AN: Oh my freaking god this chapter was a pain in the ass to write... sorry for the long wait everybody. This one was DIFFICULT. Reviewer Replies before we get started. If you didn't leave a comment, feel free to skip on down and get to what you came for.

Davidi17dip: Yes indeed, big changes and shockers will abound! Well, maybe not as soon as you had hoped but here it is!

Rivet94: Yes indeed, back we are! And yeah, those two are definitely a significant and significantly cute thing.

Sultan Asil Arslan-Hiatus: Yep, he's going to have a great time and probably just about fret himself to pieces at times trying to check to make sure he's got everything right. As for Yamato's swordwork, don't worry, she's going to have quite the skilled teacher.

DannyPhantom619: Ain't they though?

GJO1088: It'll be far more a matter of show than tell. (shrug) I don't know! (^_^) Thank you, I try. I have not read that yet, but it sounds interesting. I don't think Bones will be getting the 'Princess Snatcher' moniker though although he'd undoubtedly enjoy the escapades that would lead to it. I may have to read that one too.

: Thank you, I'll try.

FallenSage: No on both.

Captain Wiggles: I thought it might be. (^_^)

Tyufvfv: (extremely confused look) Eh? Luffy does have the gum-gum fruit. That's how he was able to do the giant slingshot thing with Usopp and Zoro. Also no, Bones doesn't actually know about that particular power up. His knowledge pulls up just short of that.

Lifelessman: Glad you like!

Convey3264: Yep, it will, but vaguely and briefly, so I'll spell it out here: Zoro and Kuina like each other a lot, but have never made it official that they were together even though it's so bloody obvious to anyone who's seen them together that even Luffy would be able to figure it out blindfolded.

Greer123: Yep, there's a lot at play he doesn't know about or wouldn't have considered to throw him for loops. You're very welcome, I try to always have a reply to any comments left for me.

Draegoon: Yep.

Zabaniya: No, yes, and don't worry. Read on and all will be made clear.

Guest: I'm very glad you like it, and yes I agree, it's very much a zombie horse of a premise, but one well loved for a reason. Yes, if he meets Weevil and Bakkin it's going to be quite the interesting meeting. As for the harem, in intentionally scrambled order: no, very unlikely, no, no, probably, maybe, no, no, no, no, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, unlikely, yes, no, yes, extremely unlikely, maybe, no, hard maybe, no, and yes. Well he hasn't seen Film Red, so he might have a teeny shred of knowledge that she exists, but he has no idea what her deal is beyond her being Shanks' daughter and Luffy's friend. It's best to keep an open mind about Devil Fruits, assuming one is eaten at all. Well, it may not be as soon as you'd hoped, but here it is! As for Yamato passing up swords forged by the successor of the guy who forged Oden's swords, nah. She'd sooner break her own horns off.

Dude: I'm very glad you're enjoying it. (blinks in confusion) Ah, which references would those be? I'm sure I've probably dropped at least one or two in there, but I can't for the life of me remember where or what they were.

Guest: That seems to be a common sentiment, one I enjoyed dashing with this chapter. As for the rest of it, don't worry about it. (^_^)

MethodsandMayhem: Glad you're still enjoying, I find the quiet moments are often some of the best. I love the epic stuff don't get me wrong, but life isn't all about the epic stuff. It's the little stuff in between that makes characters feel alive. Well, I can confirm that it is not Vergo. I'm glad the Kuina reveal got the desired reaction (^_^) And thank you, that is some of the highest praise you can offer an author.

Guest asking for an update: Yes actually.

Chapter 9

…~~~…

"Badipadipadip! Badipadipadip!" Sabo pulled the ringing Transponder Snail from his pocket and lifted the little microphone, "Sabo here, talk to me."

"Sabo," came a very subdued voice with a very dour expression behind the sickle shaped white moustache and the little tricorn that popped into existence on the snail.

"Hey Bones, what's up?" Sabo asked me cheerfully.

"Have you all made it to Arlong Park yet?" I asked tensely.

"Nooo…we should be there tomorrow I think," Sabo replied, "What's wrong?"

"Check for prisoners when you get there and evacuate them before Luffy brings the place down with Arlong's head, or Koala, whoever's giving him the beating he deserves," I instructed him.

"Prisoners?" Sabo asked curiously.

I think my eye might've been twitching, "We're in a timeline that I would've thought extremely unlikely. I've just learned that someone I thought was dead is alive but in a wheelchair, and if I can get her to the right doctor, may be good as new in a few months. If she's alive, then who else might be? I don't know, and I'm having a very difficult time not panicking over what other of my information might be off or just flat out bollocks."

Sabo suddenly had Zoro right next to him eyeballing the snail like it had personally offended him. I know this because my snail lost its hat and blonde hair in favor of green hair and no hat as Zoro snarled at me, "If you hurt her, I will tear you apart."

That actually took me a second to process and then I erupted as all my fear and panic turned into indignation in an instant, "WHY IN THE FLYING FUCK WOULD I WANT TO HURT THE DAUGHTER OF MY HOST?! PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT SHE'S A PERFECTLY NICE YOUNG LADY AND I'M ALREADY CONSIDERING HER A FRIEND, WHAT KIND OF HEARTLESS PIECE OF SHIT DO YOU THINK I AM?! I DON'T HURT ANYBODY WITHOUT DAMN GOOD REASON, AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS ARE COMPLETELY OFF LIMITS! NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO HURT MY FRIENDS OR MY FRIENDS' FRIENDS! PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT I HAVE DONE TO MAKE ANY OF YOU WARY OF ME! WHEN HAVE I NOT BEEN TRYING TO BE HELPFUL TO ALL OF YOU?" Then I returned to my normal volume, "Ok, except for the gag about Luffy catching the bird, that was hilarious, but also rather important to keep Buggy's men from catching and hurting Nami."

