "But I'm not you. I'm not around Derek often enough to see if he's really changed and why."

"But do you think… is it the genuine-"

"Mer, you're the one who knows him best. You always have," Nancy argued gently.

"I don't know," Meredith cast her eyes down, propping her chin with her palm. "No matter what I do… no matter what he says or does… I can't get rid of the doubt… I mean, he's there for me. And he's really trying but…"

"The doubt doesn't let you trust him, does it?"stated Nancy knowingly.

"I feel like it's my fault…"

"It's not your fault," she said firmly. "I know you want to get back to Derek. You miss him, he misses you. But if you don't feel ready, you can't rush it or you'll only make it worse. And I can't tell you what to do. You're not a person easily convinced. Even I tell, even if Mom tells you to lean into the fear, it's not enough for you. You didn't listen to me when I told you to leave him. You did only when you realized you had no other option. You have to work it out on your own, you know that, Mer."

"When did life get so damn complicated?" sighed Meredith pensively. "My mother's in town."

"I've heard through the grapevine," nodded Nancy. "How is it going between you two? Have you reconciled?"

"I'm not sure. She told me she split up with my father because she was an adulterous whore."

Nancy snorted over her drink. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. She shows up after nine years and tells me she's had a lifelong affair. With my current boss."

"Sucks to be you…" commiserated Nancy.

"Tell me about it," grumbled Meredith. "Anyway, he hurt her over twenty years ago and even though they got back together, she's been pushing him away every since. I don't want to have a non-relationship with Derek for the rest of my life. And I know I would forgive him if I only knew…"

"That he loves you?" offered Nancy.

"You know what was one of the scariest things when he started to pull away? I could no longer feel that safety that only he could provide. I still don't feel it-" the muffled ring of her cell sounded from her tiny purse. "It's Mom."

"Hey, Ma… What?" she frowned listening to Carolyn's mindboggling questions.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

"You've got some balls," Luke uttered with amazement, swallowing another piece of the cheesecake Carolyn offered him scrupulously. "You've got the balls like… the size of Texas!"

"Be that as it may, it still remains to be seen if I can make good use of them," she chuckled sitting down opposite her guests. "I might have dragged you here for no good reason."

"We would have come even if Luke wasn't Derek's best man," Jen assured her with a smile. "To knock some sense into their stubborn heads. And it's our vacation, we planned it for so long," she sighed.

"Still can't believe they split up," Luke shook his head.

"They're like a golden couple," argued Jen. "We've looked up to them so many times, the way the rely on each other, understand each other…"

"There are crises in the best relationships," sighed Carolyn. "I still believe they will get together sooner or later but… I believed it would happen much sooner…"

"What about the costs…?" Jen's question hung up in the air.

"I will worry about it in two days," declared Carolyn firmly.

"You know, you could well be Mer's real mother," smiled Jen. "You have the same perseverance-"

She stopped mid-sentence when a loud knocking interrupted the quietness of the night. No, actually, it wasn't knocking. It was thudding against the main door.

"Maaa!" Derek's voice carried from outside. "Know iss late, puh-lease open."

"That… sounds like Derek," frowned Luke putting away his plate.

"I would go further with that deduction and say it sounds like a drunk Derek," remarked Jen.

"Oh, good Lord," sighed Carolyn and got up looking at her guests apologetically, "Can you run upstairs, please? He shouldn't know you're here yet."

"Of course, Carolyn. We'll check up on Annie and make sure she doesn't make any noise."

"I doubt he'd find it suspicious in his current state. You know he's lightweight," chuckled Luke.

As soon as the couple disappeared upstairs, Carolyn opened the door to see her pitifully looking son on the doorstep, half-empty bottle of scotch in his hand. He wore slacks and a dress shirt, a tie was hanging loosely around his neck. She vaguely remembered him telling about some fundraising event. Thank God, he wasn't driving. A cab was parked on the street.

"Derek, for heaven's sake," she let him in, her voice only slightly berating.

"Sssory," he hiccoughed going straight into the kitchen, stumbling just a little on the way.

"Son," she gently passed her hand through his messy dark curls.

"It's over, ssso over," he sighed, laying his head against the tabletop.

"What happened, Sweetie?" she asked taking the scotch bottle and emptying the contents into the sink.

