Re:IF Nageku [Lamenting Life in Another World from Zero]
Phuqitol
Chapter 7: A Search of Desperation
Summary:
In this chapter, Subaru and Bastian search for one last person of interest.
Chapter Text
Bastian reapplied Shinza to the two of them as they began to clear more debris within the ruined mansion. Their goal was to find the Forbidden Library, wherein Beatrice would hopefully be found, preferably alive and well. This would prove to be the most difficult part of their search efforts from a labor perspective.
Subaru: [We have to clear the way for every door that's still hinged. Any one of them could lead to her library.]
Bastian: [Understood. Quite the spell she's capable of. This Beatrice must be quite skilled in Yin Magic.]
Subaru: [Is that what it is? I can't remember if she ever explained how she did it…]
Bastian: [Subaru.]
Subaru: [Hey, I'm staying focused.]
An hour passed. Then two. Then two more. They'd been working so long, that the sun was beginning to rise on their third day in this profoundly melancholic place.
Dozens of doors had been cleared and opened, but to no avail.
Subaru: [C'mon, Beako… where are you?]
Failed loops wouldn't help him deduce Beatrice's whereabouts. It was frustrating how the Forbidden Library kept him from finding the last person present at the mansion at the time of the attack. At the same time, however, he was somewhat thankful that he didn't need to dwell on his failures while pursuing this task.
It was now morning. Dozens more doors had been opened in the places that were still traversable, where doors were still present to be checked. Even with the buff afforded by Bastian's Shinza, he was beginning to feel exhaustion overtake him. Occasionally, he'd slap himself, desperately in search of a bracing second wind. With each door opened, and each ruined room that greeted them, Subaru's hope further waned.
Despite this forlorn effort, Bastian kept his mouth shut, doing what he could to help Subaru clear the way and check off door after door. Though Subaru's hope was dwindling, Bastian's demeanor remained unchanged. It would be wrong to describe him as disinterested, though he tended to lag behind Subaru.
Subaru: [Beako… please…]
His voice rasped out this plea as he shambled his way down a familiar hallway. One room left. It used to be his own. His hands shook from both exhaustion and anxiety as he took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob.
Subaru: [Please…]
He closed his eyes tightly as he continued to plead for one, just one of his loved ones to be alive and well.
He tentatively twisted the doorknob.
Subaru: [Please…]
He began to slowly open the door. Light seeped through the crack of the barely opened door. Subaru's heart raced. Excitedly, he swung the door wide open, finding a powerfully joyous and familiar sight.
Bastian: [So this is the Forbidden Library…]
Subaru: [Beako?!]
Subaru hysterically entered the room, the first room awash with light he'd been in for some time.
They both saw the same sight at the same time. A short, petite girl with cream blonde hair sat on a wooden ladder, a black book in her hands. Her hair was fashioned in twin drills tied up by pink ribbons, and she wore a sophisticated red dress with pink and purple striped tights. Her eyes were blue with pink butterfly-shaped pupils. Her head was adorned with a comically tiny crown.
She briefly looked up from her black book, her head shooting up with a jolt of surprise. A name almost escapes her mouth. However, seeing Subaru and some stranger in odd clothes before her, she returns her attention to her black book just as quickly as she'd looked up.
Beatrice: [Oh. It's just you, I suppose.]
Subaru: [Beako…]
Overcome by joy and having concluded his search, he collapsed to his knees where he stood, tears welling up in his eyes.
Bastian himself was also oddly overwhelmed, promptly taking a knee beside Subaru.
Subaru: [Uh… what are you doing, Bastian?]
Bastian: [Paying my respect.]
Subaru: [… why? Why, can't you see that she's alive?! Look, she's right there, Bastian! She's alive! Beako, she's…]
He'd been so starved for true joy for so long that it flooded and overwhelmed his mind. His thoughts became incomprehensible even to himself. He was mere moments away from speaking gibberish.
Bastian: [Not that kind of respect. This is reverence, born of faith.]
Subaru: [Faith? Wha…?]
Subaru looked to Beatrice, who still hadn't looked up from her book. He then looked back to Bastian, whose head was lowered, and his eyes closed as he kneeled on one knee in a knightly fashion.
