Woot next chapter ! These take SO long to write ! But I think it will be worth it :)
The team were yet again at the sofa's in the Hub. Everyone is there except John.
"Alright. Tosh?" Gwen asked.
"Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!" Tosh said laughing.
"Yeah, see.. you took mine." Jack joked. "Owen, what about you?"
"Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever." Owen said triumphantly.
"See, there's always one person. "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."" Ianto mocked Owen.
John came into the Hub.
"Hey John. Hi. Hey, buddy." They all called out greetings.
"Hey, John, what would you do if you were omnipotent?" Gwen asked.
"Probably kill myself!" John cried.
" ..Excuse me?" Gwen asked confused.
"Hey, if Little John's dead, then I got no reason to live!" John declared.
"John, uh- Omnipotent." Jack tried to explain.
"You are? Jack, I'm sorry.." John said as the team slapped their foreheads.
TW
Jack and Gwen are watching Tosh sleeping on the Hub sofa.
"How does she do that?" Gwen pondered aloud.
"I cannot sleep sitting upright." Jack said.
"Would you look at her? She is so peaceful." Gwen said.
Tosh suddenly awoke startling Gwen and Jack. "Oh! What what what! ...Hi." She ended up saying.
"It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again." Jack told her.
"What's going on with you?" Gwen asked.
"I got no sleep last night!" She declared.
"Why?" Jack asked.
"My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!" Tosh told them.
"Well, if you want, you can stay with Ianto and me tonight." Gwen said.
"Thanks." Tosh accepted, relieved.
Owen and John walked into the Hub. John is counting his steps.
"...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here." John declared triumphantly.
"You got waaaay too much free time." Owen told him patting him.
"Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Jack, check it out: rugby tickets, The Welsh Rugby Union, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you." John told Jack excitedly.
"Happy birthday, pal!" Owen cheered.
"We love you, man." John added kissing him.
"Funny, my birthday was seven months ago." Jack told them.
"So?" John asked.
"So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?" Jack guessed.
"Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty"." Owen snided.
"Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?" Jack cried looking at the date on the ticket.
"Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember." Gwen said sympathetically.
"Ohhh." Jack moaned.
"What's wrong with the twentieth?" John asked.
"Eleven days before Hallowe'en.. all the good costumes are gone?"Owen asked sarcastically.
"Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship." Jack said. He saw John's confused look. "Sex. .." Jack told him as John nodded. "You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover." Jack told them sighing.
"The hell with rugby, let's all do that!" John laughed.
"C'mon, Ross! You, me, John, pitch, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, huh? huh? Huh?" Owen was playfully punching Jack in the stomach.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked raising an eyebrow.
"I have no idea." Owen said stopping.
"C'mon, Jack!" John pleaded.
"Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?" Jack negotiated.
"You got it." Owen agreed.
Ianto runs in carrying an envelope.
"Look look look look look, my first pay check!" He said excitedly. He'd honestly had enough of living on 'daddy's' credit card.
"I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed." Tosh told them.
"Wow, you worked in a mine?" Gwen asked.
"I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?" Tosh asked. Gwen ignored her.
"I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was -." Ianto opened the envelope. " -not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Owen, look at that." Ianto passed the envelope to Owen.
"Oh, this is not that bad." Owen told him.
"Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job." John added.
"You can totally, totally live on this." Jack reassured him.
"Yeah, yeah." Gwen said.
"Oh, by the way, great service tonight." Jack told him.
"Oh! Yeah!" The team all got out their wallets and purses and handed her ten's and twenties as tips.
"Rugby!" The boys cried as they remembered they had to get going.
Three men enter the Hub and see Ianto. "Ianto?" One of them said.
"Oh my God!" Ianto exclaimed. He walked over to the three and gave them a man hug each. "What are you guys doing here?" He asked.
"Well, we were in the city, and your mam said you work here, aaand it's true!" A different man said.
"Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play." Another told him playfully.
"Yeah I know." Ianto sighed as all four of them sat at a table.
TW
John, Owen and Jack are walking down the street. Owen and John are kicking a can back and forth. They pass it to Jack but he misses it because he's looking in a shop window sadly.
"Martha was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we-." Jack spotted Owen's look. "Sorry. Sorry."
They carry on walking but Jack suddenly stops.
"What?" John asked.
"Peach pit." Jack said.
"Yeah..." Owen indicated he should elaborate.
"Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-." Jack was saying.
"-Peaches?" John guessed.
"Actually, nectarines, but basically.."Jack let his sentence hang. "Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the-" Jack stops and points to the bus stop. "-the bus stop... I'm fine." He said welling up.
"Hey, that woman's got an ass like Martha's!" John suddenly shouted. "What? Thought we were trying to find stuff." He said.
TW
At the Hub Ianto is still talking to his friends.
"So c'mon, you guys, tell me all everything." Ianto asked.
"Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar." One said.
"Alright. Let's talk reality for a second." Another added.
"Okay." Ianto frowned.