"Mer…" he breathed out. "She… chose god…"

Carolyn stared at him trying to put two and two together. Unsuccessfully.

"Sweetie, can you please concentrate and try to tell me once again what you have in mind? Slowly and clearly? Because what I got from that sentence is that Meredith decided to become a nun and that's one of the things I classify as impossible."

"Not God… neurogod…" he whined. "They roooode into the sunset togeth'r…"

"Rode into the sunset?" Carolyn raised her eyebrows skeptically placing a glass of water before him. "Who is the neurogod and what does he have to do with Meredith?"

"He's old and wrinkly," he complained. "Except he's not… He's our boss… or our boss's boss… And earns millions of dollars… And he's in love with Mer…"

"He's in what with Meredith?" she frowned. Her daughter didn't say a word about it the last time they talked, which was only yesterday. And they did talk a lot, mainly about Ellis's reappearance. The topic of love struck bosses never entered the conversation.

"He wants her… bastard… sorry, Ma," he muttered. "And they're… they're togeth'r…"

"Together? What do you mean by together?"

"Left together… the party. And ya know what happens aft'r parties…"

"Er…"

"Ssex," he choked. "Hot dirrrty sssex… Didn' even make it home after the mixer…"

"I didn't really need that level of detail…" she sighed ruefully. "I didn't set my foot in the hospital tonight but I can assure you Meredith would never leave to… er, have hot dirty sex with some other man."

"Sure not," he agreed. "Wouldn't be hot and dirty with someone else that me…"

"Right, dear," she nodded disconcertedly. "You're missing my point though. Meredith loves you-"

"I hurt her, she hates me…" he mumbled. "And she's with the god…"

"Did you actually see her leaving with him?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Well, no. But they were there… and then they weren't…"

"Have you called Mer?"

"No! I don't want to… hear… or imagine…"

Carolyn shook her head rolling her eyes to the ceiling. She stood up and grabbed the phone from the wall. She didn't have to wait long to hear Meredith's voice, "Hey, Ma."

"Meri, can you talk?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm with Nancy. She says hi."

"You see, silly," she glanced at Derek, his eyes almost puppy-like. "Meredith's at Nancy's."

"Is something wrong, Ma?"

"No, I've just had to deal with a little-" she glanced back at Derek but somehow his place was completely empty… She was all alone in the kitchen.

"Ma?" Meredith's curious voice sounded in her ear as she walked to the window to see the cab pull off.

"It's… nothing, Sweetie. Not important," hurried Carolyn. "Just… if you make any decisions, please come to see me right away, okay?"

"What decisions?" Meredith asked in puzzlement.

"Goodnight, Sweetie," said Carolyn hanging up.

"Was this for real?" asked Luke entering the kitchen, thoroughly amused. It was clear he and his wife were listening on everything.

"Unfortunately," she chuckled plopping to one of the chairs tiredly. "You know, my youngest children are already twenty-four but every day still gives me more evidence than having kids is the most hazardous occupation in the world."

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

FLASHBACK

Meredith slowly drifted back from sleep to reality. Something was pushing all along her body lounged in one of the on-call room beds. Something. She smiled in the darkness as Derek nuzzled against her. That was just the way he was since high school. Very touchy, she loved that.

"Der," she huffed sleepily, her eyes still closed as she tried to find his lips for a kiss.

"Hey," he breathed out obliging her with a kiss much deeper than she intended. She could tell he was smiling too, more than that, he was grinning.

"You're happy."

"I am, I am happy," he chuckled, lunging for another kiss that took her breath away. "You know that Arizona Robbins just told me?"

"What?"

"That I'm the future of Seattle Grace!" he rattled off excitedly. "Can you imagine? She said that!"

"Congratulations, honey," she smiled and kissed him hard, her arms going around his torso. "And you're still on surgery high…"

"I am…" he laughed rolling them over so she was underneath him, his lips going to her neck as if pulled by a string.

"Mhm," she hummed with approval. "You're thinking… on-call room sex…"

"We've never had an on-call room sex," he chuckled breathlessly. "We need to rectify it, we've been here a month already…"

"True, true," she nodded while her fingers went down to pull the strings of his scrub pants. He let out a short gasp as her hand went straight into his boxers pulling his erection out.