Subaru recalled that in Gusteko, spirits were highly revered. This sudden display of veneration could only mean one thing…
Subaru: [Beako… is a spirit?!]
Bastian: [Not just a spirit. A Great Spirit.]
Beatrice lowered her black book at this mention of her status.
Beatrice: [That's quite enough of that gesture, in fact.]
A look of slight confusion emerged on his face. He interpreted this as her being dissatisfied with his genuflection.
Bastian: [Prostration, perhaps?]
He began to lower his entire body to the floor, preparing to lower his forehead to the library's floor in prostration before Beatrice.
Beatrice: [No, no, no! That's not what Betty meant at all, in fact!]
Beatrice huffed at this misinterpretation, as Bastian slowly rose to his feet. Subaru, however, remained on his knees.
Beatrice: [Your gesture is no sign of respect, I suppose. Just what have you been doing to become so ragged, in fact?]
Subaru: [I… I've been looking for you, Beako…]
She glanced down at his crudely bandaged hands. Blood had been seeping through the cheap cloth wrappings.
Beatrice: [Honestly… give Betty your hands, I suppose.]
Subaru's eyes, red from having cried a lot lately, glimmered in the face of this kindness. He shakily raised his hands up to Beatrice. A blue glow emitted from her hands, surrounding his hands as his knuckles began to heal on the spot.
Subaru: [… thank --]
Beatrice: [Why were you looking for Betty, in fact?]
Subaru: [… why? I wanted to know that you were alright, of course!]
Beatrice falls silent at this explanation.
Subaru: [I, er… I'm sorry for not having been around in a while…]
Beatrice: [Betty barely noticed your absence, in fact.]
He's visibly hurt by this harsh riposte. It stings his heart to hear it, though it only confirms one of his suspicions, that no one wanted him back in Lugunica. He privately supposed it could've been worse; he could've been openly pursued for his flight.
Subaru: [I… guess I had that coming, huh…]
Bastian: [Great Spirit, have you noticed what's happened outside of your majestic library?]
He became somewhat more verbose when addressing Beatrice, no doubt due to his reverence for Beatrice. This reverence, however, seemed to only annoy the petite spirit.
Beatrice: [… Betty hasn't left her library within either of your lifetimes, in fact. Betty doesn't know what's happened out there, I suppose.]
Bastian's face bore a faint look of doubt in response to this answer. Though it was lost on Subaru, who was too busy sinking into self-loathing after Beatrice's rejoinder, Bastian had noticed a distinct physical response to his query. She'd gripped her black book tighter.
Bastian turned his gaze to Subaru, as though to suggest that he speak up. Subaru's eyes met Bastian's and saw this intention plainly, and it shook him. He quickly looked back down to the library's floor, his pupils constricted with fear and anxiety. Did he really have to tell Beatrice everything?
Bastian: [Haaah. Great Spirit, this mansion is in ruins. Everyone who had called this place home… they no longer walk this world.]
This revelation shot through Beatrice, her eyes widening in horror. She clutched the closed black book closely to her chest, as though to hug it. It was almost as though it were a comfort object for a small child.
Beatrice: [That… that can't be true, in fact…]
Bastian: [If you don't believe me, Great Spirit, may I suggest exiting your wonderous library and seeing for yourself?]
This suggestion was met with a tearful glare from Beatrice.
Beatrice: [You're wrong! You… you merely wish to force Betty to break her promise, in fact! Abusing reverence to achieve such an underhanded end!]
Bastian: [Great Spirit, I'd never deign to behave in such an offensive manner. I must regret to inform you I'm unfamiliar with this promise you speak of…]
Beatrice: [Betty was entrusted with this library by Mother, in fact. Betty promised she would tend to its innumerable volumes, never leaving it.]
Bastian: ["Mother?" Then… the Great Spirit is artificial?]
Subaru's ears catch this question, almost interpreting it as an insult to Beatrice. He retracts this impression, however, knowing Bastian to be far too invested in his faith to even think of such a thing.
Subaru: [Is there something wrong if Beatrice is an artificial spirit?]
Bastian: [Not necessarily… however…]
Subaru: [However…?]
Bastian: [This "Mother" of hers must be incredibly skilled and powerful to create a Great Spirit.]
Beatrice: [Yes, she was, in fact…]
Beatrice was crestfallen at this comment.
