A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the supportive feeback, and I know it's probably not a soon of an update you would like. I am trying the best I can! So…this basically was just going to be a one shot, but then I decided I liked it enough to expand it. So the plan was for every chapter to have a flashback but I couldn't really work one in to this chapter. I know it's not extremely interesting but I feel that this is important to really tell the story. Try to imagine this going on at the same time all the Jackie/ Fez stuff was going on. I like to imagine that Jackie and Hyde were secretly having moments when the gang wasn't around, and that Donna knew Hyde wanted her back. So yeah, it's really emotional so I hope you like it! Thanks! Oh and btw, this one's pretty short! Again, sorry but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
The chill of the night air radiated throughout his body as he walked out of his car into the parking lot of Fez and Jackie's apartment. He hates to admit it, but he had always thought that he would have been the one to share an apratment with Jackie, not Fez. He hiked up the steps and knocked on the caramel colored door. His foot was tapping, and for once, his sunglasses were not there to hide the nervousness that took his eyes from baby blue to an almost navy. He knocked a few more times and by then it was apparent that nobody was home. He climbed back down the stairs, shoving his hands in his pockets for warmth and for comfort. She wasn't in the basement, she wasn't at Donna's, and she wasn't at the apartment. There was only one other option.
He pulled up to the water tower and climbed out of the El Camino. Staring the water tower up and down, he started to climb. The water tower had a different look to it, a different feel. He couldn't exactly pin-point it. He supposed it was because now, everything was different. Kelso was in Chicago, "working" at the Playboy Mansion. Eric was in Africa, which is a shame because he would have known exactly how to make things right with Jackie. Donna was with Randy, and Jackie was living with Fez. He had to wonder how things had got so far off track. They had been so connected to each other for so long and then all of a sudden, nothing was the same. He got to the top of the water tower expecting to find her, but she wasn't there. He sighed in what he guessed was dissapointment and sat down, his legs dangling above the ground. He wrapped his hands around and rested his chin on the metal. It was icy against his skin.
He was contemplating giving up. Jackie obviously didn't want to see him anymore, although he really couldn't blame her. At first he thought he was just giving her what she deserved. But as time went on and she saw the remorse and ture honesty in her statement "Nothing happened", he began to think differently. Now that he looked back on it, he realized that even if she had slept with Kelso, she still didn't deserve the way he had treated her. No one deserved that.
Yep, he was giving up. But he'd done that so many times. He gave up on her. He couldn't do it again, but what else was there left to do. The damage he had caused seemed permanet. He could spend every second of every day with her from this point on and he could pour out his heart and soul to her and it still wouldn't fiz things. He couldn't believe he had let it get to the point where nothing he could do would make her feel better. He used to be the one to make her feel better, not the one to make her cry.
So there's nothing left to do, except give up. Just then, he heard the click of high heels coming up the water tower. That's how he knew it was Jackie. He cleared his throat, straitend his back, and tried to look nonchalont. He eyes widened when she saw him, but then returned to her normal almond shape.
"Oh" She said quietly. "It's you." She sat down next to him quietly and then copied his position and put her forarms on the bar and her chin on her hands. They were quiet for a moment, neither knowing what to say or weather to say anything at all.
"Steven?" She asked, her voice barely above a wisper, floating in the wind.
"Yeah?" He answered her. She drew a shaky breath and closed her eyes.
"I have to ask you something." She said nervously. He nodded and waited for it. She sighed and started to ask but her body betrayed her and for the first time in her life, she was speechless. She looked the other direction but he gently turned her head back and when they locked eyes, hers held fearful tears.
"Come on Jackie. What is it?" He coaxed.
She closed her eyes and breathed what looked to be a painful breath.
"Do you ever miss me?" She whispered, her eyes still closed. "Because I…I do. I know I shouldn't but I do. God, I just…I miss you so much." Tears now streaming down her face. For the first time since Chicago, Hyde felt his own eyes well up with tears.
"God…Jackie. Of course I do. I do so much." He admitted, keeping his tears at bay. At this she only cried harder. He rubbed circles on her back with his thumb. He knew he didn't have the words to comfort her and at this he just felt a tightening in his chest. She didn't deserve this.
"I hate life without you." He admitted softly. "I really do." She sniffled and lifted her head up and grabbing his hand off her back. She rubbed it softly with her smooth hands, her eyes closed. He could hear her teeth chattering and he could feel her whole body shaking with greif. He hated that he made her this way. She brought his hand up to her face and kissed it, and he felt a single tear drop on to it, even though it didn't make a sound. It just slipped through her eye and plopped on to his hand. He felt a tear slip out of his own eye and he immediately snatched his hand away, trying to erase it's evidence. She squeezed her eyes shut and cupped her hand over her mouth trying not to cry again.
That was it, he thought. He scooted closer to her and wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer. Without the strength to pull away she burried her head into his jacket. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm, trying to generate some heat. He felt Jackie start to relax and even though he knew it wouldn't fix anything he kissed her forehead, and then her nose and cheecks, and then her mouth. He brought his hand up to her hair and ran his fingers through it. She kissed back but then hesitantly pulled away.
"No. I'm sorry, I just…I can't. I can't do this anymore." She choked out but she rested her forehead on his and reached up and grabbed his hand.
"Yes, you can. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry Jackie. Please believe me." He pleaded.
"I can't, Steven." She cried.
"Yes! You can! I promise. I promise…I promise" He franticlly rained kisses down on her face, kissing where her tears had fallen.
"No, please. Just listen to me. We tried and we failed, we can't do this again." She sobbed.
"Yes we can!" He tried. She stopped crying and threaded her fingers through his fair and kissed him. About halfway through the kissed she pulled away and started to cry again.
"Steven, I can't do this again…" She whispered and started to climb back down the water tower.
"No, Jackie please don't leave! We can do this! We can!" He yelled trying to grab her hand, but she was too quick. She started going down and she whispered goodnight.
He could hear her sobbing all the way back to her car. He just sat there and hung his head in his hands. Things weren't supposed to end up like this. If he hadn't just jumped to conclusions back in that cold, Chicago hotel room, they would probably be sitting on their couch in their apartment watching the Price is Right. But instead, she was in her car crying, and he was sitting on top of the water tower.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't go on without her. He needed her just as much, if not more, than she needed him. He had to get her back. But how?
This was all his fault.