Zoro looked twitchy and completely taken aback. Then he glanced off to the side and Sanji took the mic to explain, "Your knowledge of us is highly suspicious to put it lightly. You being able to seemingly engineer events from who knows how far away is deeply unsettling, and with your motives being unknown, we can't really trust you. Your predictions have been on point thus far, except for the thing with Kuina, but that makes things even more unsettling since we know basically nothing about you. You're a good enough liar that Reiju couldn't catch you slipping, and Reiju's good. It's my understanding that you're a skilled enough fighter to be a member of Cipher Pol, and from what I've been able to gather, your entire skillset and ability to set up these events like you have points straight to it since nobody with less scope of influence than the government could possibly set this up. Even if we weren't in questionable standing with the law, you'd still be suspicious as hell." He took a drag of his cigarette, "The worst bit is that we have no idea what you want or why you care about us."

I stared at the snail and Sanji through it for what felt like a long time, "Didn't Reiju tell you what my deal is? You've clearly been told a fair bit about me, how did she not tell you that?"

"She told us you're utterly insane, in love with her, probably the strongest guy she's ever met and scarily accurate," Sanji explained, "But we're hearing you married that World Tour hottie, Sabo's telling us there's a martial art that Cipher Pol agents know to make themselves bullet proof which you also know, and the letter you left me doesn't read like it was written by a madman."

His words left me at a loss for a moment and I glanced around at images in my minds eye trying to figure out what he was on about. Then it hit me and I burst out laughing, "OH THAT SNEAKY FANCY PANTSED FUCKER! THAT'S HILARIOUS! OH MY GOD I WISH I COULD SEE KAIDO AND BIG MOM'S FACES WHEN THEY HEAR THAT!"

It took a second for me to stop laughing but when I did, I exhaled, "Okay, thanks I didn't know Mihawk was doing that. I needed that laugh. Oh, tell Luffy that Coby is a Marine now and training under Luffy's grandpa. If Luffy looks horrified, assure him that Coby will be fine, Garp won't kill him. Beat him half to death training him sure, but he won't kill him."

"How do you know that?" Zoro asked cautiously.

"Because I just saw him the other day in a Marine uniform trying to remind Garp that he was a Marine and not a preacher," I explained with a grin, "God that was funny…I don't know what Mihawk paid Jango to do that, but it wasn't enough. Anyway, my only goal was to find something I could care about so I could feel alive again, and I have. I'm helping you guys out with intel because I can and with the stakes of some of your fights, especially your upcoming scrap with the Arlong Pirates, I don't like how close you guys came to losing, so I gave you that intel and sent Sabo and Koala your way to hopefully tip the odds a bit more in your favor."

I sighed, "If it's really freaking you all out that bad though, then fine. I'll withhold the rest of my information and let you all stumble through on your own from now on. Good luck, you're going to need all you can get." KA-LICK! I hung up.

Zoro, Sanji and Sabo all stared in shock at the snail as it stared blankly back at them. After a moment Sabo let out a long low whistle, "Man, you guys really pissed him off. Koala and I were both scared as hell and ready to attack him on principle when he came in looking like Aegis Zero, Koala even offered to kill him for bringing up her past, but he still came and saved us from an ambush. For him to be so fed up he's actually willing to drop you guys like a hot potato? Yikes."

"Well, it's still a good thing right?" Zoro mused, "No more mystery man predicting our every move and puppeteering events from who knows where."

"Yeah," Sanji agreed, "It can't be a good thing to have somebody knowing our every move like that, especially if it's somebody we don't know and can't trust."

It was right about then that they realized Sabo was looking at something behind them and they both went pale as ghosts upon hearing a click-click! Click-click! They turned around and found Reiju cracking her knuckles, giving them a look that made them both wish they were fighting Mihawk instead. "Did I just hear you two cost us an extremely valuable bordering on priceless informant? Sabo, don't go far, I want that snail number when I'm done with these two."

"Yes ma'am," Sabo replied before springing up and darting past her to leave Zoro and Sanji in the prow of the boat to her very not-tender mercy.

"Now then," Reiju smiled in a very frightful way that turned into a death glare as she demanded frostily, "Explain."

"W-well, he… um… I thought you didn't trust him!" Zoro stammered.

"I didn't trust him because what he was saying sounded a thousand times too good to be true," Reiju agreed, "The instant his advice led us straight to Sanji, I realized he actually was telling the truth. I'm still not sure about the whole parallel world thing, but everything else he's said, except for the thing with Kuina, has been completely accurate, and he called to inform us of his error immediately upon realizing it."

"W-well, what if he's planning to turn us in?!" Sanji asked.

"For what?" Reiju asked sharply, "We haven't done anything illegal."

Zoro raised his hand timidly, "Um, I carved up Axe-Hand Morgan."

