Each time that Zoe opened her eyes to the morning light and realized she'd lived through another night was a surprise to her. After the surprise wore off, her heart would start to race and her palms would sweat; she couldn't really breathe again until she'd gotten up and ascertained that she wouldn't survive.

She could tell Nathan was worried—watching her jump at any loud sound, or her face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see. From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame Takuya's continued absence.

The terror that was always foremost in her thoughts usually distracted her from the fact that another week had passed, and Takuya still hadn't called her. But when she was able to concentrate on her normal life—if her life was really ever normal—this upset her.

She missed him horribly.

It had been enough to be alone before she was scare silly. Now, more than ever, she yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. She needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around her cold fingers.

She'd had expected him to call on Monday. She wanted to believe that Takuya wasn't breaking up with her because she doesn't wanna hurt her feelings, would he just five up on her?

She called him Tuesday, but no one answered.

On Wednesday she called every half hour until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Takuya's voice.

Thursday—she was arguing with herself, trying to justify a quick trip to Takuya's house, but she couldn't do it.

As much as it would hurt Zoe, she knew it was better for Takuya that he was avoiding her. Safer for him.

It was bad enough that she couldn't' figure out a way to keep Nathan happy. If Zoe told Koji what she saw, a 'World War III' would occur. She wouldn't want that.

So she couldn't run away from Takuya. Even if she could, where would she go? To Koji's? She shuddered at the thought of dragging her lethal shadows into her mother's safe, sunny world. She would never let anyone fight because of her.

The worry was eating a hole in her stomach. Soon she would have matching punctures.

That night, Zoe called Shinya again to see if the Kanbaras were out. Nathan warned her not to make a nuisance of herself—Takuya would call when he got around it.

Friday afternoon, as she walked home from school, it hit her out of the blue.

She wasn't paying attention to the familiar road.

As soon as she thought of it, she felt really stupid for not seeing it sooner. Sure, she'd had a lot on her mind—revenge—obsessed—a ragged hole in the center of her chest—but when she laid the evidence out, it was embarrassingly obvious.

Takuya avoiding her. Nathan saying he looked strange upset…Shinya's vague, unhelpful answers.

Even her nightmares had been trying to tell her that. Whatever was happening, she had to finish it.

What should she do? She weighed the dangers against each other.

She went looking for Takuya.

If she didn't go after him, Zoe would look like an idiot. Maybe it would be too late if she didn't act soon.

It had been a week. A week was more than enough time for them to have returned, so she must not be a priority. There's a chance that she'd be losing Takuya.

It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on. She knew what she has to do. This has to be done. She was going to talk to Takuya—kidnap him if she had to.

Meanwhile, Shinya decided she'd better call Zoe. Maybe whatever was going on with Takuya was something Zoe should be involved in. Shinya dashed in, in a hurry to be on his way.

Zoe answered the phone herself.

"Zoe Orimoto."

"Zoe, its Shinya."

"What's wrong?"

Shinya couldn't argue with his doomsday assumption this time. Both of their voices were shaking.

"I'm worried about big brother?"

"Why?" she asked, surprised by the unexpected topic.

"I think…I think something weird is going with big brother. He's acting pretty weird these nowadays. And I'm scared."

"Yeah…I know…he's avoiding me. I'm scared, too."

"Don't be mad, Zoe. But I saw someone with him. A woman."

"You mean Lilith?" Zoe corrected, surprised again.

"Yes. You know her?"

Zoe's voice was relaxed when she answered. "No. Just saw Lilith with your brother."

"Zoe, it's not like he's cheating on you, is he?"

"Did you talk to Takuya about this?" She was trying to soothe Shinya now.

"Well, he told me to 'stay out of his way'."

"Well, Shinya, then I'm sure it's okay. Takuya's a big boy now; he was probably messing around. I'm sure he's fine. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all."

"This isn't about me," Shinya insisted, but the battle was lost.

"I don't think you need to worry about this."

"Zoe…" Shinya's voice was starting to sound whiney. "Are you crying? Is something bothering you?"

Zoe realized tears are coming down her cheeks again.

"Did anything happen to you and big brother?"

Zoe was momentarily distracted—stunned, really—by Shinya's concern. There was no way to tell Shinya the truth.

"I'm okay," she lied.

"I'm afraid you're not, Zoe."

Zoe sniffed, wiping off of her warm tears. "Can I talk to Takuya, please?"

"Big brother's not here."

What a shock. "Do you know where he is?"

"He's out." Shinya's voice was careful.

"Oh yeah? Anyone I know? Lilith?" She could tell the words didn't come across as casually as she'd meant them to.

"I think he's with Lilith today." Shinya said slowly.

"Well, have he call me when he gets in, all right?"

"Sure, sure. No problem."

