Okay, so this hasn't been written for a very long time! But no worries here the second chapter is and I will am trying to get all my fics done by December 1st, so I can begin a christmas fic :)

Torchwood were sitting again on the old, battered sofa in the Hub.

"What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it." Gwen was explaining to Owen, John and Jack.

"Yeah, right!" John laughed. He then saw the looks on the girls faces. "Y'serious?"

Tosh sighed. "Oh yeah!"

"I agree with you girls, everything you need to know is in that first kiss." Ianto said his gaze lingering on Jack for a moment. They stared at each other for a few moments.

"Absolutely." Gwen agreed snapping the boys out of their 'trance'.

"Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much the opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out." Owen explained with a hint of a grin on his face. The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake."

Ianto scoffed. "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."

Ianto hi-fived Tosh. They were all smirking. There was a short pause.

"Are we still talking about sex?" John asked looking confused. The team sighed and threw some bread at him.

Jack is talking to Marsha, in the Museum Of Prehistoric History where he works.

"No it's good, it is good, it's just that -mm- doesn't she seem a little...angry?" He settled on that as to not hurt her feelings.

"Well she has issues." Marsha told him sarcastically.

"Does she?" Jack grinned.

Marsha put her hands on her hips. "Think about it, he's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!"

Jack smiled. "Marsha honey, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like, 'Gee that glaciers getting kinda close.' See?" He explained gently.

"Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?" Marsha asked pointing over his shoulder.

Martha has entered and his standing behind them. Jack tries to ignore her. "No. No..."

"Yes it is! Martha, hi!" Marsha started calling and waving.

"Okay, okay yes it is." Jack waved sarcastically. "How about I'll, err, catch up with you in the Ice Age?" Jack gently pushed Marsha along.

Jack beckoned Martha into the exhibit where he was standing.

"Hi." He said deadpan.

"So." Martha replied awkwardly.

"You look great." There was a pause. "I hate that." Jack added.

Martha laughed gently. "Sorry. You look good too."

"So what's new? Still..." Jack left the question in the air.

"A lesbian?" Martha finished for him.

"Well...you never know. Hows, um...how's the family?" Jack said desperately changing the subject.

"Tom's still totally paranoid, oh and uh-" Martha was cut off by Jack.

"Why are you here Martha?" He asked directly folding his arms across his chest.

"I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant!"

Owen, Gwen, Ianto, John and Tosh are sitting in Gwen and Ianto's apartment.

"Are you done with that?" Gwen asked John pointing to his drink that he was still holding.

"Yeah, sorry the swallowing slowed me down." John replied sarcastically as Gwen took his drink away to be washed up.

"Whose little ball of paper is this!" Gwen asked angrily holding it up.

"Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and..." Owen saw the look Gwen was giving him. " ...now I wish I was dead."

Gwen throws the paper away and begins fluffing a cushion on the sofa.

"She's already fluffed that pillow, Gwen you've already fluffed that -" Gwen looked at Tosh glaring daggers. "-but it's fine!"

"Look, I'm sorry guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have." Gwen told them.

"Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow." Owen remarked grinning.

"Gwen, -hi! Um Gwen, you're scaring me. I mean you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not in a good way." Tosh told her gently.

John joined in. "Yeah, calm down, you don't see Jack getting all.." He looked at Tosh. "Chaotic and twirly everytime they come."

"That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Jack can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born." Gwen spat, clearly annoyed.

Meanwhile Owen is at the window. "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" He called.

"What!" Gwen asked.

"Ugly naked guy got a thigh master!" He said with disgust.

"Eeaagh!" Everyone called.

Ianto walked in looking around frantically. "Has anyone seen my engagement ring?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's beautiful." Tosh told him.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..." Ianto started to feel under all the cushions.

"No don't touch...that." Tosh tried to stop Ianto from un-fluffing the cushions but it was too late.

"Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the guy in the suit who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder..." Ianto was slumped onto the floor.

