Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. SM does. Yada, yada, yada.
A/N: New chapter, obviously. Read and review. Enjoy.
Edward POV
Festering on my mind. Creeping up at any opportunity. Something I'd almost buried. But like our friendship had risen from the ashes like a phoenix it was unavoidable.
It is said people often subconsciously bury or forget their most painful memories from the past.
It's not a myth.
Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward.
It worked. Like it always had. But, there were always 'buts'.
Externally everything between us was fine, but, since I'd sung that song a few hours earlier, the lyrics had hit far too close to home for comfort and I was forced to remember something.
I lied.
During our 'tell all' the other day I hadn't been completely honest.
There was one more reason why I'd been upset with the ending of our friendship.
Two hands appeared in front of my face clapping and effectively breaking me out of my trance. And almost sending me into cardiac arrest. I followed the hands which connected to arms to a pixie face.
"Cut it out, Tink. What do you want?" I asked, startled.
"We're playing 'I Never' but I forgot some of the rules. Help? Please." She tacked on with 'the pout'.
Yes, the pout was a signature now. Sad, huh?
I looked around. We were back at our dorm and sitting on the floor in a poor attempt at a circle.
"Alright. It's like normal 'I Never' pretty much but seeing as we have no alcohol and aren't all that crazy for it we'll play with ten fingers."
Two minutes later and we were all set. I don't think any of us really wanted to play, we just didn't want to go to bed yet and Alice is like Hitler the Second.
Going around the circle, clockwise, was me, Bella, Rose, Emmett, Jazz and Alice.
"I'm going first," Alice asked, while bouncing up and down.
After our sounds of approval she started in.
"I've never done it doggy style," she smirked.
Her and Jazz were safe. She must've thought Em, Rose, Bella or I had. I hadn't.
I looked curiously around the circle watching for who would put one finger down.
Rosalie and Em did. I wasn't surprised to see Bella with 10 fingers still.
"Wait. This is taking too long. Let's just play Truth or Dare without the dare. And make sure your question is detailed as once answered, no one can ask for you to elaborate even if in a question. Got it?"
"Yes sir, Alice Hitler, sir," Emmett bellowed and saluted.
It earned him a smack on the head from Rose and laughs from all except Alice.
"We should just randomly say shit to get to know each other. No turns. But if you hadn't said anything in a while you have to ask or answer depending on which your lacking. The question can also be asked to however many people. Better yet why don't we all just have, like, a free, honest atmosphere when any questions can be asked." Bella added.
Always the sensible.
"Gotcha Belly," Emmett winked.
Emmett had taken to giving us all nicknames.
"Good to hear, Ogre," Bella muttered under her breath.
I chuckled lowly and a crimson shade heated her cheeks right on cue. Obviously she hadn't meant for anyone to hear.
I had my arms around her small, petite form- as she was sitting on my lap- to hold her still. I pressed my mouth to her ear softly for a more private hearing range.
"Learn to whisper," I told her teasingly.
She was about to reply when Alice interrupted. I buried my face back in her hair while we waited for the next question.
"Have you ever been in love?"
All fingers went down and so did my hope.
Bella had been in love before.
~/~
Bella POV
Rosalie's finger went down. Emmett's finger went down. Jasper's finger went down. Alice's finger went down. My finger went down. Edward's finger went down.
Wait! Hold up. Edward had been in love before? Oh God, what if he was still in love with someone now? Even if he didn't he had loved someone before and everyone knows a heart can only belong to one person.
I was ideal and that's what it meant. You could love family, love friends and love pets but you could only be in love with one person. And that love would last forever because it was with your soulmate. You can't be in love with someone who isn't. It's impossible. Being in love means giving your heart, body, soul and mind over involuntarily and that only happens with your better half. I, for one, could admit that I had never had the slightest inkling of a romantic feeling or attraction to anyone other than Edward. Like I said, impossible.
That's what I believed and what Edward had always believed too.
I couldn't even contemplate it further because a knock at the door sounded.
I jumped out of his lap like it was on fire and sat on the couch instead.
Everybody looked at me for a beat like I was crazy before I nodded towards the excited pounding on the door.
Edward hopped up to answer the door and when he finally flung it open, he froze like a statue.
I had seen a video of my already pale self fainting at a family barbecue but Edward turned whiter than a sheet in less than a second.
There was a beautiful, tall and statuesque strawberry blonde in the doorway with sparkling blue eyes and then she was gone. Into Edward's arms.
