Finally, I get to rest all day and finish the next chapter. I just got a wonderful mood yesterday so I finished the half of it. It's really weird I just slept 1 am and wake up 7 pm. Well, at least I'm full charge now. Oooh, and I'm going to make a few song fics today so better check it out or else. . .new, I got nothing! Okay, good night. Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves—Zoe couldn't feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung her around and round like a rag doll.
She fought to keep her breath in, to keep her lips locked around her last store of oxygen.
The cold of the water was numbing her arms and legs. She didn't feel the buffering so much as before. It was more of just dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.
She forced her arms to continue reaching, her legs to kick harder, though every second she was facing a new direction. It couldn't be any good. What was the point?
She didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of her arms as the muscles gave out in the exhaustion, that made her content to stay where she was. She was almost happy that it was over. This was easier death than others she'd faced. Oddly peaceful.
She thought briefly of the clichés; about how she was suppose to see her life flash before her eyes. She was so much luckier. Who wanted to see rerun, anyway?
And she had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory.
Her ears were flooded with the freezing water. Why would she fight when she was so happy where she was? Even as her lungs burned for more air and her legs cramped the icy cold, she was content. She'd forgotten what real happiness felt like.
Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
The current won at the moment, shoving her abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit her solidly across the chest, slamming into her like at iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of her lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down her throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging her, pulling her away, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor.
Goodbye, I love you, was her last thought.
At that moment, her head broke the surface.
How disorienting. Zoe'd been sure she was sinking.
The current wouldn't let up. It was slamming her against the rocks; they beat against the center of her back sharply, rhythmically, pushing the water from her lungs. It gushed out in amazing volume, absolute torrents pouring from her mouth and nose. The salt burned and her lungs burned from her throat were too full of water to catch a breath and the rocks were hurting her back. Somehow she stayed in one place, though the waves still heaved around her. She couldn't see anything but water everywhere, reaching for her face.
"Breathe!" a voice, wild with anxiety, ordered, and she felt a cruel stab of pain when she recognized the voice—because it was Takuya.
She could not obey. The waterfall pouring from her mouth didn't stop long enough for her to catch a breath. The black, icy water filled her chest, burning.
The rock smacked into her back again, right between her shoulder blades, and another volley of water chocked its way out of her lungs.
"Breathe, Zoe! C'mon!" Takuya begged.
Black spots bloomed across her vision, getting wider and wider, blocking out the light.
The rock struck her again.
The rock wasn't cold like the water; it was hot on her skin. She realized it was Takuya's hand, trying to beat the water from her lungs. The iron bar that dragged her from the sea was also . . . warm . . . Her head whirled, the black spots covered everything.
Was she dying, again? She didn't like it—this wasn't as good as the last time. It was only dark now, nothing worth looking at here. The sound of the crashing waves, faded into the black and became quiet, even whoosh that sounded like it was coming from the inside of her ears. . .
"Zoe?" Takuya asked, his voice still tense, but not as wild as before. "Zoe, can you hear me?"
The contents of her head swished and rolled sickeningly, like they'd joined the rough water . . .
"How long has she been unconscious?" someone else asked.
The voice that was not Takuya's shocked her, jarred her into a more focused awareness.
She realized she was still. There was no tug of the current on her—the heaving was inside her head. The surface under her was flat motionless. It felt grainy against her bare arms.
"I don't know," Takuya reported, still frantic. His voice was very close. Hands—so warm they had to be his—brushed wet hair from her cheeks. "A few minutes? It didn't take long to tow her to the beach."
The quiet whooshing inside her ears was not the waves—it was the air moving in and out of her lungs again. Each breath burned—the passageways were as raw as if she'd scrubbed them out with steel wool. But she was breathing.
"She's breathing. She'll come around. . . . "Zoe recognized Koji's voice this time.
"You think its okay to move here?" Koichi asked.
"She didn't hurt her back or anything when she fell?"
"I don't know," Takuya answered.
They hesitated.
She tried to open her eyes. It took her a minute, but then she could see the dark clouds. "Takuya?" she croaked.
Takuya's face blocked out of the sky. "Oh!" he gasped, relief washing over his features. His eyes were wet. "Oh, Zoe! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you hurt anywhere?"
"J-just m-my throat," she stuttered.
"Let's get you out of here, then," Koji said. Takuya slid his arms under her and lifted her without effort—like picking up an empty box. His chest was bare and warm; he hunched his shoulders. Her head lolled over his arm. She stared vacantly back toward the furious water, beating the sand behind him.