Taking her cue, he hurried to pull down her pants. In this moment he felt he had everything.

END OF FLASHBACK

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

"That was… weird..."

"What did Mom want?" asked Nancy curiously.

"I honestly don't know," chuckled Meredith, inserting her cell back into her purse. "It sounded as though she just wanted to check where I am."

"She's just worried," sighed Nancy. "She doesn't let it show but what you're going through is killing her."

"I know," Meredith lowered her eyes down guiltily. "She was so happy when we told her we were getting married… I'm sorry, Nance," she waved her hand distractedly. "I've been spreading depression all around lately."

"No need to be sorry," she smiled at her gently. "That's what I'm here for. You wanna grab some ice-cream and catch something interesting on TV?"

"Soo good," hummed Meredith indulging in the delicious strawberry pleasure, her feet on the coffee table, just like Nancy's. It was just what she needed after the dreadful evening. "What are we going to watch?"

"True Blood."

"Seriously? Isn't it some vampire show?" Meredith raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"My girls are crazy about the Twilight thing but this," she pointed at the flat screen and wiggled her eyebrows. "This one's for adults. You'll see."

"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith groaned a couple of minutes into the show. "You're showing me soft porn when you know I'm not getting any?"

"The more you should enjoy it," shrugged Nancy. "Look at that cute butt!"

"Derek's is cuter…"

"What makes you think I wanted to hear that?" Nancy grimaced in disgust.

The doorbell suddenly ruptured their conversation. "Nance! Is Meredith here?"

"Talking about cute butts," snickered Meredith.

"Naaancy!"

"Talking about drunken asses," muttered her sister.

Meredith put her bowl on the table, worry slipping into her heart. Judging by the few phrases he uttered, or rather yelled, Derek was indeed not sober. He was drunk and looking for her. She trotted behind Nancy when she walked to open the door for her noisy brother.

"Nance-" he paused breathlessly mid-sentence when he noticed pink head over her shoulder. "Mer!" He bolted past gobsmacked Nancy and clung to Meredith with all his might, squeezing her so tight she almost couldn't breathe.

"Der…" she said quietly, her hands going around him on their own to gently rub his back, coaxing him into some kind of response. Other than trying to suffocate her, that is. "Derek, what's wrong? Why have you been drinking?"

"Meri," he mumbled nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. "I thought… I thought… Oh, God, I thought I lost you…"

"I'm here," she sighed closing her eyes for a second. "And I don't think you'll ever lose me…"

"Love, I'm so sorry, you can't imagine," he rattled off, his breathing becoming shallow again. "I've been meaning to tell you… a long time ago… but there was always something not right… not enough time…"

"I'll… leave you two alone," said Nancy quietly. "Bedroom, no, actually, I'll be on the balcony, hopefully not hearing anything," she muttered and fled the scene remembering to grab the ice-cream on the way. She smiled at them for the last time before disappearing behind the sliding door. She kept her fingers crossed for Derek not to screw it up this time.

"Der, maybe you should sit down," Meredith tried to steer him to the coach.

"No, no," he shook his head vehemently. "I need to say this, please. Please, I need to… I am not… that drunk…"

"Okay," she nodded soothingly, pushing a stray lock from his forehead. He needed to have his hair cut. He only entrusted that job into her hands and she wasn't there for the last months… "Okay."

"Meredith," he gazed at her with glassy eyes. "I failed you so many times, over and over again…"

Her body went rigid, she didn't know she was ready to hear it. Even if Derek was not completely sober, his words were very purposeful. He sounded coherent too. He just had that forlorn look of the alcohol intoxication wearing off..

"I couldn't stand the last weeks… without you, the loneliness," he choked. "It's excruciating… But I deserve that, you know? I deserve everything because you must have felt this way ages ago."

"I did," she confirmed quietly sitting down on the edge of the couch. He followed to kneel beside her.

"I left you alone," he whispered. "I can't exactly believe but I put us in the background. You know, I kept thinking and thinking why I did this… how it all started… It's not that I stopped to love you…" his voice was barely audible when he took her hand in his trembling fingers and placed it over his heart. His bluish orbs were mesmerizing her when she let herself look into his eyes. "I live only for you."

