is this the way it ends? or is this the way how to begin the story? hope ya'll enjoy!

Zoe called, Shinya answered and told Zoe her that Takuya was still in bed. Zoe got curious, checking to make sure that Shinya had taken him to a doctor. Shinya said Takuya's not feeling well, but, for some reason she could' nail down, Zoe believed him. Zoe called again, several times a day, for the next two days, but no one was ever there.

Saturday, Zoe decided to go see him, invitation is damned. But the Takuya wasn't home. This frightened her—was Takuya so depressed that he'd needed to go out? She stopped by at Koji and Koichi's house on the way back hoe, but Koji told her that he'll be fine.

Zoe made Koji and Koichi treat her pizza. Zoe ate, hungry, while she chatted with the twins; the conversation seemed to go on forever without Takuya even mentioned. It seemed that Zoe had nearly forgotten Takuya…Zoe's forehead got all pinched together, but Koji joked with her, blowing it off, until Zoe was laughing again. Only then did Koji asked about Zoe, and now his side of the conversation didn't give Zoe much to work to work with, just a lot of hmms and yeahs. Zoe drummed her fingers against the e counter beside him until he put a hand over hers to stop her.

Finally, Zoe decided to go home.

Koji called Shinya while Zoe's getting ready for home.

"Shinya says there's been troubling Takuya, and that's why he'd been feeling glum. Shinya's cheering Takuya up, and it looks like he's going to be sick. Takuya's real tired, and he told Shinya no visitors," Koji reported.

"No visitors?" Koichi and Zoe demanded in disbelief.

Koji raised an eyebrow. "Now don't you go making a pest of yourself, Zoe. Takuya knows what's best for him. He'll be up and around soon enough. Be patient."

Zoe didn't push it. Zoe was too worried about Takuya. That was clearly the more important issue—it wouldn't be right to bug him with her lesser concerns. Instead, she went straight upstairs when she got home and turned on her computer. She checked her emails but it was empty.

She glared at the computer screen and wondered why, exactly, she was going. Why did she feel so…so suspicious, like she didn't believe Shinya and Koji's story? Why would Koji and Shinya lie to her?

Zoe was being silly, probably. She was just worried, and, to be honest, she was afraid of not being allowed to see Takuya—that made her nervous.

But Takuya couldn't enforce the no-visitors thing for long. Of course, not. Takuya would go crazy stuck in bed that long without anyone to talk to but Shinya.

What was Takuya doing, anyway?

Zoe had give Takuya some time.

When Zoe had decided to leave Takuya and Shinya alone for a week. Every day when Zoe got home from school, she ran to the phone to check for messages. There never were any.

Zoe cheated three times by trying to call him, but Shinya was the one still answering.

Zoe was in the house much too much, and much too alone. Without Takuya, everything she'd been repressing started creeping up on her. The dreams got hard again. She could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness—half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where Takuya's house no longer existed. Sometimes Koji Minamoto was there in the forest, watching her again. She paid him no attention—there was no comfort in his presence; it made her feel no less alone. It didn't stop her from screaming herself awake, night after night.

The hole in her chest grew and it was worse than ever. She'd thought that she'd been getting under control, but she found herself hunched over, day after day, clutching her sides together and gasping for air.

She wasn't handling alone well.

She was relieved beyond measure the morning she woke up—screaming, of course—and remembered that it was Saturday. Today she could call Takuya. And if Takuya's out again, then she was going to Takuya's place. One way or another, today would be better than the last lonely week.

She dialed, and then waited without high expectations. It caught her off guard when Shinya answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi, Shinya! It's Zoe. I was just calling to see how Takuya is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking dropping by—"

"I'm sorry, Zoe," Shinya interrupted, and she wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. "He's not in."

"Oh." It took her a second. "So he's feeling better then?"

"Yeah," Shinya hesitated for an instant too long. "Turn out he's becoming pretty like awkward. When he wakes up, he goes out. I don't know where or what he's doing outside."

"Oh. So…where do you think he is?"

"I guess he's giving himself a ride alone—I think he's going to catch a double feature or something. All I'm sure is that he's gone for the whole day."

"Well, that's a relief. I've been so worried. I'm glad he felt good enough o get out." Her voice sounded horribly phony as she babbled on.

Takuya was better, but not well enough to call Zoe. He was out. Zoe was sitting home, missing Takuya more every hour. Zoe was lonely, worried, bored…perforated—and now also desolate as she realized that the week apart had not had the same effect on Takuya.

"Is there anything in particular you wanted?" Shinya asked politely.

"No, not really."

"Well, I'll tell him that you called," Shinya promised. "Bye, Zoe."

"Bye," She replied, but he'd already hung up.

Zoe stood for a moment with the phone still in her hand.

Takuya must've changed his mind, just like she'd feared. He was going to take Zoe's advice and not waste any more time on her. She felt the blood run out of her face.

"Something wrong?" Nathan asked as he came down the stairs.

"No," She lied, hanging up the phone. "Shinya says Takuya is feeling better. So that's good."

"Is he coming here, or are you going there?" Nathan asked absentmindedly as he started poking through the fridge.