"You got her?" She heard Koichi ask him.
"Yeah, I'll take it from here. Get home. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks, guys."
Her head was still rolling. None of his words sunk in at first. Nobody answer. There was no sound, and she wondered if the twins are already gone.
The water licked and writhed up the sand after us as Takuya carried her away, like it was angry that she'd escaped. As she stared wearily, a spark color caught her unfocused eyes—a small flash of fire was dancing on the black water, far out in the bay. The image made no sense, and she wondered how conscious she really was. Her head swirled with the memory of the black, churning water—of being so lost that she couldn't find up or down. So lost . . . but somehow Takuya. .
"How did you find me?" Zoe rasped
"I was searching for you," he told her. He was half-jogging, up the beach toward the road. "I was trying to call you while I was walking at the beach with Koji and Koichi then we found your shoes. . ." He shuddered. "Why would you do something like that, Zoe? Didn't you notice the big waves out here? Couldn't you at least tell me you're going for a swim?" Anger filled his tone as the relief faded.
"I threw the locket you gave me at the sea and I realized it's the latest memory I have for you, so I dive into the ocean and searched for it. . . .Sorry," she muttered as she showed the padlock that she notice she never let go. "It was stupid."
"Yeah, it was really stupid," he agreed as he nodded. "Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're committing suicide behind my back."
"Sure," she agreed. "No problem." She sounded chain-smoker. She tried to clear her throat—and then winced; the throat-clearing felt like stabbing a knife down there. "I'm sorry about what happened while ago. I was shock about. . .you know." It was her turn to shudder, right next to his ridiculous body heat.
Takuya shook his head. He was still more running than walking as he headed up the road to her apartment. "Yeah. Your Dad told me the exact address of your home—I have my advantage here. I raced at the beach—I was afraid you were going to double-swimming. I guess I was right, you were spending so much time on the beach. . ." He trailed off, a catch on his throat.
"Koji and Koichi came back with you. . .is Shinya and Kate at home, too?" She hoped they weren't still out searching for Takuya.
"Yeah. Sort of."
She tried to read his expression, squinting. His eyes were tight with worry and pain.
The words that made sense before suddenly did.
"Where are you studying? Have you taken your entrance exam?" Her voice jumped up an octave, sound strange with the hoarseness.
"California State University. And yes. I'll get the result next week. I think I'll pass. It's easier than I thought."
"CSU?" Zoe shook her head, trying to absorb what he was saying. "That's funny, I'm also going to study there."
"Yeah. Pretty weird, too. I'm trying for the College of Engineering, Computer Science and Technology. "
"I'm trying out for College of Business and Accountancy . . . Are you sure Kate's going to be okay with this?
Takuya's eyes tightened again. "She looks so great right now."
Abruptly, she felt really sick with guilt—felt truly horrible about the brainless swimming issue. Nobody needed to be worrying about her right now. What a stupid time to be reckless.
"What can I do?" she asked.
She hadn't realized they were already back to Zoe's apartment until he walked through the door.
"Lock the door next time," Takuya snapped. "You can stay here," Takuya said as he dumped her on the couch. "I mean it—right here. I'll get you some dry clothes."
She let her eyes adjust to her room while Takuya banged around in her bedroom.
Takuya was back in seconds. He threw a pile of gray cotton at her. "This will be good for you, and it's the best you've got today. I'll, er, step outside so you can change."
"Don't' go anywhere. I'm too tired to move yet. Just stay with me."
Takuya sat on the floor next to her, his back against the couch. She wondered when he's slept last. He looked as exhausted as she felt.
He leaned his head on the cushion next to hers and yawned. "Guess I could rest for a minute."
His eyes closed. She let hers slide shut, too.
Zoe's sofa was right next to the radiator, and she was warm now, despite her soaked clothes. Her lungs ached in a way that pushed her toward unconsciousness rather than keeping her awake. She wondered vaguely if it was wrong to sleep. . .or was she getting drowning mixed up with concussions. . . ? Takuya began softly snoring, and the sound of it soothed like a lullaby. She fell asleep quickly.
For the first time in a very long time, her dream was just a normal dream. Just a blurred wandering through old memories—blinding visions of Shibuya sun, her mother's face, a ramshackle tree house, a faded quilt, a wall of mirrors, a flame on the black water. . .she forgot each of them as soon as the picture changed.
The last picture was the only one that stuck in her head. It was meaningless—just a set on a stage. A balcony at night, painted moon hanging in the sky. She watched the girl in her nightdress lean on the railing and talk to herself.