"When are you coming home?" They asked.
"What?" Ianto looked surprised. "Guys, I'm not."
"C'mon, this is us." They insisted.
"I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-" Ianto told them.
"Waiting on people?" One raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, I'm not just waiting. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies." He finished.
"Well. Your mam didn't tell us about the blobbies." One guy said.
TW
Gwen and Tosh are in pyjama's and Gwen is making something in the blender when Ianto walked in.
"Hey, Yan. How was it with your friends? Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch?" Gwen asked him pouring the contents of the blender into glasses.
"What's that?" Ianto asked.
"Weeeell, it's rum, and-" Gwen began but Ianto took a glass and cut her off.
"Okay." He started to down the drink as Gwen and Tosh looked on amazed.
"We thought since Tosh was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister.." Gwen told him knowing Ianto liked to let out his feminine side once in a while.
The phone rang and Gwen went to answer it.
"Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!" Tosh said excitedly.
"Uh, Yan, it's the Visa card people." Gwen told him holding out the phone.
"Oh, God, ask them what they want." Ianto asked.
"Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? ...Yes, hold on." Gwen spoke to Ianto covering the end of the phone. "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
"But I haven't used my card in weeks!" Ianto declared.
"That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay." Gwen told him.
"They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?" Ianto shouted.
There is a short pause before Gwen speaks into the phone again. "Uh- Ianto has left the building, can you call back?" She told them.
"Alright, c'mon!" Ianto said miserably. "Let's play Twister!
TW
The guys are at the rugby game trying to find their seats.
Jack is squeezing past people. "Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh." He suddenly said.
"What? There was Plastic seats that night with Martha? Four thousand angry rugby fans?" Owen asked sarcastically sick of Jack moaning.
"No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was plastic benches there that night..." Jack said.
"C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit." John demanded.
TW
Back to Gwen, Ianto and Tosh talking.
"You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing!" Gwen declared to Ianto.
"Gwen what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?" He asked bitterly.
"You are just like Jack." Tosh said.
" ...Jack, Jack?" Ianto asked confused.
"No, Jack and the Beanstalk." Tosh said.
"Ah, the other Jack." Gwen said jokingly.
"Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village..." Tosh explained.
"Okay, but Tosh, Tosh, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-"
"Oh, see, Jack did love the cow." Tosh pointed out sighing.
"But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like-" Ianto couldn't find the word.
"Floopy?" Tosh finished.
"Yeah." Ianto sighed.
"So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy." Gwen told him.
"Oh, like that's a word." Tosh raised her eyebrows as Gwen gave her a look.
"Okay, but Gwen, what if- what if it doesn't come together?" Ianto asked.
" ...Tosh?" Gwen asked seeing as she couldn't answer.
"Oh, well... 'cause... you just... I don't like this question." Tosh said sipping her drink again.
"Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?" Ianto asked. They were all silent as they sipped their drinks.
TW
Back to the game.
"Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!" Jack was yelling at the rugby pitch.
"See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other!" Owen patted him.
"Pass it! Pass it!" Jack yelled.
"He's open!" Owen joined in.
"Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" Everyone yelled.
The player on the pitch shoots and the rugby ball flies out of the game and hit's Jack in the face. Owen looks concerned until he realises.
"Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!" He declared.
John and Owen start waving and holding up the ball as Jack is in pain.
TW
The boys arrive at the hospital.
Owen walked up to the receptionist. "'Scuse me." He asked.
The receptionist raises her hand because she is on the phone. "It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied." She said angrily into the phone.
"Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room." Owen joked.
The receptionist gave him a look that clearly said, bugger-off.
"Hold on." She said into the phone. " Fill these out, sit over there." She thrust some forms into Owen's hands.
"Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented." Jack cried jumping up.
"Well, you'll have to wait your turn." The receptionist replied impatiently.
"Well, how long do you think it'll be?" John asked.
"Any minute now." She replied sarcastically.
"Hey, this-." The women gives John a look. "Don't worry."
TW
Back to the girls and Ianto.
"I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down." Ianto apologised.
"No, you were right. I don't have a plan." Gwen sighed and went to get the door. "Pizza's here."
"Thank God. Food." Ianto said going to get some.
"Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?" The pizza guy asked Ianto.
No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese." He told him.
"Wait, you're not ''? Man, my dad's gonna kill me!" The pizza guy exclaimed.
Gwen leaped off the couch and ran to the door. "Wait! Did you say ''?" She asked excitedly.
"Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!" The guy said.
"Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?" Gwen asked.
"Yeah, that sounds about right." The pizza guy said.
"Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?" She asked.
"And-and a power tie?" Tosh added.
"No, pretty much just a towel." The guy told them.
Gwen staggered. "Oh God."
"So you guys want me to take this back?" The guy asked.
"Are you nuts? We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza!" Gwen cried taking the pizza.
She runs to the window with some binoculars.
"Uh, Tosh? Who's George Snuffalopagus?" Ianto said trying to pronounce his last name.