"Who was in gross violation of Marine code which makes him a criminal and completely viable for punching, slicing and kicking with or without hob nailed boots," countered Reiju, "Do you notice that we've only fought pirates thus far? Sabo and Koala have done quite a bit illegal, but the rest of us are in the clear as far as the law is concerned unless they can prove that Sabo and Koala were on this boat with our consent."

Zoro and Sanji were both quiet for a moment at that and then Sanji exhaled, "Look, we're just trying to protect you. I… understand that you trust him now, but I still don't. I've seen way too many slimeballs who shower pretty girls with gifts and everything they've ever wanted and then wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. One of my regulars was killed by a guy like that. I know you're upset with us, but the last thing either of us wants is for something like that to happen to you."

"And we'd tear him apart if he tried to hurt you," Zoro agreed.

Reiju considered that for a moment and then exhaled as she ran a hand through her hair. Zoro and Sanji gulped and then Reiju smiled softly, "Alright fine, I forgive you two idiots. Also, I think I just came up with a fairly good way to figure out if Bones actually cares about us or if he's just trying to get in my pants."

"What's that?" Sanji asked curiously.

"I'll ask him to still meet us in Loguetown, and when he does, I'll find a bed and rock his world. If his help dries up after that or he turns on us, then we'll know that's all he wanted and we can kill him afterwards or he can join us if he's actually sincere," Reiju explained with a grin, "We can have you two, Luffy and Usopp on standby in case things go south. Gin, Johnny, Yosaku, Sabo and Koala too if they're still with us."

"NO WAY!" Zoro and Sanji roared in unison. Koala nearly collapsed clutching her stomach cackling and Sabo had to hide his face in his hat while Usopp, Johnny, Yosaku and Gin's jaws hit the deck.

Luffy tilted his head in confusion and looked at Sabo, "Sabo, what's Reiju talking about that's got everybody so worked up? Why would Bones want to wear Reiju's pants?" Reiju started laughing too as an image of me asking if her pants made my butt look fat sprang to her mind. Koala had to hang on to the railing to keep herself upright, and every man aboard looked at Luffy like he was insane. Sabo looked and felt like he was dying inside as he realized he was going to have to give Luffy the Talk.

Reiju snorted as she managed to quell her laughter and walked over to Luffy, catching him by the hand and pulling him along, "Come on Luffy, I'll explain it."

"Is it hard?"

"Not at all, trust me."

Luffy wasn't sure why that prompted another gale of laughter but if Reiju said it was okay, it was. "Okay."

So everyone was left staring as Reiju dragged Luffy to the small boat's cabin. Gin blinked, "Damn, maybe I should take up being a loveable idiot…" He narrowly dodged Sanji's kick to his head, "Relax, everyone here's thinking it."

"Speak for yourself," Koala grinned as she hurried over to listen at the glass, "I wanna hear this! Sabo, we may need to hold Sanji back if this gets too spicy."

…

…Inside the Little Boat's Cabin…

…

Reiju sat down and gestured to the bench across from her, "Ok Luffy, sit down and we'll start with what you already know. What's the difference between boys and girls?"

Luffy sat down, "Ah, girls are pretty, boys are tough."

Reiju nodded, "That's right, what else?"

"Ah, girls wear dresses and like flowers. Guys wear pants and beat things up."

Reiju nodded, "Very good, now how about on a physical level? What's different?"

"Um, boobs," Luffy declared after a moment of thought.

Reiju sighed with a faint smile, "Yes Luffy, boobs. There's one other very important difference. You know your family jewels?"

"Yeah, what have those got to do with anything?"

"They're what make you a boy," Reiju explained, "Women don't have those. Instead they have boobs and instead of a shaft, they have a tunnel. The tunnel is made for the shaft to go into, and it feels very good for both the boy and the girl to have the shaft in the tunnel. Everything clear so far?"

Luffy nodded, "I think so."

Reiju smiled, "Good. So here's the most important part, if the shaft is properly stimulated, it produces the seed for a baby. If that seed goes into a girl's tunnel, then she can have a baby. That's why they're called Family Jewels, they can help you start a family."

Luffy blinked and stared blankly for a few moments until that managed to process. Then he frowned, "So, if I want to have a kid, I need to stick my shaft into a girl's tunnel."

Reiju nodded, "And it needs to be a girl you think highly of and get along really well with, because the kid will have a lot of their mother's characteristics too. They won't just be a tiny version of you."

"Sooo…what's this got to do with you and that Bones guy?" Luffy asked slowly, then he blinked. His eyes went cartoonishly wide and his jaw dropped to his chest, "EHHHHHHHH?! YOU TWO ARE GONNA HAVE A KID?!"

Reiju sighed with a small smile, "No Luffy, I'm not planning to have any kids yet and my abilities allow me to make sure I won't, but putting the shaft in the tunnel is still extremely fun. The more attractive you think someone is, the more fun you can have with them if they like you back. It's also something you should only do with people you think highly of, so it's…kind of like the ultimate compliment for someone to be willing to do with you. However, for some people, it's just a fun thing to do with people they consider good looking. That's what's called getting in someone's pants."

Luffy thought for a moment, "So, this Bones guy… wants to get in your pants?"

Reiju nodded, "Definitely. However, what we don't know is whether he wants to just get in my pants, or if he actually cares about me and thinks of me romantically. If he just wants to get in my pants, and doesn't care about me, then he'll leave us alone if I let him get in my pants, and we can beat him up if he doesn't. If he actually cares though, then he's a very good friend who we should appreciate."