Meaningless. . . but when she slowly struggled back to consciousness, Juliet was on her mind.
Takuya was still asleep; he'd slumped down to the floor and his breathing was deep and even. The house was darker now than before, it was black outside the window. She was tiff, but warm and almost dry. The inside of her throat burned with every breath she took.
She was going to have to get up—at least get to a drink. But her body just wanted to lie here limp, to never move again.
Instead of moving, she stood to flicked the light on. She blinked momentarily blind. Takuya startled awake, gasping and jumping to his feet.
"Sorry," Zoe grunted. "Did I wake you?"
Takuya stared after her for a minute, then Zoe came to sit on the floor beside him. He out his face in his hands. She rubbed his shoulder, whishing she could think of anything to say.
After a long moment, Takuya caught her hand and held it to his face.
"How are you feeling? Are you okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something." He sighed.
"Don't worry about me," she croaked.
He twisted his head to look at her. "You don't look so good."
"I don't feel so good, either, I guess."
"I'll buy you some medicines—you're probably going to catch a cold."
"Right."
She lay listlessly on the sofa while she waited for him. She felt like peeping tom.
It didn't take Takuya long. He helped her up from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around her shoulder when she drank her medicine.
"How will you get home?" She asked.
"I'll take a taxi. Don't worry about me."
And then, as clearly as if he were in immediate danger, Zoe's velvet voice whispered.
"Be happy," she told him.
Takuya froze.
"Oh yeah. . .I almost forgot. Its Shinya's birthday tomorrow, come at my place tomorrow. The twins will pick you up."
"I'll be there."
"Good night."
It was quiet after that. Her mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast.
What if? What was the right thing to do?
She couldn't imagine her life without Takuya now—she cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to her survival. But to leave thing the way they were . . . was that cruel, as Koji had accused?
She remembered wishing that she never left Takuya. She realized now that all she really wanted was a claim on him. She felt very safe and happy when he held her. It just felt nice—warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Takuya was a safe harbor.
She could stake a claim. She had that much within her power.
She'd have to tell him everything, she knew that. It was the only way to be fair. She'd have to explain right, so that he'd know she wasn't settling, that he was much too good for her. He already knew she was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. She'd have to admit she was crazy—but everything's already too late, he had made a decision.
But, even as she recognized that necessity, she knew he would take her in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.
She would have to commit to this—commit as much of her as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would she? Could she?
Would it be wrong to try make Takuya happy? Even if the love she felt for him was more than anything else of what she was capable of, even if her heat was far away, wandering and grieving, would it be so very wrong?
She stared at the padlock and held it tightly. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Takuya. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear." She laughed her throaty laugh.
Her breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of her throat.
Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for her? She though he would. He wouldn't begrudge her this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to her friend Takuya. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.
She knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. . .It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.
But could she do it? Could she betray her absent heart to save her pathetic life?
Butterflies assaulted her stomach.
Party
"Happy birthday, Shinya!" Shinya looked down.
There was a table with a white cloth draped over it, holding a birthday cake, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver wrapped presents.
The twins, Koji and Koichi—were the closest to Shinya. Koji hugged him tightly, and then Koichi put his arm around Shinya's shoulders.
"Thanks, guys," he stage-said.
Takuya and Kate stood behind them. Kate smile and glared at him. Takuya's face was stretched into a huge grin.
"I wonder when you're going to change," Takuya said with a mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference."
"Thanks a lot, big brother," Shinya said.
Zoe laughed, "I have to step in for a second—Don't do anything funny while you're brother's gone."
"I'll try."
"Time to open presents," Kate declared. Zoe's put her hand under Shinya's elbow and towed her to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.
"Open it." Zoe took a picture of Kate and Shinya with a big, square silver box.
The box was a little heavy. The tag on top said that it was from Koji and Koichi. Self-consciously, he tore the paper off and then stared at the soccer ball.
"Whoa. . .thanks!"
Koji actually cracked a smile. Koichi laughed.
"Thanks, Koji and Koichi!" he called more loudly.
He heard his booming laugh, and he couldn't help laughing, too.
"Open mine, and Takuya's next," Kate said. She held a small m flat square in her hand.
After opening Shinya's presents, Zoe took a lot of shots with her digital camera. They opened a few Cokes, and began eating their dinner and deserts while singing at the karaoke.
"I dedicate this song for you Takuya," Kate assured Takuya. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, leaving Zoe's skin tingling from Takuya's touch to Kate.
Zoe inhaled deeply and turned to Shinya. "They look cute together, don't they?" She sighed.