"Easy, Yan. We're find it. Won't we!" Gwen called to everyone.

"Sure." John and Owen said.

"Alright, when did you have it on last?" John asked.

"Doy! Probably right before he lost it!" Tosh stated.

"You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days." Owen pondered aloud.

"I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with..." Realisation dawned on Ianto. He looked at the lasagne. "Ohhhh, don't be mad right but..."

"You didn't." Gwen looked angry.

"Oh, I am so sorry!" Ianto told her.

"I gave you one job!" She shouted picking up the lasagne and looking at his trying to see the ring.

"Oh but look how straight those noodles are!" Ianto tried.

Gwen sighed.

"Now, Gwen, you know that's not how you look for a ring in a lasagne." Owen grinned.

Gwen put down the lasagne. "I just cant do it."

"Boys? We're going in." Owen grinned as he, John and Tosh went and delved into the lasagne with their hands.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Gwen opened it.

"...hi..." Jack said glumly.

"Wow that is not a happy hi." Gwen stated.

"Martha's pregnant." Jack told them all.

It is silent for a few minutes whilst everyone is stunned. "Oh, I found it!" Tosh held up the engagement ring proudly.

"W-w-wh...-wha-...w-w-w..." Gwen started to say but not really knowing what she was saying.

"Yeah do that for another 2 hours, you might be where I am right now." Jack sighed.

"Well now, how do you fit into this whole thing?" Ianto asked.

"Well, Martha says she and Donna want me to be involved but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved, basically it's entirely up to me." Jack replied glum.

"She is so great! I miss her." Tosh said sadly. Everyone ignored her.

"What does she mean, 'involved'?" Gwen asked.

"I mean presumably the biggest part of you job is done." Owen said trying to make light of the situation.

"Anyway." Jack pressed. "They want me to go down to this – sonogram thing with them tomorrow."

"So what are you gonna do?" Ianto asked gently.

"I dunno, no matter what I do I'm still gonna be a father." Jack told them.

It is silent. They hear the sound of eating behind them.

"John?"

John looks up from the lasagne. "This is still ruined right?"

Jack and Gwen are in Gwen and Ianto's apartment serving dinner and poring wine for Mr and Mrs Cooper-Harkness.

"Oh, Carrie Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you." Mrs Cooper-Harkness says as she tastes some of Gwen's food. "What's that curry taste?" She asked.

"Curry." Gwen said.

"Mmmmm!" Her mother made a huge sarcastic, pretending to like the food.

Gwen looked like she was about to hit her mother. "I think there great! I really do!" Jack said quickly.

"Do you remember the Ludwin's?" Mr Cooper-Harkness asked Jack. "The big one had a thing for you didn't she?"

"They all had a thing for him!" Mrs Cooper-Harkness laughed.

"Aww..mom." Jack grinned.

"I'm sorry, why is the girl going to call me?" Gwen cut in.

"Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in police or investigating or something...I don't know, Anyway I told her you owned a police station and..."

"No, mom, I don't own the police station, I work in the police station." Gwen corrected her.

"Well, they don't need to know that." Mrs Cooper-Harkness started to fluff a pillow.

"Jack, can you come help me with the spaghetti please?" Gwen hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yeah." Jack and Gwen went over into the kitchen.

"Oh, we're having spaghetti, that's...easy.." Chided Mrs Cooper-Harkness.

"I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me." Gwen told Jack whispering.

Jack just sighed and walked back to the table.

The family were indulged in conversation as they ate their dinner.

"What that Ianto did to his life...we ran into his parents at the club, they were not playing well." Mrs Cooper-Harkness was telling them.

"I'm not going to tell you how much they spent on that wedding, but forty thousand pounds is a lot of money!" Mr Cooper-Harkness told them.

"Well at least he had the chance to leave a man at the altar..." Gwen and Jack's mum said wistfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gwen asked angrily.