Luffy nodded, "Okay…so why were Zoro and Sanji so upset about it? It seems pretty straightforward to me."

Reiju smiled, glad Luffy was understanding, "Zoro and Sanji are upset because they don't want anyone who doesn't truly care about me to get in my pants. I think Bones cares, but if he doesn't, then I'll have given him what he wants with nothing to show for it. It would be like…" Reiju thought for a moment to come up with a metaphor Luffy would understand, "Like me giving away a lot of my very best meat to someone for a lot of treasure, and them not paying, eating half of it and tossing the rest of it in the sea like it was worthless."

Luffy's eyes went wide and then Reiju actually shivered as something like a wave of pure fear erupted out of Luffy as he growled, "WHO THE HELL WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

Reiju nodded, keeping her expression carefully schooled to not distract Luffy while she filed away the little tidbit she had just learned, "Exactly. I think Bones cares about me and deserves a reward for helping us so much, but Sanji and Zoro don't want to risk it."

Luffy thought about it for a moment, and thought very hard. Reiju could tell from the blush and sweat that he was putting a truly herculean effort into thinking. After a moment, Luffy smacked a fist into his hand with a very proud smile, "Right! I'll just have to meet him in person! If he's a good guy then everything's fine, and if he's a bad guy, we'll kick his ass, tie him up and hand him to Grandpa! Zoro's a bounty hunter, so we can even make a lot of money doing that!"

Reiju smiled, "Yes, I think that'll work."

…

…Outside the Little Boat's Cabin…

…

Zoro and Sanji looked at Sabo, "Is he a good judge of character?"

"One of the best," Sabo replied, "Luffy might not be the smartest guy around, but his instincts are second to none. Growing up alternating between the jungle and the lawless district will do that, and Ace and I made absolutely sure he could spot a snake with or without legs a mile away."

Meanwhile, Usopp, Gin, Johnny and Yosaku were covered in sweat (though he didn't realize it, Usopp was the only one not severely light headed) and asking Koala if she perhaps knew what that wave of fear that came from Luffy was since she'd looked impressed by it.

"That's what's called Conqueror's Haki, or the Color of the Supreme King in some parts of the world," Koala explained, "It's a one in a million thing, but those that have it almost always go on to be somebody noteworthy. In the first half of the Grand Line or the Four Blues, it's a surefire sign that somebody's a powerhouse, but you just about can't throw a stone without bonking somebody that has it or works for somebody who does in the second half of the Grand Line. I don't suppose I should be surprised Luffy has it given who his grandpa is, but for him to get so worked up over meat is still kinda funny now that I think about it," she mused.

As Usopp, Gin, Johnny and Yosaku questioned whether or not she was serious, Reiju came out and asked Sabo for the Transponder Snail and my number.

…

…A Moment Later…

…

I picked up the snail's mic, still in a horrible funk and declared gruffly without looking at the snail, "Bones here, talk to me."

"I'm sorry," Reiju declared simply. My head snapped around so fast my neck almost popped. I must have made quite a face because she giggled at me and damn it how was she able to turn me on and make my foul mood vanish that quickly?! I suppose it could've had something to do with the fact it was the first time I'd heard her laugh, or maybe the apology was what did it. It probably had a lot to do with how ridiculously sexy she is.

So of course, my response was a supremely eloquent one: an equal parts brief and befuddled, "Hah?"

Reiju's smile softened a little, "I'm sorry I doubted you. It was rational, I know you're smart enough to understand and agree, but you were as good as your word. I have my brother back, I have friends, I'm free and happy and I don't know how I can ever thank you enough. Please forgive Sanji and Zoro, I heard what they said to you. They were just feeling a little overprotective. You understand right?"

I took a moment to process that and then suppressed a little shudder of emotion to huff lightly, "Yeah, I get it."

A faintly worried look entered Reiju's eyes, "Are… we still on for Loguetown? Luffy wants to meet you."

The breath went out of me all at once. The very things I'd wanted upon entering this world were being dangled right in front of my nose! Reiju's affection and a spot with the Strawhats! Well, two out of five anyway...

…Which made what I had to say next a lot harder.

"I can still meet you in Loguetown, but I can't join the crew. Not yet," I declared softly even though it felt like yanking flesh from my bones, "Some things have come up."

Reiju couldn't have looked more stunned if I had reached down the snail's throat and slapped her. She took a second to recompose herself and then with a little sad tone in her voice, "I…I see. You and World Tour then?"

I snorted, "Yama-chan actually prefers women, I just happen to be the incredibly lucky exception. She's made it very clear that she'll jump in the sack with both of us at the drop of a hat. No, the reason I can't join you yet is because I've promised to get…is Zoro listening?" Reiju glanced over to the side, "Yes he is."

I nodded, "Good. Oy Zoro! There are doctors in the Grand Line who can fix Kuina's back. She's going to walk again. You lot are headed into a right unholy shit storm the instant you enter the Grand Line, so Yamato and I are going to get her to those doctors and keep her out of the line of fire you guys are stepping into. Once she's healed, we'll catch up to you."

There was a stunned silence on the other end and then Reiju asked, "Um, what sort of shit storm?"

"Is Luffy actually going to let me tell you what's coming?" I asked, "He's pretty touchy about spoiling surprises."

"NO! Let us find out on our own!" Luffy suddenly cut in.