His whisper sent a shudder down her spine.

"You remember when I was told I was the future of Seattle Grace?" he sighed.

"Yes?" she frowned. "It was Dr. Robbins, right?"

"I think that… that was the beginning of it all," he cast his eyes down shamefully, swaying a little on his knees. "I felt like I was achieving everything, like I had everything. I felt I was finally this successful adult with a great wife, great job... And I rested on my laurels instead of trying harder… I did get comfortable. I enjoyed our life. Too much. Without you."

"I… I stopped paying attention to you," he went on as though confessing his sins one after another. "I stopped listening to you and your feelings… without realizing it… I was such a an idiot," he choked, pitiless on himself. "I was an arrogant asshole and the truth is that you should have dumped me a long long time ago. But you loved me right?" he squeezed her hand in his. "You should have dumped me before I hurt you even more… that night. I am so sorry, Mer," his voice broke suddenly.

Meredith's heart clenched as hard as his fingers around her palm when she observed his face, every emotion etched so clearly on his features. "Making love… it wasn't what it was supposed to be for quite some time… but that night… after you said…"

"I know," she nodded quickly.

"It must be one of the most horrible things I ever did. I… I… I used you, I used your body and I hate myself, I hate myself for it…" his shoulders shook uncontrollable and Meredith was surprised to see tears forming in his eyes.

"Der…" she sighed, her palm encasing his cheek.

"You gave me everything, unconditionally. I failed you all the line. I failed your love and failed your trust," his last words came out as a sob. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes, dampening her fingers. "All I wanted is to beg for your forgiveness… but I know better that I do not deserve it… After everything you've done for me, since we met, I don't deserve it. And I want you to know," he looked straight at her with his bloodshot eyes, "that I will always know it was my fault and that I will always love you, Meri." He couldn't stand her regard on himself any longer and he hid his eyes in his hands.

"Derek," she whispered, placing her hands gently on his shoulders that were trembling frantically as Derek seemed to completely break down in sobs. She wanted to comfort him, to soothe him, but she was temporarily rendered speechless by everything she just heard. It blew her mind away.

His eyes briefly fluttered open. They gazed into each other's eyes. She became immersed in the blueness of his expressive orbs. Pearls of teardrops were glimmering on his lashes. A little gasp escaped her as she realized out of a sudden she was feeling light. The gravity was no longer pulling her down to the ground pitilessly. She was free from languishing in the pain and the fear. Time ceased to exist as she stared into his eyes. Instead, their timeless love flowing between them was the only measure in their lives. Again. They were bodiless, everlasting souls. Whole, untarnished by the passage of time.

It was as though her pulse was back after weeks of flatlining, warmth was seeping back into her body. As Derek's eyelids closed again, she let herself believe that she had her Derek before her, the one she fell head over heels in love years ago and whom she walked through life hand in hand. He had had a momentary lapse in judgment, it happened to the best. But he still loved her, he must have. He understood, he voiced everything she was feeling throughout those horrible months.

Her breathing got rugged as the first true smile in weeks spread on her lips. She was not going to keep punishing him forever. He had his share of pain, he learned his lesson. It was time to put the sorrow behind them.

She was just about to speak, in a voice that would came out very shaky no doubt, when she felt Derek going slightly inert on the floor against her legs. She swept his forehead with a sigh. The alcohol and the stress combined did their job.

Seconds later, the balcony door opened with a rustle and Nance peeked inside. "Mer? Derek? What…?" she frowned at his head that was lying listlessly on Meredith's thigh.

"He passed out," she explained with a tiny smile.

"Oh," Nancy raised her eyebrows rushing to help her sister heave him onto the coach. "It went so silent out of a sudden. I thought you were already engaged in foreplay. Needed to step into action."

"We wouldn't have sex in your living-" she hung off seeing Nancy's disbelieving face.

"So, is everything okay…?" Nancy let the question float in the air.

"We-" Meredith trailed off, suddenly remembering Carolyn's plea. "I have to go!"

"Have to go were?"

"I… I promised…"Meredith started to explain frenetically, grabbing her purse and her high heeled sandals. She decided she would be quicker barefoot.

"Mer-"

"I'll be back!" she grinned and glanced back at Derek sprawled on the coach. "I will be back."