"Neither," Zoe admitted. "He's out."

The tone of her voice finally caught Nathan's attention. He looked up at her with sudden alarm, his hands frozen around a package of cheese slices.

"Isn't it a little early for lunch?" Zoe asked as lightly as she could manage, trying to distract him.

"No, I'm just packing something to take out with my workers…"

"Oh, what's the occasion today?"

"Well, my partner called…and we're just celebrating." He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something. "Say, did you want me to stay with you, since Takuya's out?"

"That's okay, Dad," she said, working to sound indifferent. "I'll be fine."

He stared at her, indecision clear on his face. She knew that he was worrying, afraid to leave her alone, in case she got 'mopey' again.

"Seriously, Dad. I think I'll call the twins," She fibbed quickly. She'd rather be alone than have him watching her all day. "We have a Calculus test to study for. I could use their help." That part wasn't true. But she'd have to make do without it.

"But you're good at Calculus."

"Exactly!"

"Well, you've got a point. You've been spending so much time with Takuya, your other friends are going to think you've forgotten them."

Zoe smiled and nodded as if she cared what her other friends thought. And she was spending more time with Koji than Takuya ever since.

Nathan started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. "Hey, you'll study here with the twins, right?"

"Sure, where else?"

"Well, it's just that I want you to be careful, like I told you before.'

It took her a minute to understand, distracted as she was. "Like I've been in trouble?"

Nathan nodded, frowning.

Zoe wasn't listening to his warnings; she was much more upset by the situation with Takuya than by the possibility of getting into trouble.

She was glad that Nathan was in a hurry. He didn't wait for her to call Koji, so she didn't have to put on that charade. She went through the motions of gathering school books on the kitchen table to pack them in my bag; that was probably too much, and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes, it might have made him suspicious.

She was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty say ahead didn't really crash down on her until after she'd watch him drive away. It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that she wasn't staying home today. She considered her options.

She wasn't going to call Koji. As far as she could tell, Koji had done enough.

She could walk to Takuya's and hang out with Shinya—an appealing thought. But she changed her mind.

She felt a brief twinge of guilt as she realized how Nathan would feel about this, but she ignored it. She just couldn't stay in the house again today.

A few minutes later, she was at the forest. The forest was full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness. Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around her heard, and the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seems creepier today; it reminded her of her most recent nightmare. She knew it was just because she was alone, missing Takuya's carefree whistle and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground.

The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper she got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult—not because of exertion, but because she was having trouble with the stupid hole in her chest again. She kept her arms tight around her torso and tried to banish the ache from her thoughts. She almost turned around, but she hated to waste the effort she'd already expended.

The rhythm of her footsteps started to numb her mind and her pain as she trudged on. Her breathing evened out eventually, and she was glad she hadn't quit. She was getting better at thing bushwhacking thing; she could tell she was faster.

She didn't realize quite how much more efficiently she was moving. She thought she'd covered maybe four miles, and she wasn't even starting to look around it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disoriented her, she stayed in the darkness—before the meadow.

It was the same place, of that she was instantly sure/. She'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, she could hear the stream bubbling quietly.

The place wasn't nearly stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake.

It was the same place…but it didn't hold what she had been searching for.

The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. She sank down right where she was kneeling at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.

What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than memories that she could have called back whenever she wanted to, if she was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain—the pain that had her now, had her cold. There was nothing special about this place without him. She wasn't exactly sure what she'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like her nightmares. Her head swirled dizzy.

At least she'd come alone. She felt a rush of thankfulness as she realized that. Takuya introduced her the meadow…How could she have explained the way she was fracturing into pieces, the way she had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing her apart? It was so much better that she didn't have an audience.

And she wouldn't have to explain to anyone why she was in such a hurry to leave, either. Zoe would want to spend more than a few seconds here. But she was already trying to find strength to get to her feet again, forcing herself out of the ball so that she could escape. There was too much pain in this empty place to bear—she would crawl away if she had to.

How lucky she was alone!

Alone. Zoe told herself with grim satisfaction as she wrenched herself to her feet despite the pain. At precisely that moment, two figures stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty pace away.

Zoe snapped out of it and hid behind the trees.

A dizzying array of emotions shot through her in a second. The first was surprise; she was far from any trail here, and she didn't expect company. Then, as her eyes focused on the girl figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid, a rush of piercing curiosity rocked through her. She suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as her eyes continued to the face of the boy's chocolate-brown hair, the face was the one she wanted to see. Next was fear; the girl was not the face she grieved for, but it was close enough for her to know that the man and the woman facing each other not noticing Zoe was more than friends.

And finally, in the end, recognition.

"Takuya! The girl cried in surprise pleasure.

It was an irrational response. Zoe probably should've runaway at fear.

Zoe watched as Takuya spin the woman around. Takuya kissed the girl's forehead.

Yes, fear would have made more sense, but all Zoe felt was the pain. The meadow wasn't a magic place for Zoe anymore. A darker magic than she'd expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. The proof, however remote, that—Takuya loves the girl in his arms than Zoe—cheater.

"Lilith?" Takuya asked, looking more astonished than he felt. "DO you love it?"