I chuckled, "Alright then. I'm sure you guys will be fine. I've already seen you win once, I think you can do it again. Just uh…keep plenty of drinking water handy. And bug repellent if you go into any jungles. You can probably cook up something to keep bugs away can't you Reiju?"

"Yeees, why do we need insect repellent?" she asked cautiously.

"Ever heard of Kestia?"

Reiju went ghost white, "Oh…"

I nodded, "Yeah. Bug repellent. I still kinda like you lot, I'd like for you to all make it through this alive," I declared before explaining, "I can't say much more without spoiling the surprise, but if you guys don't encounter a very large whale upon entering the Grand Line, LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY. If you see the whale, things are on track, everything's going to be fine. If you do not see the whale, then head for Whiskey Peak, which if you don't encounter the whale may be called Misty Peak. I can't believe I'm having to honestly consider the possibility."

"Um, why not?" Reiju asked curiously.

"It's a possible variation of events from a timeline I'd have called so unlikely as to be ridiculous, yet here I am, sitting next to Zoro's girlfriend who suffered something much more brutal than being dead and yet is still alive and will soon be up walking around again," I explained with a sigh.

I heard Zoro squawk something I didn't understand in the background and then Kuina sighed, "Yes Zoro, we're official. Do I really have to spell that out for you?"

Everything was quiet on the other end for a moment and then, "YAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It took a second for Reiju to explain, "Um, he's on top of the ship's cabin dancing with a big smile on his face. Somebody stop him please, he's going to open his wounds up like that."

Kuina developed a very proud little smirk over that. I nodded, "Yep. Makes sense. Anyway, I'll save any further heads ups until you're on over into the Line. Ah, except for one thing. I can't remember if I left it in the notes I left you. After you beat Arlong, Reiju, if you have any way to contact the Navy, let them know that Nezumi's crooked and taking bribes to cover up pirate activities. If you want to avoid about half the trouble you'll find in Loguetown, you need to make sure Marineford knows what went down with Arlong because Nezumi WILL drag your names straight through the mud. If Luffy complains, tell him his grandpa is nearby and WILL find him and jump him if he hears Luffy's got a bounty. You'll be a lot better off flying under the radar for as long as you can. Actually…" I thought about it for a moment, "…No, that was actually really important. Don't need to miss that. Forget I said anything, I'll make sure Garp has other things to worry about."

Reiju felt a shiver run down her spine as unknown to her I pulled out an atlas I'd acquired back on Park Island with a vicious grin, "What sort of things?"

…

…Meanwhile…

…

"GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M GOING TO KILL ARLONG!" the young boy brandishing an admittedly decently sized knife shouted in a shrill and teary voice, "HE KILLED MY DADDY, SO NOW I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

All the recently orphaned kid saw was a blur of motion before Nami's bo staff slammed into his jaw and sent him sprawling. The boy barely had time to register what had happened before a shockingly strong to be so slender hand curled into the front of his shirt and yanked him up. A pair of gold eyes bored into his from mere inches away, burning with a fire that sent shudders down the boy's spine and made him feel like a very small mouse confronted with a very large cat.

"Get in line," Nami hissed before snapping in a much more audible tone, "NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND DON'T EVER SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN IF YOU WANT TO WALK AWAY ALIVE!" In a movement too smooth for any but an extremely practiced eye to spot, she sheathed her bo staff and withdrew a handful of money that she tucked into his waistband as she grabbed it and adjusted her grip on his shirt. Then she picked him up, spun and bodily hurled him down the road away from the pirate stronghold he'd been trying to break into. "BEAT IT BRAT!"

The boy flew fifteen feet and skidded probably another ten before pushing himself up on his hands and giving Nami a wide eyed look of confusion. In that instant, the mouse and cat metaphor would've been a lot stronger, because that's what the boy scampered off like without another word.

Nami snorted and turned, pushing through the gate and strolling in. A loud voice called out, "Hey! You're back from your long trip!"

Nami covered the icy hate in her heart with a raised eyebrow and a smirk as she walked like she owned the place across the low path erected over the top of the massive pool that filled the courtyard and opened into the sea beyond. At the other end of the path was a lawn chair, sat like a throne by a massive being. Covered in rough blue gray skin with a texture like sandpaper, the pirate was ten feet and five hundred pounds of muscle with webbed fingers, claws and flipper feet, and a massive dorsal fin. Between beady red eyes full of malice and rows of razor sharp shark teeth in a grin that was far too wide, jutted a literally eight inch long nose that belonged on a cruel harpoon. Mangy black hair, damp with brackish old seawater flowed past his shoulders from under a brimless fur lined hat. He was wearing an expensive yellow cabana shirt, open to reveal an angry red marking of a sun, that if one looked closer they'd realize to be a burned on brand rather than a tattoo.

This, was Arlong the Saw.

"The mansion is unguarded as always," Nami mused as she approached.

"SHAHAHAHA! Who would be foolish enough to attack ME?" Arlong laughed, "How was your harvest?"

Nami put on her best fake smile as she placed a hand over her heart, "Brilliant, but I feel a strange emptiness in my heart."

"SHAHAHA! That's rich! You been reading poetry?!" Arlong cackled, "Betrayal is your specialty!"

"Oh? You think so?" Nami asked.

