Elliot stepped into the darkened apartment and quietly closed the door the behind him. He took off his coat and tossed it over the back of the couch then headed for the door with the sparkly pink "K" on it. He pushed the door open and stepped into the dark nursery. He leaned over the side of the crib and watched as the youngest Stabler slept. A part of him wanted to pick her up and hold her close. Let her know how much he loved her. How much she meant to him. How she was so much more than some link that kept him and her mother together. He instead settled for pulling her blanket up and tucking it tighter around her.
He left and headed for the next bedroom down the hall and was surprised to find its occupant still awake.
She looked up from her book and smiled up at him. "Hey."
"Hey," he answered back solemnly. He slackened his tie and then sat on his side of the bed.
"How was dinner?" When he didn't answer she asked again, but still received no answer. "Elliot, is everything ok?"
"Huh? Oh yea. It was fine."
She moved closer to him and was immediately hit with the smell of alcohol. "What's wrong?" She questioned.
"Nothing."
She sat quietly for a moment before voicing her suspicions. "Did you sleep with her?"
His head immediately swung around. "What?"
"Did you sleep with her?"
"No."
"Then what's wrong with you? You left here this morning on cloud nine and now you won't even look at me.
"It's nothing for you to worry about."
She nodded. "Then I think you should go."
"What? Why?"
"I'm not going to restart a relationship with you like this. When you're ready to communicate with me and work at this, be sure to let me know, but otherwise I think you need to go."
He sighed heavily and covered his face with his hands and tried to rub away the sleep from his eyes. "She just… told me what happened that night and it just hit me harder than I would have liked."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I guess she just felt that if we slept together it would fix everything, and we'd be back together. Hearing her say that and thinking about the way things worked out. I don't know. I guess I just wished it never happened. If it hadn't we'd be married right now and our relationship would be so much stronger right now."
"El, you don't know that. A million things could have happened."
"Yea, but... we were doing so well."
She blinked furiously to bat away the tears and he pulled her into his arms. "You're right, but through all that we managed to find our way back to each other and this whole experience has made us stronger."
"I know, baby. I know. But there is so much I wish I could go back and change, and do things right again."
"I can't get pregnant with her again, El. We can't redo everything you missed. We can only move forward from here," she said softly. "Right now there's no point in dwelling on the past."
"I know," he cooed, holding her close. She held him back and they rocked each other gently.
She pulled back from him then looked him in the eye before covering his mouth hers. "Olivia," he sighed into her kiss.
"Let's make up for lost time," she mumbled as she shifted to straddle his waist.
"Olivia we can't-"
"I know, but we can try," she whispered against his lips and grinned. "We can also have some fun while we're at it too."
He grinned back at her. So they tried, and they had fun while they were at it too.
The next day, morning dawned bright and early for the couple as the sun streamed through the window. Olivia had been awake long before the sun rose. In fact, she'd never fallen asleep. Long after their lovemaking Elliot had fallen asleep and she had lain awake and thought of everything she could have done differently. She could have involved him more in her pregnancy. Reached out to him when he was clearly struggling. She could have cared more. Instead she had let another woman tear apart the one relationship she had that was worth maintaining. Elliot shifted beside her and she turned to face him.
"Good morning," he said to her, his voice gruff from sleep.
"Morning."
"How are you doing."
"Fine. You?"
"I'm trying not to think about it."
"Me too."
"Liar," at that she smiled. "Look, Dickie asked me if I could go to his basketball game today. I'd like it if you and Kayla came with me."
"Elliot…I'm not that ok."
"I understand, but they're my kids. I can't let what's happened between me and her interfere with that, and I'd really like it if you would join me."
She sighed. She was going to become his wife, and he did have four kids with the woman that would one day become her step kids. Eventually they were going to have to figure out how to be in the same room with each other. "Fine. I'll come."
"Really?"
"Do you want me to change my mind?"
"No. No, I just didn't think you would agree so easily."
"Well what can I say? This whole situation has changed me. Kayla has changed me, and if we're going to be a family, we're going to have to deal with some awkward situations."
He nodded. "Alright. I'll shower first?"
"Yea, I'll feed and get Kayla ready," she answered as she heard Kayla's light babbling come over the baby monitor.
He nodded and rolled out of bed.
A big thank you for reading.