"See you soon, Shinya," she muttered into the phone. "Don't worry about Takuya, Shinya. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Fine," Shinya said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded him of the more urgent crisis at hand. "Bye."

Zoe hung up.

Zoe went to look for Takuya. She'd miss school. When she saw Takuya, he was going to have to talk to her.

Zoe spotted Takuya at the U-turn. She headed toward Takuya. It was stuffy today, no breeze. She put her feet on the street.

A movement flashed in her peripheral vision—Takuya spotted her with a confused expression. She waved once and smiled a tight smile, but ran after Takuya across the street.

His eyes narrowed.

Zoe was prepared, but she wished she could punch his jaw.

"What are you doing here, Zoe?" Takuya growled.

She stared at him in blank astonishment.

There was darkness in Takuya now. Like Zoe's sun had imploded.

"Takuya?" she whispered.

He just stared at her, his eyes tense and angry.

She realized they were alone. Nobody near them.

She wanted to hit Takuya.

The violent desire caught her off guard and knocked the wind out of her. It was the most forbidden of all wishes—eve when she only wished it for a malicious reason like this. The future was lost to her forever, had never really been within her grasp. She scrambled to gain control of herself while the hole in her chest ached hollowly.

"What do you want?" Takuya demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across her face.

"I want to talk to you," she said in a weak voice. She tried to focus, but she was still reeling against the escape of her taboo dream.

"Go ahead," he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. She'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity—a physical pain, stabbing her head and heart.

Zoe took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know."

He didn't answer. He just stared at her bitterly.

She stared back and silence stretched longer. The pain in his face unnerved her. She felt a lump beginning to build in her throat.

"Can we walk?" She asked while she could still speak.

He didn't' respond in any way; his face didn't change.

They started walking down the street. Her feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound. She felt better when Takuya went beside her. As they walked, she struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. She just got more and more angry at Takuya…he had allowed this…he broke his promise.

Takuya suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of her easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face her, planting himself in her path so she would have to stop too.

She was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Takuya had been nearly as klutzy as her. When did he change?

"Let's get this over with," she said in a hard, husky voice.

Takuya waited. He knew what she wanted.

"It's not what you think." His voice was abruptly weary. "It's not what I thought—I was way off."

"So what is it, then?"

He studied her face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left is eyes.

Her jaw tightened, and she spoke through her teeth. "I thought you love me."

"I did."

"But you don't need me anymore," she said sourly.

"What? You know, Zoe—you're so stubborn."

"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."

"Where are you getting at?"

"You know exactly where I'm getting at!" Zoe yelled. "Where's the Takuya I know? The Takuya I love?" Her voice turned brittle and she looked at Takuya, rage burning out from her eyes. She was already crying. "I thought I can count on you…you promised that you would never ever hurt me!"

No reply.

"What's the matter? Too coward to talk?" Zoe punched Takuya's chest. "What's happening to you, Takuya? Do love someone more than me already?" Zoe grabbed Takuya's collar and kept shaking him off.

"Answer me!" Zoe yelled. "Is. There. Someone. You. Love. More. Than. Me?"

Takuya didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.

"Takuya, please," Zoe whispered. "I'm sick and tired of being alone. All day and night long, alone in the house."

Takuya was lost with words.

"What's wrong with you?" Zoe demanded, tears collecting in her eyes.

"Everything," he whispered. "Every part of me hurts."

The pain in his voice was nearby tangible.

The stupid tears had escaped the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, and folded her arms across her chest.

He reached out to her, as he had once before, stepping forward with his arms wide.

This time Zoe cringed away, holding his hands us defensively. "Don't touch me," she whispered. "Because you have Lilith. Isn't that nice—you've always looked up to her so much." She clapped her hands together.

"What?"

And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."

"Will you stop?"

"Who should I blame? Lilith?" She retorted.

"You should be thankful that you still got your Dad."

"You don't know anything about my past," Zoe fought. "So don't change the subject!" She snapped. "Now if I want to blame someone, why don't I put my finger at your filthy, reeking Lilith that you love so much?"

He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing.

Takuya's mouth fell open and his breath came out with a whooshing sound. He was frozen in place, stabbed through the double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through his body, the jagged hole ripping him open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of their thoughts. Takuya couldn't believe that he'd hear her correctly. There was no trace of indecision in her face. Only fury.

His mouth still hung wide.

"I don't understand who you mean," Takuya whispered.

She raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it again, are you?"

"I don't understand who you mean," he repeated mechanically.

"Lilith," she said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing his face as she spoke it. "I saw that—I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say her name. The one you made out at the meadow these past few days."

It took Takuya too long to come up with the correct response. He shook his head in confusion. "You're being ridiculous," he told her.

"Fine," she answered, breathing deeply. "I don't wanna argue with you anymore. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."

"What damage?"