The hidden meaning of her words flew straight over Arlong's head as he threw his arms wide and bellowed, "MEN! ONE OF OUR OWN HAS RETURNED! PREPARE FOR A FEAST! WE'RE HAVIN' TUUUUUNAAAAAA TONIGHT!"

At his words the pool erupted as the dozens of fishmen sleeping in it burst to the surface, cheering, whooping and hollering with glee.

Nami hid the little shudder of worry that tried to shake her like a leaf in the wind, Reiju, Luffy…I hope you all know what you're getting into…

Then Arlong looked over at her and she had to fight down a flinch as Arlong's massive webbed hand landed on her shoulder, "By the way Nami, did you have any trouble with Buggy the Clown? The papers said you were involved in quite a battle to chase him out of Orange Town, alongside the grandson of a legendary Marine, the strongest bounty hunter in the East Blue and the runaway princess of one of the most advanced military powers among all humans." Nami wasn't sure if she went as pale as she felt she should have as Arlong grinned that razor toothed smile at her, "Sounds like you've got quite a story to tell us!"

Thinking fast she bit out, "Buggy's men were minutes away from gangraping me, those three showed up in time to save me. Can we not talk about it, please? I can still feel those sick circus freaks' grimy hands on me."

Arlong's eyes went wide and his grip tightened so much that Nami was certain she'd have a bruise from it, "What?"

"That damn clown knew I was there and had his men jump me the instant I unlocked his treasure chest. I don't know how he knew," Nami lied easy as breathing, letting her fear fuel her feigned terror at the made up memory, "I had one eye on him the entire time, it was like he had eyes in the back of his head! Nobody's ever spotted me, but he did! I, he, how did he know?! Arlong, you're from the Grand Line, you know about these things! How the hell did he know?!"

Arlong let go of her shoulder and thought for a second, "It sounds almost like he's got Observation Haki…it's a power anyone can learn, very common in the second half of the Grand Line. All the strongest pirates know it or know someone who does, but what's a user of Observation Haki doing in the East Blue with such a low bounty?" Then he shook his head, "No matter. Tomorrow morning, we'll set out in force and scour the East Blue until we find him and tear that clown apart. NOBODY touches my crew, especially not some shitty big nosed human getting handsy with our precious cartographer."

He straightened up and threw his hands wide as he faced his crew, "MEN! LISTEN UP!" As the cheering and festivities screeched to a halt, he declared at the top of his lungs, "TOMORROW, WE EMBARK ON A GREAT CRUSADE! BUGGY THE CLOWN HAS ATTEMPTED TO ENSLAVE OUR DEAR CARTOGRAPHER NAMI! TO USE HER AND HAVE HER USED AS A MERE PLAYTHING FOR HIS CREW OF WORTHLESS MAGGOTS! SHE BARELY ESCAPED WITH HER LIFE AND DIGNITY IN TACT! WILL WE ALLOW THIS?!"

"NO!" The fishmen roared back in unison.

"WHAT WILL WE DO TO THAT FOOLISH CLOWN WHO BELIEVES HIMSELF OUR SUPERIOR?! WHO BELIEVES HE CAN TAKE ONE OF OUR OWN AND CLAP HER IN CHAINS AS BRAZENLY AS HE PLEASES?!" Arlong shouted.

"KIIIIIIIILL HIIIIIM!" The fishmen howled in unison.

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!" Arlong roared, "TOMORROW MORNING WE SET OUT TO SCOUR THE EAST BLUE! WE DO NOT STOP UNTIL EVERY SOUL IN THESE WATERS KNOWS THE SIMPLE TRUTH OF THE WORLD! WE ARE SUPERIOR!"

"YEAH!"

"WE ARE FREE!"

"YEAH!"

"AND ANYONE WHO TRIES TO MESS WITH US WILL DIIIIIE!" he roared.

"YEEEEEEEEAH!"

"SO EAT! DRINK! HAVE YOUR FILL AND REST WELL! BECAUSE TOMORROW, WE GO TO WAAAAAR!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEAH!"

Nami trembled and felt tears of terror leaking from her eyes. Luffy, Reiju, I hope you guys really are right behind me…these monsters will die the entire East Blue red with blood if they leave here!

…

…In the Grand Line, Not Long After I Talked To Reiju …

…

Badipadipadip…badipadipadip… Ain glanced over at her Transponder Snails with a raised eyebrow, then both eyebrows raised as she saw which snail was ringing. Ain had four Transponder Snails, two normal, two not. Of the two normal snails, Ensign Senny was for official Marine business, the one she received most of her orders from. The other one, Cousin Vinny, for personal use, rarely if ever rang. Ain didn't have much of a life outside of her job.

The other two were for dealing with the Navy's informant network. They were both hooked to an extremely rare White Transponder Snail to make any calls made on them untappable. It was one of the only ones the entire Navy had, and Ain couldn't have been prouder when Grandma assigned the snail she affectionately referred to as Agent Blank to her. The snail on Agent Blank's left, Sly Guy, was for reporting to Grandma, or for her subordinates to report to her. Sly Guy got used pretty often.

The last snail, Mr. Sleepy, rarely got used and normally just dozed. Mr. Sleepy only got calls once every three months, like clockwork, to extend an invite to one of the Blue Circle's get-togethers. If Mr. Sleepy rang any other time, it meant something big enough for the Blue Circle to contact her was going on. Mr. Sleepy had rang a few weeks earlier to arrange the meeting on Disco Ball Island, which Ain still blushed lightly at the thought of. He wasn't supposed to ring again for another six and a half weeks.