Lilith smiled. It was ridiculous.

He grinned. "I didn't expect this." He picked up a flower on the ground and hand it to Lilith. His expression happy.

Lilith gave Takuya a quick but passionately kiss. And Takuya and Lilith walked away, out of the meadow.

Zoe scanned the meadow, if Takuya and Lilith were completely gone. Then she cried on her knees. A cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it.

Zoe scrambled to her feet, backing away even though the wind brushed harmlessly past her. Stumbling in pain, she turned and ran headlong into the trees.

The next few hours were agony. It took her three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow. At first she paid no attention to where she was headed, focused only on what she was running from. By the time she collected herself to remember Takuya and Lilith, she was deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest. Her hands were shaking so violently.

The call of a jaybird made her leap back and fall into a thick stand of young spruce, scraping up her arms and tangling her hair with sap. She screamed without her knowing, her scream echoed inside the forest.

At last there was a break in the trees ahead. She came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where she came from. Exhausted as she was, she jogged up the lane until bumped into someone. She was sobbing again. She fiercely shoved the hands that were supposed to help her stand up. It helped her control the tears.

She was calmer, but still a mess when she looked up meeting Koji's eyes. She hadn't realized it was him. The sky was already dusky.

"Zoe?" Koji asked when Zoe accepted Koji's help now.

"Yeah, it's me." Her voice was unsteady.

"Are you crying?"

She hesitated.

"Nope…of course, not, why would I be crying?" Zoe lied.

Zoe can't help it. Her tears burst slowly. Zoe walked towards Koji to hug him.

"What happened?" Koji demanded.

"Nothing…I thought I got lost at the forest," still, lying. She tried to say it calmly, but her voice was high and shaky.

Koji's eyes grew round with curious. He grabbed the tops of her arms.

"Are you sure?"

Her head bobbed in a weak nod.

"I panicked which making me falling down a lot."

He let go of her shoulders and wrapped his arms around her. For a long moment, he didn't say anything.

"Do you want me to walk home with you?" Koji murmured.

"No problem."

Zoe was silent as the wind until she got home.

"Thank you so much," Zoe finally said.

"Anytime."

"Where have you been?" Nathan thundered, appearing through the kitchen doorway with an ominous expression.

Zoe sticks for not telling the truth.

"You're earlier than I thought," Zoe joked.

Nathan didn't buy it.

"I was hiking," Zoe hated lying to his Dad.

His eyes were tight. "What happened to going to Koji and Koichi's?"

"I didn't feel like Calculus today."

Nathan folded his arms across his chest.

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

Nathan seemed to really look at me for the first time. She remembered that she had spent some time on the forest floor today; she must be a mess.

"You're such a mess," Nathan commented.

Again, she decided to lie, or part of it anyway, was the best option. She was too shaken to pretend an uneventful day with the flora and fauna.

"I ran away in the forest and I fell down a lot."

"Clumsy," he murmured.

Nathan shook his head, frowning with anxiety. He finally spoke in a tone that allowed no argument. "No more hiking."

"No problem," she promised fervently.

She didn't want her dad to know how deep she'd gone into the forest against his wishes, and, more importantly, the thought of it made her feel sick.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her.

She shook her head, though she must have been starving. She hadn't eaten all day.

"Just tired," she told him. She turned for the stairs.

"Hey," Nathan said, his voice suddenly suspicious again. "Didn't you say Takuya was gone for the day?"

"That's what Shinya said," she told him, nervous by his question.

He studied her expression for a minute, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there.

"Huh."

"Why?" she demanded. It sounded like he was implying that she'd been lying to him this morning. About something besides studying with Koji.

"Well, it's just that when I went to work, I saw Takuya out in front of the store down there with some of his friends with one girl. It's not Koji, JP nor Koichi. I waved hi, but he was upset about something. And…different."

"Shinya said Takuya's out to see some movies. But he never mentioned that he was out with someone else. He was probably just waiting for someone to meet him."

"Oh." Nathan nodded and headed for the kitchen.

She stood in the hall, thinking about Takuya at the meadow. She wondered if she will have to explain what she saw to Takuya or keep it inside. Maybe that was the reason she'd ditched her today—to make out with Lilith, she wasn't glad what she saw.

She paused to check the locks again before she went to her room. It was silly thing to do.

She lay down on her bed, but she was shaking too hard to hope for sleep. She curled into a cramped ball under her quilt, and faced the horrifying facts.

There was nothing she could do. There were no precautions she could take. There was no place she could hide. There was no one who could help her.

She realized, with a roll of her stomach, that the situation was worse than ever that. Because all those facts applied to her. She was just hairsbreadth off the heart.

The tremors rocked her until her teeth chattered.

Zoe cried herself out.

Her good boyfriend, her Takuya, will he come back to her? How soothing it was to imagine that Takuya could also disappear.

She squeezed her eyes tight together and waited for unconsciousness—almost eager for her nightmare to start. Lilith was better; place, beautiful face that smiled at Takuya.

Lilith's kiss repeated in her head…

She pressed her fist against her mouth to keep from screaming.

don't 4get to read/review...