Hotch looked at Penelope in confusion, then it occurred to him what she meant, and he turned to Morgan.
"What did you say?" he demanded.
"What? I didn't say anything?" Morgan sputtered.
"Then why is Penelope upset?" Hotch asked.
"I don't know, man, you know pregnant women . . ." Morgan trailed off.
"Clearly, you do not or we wouldn't be having this discussion. I need to talk to you after the meeting."
Hotch turned and marched down the hall, shaking his head. He suspected that Morgan had said something stupid to Penelope. He knew that he was right about how Morgan would feel about his wife, he just didn't know what Morgan had done to screw it up.
Morgan stood there for a moment with his brow furrowed. Prentiss walked past him and said "Chop, chop, Morgan, we're supposed to be in the conference room . . . hey, you okay?"
"I'm fine," he replied, falling into step beside her, "I'm just a little confused. Pen's upset and Hotch is mad at me."
Prentiss narrowed her eyes at him. "Tell me that you didn't make a comment about her weight, even a joke."
"No!" Derek cried. "Do I look like a complete moron? Why would you think I would do something like that?"
"I don't know," Prentiss answered, "but I do know that the quickest way to upset a pregnant woman is to make her feel bad about how she looks."
"I would never do that!" Derek huffed. "Even if she didn't look amazing, I wouldn't do that. She knows that I think that she's completely fucking gorgeous."
They had reached the door of the conference room. Hotch was standing inside and caught the tail end of the conversation. He nodded to himself, he knew he was right. He just had to find out what was wrong with Derek.
Thankfully, the meeting was a short one. Hotch wanted to review some of the desk profiles that they had submitted and let the team know about some cases that they were watching. After the meeting, Derek trailed after Hotch, feeling a little like he was going to the principal's office.
Hotch walked into his office and gestured for Derek to sit down. Derek's unease increased when Hotch closed the door. Hotch seated himself behind his desk and looked at Derek with a stoic expression.
Derek slumped down and said "Come on man, you're starting to freak me out."
Hotch studied Derek for a second and said, "You love your wife, right?"
Derek shot up in his chair and looked at Hotch incredulously. "Of course!"
"And you find her attractive?"
"Are you crazy? She's the most incredible woman for miles! In the world!" Derek cried.
"Okay, one more question." Hotch leaned forward and said "You think that she's sexy?"
"What the-"
"Answer the question, Derek" Hotch said sharply.
"God, yes! I can barely keep my hands off of her. I mean, I flirt with her all of the time!"
"I know that you're flirting with her. We ALL know that you're flirting with her. The question is whether you're doing anything about it."
Derek looked at Hotch in horror. "Hotch, she's pregnant!
"So?"
Derek stared at Hotch as if he'd grown another head. "Hotch, I can't . . . I mean . . . she's . . . Isn't that . . . wrong?"
Hotch looked at Derek and shook his head. They'd finally gotten to the root of the problem. He sighed.
"Didn't you talk to your doctor about this?" Hotch asked.
"He didn't say anything about it," Derek said defensively. "And I certainly wasn't going to ask!"
Hotch sighed again. "Why not?"
"Why NOT?" Derek sputtered. "And look like some pervert or a horndog who couldn't stay off his wife for nine months?"
Hotch rubbed his temples and muttered, "The things I do for this team." He took a deep breath and looked Derek in the eye.
"Derek, your wife is pregnant, not some paragon of virtue. She is still a sexual being, and is in fact is dealing with a flood of hormones that may increase her sexual desire. In addition, she, like every pregnant woman, is sensitive about her appearance. Your withdrawal from your physical relationship because of your archaic idea of the untouchable mother has hurt her feelings and caused her considerable frustration. Literally and figuratively."
"But-" Derek tried.
"But nothing. You said that you could barely keep your hands off of her. Stop trying."
"How do you know this?" Derek demanded.
"It's common knowledge that it's safe to have intercourse up through the eighth month with no harm to the baby. As for how Garcia is feeling, I had the misfortune to overhear a comment meant for JJ. Don't ask me any more about that." Hotch sighed again. "Get it together, Morgan, and stop making my favorite tech unhappy. That is all." He picked up a file from the desk and began to peruse its contents.
Morgan stared at Hotch, not sure whether to feel embarrassed, chastised, or both.
Hotch looked up from his paperwork. "We're done here, Morgan. Believe me, I do not want to discuss this again."
Morgan got up slowly and walked out of Hotch's office, not sure what to think. He stood there for a moment, frowning, then made a beeline across the bullpen towards a certain office.