Ain answered Mr. Sleepy, "Talk to me."

Mr. Sleepy grew a sickle shaped white moustache and his cute little face twisted into a grin as mischief blazed in his eyes, "If I handed you the location of Golden Lion Shiki, the details of the secret weapon he's been preparing since he busted out of Impel Down, and his plans, do you suppose you could get Garp on the case? You'll want to send Aokiji too. Maybe Kizaru. DO NOT send Akainu, there are too many civilians involved. The last thing anyone needs is that lunatic getting in a fight with one of the old legends near a civilian population."

Ain froze and then, "I think that can probably be arranged. Would you mind a conference call with my superiors? If what you're about to say is true, then it's rather important. They'll want to hear it straight from you."

"I'm agreeable to that," I replied with a small smile.

Ain's breath caught, "Alright, let me patch you through."

She set the mic aside and quickly turned to Sly Guy, "Call Grandma."

A moment later Vice Admiral Tsuru picked up, "I presume you have something to report?"

"I have just received an offer of information from one of my sources, I think you want to hear this yourself," Ain explained quickly.

Tsuru nodded, "Very well, let's hear it. Who's talking?"

I grinned, "Well, well, well, Vice Admiral Tsuru the Great Staff Officer. It's an honor to make your acquaintance. My name is Bones, I suppose you might have heard of me."

"I'm not surprised you know who I am, but I am surprised you consider it an honor to speak to me," Tsuru replied with a raised eyebrow, "Not many pirates would."

"Anyone who can make Donquixote Doflamingo turn tail and run is worthy of respect I think," I declared, "But I'm actually calling about a different blonde piece of shit. I'm sure you remember Shiki the Golden Lion."

"Ain, write this down," Tsuru instructed quickly before returning her attention to me, "Continue."

"I have two conditions for sharing this information," I explained, "I would like your assurance that Vice Admiral Garp will be sent to deal with Shiki promptly, and that Admiral Akainu will not be allowed anywhere near this case. Kizaru, Aokiji, anyone but Akainu."

Tsuru raised an eyebrow, "May I ask why?"

"Shiki has an entire village enslaved and everyone except the elderly and children acting as forced labor in his fortress," I explained, "I have zero faith in Akainu to consider the needs of the innocent. He'd burn the entire place to the ground without a care for how many of Shiki's victims he torched. I'm a bit leery of Kizaru, but Aokiji at least I'm pretty sure can be trusted not to repeat Akainu's genocide of the civilians on Ohara. A Navy intervention is worse than worthless if the officer commanding it allows the wholesale slaughter of those they are meant to be saving. That's also why I want Garp there, him I can trust to keep this from turning into a massacre of innocents who've already suffered enough."

Tsuru was quiet for a moment and then, "You seem awfully concerned about civilian casualties for a pirate. This seems at odds with your behavior during the Goa Incident."

"You mean where we bankrupted an entire city of scum who'd burn hundreds if not thousands of men, women and children alive for the crime of being poor and in the process bumped off the man planning to assassinate their king and crown prince?" I asked bluntly.

Tsuru blinked and then asked, "…What? I know of the Gray Terminal Incident, it's not something we've ever been able to prove, but what's this about a planned assassination?"

I snorted, "Prince Stelly was planning to bump off the king and crown prince to pave his own way to the throne. He'd have succeeded before the next Reverie. I don't much care for any of Goa's so called 'nobility', but the thought of that moronic little shit on a throne sickens me. He'd run a kingdom into the ground faster than you could ask what the hell happened. That's neither here nor there though. What say you Vice Admiral, interested in putting down one of the greatest threats to the world at large before he can get going?"

Tsuru nodded, "Yes, of course. I'm afraid I cannot guarantee Akainu will not be deployed though."

"Then go get Sengoku," I declared calmly, "I seem to recall him having a something of a grudge against Shiki, he'll want to hear this. I'll keep shut and deal with it myself if the alternative is Akainu slaughtering civilians again, but I'll let him scuttle half your fleet first."

Tsuru went pale, "I'll be right back."

A moment later it was Ain's expression reflected by the snail, "Oh my god Bones are you out of your mind?! You can't just say things like that! Your bounty will probably double again making threats like that!"

"Wasn't a threat," I snorted, "That's just incentive to work with me. When Shiki's ready to move, he'll storm Marineford and scuttle every ship there by flinging it into Marine HQ to keep Sengoku from being able to come after him and announce his return."

"How do you know this?" Ain asked quietly.

"Seen him do it," I replied, "Was quite the spectacle. Have to give him credit, he knows how to make a declaration of war."

Ain gulped and then the snail grew an afro and glasses. "Yes, who is this?"

"This be Bones," I replied with a small dry grin, "Little birdy told me you want the dirty on Shiki the Golden Lion."

Sengoku glanced sideways in surprise, I would suppose at Tsuru and then turned back to me, "Yes, we would like that information, although I expect you have a steep price in mind for such valuable information."

"Hardly," I replied, "I want to make sure Akainu stays the hell away from it. I refuse to be responsible for another Ohara incident. Send Garp, send Kizaru or Aokiji, hell, go yourself if you feel like it, but if I hear about Akainu getting anywhere near this where he can fire bomb the civilians Shiki's got enslaved in his fortress like the rabid mutt he is, there will be absolute hell to pay. I'm not overly eager to make your life hell, but those people have suffered enough, so let's keep Akainu far away from slaughtering any more civilians, 'kay? I would very much like for Garp to be in charge of this operation, he's one of the few Marines I would sincerely trust to protect the innocent lives on the line here."