"Meanwhile, he's going to throw up the alcohol soaked contents of his stomach onto my new carpet!"

"He's not," Meredith shook her head confidently. "He threw up after drinking only once in his life."

"That's very consoling," snorted Nancy rolling her eyes.

Meredith moved back to Derek and after a moment of hesitation hugged his torso laying her head on his chest.

"What are you doing?" Nancy asked suspiciously.

"Just checking," she beamed, getting to her feet reluctantly.

"Checking what?"

"If I feel safe again…"

"Do you?"

Meredith nodded with a wide smile. He was unconscious and totally defenseless and yet she felt the safety of his arms… "I'll be back." She grinned and ran out of the apartment.

Derek let out a snore drawing back Nancy's attention as though she was expecting him to ruin her precious carpet any moment. To tell the truth, she wouldn't be that angry if that accident happened. At least one of the biggest crises in the Shepherd family history was over.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

Carolyn's watchful eyes pierced the darkness of the street pulling a small curtain in the kitchen window aside just as she picked up the sound of a car stopping by. Her guests had already retreated to their room but she couldn't take their cue and go to bed not knowing. She had a feeling…

She smiled as a pink blur shot out of the car and rushed to the door.

"Mom!" Meredith stood breathless on the doorstep, pink, barefoot, shoes dangling from her hand. She all smiles though still slightly shaky.

She lunged forward to hug Carolyn, laughter on her lips. "Mom, he… he loves me," she whispered softly.

"I know, Sweetheart," chuckled Carolyn.

"You know? What didn't you tell me?" laughed Meredith.

"Like that would have worked!"

"No, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't," she agreed with a smile.

"Did you two made up, troublemakers?" Carolyn asked straightforwardly noting the blatant lack of Derek at her side.

"Kind of…"

"Kind of?" Carolyn frowned suspiciously.

"Mom, don't worry," Meredith hurried to explain. "Der, he said all those things I wanted to hear and I thought I never would," she rattled off excitedly. "And then I wanted to say some things too but he… well, passed out. Nancy's with him. Watching over her carpet in all probability… And I'm here, because you asked me to…"

Carolyn shook her head with a laugh. "Maybe it's even better this way… Meri, are you sure of your feelings?"

Meredith just nodded simply. "I… I should go back to him-"

"Not just yet," smiled Carolyn. "I have an idea."

"An idea? What idea?"

"Come with me," said Carolyn taking her hand and leading her upstairs to her bedroom.

The door to the guest room opened suddenly and Meredith let out a gasp of surprise at the sight of her friends from Boston.

"Jen? Luke? You are… here… at Ma's… What… what are you doing here?" she stammered out.

"To see your wedding, silly," smiled Jen, her husband standing with her arms around her, a wide grin on his face.

"Ma? I thought you cancelled everything?" Carolyn didn't answer for a while as she opened the vast wardrobe. "You haven't?" shrieked Meredith.

"Shhh, Dear," she shushed her down. "Annie's sleeping in your old room. "Now… how do you like this?"

She carefully pulled a dress wrapped up in a protective foil cover, looking expectantly at the young woman who she hoped would formally become her daughter in law at long last.

Meredith slowly made a few steps forward, her feet plunging into the rich carpet, her eyes wide in wonderment. Her fingers clasped together over her mouth as she admired the delicate gown.

"How… why… what…?" she stuttered.

"I… haven't cancelled anything," admitted Carolyn. "Just changed some points of the programme… And this," she eyed the dress with pride. "It was my wedding dress. You know me and Michael had a beach wedding, the dress couldn't be all that orthodox by necessity… I made some much needed adjustments and modernizations…" she smiled. "What do you think, Sweetie?"

"Oh, my God," Meredith breath out daring to touch the dress through the foil. "This is… this is absolutely…" She seemed simply speechless for a couple of minutes, her eyes alit as she admired every inch of the dress while Carolyn let her take everything in in silence. "Mom," she finally said with a stronger voice though her eyes were glistening dangerously. "This is the one dress in my life I actually can't wait to wear…"

A/N Loved it? Hated it?

This is the moment we've waited so long. Just a few chapters left but they're going to be long. I owe you some happy fluffy sexy MerDer.

Don't forget to review… :)

Em