Loki and Reagan sat beside each other on his mattress under the unrelenting lights of the prison cell. A peace had settled over them. Reagan finally seemed to have run out of tears, far more calm now, as the pair spoke softly to one another. There had been long stretches of silence where she was still processing, still churning through memories and emotions, trying to come to terms with her new reality. She left her shields down. Let him see all of it. That day, the bond felt like a tether - something anchoring her to a safe place so that she wouldn't spiral. She was grateful for it.
Loki carefully watched her process from his end of the bond, the storm of emotions still rolling through her, though not as aggressively now. He also watched from where he sat right beside her, studying the way her shifting emotions tugged at her face - guilt, uncertainty, relief, each taking their turns to pull at the corners of her mouth, at her brow. He was careful not to overstep - not to invade or intercept where it wasn't his place - but when her thoughts grew too dark or heavy, he gently coaxed her back to a place of calm.
He no longer held her, however badly his hands itched to touch her again. She'd taken a blanket from her chambers and now sat tightly wrapped up inside of it. Though she still remained close, as if she were reluctant to leave. Perhaps not wanting to be alone.
"So what should I do next?" Reagan murmured when her mind had at last become a lot calmer. "To get a better handle on it, I mean, controlling the flames?"
"Start larger fires and quell them," Loki said simply, his voice far more gentle than Reagan was used to. "This is just like a muscle, you're going to need to train it. It'll take time. Though, I must say I'm impressed with how quickly you managed the fireplace. It's no secret you have a certain natural capacity for working with the element, but still, time and time again you achieve far greater feats than I ever would have anticipated from a Midgardian."
She offered him a small smile, though didn't quite meet his eye. She'd since become a little self-conscious about the vulnerability she'd allowed him to see.
"See? I told you we weren't that bad."
"No, I suppose you're not."
Loki watched the way a little colour shaded her face at his response.
"It's so strange to think... back in New York," her voice was still so small. "I had to hold back. I was so afraid of making things worse. I could have taken down those flying whale things-"
"Leviathan," Loki corrected gently.
"Sure. I could have taken down the Leviathan, no trouble, if I'd just known how to call the flames back, but I was scared I would burn the city down so I didn't even try."
Reagan caught the fleeting look of scepticism that flashed across his features.
"What?" she asked indignantly.
"I understand that you've been afraid of your own abilities since they've been so unwieldy but let's remain in reality."
"Hey!"
"I'm sure you would have fared quite well, but it hardly would have been 'no trouble,'" he quirked an eyebrow at her.
Reagan studied him for a moment, squinting.
"You have no idea how hot I burn."
"No, I know that. But I still think you might be getting a little carried away."
"Loki," she said, frustrated. "The one time they convinced me to test my limits at SHIELD they had to dowse me in liquid nitrogen because I was sucking all of the oxygen out of the facility and I was melting concrete. Do you know the melting point of concrete? It's about 2800 degrees Fahrenheit. You really think your stupid little Leviathan buddies would have come out the other side of that, butthead?"
Lok smirked at her.
"What?!"
"I was just curious how long it would take to get a rise out of you," he told her evenly.
A begrudging smile stretched across her face.
"Asshole," she muttered.
"Ah, you see? That's more like it," Loki smiled.
She laughed, and that small simple sound filled him with pride. They each fell silent before Loki spoke again.
"Stupid little Leviathan buddies," he repeated with a snicker.
"I know, shut up," Reagan groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "In my emotional state, my normally God-tier wit has been compromised."
Loki let out a small laugh and nudged his shoulder playfully against hers, she returned the gesture before the smile faded softly from her face. She dropped her gaze to her hands, fiddling idly with the hem of the blanket she had wrapped around her.
"Loki... I'll never be able to repay you for what you've done for me," she murmured, unable to look at him.
Loki turned and studied her profile in a long, peaceful stretch of silence, an ache swelled in his chest - an ache he was becoming all too familiar with.
"You'd never have to," he replied at last.
The pair never discussed Fandral's warning after that. It no longer felt necessary. The tension he'd managed to cause between them was left all but forgotten, replaced by a newfound understanding of one another.
The word wasn't trust. Reagan wasn't quite sure what it was, exactly. All she knew was that Fandral was wrong.
She'd never felt used by Loki.