Sengoku grimaced, "I see. Not the sort of reasoning I'd expect to hear from a pirate, but very well. I will make sure Akainu is not put on this case and assign Garp to it. Now," he blasted Conqueror's Haki through the snail, "TALK."

I snorted with a small grin as the pressure faded, "Nice try, but I make love to a Conqueror on a daily basis. It'll take more than a bit of Haki to bother me. You will find Shiki at the island of Merville, he has levitated an entire archipelago to keep his secret weapon hidden and contained. He's using a drug made from a plant called IQ to forcibly evolve the animals of the archipelago into an army of biological superweapons. Every one of these animals is strong enough to put a hundred million beri pirate on the run. He has thousands, possibly tens of thousands of these monstrosities. Two or three of these beasts unleashed on a civilian population would be like dropping a bomb capable of leveling a city. They are all supremely aggressive and will attack anything that moves. The beasts are kept out of Shiki's palace by a plant called Pop Greens, they produce a foul and toxic pollen that the beasts won't go near. Destroy his hedge of Pop Greens, and his own beasts will demolish his fortress just like they would anything else."

"At the bottom of the archipelago is a village of innocent civilians," I explained, "Shiki has kidnapped all except the children and elderly to act as his crew's servants in his palace. When he is through with them, he will let them go home to be slaughtered as a demonstration to those he intends to recruit. Be prepared for the possibility of him trying to use his victims as meat shields."

"He is currently scouting crews to add to his own. He will find fifty willing to join him, but by my reckoning one or two vice admirals should be able to sweep through every last one of them with relative ease. Shiki's going for quantity over quality with his recruits whether he admits it to himself or not."

I exhaled, "His end game for his army of monsters is the wholesale demolition of the entire East Blue, both as one final fuck you to the ghost of Gold Roger and as an act of terror to force the World Government to bend the knee to him or see the same fate befall the rest of the world. He's picking what he thinks is the softest target in the hopes of catching you all off guard with the staggering amount of blood he aims to spill. If he is not stopped, it will be a slaughter of international proportions. When you move on Merville, I recommend sending Aokiji for crowd control of the monsters and Kizaru to combat Shiki's mobility. You'll need to evacuate the civilians prior to taking down Shiki, because once he's down for the count, the entire archipelago will drop. The civilians might be prepared for it, but I wouldn't risk it."

After a moment Sengoku asked, "Is there anything else?"

I shrugged, "Nothing I can think of. Go in with the expectation that everything that moves aside from the civilians can and will kill you, and don't bother Magellan when you beat Shiki. Just kill him and have done with it. Shiki's already gotten out of Impel Down once, don't give him another chance. Oh, and speaking of Magellan: if you want to prevent the destruction of Marineford and the rise of a new Pirate Emperor worse than any of the four currently active, tell Magellan that Shilliew does not need to continue breathing even one more second. Execute that son of a bitch before he enables the break out of every inmate in Level Six. You have less than a year to do this. I wouldn't wait even one extra second."

Sengoku's eyes were bugged out slightly, "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Do I strike you as a man who likes slaughter Fleet Admiral?" I asked quietly, "I'm not. Were it not for the World Nobles and the horrific things permitted and even encouraged under their rule, I would likely be on the side of the law. I'll not side with the cancer that's killing this world," I declared softly, "But I won't see innocents massacred either. Please, stop Shiki before he hurts anyone else." I hung up.

…

I exhaled and looked over at Kuina who was staring at me slack jawed. I exhaled, "Well, that was fun."

Kuina picked her jaw up off the ground, "You're serious."

"Always if I haven't prefaced it with 'Hey you wanna hear a joke?'," I confirmed before taking a drink.

…

…Meanwhile…

…

Sengoku sighed, "Commodore, do you believe we can trust him?"

Ain measured her words for a moment and then, "Honestly sir? Yes, I believe him wholeheartedly. I would pray it to be the ramblings of a madman, but…" She shook her head, "I don't think he would draw our attention like this unless it was urgent. He's too cautious, and even my informants agree he is scarily well informed. I wouldn't put it past him to be one hundred percent correct about everything he said."

Sengoku was quiet for a moment and then, "Very well. You will assist with this mission. Your Devil Fruit power will be useful for dealing with these so called monsters. If it turns out to be a wild goose chase, you will be relieved of duty as handler of our informants. If it proves to be true and we aren't able to catch Bones, then you will still be relieved of duty as handler of our informants because if he's got this much information, I want you in deep cover with his crew to find out everything else he knows too. This is not punishment Ain. This is something I can't trust anyone less capable than you with. You already have a foot in the door with them, you're the best candidate hands down."

Ain reeled back as though struck, her expression going slack with horror as she went ghostly pale, "W-WHAT?!"

"Did I stutter Commodore?" Sengoku asked levelly.

"N-n-no Fleet Admiral," Ain answered shakily, "I…" she swallowed, "I understand. Given that my career is apparently riding on it, may I ask who is being sent to catch him?"

"He doesn't want Akainu on the Shiki case?" Sengoku asked with a malicious grin, "Fine, I'll put his least favorite Admiral on his case."