She didn't flinch as he shouted the words in her face.

"Leave me alone. There's nothing more to say, I've already told you everything I wanted to."

He gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"

"You're the one who haven't said anything yet!" She yelled back at him.

"I'm sorry, Zoe," Takuya said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong him.

"You broke your promise, Takuya. You lied to me!" The blank emptiness of her life before—before Takuya brought some semblance of reason back into it—reared up confronted her. Loneliness choked in her throat. "Stay away from me. I don't wanna ever talk to you again."

The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. Zoe's tears welled up again. "Are you…breaking up with me?" The words were all wrong, but they were the best way he could think to phrase what he was asking.

She barked out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. I think I am."

"Zoe…why? I know I've hurt you but I didn't mean to. Please, Zoe. I almost broke my promise to you. I need you!" The blank emptiness of her life before—Takuya brought semblance of reason back into it—reared up and confronted him. Loneliness choked in their throat. "I'm sorry, Zoe," Takuya said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him.

"Almost? You just did!"

Zoe heard her voice escaping in a whisper.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't…before…" she was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into a shape of a lie. "Maybe…you and I changed," she whispered. "I gave you time…you quit on me when I gave you time, Takuya. I can't take that."

His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached toward her and she slapped it away from her.

"No. Don't think like that, Zoe, please. I blame myself for this, this is my entire fault. This one is all me. I swear I'll make it up to you."

"It's not you, it's me," she whispered. "There won't be a next time."

"I mean it, Zoe. Don't do this…" he struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotion. His eyes were tortured. "Am I not good enough to be your boyfriend anymore? I'm good."

"You were good. But not anymore to me." She stared at him, confused and appalled. "What are you saying? You were much better than I am, Takuya. You were good. Now, I'm telling you that you aren't anymore. Takuya. It's not a vicious lie, Takuya! Let me tell you that!" She was suddenly yelling again.

Takuya's face went hard a flat. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."

"Good to know, because what I think is what you are! Takuya—liar, cheater, what else? Does liar and cheater make a difference?"

She was backing away from him.

"I'm sorry, Zoe," he said again; this time it was a broken mumble.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." She repeated. "Sorry won't change anything—from now on, Takuya doesn't exist in my world anymore."

Zoe turned and almost ran away from him.

Takuya was unable to move from where he stood. He stared at Zoe, walking away. There was no reaction inside. No flutter ay the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced him vacantly.

The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against their skin. Would any of them come back? Do they have to?

The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. She could smell the brine from the ocean. Her hair whipped in her face, stinging to the wet places and tangling in her lashes. She can't take it.

Zoe didn't comment. It didn't matter. She was already soaked.

Not as bad! Not as bad! Their mind tried to comfort them. It was true. This wasn't bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what a little peace there was left behind. That was all.

Not as bad, they agreed, and then added, but bad enough.

She'd thought Takuya had been healing the hole in hers—or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting so much. She'd been wrong. He'd just been carving out his own hole, so that she was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. She wondered why she didn't crumble into pieces.

Zoe got home a few minutes later. Nathan was waiting on the porch.

"You look pretty upset," he commented as he opened the door for me.

Nathan looked at her face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression. She tried to feel her face from the inside out, to know what he was seeing. Her face felt empty and cold and she realized what it would remind him of.

"Did he break up with you?" Nathan was perplexed. "What happened, Zoe?"

"I broke up with him." Zoe answered.

"I thought you loved him."

"None of your business—Mind your own business—just stay out of it."

Nathan put his arm around her and helped her inside. He didn't comment on her sodden clothes.

"I'll be fine, don't worry." She could hear the water from the clothes dripping to the floor and splashing on the linoleum. "I'm going to go change."

She decided to take a shower because she was cold, but the hot water didn't seem to affect the temperature of her skin. She was still freezing when she gave up and shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, she could hear Nathan talking to someone downstairs. She wrapped the towel around her, and cracked the bathroom door.

She put her pajamas on and picked up the plush bear that Takuya gave her. She threw it away from her and sat on the floor. She hugged her knees and keeps bumping her head at the bed over and over again while crying. Life seemed dark enough at the moment that she let Takuya cheat. The hole—holes now—were already aching, so why not? She pulled out the memory—not a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of Takuya's voice in her mind this afternoon—and played it over and over in her head until she fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down her empty face.

It was a new dream tonight. Rain was falling and Takuya was walking soundlessly beside her, though beneath her feet the ground crunched like dry gravel. But he wasn't her Takuya; he was the new, bitter, graceful Takuya.

She wasn't sure, when she woke in the dark, if she'd just begun crying, or if her tears had run while she slept and simply continued now. She stared at her dark ceiling. She could feel that it was the middle of the night—she was still half-asleep maybe more than half. She closed her eyes wearily and prayed for a dreamless sleep.