Shinya chuckled with delight.
Then Kate began singing:
How can I find something
That two can take
Without stumbling as we
Walk into our future's wake
I'm like a broken record
That you can play
Repeating as if it matters
Everything I want to say
I'll be all right
As long as it matters
As long as you're here with me now
Takuya and Zoe had a flashback.
"Zoe, c'mon!" Koji yelled form the outside. "You gotta see this!"
Zoe peeked to the outside through her window.
"What is he doingnow?" She groaned as Takuya started singing:
I'll be all right
As long as it matters
As long as you're here with me now
Unnaturally still, Zoe waited perfectly motionless in where she was sitting. Everybody noticed that except for Kate.
Zoe's knees trembled for a second. After the party, Zoe hurled herself at Shinya.
"Happy birthday, Shinya!" she cried as she slammed into him.
"Do you still love big brother?" There was a strange mingling of relief and confusion in his voice.
Zoe stared at Takuya with Kate, the twins were taking pictures with her camera.
Zoe locked her arms around him, gasping. It wasn't like anything else. Her memory hadn't done it justice.
She didn't notice when the gasping turned into something else—she only realized she was sobbing when he rubbed her back in a gentle rhythm, waiting for her to get control of herself.
"I'm. . .sorry," she blubbered. "I'm just. . . .so happy. . .that you've grown!"
"It's okay, Zoe. Everything's okay."
"Yes," she brawled. And, for once, it seemed that way.
Shinya sighed. That brought her up short and stopped sobs. She realized it's getting late, and why she's still not leaving.
"Hey, hey. Can I have my camera back?"
"Here," Takuya gave it to her hand. "Get home safely."
Zoe pursed her lips as she nodded.
Kate's Apartment
"Do you still love Zoe?" Kate asked.
"Why?" Takuya questioned.
"Just curious."
"You mean you're doubting," he corrected.
"Because you're staring at her like a blinding sun."
"I promised to love you no matter what, right?" his voice imitated his so perfectly that Kate froze in shock while the pain ripped through her torso. "My future is you," he continued to quote her. "Please don't done damage."
"But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't see," she went on. "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Takuya. It's just that I'm already attuned to you. . .when I see Zoe, I didn't think, I just feel like she's going to take you away from me. I knew this is wrong, but I couldn't help it. And somehow, you drive up." She shook her head, this time in confusion. Her voice was strained. "I was jealous of Zoe. . .yesterday. . .I wish I was the one drowning. I don't care what will happen. I don't know what you could do to yourself. But I know what that could do to you."
"You don't have any idea what that could do to me."
Takuya hugged her romantically, even after he realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect bell tone of her voice. But it was time to interrupt.
"Kate, I love you more."
She eyes him dubiously. "Are you saying you love Zoe?"
"No, but. . . ." he grimaced. "I did but not anymore because I don't want to."
Her expression hardened.
"Why wouldn't I love you?" He insisted. "You looked like. . .fun, and I was never bored around you . . . ."
She waited.
"I never stop thinking about you. I know what will affect you. Actually, not a second I forget about you."
Kate didn't buy it. She could see that she still thought he still loves Zoe. He decided to redirect. "I'm sorry if I upset you."
She cocked her head to the side, distracted.
He continued. "It's true that I love you more than anything."
Kate frowned in perplexity. "I'm sorry I doubted you."
"There's only one thing to do."
Kate watched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across Takuya's face. Something was bothering him—but she wasn't sure.
She froze.
"What's that?" she muttered.
"We trust each other."
"It sounded more than okay."
"Deal or no deal? Take it. . .or leave it?"
"Fine. . .deal."
"Kate, Zoe's. . .sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, I'm with you. . ."
Kate nodded, seeming preoccupied.
"What?"
"I don't know," she said. "I think I'm going to have a head ache."
"Well, drink some medicines tonight, at least."
She rolled her eyes. "You were a fool to think you could survive alone."
"I survived," he pointed out.
She was thinking of something else. "So, greet Shinya for me."
"Shinya is. . .knocked out."
She heard the reluctance in his voice, and her eyebrows rose.
Takuya gnawed on his lip for a second.
"Look, I'll take you to dinner. . .tomorrow night," Takuya said. "And then we'll go wherever you want."
Kate gawked at him for a moment, and then recovered herself, blinking rapidly. "Well, I guess that would make me feel better," she muttered. "But I still don't like Zoe around you," she frowned, her porcelain forehead creasing.
"I'll try."
"I'm feeling really awful," she said absently, still frowning. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night."
"Sweet dreams."