"Nothing, it's an expression!" their mum replied.

"No it's not." Gwen replied.

"Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles..." their father carried on.

A little while later Mr Cooper-Harkness was still talking.

"Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer."

An hour later Mr Cooper-Harkness was still talking.

"And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Gwennie' doesn't seem to have that problem."

Gwen tried to change the subject. "So Jack, what's going on with you? Any stories?" Gwen dug her elbow into Jack's hand. "No news? No little anecdotes to share with the folks?" She asked sharply.

Jack pulled his hand away from pain. "Okay! Okay. Look I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Martha and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Martha's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Donna. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Donna are going to raise the baby." Jack finished.

His parents were shell-shocked.

Mrs Cooper-Harkness turned to Gwen. "And you knew about this?"

Gwen sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Your folks are really that bad huh?" John asked.

The team were back on the sofa's in The Hub drinking coffee.

"Uh-huh. Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could-" Gwen turned to Jack. " -I'd want yours."

Jack grinned. "Must pee." He got up and headed for the men's bathroom.

"Y'know it's even worse when your twins." Tosh said.

"Your twins?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah we don't speak though, she's like this high-powered, driven career type." She replied.

"What does she do?" Owen asked.

"She's a waitress."

Ianto smiled. "Alright you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now."

The team started to leave. "Owen, your an only child right? You don't have any of this." Gwen asked him.

"Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend once, who my parents actually preferred." Owen told them.

"The light's please!" Ianto called to John. John switched the lights off as the team left.

Jack walked back into the room to find Ianto cleaning up.

"How long was I in there?" He joked.

"I'm just cleaning up." Ianto smiled.

"D'ya, uh d'ya need any help?" Jack asked him.

"Uh..okay sure." He hands Jack the broom then sits down.

"Anyway, um, you nervous about Barry tomorrow?" Jack asked as he began to sweep.

"Oh..a little." Ianto admitted.

"Mmhh."

"A lot."

"Mm." Jack mumbled again.

"So you got any advice? For someone who's recently been dumped?" Ianto asked.

"Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Martha and Donna to the OB/GYN..." Jack joked again.

"Oh you have Martha tomorrow. When did it all get so complicated?" Ianto sighed.

"Got me." Jack answered thoughtfully.

"Remember when we were in high school together, didn't you just think you would meet someone, fall in love and that'd be it." Ianto sighed again sadly.

Jack was gazing at Ianto. "Jack?" Ianto asked.

"Yes. Yes!" He replied quickly.

"Oh, man I never thought I'd be here." Ianto leaned his head back onto Jack's hand. Jack pulled up a stool so he didn't have to move Ianto's head off his hand.

Jack ran into the clinic. He was late.

"Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work, there was this big dinosaur...thing..anyway." Jack said.

Donna walked into the room with a drink. "Hi." She said.

"Jack, you remember Donna?" Martha said.

"How could I forget?" Jack smiled. "So we are waiting for Doctor..."

"Dr Who." Martha told him.

"And is he familiar with out...special situation?" Jack asked awkwardly.

"Yes, he's very supportive." Martha smiled.

There is an awkward silence. Jack picks up a surgical tool and opens it out a few times. "Quack, quack." He joked.

"Jack, that opens my cervix."

Jack dropped the tool in horror.

"Barry?" Ianto called.

"C'mon in." Barry called back.

Ianto looked at the young boy in the orthodontists chair. "You sure?" He asked hesitating.

"Sure, Robbie's gonna be here for hours." Barry told him. "So how ya doing?

"I'm uh..I'm okay, you look great!" Ianto said.

"Yeah well..."

"So, um, how's this gonna work? Y'know with us? Y'know when it comes to making important decisions?" Jack asked Martha and Donna.

"Give me a for instance?" Martha asked.

"Like the babies name." Jack said.

"Marlon-"

"Marlon!" Jack cried.

"-if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl." Martha continued.

"As in Mouse?" Jack asked.