She still couldn't blame Fandral for his misgivings. She hadn't forgotten the things he'd done. Not just on Earth, but in Asgard as well. But Fandral saw those things as the acts of a monster. And she had too, she had looked at Loki and thought she had him all figured out - a soulless, evil creature who just wanted to take and ruin and rule. She'd fallen for the icy mask he wore, just as Fandral had.
But when she'd been forced to look closer, she'd seen more. Even before she'd wanted to. Back at the start, she'd wanted to keep him in that box. He was a cruel thing. A curse. Nothing more. She hadn't wanted to see him as a person. And so in her resentment, she'd willed herself to disregard Loki's pain - his loneliness - even though it was right there, laid bare for her through a bond that he had been unwillingly burdened with just as much as she had. She'd felt it and she'd ignored it. Told herself he'd earned it. Deserved it.
She couldn't help but hate herself for that a little now.
Because the Loki she was privy to did feel. Deeply. And something she was coming to understand about him was that he saw that - that fact that he felt at all - as an unforgivable weakness.
He hid his fear. She knew that well enough now. Had bared witness to enough of his nightmares to know that it was something he was very good at. It was something she didn't speak to him about. It was one thing that did feel off-limits between the two of them.
Fear, he could handle. Fear, he could conquer.
He could be calm in fear.
The thing she'd come to learn about Loki, however, was that when he did feel something - anything - that made him feel even remotely vulnerable, he had a tendency to disguise it as anger. And so that's why he was in an exceptionally bad mood when she finally managed to convince him to allow her to visit Sygran. She knew seeing the woman would help to heal a part of him - however small it might be - and she wanted that for him. She could never match what he'd given her, but if she could help him through this it might repay some small, small amount of the debt she owed him.
As Reagan made her way towards the Great Library, she could feel the barely suppressed rage pulsating from him.
She kept waiting for insults. For him to say something cruel and biting, but it never came. Ever since the day she had hugged him tight and showed him how raw she was inside - ever since she'd thanked him for helping her find a way to be in control - there was something softer in the way he interacted with her. It was subtle. She'd hardly have noticed it if she hadn't come to know him the way she did - hadn't been inside his mind - but it was there. Any sting that had once laced his many insults (for there were still many) had been replaced with thinly-veiled affection. Any moments of anger, he made a conscious effort never to direct it at her. Any brooding that need be done, could be saved for later if she required any form of attention from him.
And that's why she had no reason to take it to heart when his voice sounded harshly inside her mind.
This is an absolutely stupid idea. An utter waste of everyone's time. What business is this of yours anyway? Why do you insist on sticking your nose where it need not be?
She slowed to a stop.
"Loki, if you really don't want to do this, I'm not going to force you. But I think if you let me go through with it, you'll be glad."
Loki was quiet for a long while before he spoke to her again.
She won't want to see me.
Reagan stilled, honest sympathy swelling in her. So that was it.
"I think you're wrong," she insisted gently.
Yes, but you think that of all my opinions so in this instance it's not at all helpful.
"Loki..."
Annoyed that his attempt at deflecting didn't work, he chose not to answer her. She could feel his bitterness, but also something more that she suspected he was so preoccupied with his own brooding that he didn't realise he'd let slip. And she was pretty sure it was hope. So for that reason, she pushed.
"Listen, just let me go talk to her," she tried one last time. "I'll ask her outright if she'd even want to talk to you. And if she says yes, we can come back another time... alright?"
Loki scowled.
Just get it over with.
They didn't speak again, not even when Reagan reached the library and she began to weave her way through the stacks in search of Sygran. With every step, Reagan felt Loki's anxiety mount. And the anger he tried to hide it behind swelled along with it. She did her best to keep her energy calm, hoping that it might be some kind of comfort to him.
When she found the older woman, Sygran looked up as if she had sensed her coming and her features brightened.
"Oh, hello dear," she said happily, moving towards her. "You're looking awfully well."
Reagan smiled warmly.
"Thanks, I guess I've finally acclimatized to life in Asgard. It took a minute."
"Come, sit with me a moment. These old legs of mine could use a rest."
Sygran looped her arm through Reagan's happily, as if it were something they'd done together a hundred times before, and walked her over to a pair of matching chairs, in amongst the towering shelves.
"I was hoping I'd get to see you again," Sygran told her as she took her seat.
"I should have come sooner," Reagan replied sincerely. "I'm sorry. I've just been, uh, preoccupied with a nightmare prince. You know how it is."
They both smirked.
"Indeed I do," Sygran agreed, lacing her hands together as she leaned her elbows onto her knees, leaning towards Reagan. "And tell me, has the poor, sweet fool improved his behaviour at all?"