Bastian: [… my apologies, Great Spirit. I didn't realize your mother was no longer alive.]
A moment of silence consumed the room. Subaru then had a thought, as Beatrice's initial reaction to their entrance hadn't escaped him.
Subaru: [Hey, Beako… who were you hoping it would be entering your library? You're obviously disappointed at who it turned out to be…]
Beatrice: [I was disappointed, in fact. Betty hoped it might be Bubby for a second, I suppose…]
Subaru felt a cold sweat break out on his brow. Bastian had tried to reason with Beatrice, but she didn't seem to want to listen.
Bastian: ["Bubby?"]
Subaru: [Puck…]
Bastian: [Take it you two were close, then…]
Beatrice: [… yes. Bubby was like a brother to Betty.]
Bastian: [Was he another one of your Mother's creations?]
Beatrice: [Yes, in fact…]
Bastian: [Amazing. Not one, but two Great Spirits…]
Bastian seemed to greatly admire whoever this Mother of Beatrice's was.
Bastian: [Ah, my condolences, Great Spirit.]
The listless former knight bowed deeply in contrition before Beatrice. She continued to be annoyed with the veneration she was being shown.
Beatrice: [… why bother offering condolences to Betty in reference to Bubby, in fact…]
Subaru: [Beako…]
Bastian again eyed Subaru. He clenched his teeth in response to this gesture, bracing himself for what was to come. Of course, he couldn't maintain eye contact with Beatrice as he continued…
Subaru: [… what Bastian says is true. The mansion, the people… Puck… all of it.]
Silence filled the room once more. His knees were beginning to hurt, but he felt it inappropriate to stand at this juncture. Beads of sweat dripped down his forehead and across his cheeks, crossing the faded paths left behind by his tears.
Beatrice: [… where were you, in fact?]
Subaru: [Beako?]
Beatrice: [Where were you? Betty knows you had left to get your gate healed, but that doesn't take three months to do, in fact. Where have you been?]
Subaru winced as he heard these tearful inquiries.
Beatrice: [Your obnoxious companion wears a medallion of Odglass. Only the Acolyte Knights of Gusteko are known to wear them, in fact. Were you in Gusteko, I suppose?]
Subaru: [… yes.]
He strained out his response, his eyes closed tight. His body felt heavy, not just because of the nonstop labor he'd performed. Guilt shrouded him, held him down. It made it impossible for him to look Beatrice in the eyes anymore.
Hearing Subaru's response, Beatrice appeared dolefully surprised.
Beatrice: [… why, in fact?]
Subaru swallowed in an attempt to get the lump out of his throat. It wasn't just to escape that discomfort. He knew he had to keep talking. He had to try and be honest.
Subaru: [I… ran away. I knew what was coming. I didn't want to have anything to do with it.]
Beatrice: [You knew that --]
Subaru: [But I tried to seek allies!]
He spontaneously looked up at Beatrice as he exclaimed these sorry words.
Subaru: [I tried to prevent the attack. But… I was denied at every turn…]
Outside of Subaru's sight, Bastian narrowed his eyes at his repetition of this excuse. To Bastian and Beatrice's surprise, however, Subaru slowly rose from his knees.
Subaru: [I fucked up… well, more than fucked up. Everything is awful now because of me…]
His fists balled up as he painfully stated his guilt, his eyes cast downward once more. Had he clenched them any tighter, his nails would've dug into his palms and caused them to bleed.
Subaru: [But I… I want to set things right, Beako. I'd… I'd like to start with you.]
With this, he returned his gaze to Beatrice. She was shaken by these earnest words from this shadow of a young man she used to begrudgingly know.
Subaru: [I couldn't bear to know you're here all alone in these frozen ruins…]
He extended his right hand to a tearful Beatrice, whose surprise only deepened with this action.
Subaru: [Please… come with us, Beako.]
She cast her eyes down at her black book. A state of uncertainty has clearly set in for her, putting her at unease. What would she choose? Stay in this library and keep her promise to her Mother? Or leave with these two?
The look of confusion on her face is replaced with a frown.
Beatrice: [Before Betty answers, Betty must know one thing.]
Subaru: [Yes, of course! I'll answer whatever question you have. Anything!]
Beatrice: [… are you… That Person, I suppose?]