"As in my Grandmother." Martha told him.

"Still, you, you say Minnie you hear Mouse. How about, how about Julia?" Jack said.

"Julia..." Martha thought about the name.

"We agreed on Minnie." Donna cut in.

"S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?" Jack snapped at Donna.

Barry walked back into the room. "Sorry about that, so what have you been up to?" He asked Ianto.

"Oh, not much, I got a job." Ianto said.

"Oh, that's great."

"Why are you – why are you so tanned?" Ianto asked Barry.

"Oh, I urr, I went to Aruba." Barry admitted.

"Oh, you went on our honeymoon alone?" Ianto asked suddenly feeling guilty.

"No. I went with...uh, now this may hurt." Barry said.

"Me?" Robbie asked.

"No!" Barry turned back to Ianto. "I went with Lisa."

"Lisa! You went with Lisa!" Ianto squeaked all feelings of guilt gone.

"Yeah, we're kind of a.. thing now." Barry told him.

"Oh...well I er...i guess this." Ianto pulled out the platinum band out of his pocket. "Belongs to you." He handed it over to Barry then walked silently out of the Orthodontists.

"Oh please, what's wrong with Helen!" Donna cried at Jack. The three were still arguing over the name of the baby.

"Helen Cooper-Harkness? I don't think so." Jack said.

"Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Cooper-Hakness." Martha said.

"Thank you!" Jack cried.

"No I mean it's not gonna be Cooper-Harkness." Martha corrected him.

"What? It's gonna be Helen Jones?" Jack asked.

"No, actually, um, we talked about Helena Jones-Noble." Martha said gently.

"Well, wait a minute, wha-, why is she in the title?" Jack asked outraged.

"It's my baby too!" Donna said.

"Oh, s'funny really, I don't recall you making any sperm!" He shouted.

"Yeah and we all know what a challenge that is!" Donna shouted back.

"All right you two, stop it!" Martha pleaded.

"No, no, no she get's credit, I'm in there too!" Jack protested.

"Jack. Your not actually suggesting Helen Jones-Noble-Cooper-Harkess, caz I think that borders on child abuse!" Martha scoffed.

"Of course not, I'm suggesting Cooper-Harkness-Jones-Noble."

"Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Cooper-Harkness, then he gets his way!" Donna protested.

"My way! You-you think this is my way! Of all the ways I imagined this moment in my life being, this is not the way – y'know what? Uh um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-" Jack was cut off my the Doctor walking in.

"Knock, knock! How are we today? Any nausea?" The Doctor asked.

"Yeah. Yeah a little." All three of them said.

"Well, I was actually wondering about the mother-to-be but..thanks for sharing." The Doctor went over to Martha. "Lie back."

The sound of the sonogram fills the room. All three stare at the small screen.

"Oh my God." Jack said.

"Look at that."

"I know." Martha smiled as did the other two.

The team were all in Gwen and Ianto's apartment again. They were watching the TV as Jack had brought home the sonogram video.

"Well isn't that amazing?" Jack asked them all.

"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" John asked confused.

"I dunno...but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise." Owen grinned.

"You know if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato." Tosh said doing exactly what she had described.

"Then don't do that okay!" Jack exclaimed.

"Okay!"

"Gwen, whaddya think?" Jack asked her.

Gwen was on the verge of crying with happiness so just answered with an, "mmh."

"Are you welling up?" Jack grinned.

"No!" Gwen said.

"You are! Your welling up!" Jack grin turned wider.

"Am not!" Gwen cried.

"Your gonna be an aunt." Jack told her still grinning.

"Oh shutup!" She started to cry, pushing Jack away.

"Hi, Lisa. Hi, it-it's Ianto. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Lise', y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose!" Ianto slammed down the phone with a grin on his face. He turned and saw the team looking at him. "Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now!"

There we are then :) You have NO idea how long it takes to write these :) Well hope you enjoyed it and there will be more soon :)