"Hot guy!" Tosh declared.
"I see pizza!" Gwen called from the window.
"Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!" Tosh ran up and takes the binoculars.
"Hello? Who are we spying on?" Ianto asked eagerly.
"White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?" Gwen told him.
"Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!" Ianto grinned.
"Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman." Tosh said.
"Please tell me it's his mother." Gwen begged.
"Definitely not his mother." Tosh replied sadly.
"Oh, no..." Gwen sighed.
!Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- Hey, that's not for you, bitch!" Tosh yelled.
TW
The boys are still in the emergency room.
"Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with?" Owen asked loudly.
The women slides the glass door over as if to shut Owen out.
"Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other." Owen says sarcastically. She just keeps reading her magazine.
TW
The girls and Ianto are now sitting on the balcony still spying on George.
"Light still out?" Gwen asked Ianto.
"Yeah." He replied.
"Oh. Maybe they're- napping." Gwen said hopefully.
"Oh please, they're having sex." Ianto snorted.
"Shut up!" Tosh and Gwen yelled.
"So, whaddya think George is like?" Ianto asked.
"I think he's shy." Gwen smiled.
"Yeah?" Tosh asked.
"Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal." They all laughed.
TW
Still at the hospital the boys are talking.
"I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow." Jack was saying.
"Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?" Owen yelled to the receptionist.
"He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that." John told Jack.
"Look, it's just a little more complicated..." Jack began but Owen cut him off.
"Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?" Owen snapped.
"Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you..." Jack snarled.
"Then what?" Owen asked more gently.
"My first time with Martha was.." Jack mumbled inaudibly.
"What?" John asked.
"It was my first time." Jack whispered.
"With Martha?" John asked.
Jack gave him a look.
"Oh." John said realising.
"So in your whole life, you've only been with one-" Owen began but saw the look on Jack's face. "-oh."
"Whoah, boy, rugby was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!" John declared.
TW
Back to the balcony.
"Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?" Gwen said.
"Uh-huh." Tosh said.
"Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!" Gwen laughed. She was very drunk.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley." Tosh huffed.
"What? You slept with Jason?" Gwen snapped.
"You'd already broken up." Tosh told her.
"How long?" Ianto asked.
"A couple hours." Tosh smiled.
"Oh, that's nice!" Gwen raised her eyebrows.
"Okay, okay, okay, I got one! The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me." Ianto told Gwen.
"Excuse me?" Gwen cried.
"Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one?" He said. He looked at Tosh. "She was a big girl." He told her as she laughed.
"Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!" Gwen said triumphantly.
"I was laughing! You made me laugh!" Ianto protested.
"There he is! There he is!" Tosh cried.
"Where?" Gwen asked.
"Right- where we've been looking all night!" Tosh told her.
"He is so cute!" Ianto said.
"Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!" Gwen begged.
"Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the-" They all stopped as George dropped the towel. "Wow." They all said.
TW
The hospital. Jack is finally being seen to.
"Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?" John asked Owen.
"I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic.." Owen said.
"Really?" John asked in shock.
"No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. " Owen laughed.
Jack come back in.
"Hey, buddy." They cry.
"Hi." He is wearing a steel bandage across his nose. He throws the forms at the receptionist.
"Oh, that's attractive." She said sarcastically.
"Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight." Owen said.
"Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my ball?" Jack sighed.
"Oh, ah- the kid has it." John said.
"The kid..?" Jack turns to the kid. "Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my ball."
"I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers." The kid said.
"Listen, uh- gimme back my ball." Jack demanded.
"No." The kid said.
"'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!" Jack cried.
"No! No!" The kid and Jack fight over it.
"Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!" The receptionist called.
"GIVE ME MY BALL!" He tries to grab it but it flies into the face of the receptionist.
" ...Now that was fun." Jack grinned.
TW
Mayhem was happening in Ianto and Gwen's apartment. Arms and legs were tangled into a mess. Jack spun the Twister spinner. He couldn't play because of the rugby incident.
"Okay, Gwen: Right foot red." He laughed as she desperately tried to reach a red spot.
"Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo." She cried as her legs were apart two spots apart and her back arched to reach the other colours.
"Okay, Tosh: Right hand blue." Jack called spinning again. Tosh has to bend over Gwen to reach the blue. John looked at her butt appreciatively. Suddenly the phone rang. Owen went to answer it.
"Hello?" He asked. He covered the end of the phone. "Oh, uh, Ianto, it's the Visa card people." He told him.
"Oh, okay. Will you take my place?" Ianto asked as he got up and stretched his legs, happy to be out of the position he was in.
"Alright." Owen reluctantly went and put his hands and feet on the mat. "God! How did you stay in this position!" He cried.
Ianto ignored him and took the phone. "Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really." He was saying.
"Green. To the green." Jack called out.
"To the left, to the left-aww!" The team all collapsed in a giggling heap.
"Ohhh... I'm fine." Ianto said into the phone smiling at his friends. "I'm really, really fine."
There we are then :) Sorry for any mistakes :)