It was obvious they knew each other.
He was looking like he'd seen a ghost but hugged her back enthusiastically but cautiously at the same time.
At this point I felt like I was submerged underwater and couldn't concentrate or see or hear clearly enough and just floated along. I watched what was going on around me like watching a movie on TV.
"Edward! I missed you so much," the beautiful girl squealed before gripping his neck tighter.
Edward looked shocked for a second before he began to whisper words to her and rubbed her back comfortingly. He was so... tender.
His reaction both made me jealous and effectively scared the shit out of me. What had she been to him?
While I tried to figure out the dynamics of their relationship, I zoned out leaving everything around me to fast forward without my consent but I somehow managed to pick up on a few details about the scene in front of me; Edward sitting down next to me, the girl sitting on the other couch, Alice eyeing the girl cautiously while she caught up with Edward and Jasper and became acquainted with Rose and Em. The girl seemed nice and she said hello to everyone and I recall vaguely waving at her but I can't be sure as everything seems blurry.
Alice must have made up an excuse for why I wasn't participating in conversation and seemed so out of it but I don't remember. It was confusing to be feeling on the periphery.
I only looked up when weight left the couch I was sitting on, only to see Edward walking away from me. With her.
'No', I wanted to cry out. 'Stay. With me.' But it seemed that I was still underwater.
I had a creeping sense of dread even before Edward walked out of the room to talk in private with her. This mysterious girl seemed to have been important once upon a time in Edward's life and had maybe hurt him. Anyone who could evoke such an unnatural reaction from cool, calm and collected Edward had to be bad news. Love and jealousy aside, I cared for Edward as a friend as well and I worried for him.
I watched each step Edward took to the door before it clicked shut. As soon as it did, I broke the surface.
All movement, thoughts and emotions hit me at once and now, above the water, I turned my body on the couch, ready to hear Alice's explanation but hoping someone else would ask because surely I wouldn't be able to find my voice. I found all heads had snapped towards Alice too. I guess we all instinctually picked up on Edward and Alice's emotions and knew this beautiful girl was pivotal.
"Alice? What was that all about?" Rose demanded.
Alice shook her head, still staring after the door- worrying for her brother I realised- before starting to shake her head.
My heart started to ache for Edward because I knew whatever came next couldn't be good.
It took me a second to realise Alice wasn't answering before I really begun to panic.
But I couldn't worry about Alice right now. I could think of only Edward.
He was my best friend. He always had been. He was also the love of my life. Even if he didn't know it.
As I looked around me, Emmett and Rosalie still looked out of the loop which said that they didn't seem to know the girl. But Alice and Jasper knew her. And though I only saw them once a year back then, I'm sure either Alice or Edward would have told me if something so vital went down so my only guess was that this girl had to have happened during the divorce, when I didn't seem the Cullen's for a few years.
"That was Tanya Denali," Alice stated- like it should mean something more to us than just a name.
"She used to go to school with us and her parents are close with Carlisle and Esme. Everything went down during the time Bella wasn't around. Their family left town for New York around the same time you returned Bella, but it seems the Denali's have moved back to Washington."
"Oh. Only Edward," Rose giggled.
"'Only Edward' what? I'm sorry. Am I missing something here, cos' I just don't get it," Emmett asked sheepishly.
"Silly, isn't it obvious? Tanya's asking to talk to Edward and it's got to be awkward cause they used to be a thing. It ended badly and then we're here now and now decides throw her back into Edward's life," Rosalie continued.
I froze, but managed to look to Alice for a rejection but she instead gave a swift nod in agreeance.
While, Jasper and Alice talked softly and Rosalie and Emmett chatted casually, unbeknownst to them my world slowed down and was coming to pieces because everything just clicked together.
A part of my brain just realized what I had always known. Alice's nod changed my life because it confirmed what I always knew and what I had suspected about Tanya.
I wasn't good enough for Edward. With Edward having been with a girl like Tanya, it was all over.
Edward and Tanya had history.
There was no chance and no hope left.
Edward would never love me.
The man I was in love with would never love me like that.
He would never be mine.
I would never want anything or anyone but him. I knew that. He was everything to and for me. I'd always strongly believed he would never love me but against my own wishes I had begun to hope. Hope that against all odds he would feel the same.
But this wasn't a fairytale or one of my books or a movie and there wasn't always a happy ending.
And there wasn't my prince waiting for me in this to ride off into the sunset with.
No matter how much I wished Edward was there waiting for me.