Reagan felt a spike of tension down the link. It hadn't escaped her notice that Loki was remaining uncharacteristically silent as the two women interacted.
"Like you wouldn't believe," Reagan replied, sending Loki an affectionate prod. "It pains me to admit that I think you might have been right about him after all."
The grin that spread across Sygran's face was simply enormous.
"Oh, wonderful. Wonderful."
Reagan paused for a moment before she spoke again. She had her words chosen and allowed them to swirl around in her mind so that Loki might see them and have time to object. He didn't protest, but something in him did harden, as if he were stealing himself. Reagan looked up at Sygran.
"I'm actually here because I wanted to ask you something about Loki," she said.
"And what might that be?"
She paused again, waiting for him to react. Again, he did not, but she felt his tense and undivided attention on the link.
It'll be okay, she promised him.
He didn't respond.
"I wanted to ask you," Reagan said out loud. "If you could talk to Loki, would you want to?"
"Oh, yes, dear. Of course. Very much so."
An ache pulsed down the link in response.
"But if you did... would you have kind things to say to him?"
The older woman looked momentarily affronted at the implication. Her gaze sharpened and her posture stiffened. She opened her mouth to protest but then stilled as realisation seemed to hit her. She gazed at Reagan as a tremor of emotion passed over her features.
"Oh... oh. He's here, isn't he? He's with you?"
Reagan hesitated, waiting for a cue. Again Loki didn't react. He only watched.
"He can hear you," Reagan murmured at last, hyperaware of how cautious she needed to be. "But I don't know if he's-"
Sygran leaned forward then and took both of Reagan's hands in hers. She gazed up into her eyes with such affection, and though she knew it wasn't for her, still it pulled at Reagan's heartstrings. Reagan watched as Sygran smiled gently.
"Hello there, boy," she said to Reagan - through Reagan. "I've missed you so."
Reagan waited, her heart seemed to be beating a little harder than normal. She waited for his reaction, but still, he just stared down the link. Frozen.
Loki, it's okay... she assured him gently. Talk to her.
I... I can't.
She felt his want to retreat but she reached for him gently.
Okay. That's okay... You tried, Loki. That's something.
She offered Sygran a sympathetic smile.
"I'm sorry, I don't think he's ready..." Reagan moved to stand. "I think maybe I should come back another time."
"Oh, please don't go," Sygran asked gently. Reagan watched as the woman obviously considered her words carefully. "I've so wanted to see you again... Reagan. It's been some time since I've had company. Won't you sit with me for a while? Tell me of Midgard."
Loki? Is that alright? I can tell her no. It's okay if that's what you want to do.
No, it's alright... just don't...
It's okay. Reagan promised. I understand.
Thank you...
Reagan settled back down in her seat and began to open up to the woman she'd come to admire from afar. She spoke of the city she grew up in, told her about her favourite things about home, about Norway and getting her powers. That soon lead to the conversation shifting, with careful avoidance of mention of Loki, to her arrival in Asgard. What she had thought of it all at first, how she felt about it now. Sygran started sharing stories of her own and over time, Loki's name slipped in here and there. When Loki didn't bristle like a startled animal Reagan nodded to her encouragingly and before long Sygran was spilling forth all manner of fond memories about the raven-haired Prince. She told her what it was like watching him grow. How at his request she'd taught him to cook a vast array of dishes over the years - an unusual skillset for a Prince to have. She spoke of gifts he had given her, and of course, inevitably, the pranks he had pulled on the other kitchen staff.
Sygran held her belly laughing as she recounted one tale in particular. Loki had transformed all the sugar in the kitchens into chilli powder, so when the kitchenhands bit into their fresh pastries to test them, they were rapidly all in desperate need of water. Which Loki had also seen to by replacing every last drop of it. With vinegar.
"The rest of the staff wanted him banned for that," Sygran wiped a tear of laughter away from her face. "But I wouldn't hear of it. That day was absolute chaos and he did show mercy on the staff after that mostly. Though Tilda did resign soon after when he enchanted the peels of all our apples to reseal each time we tried to peel them-"
They were oranges, Loki told her softly.
Reagan stilled for just a second, surprised to hear his voice. Sygran clocked it.
"What is it, dear?" she asked.
"Loki, he says they were oranges."
The two women exchange a warm look.
"You know, come to think of it, you're right. They were oranges."
Sygran continued to tell Reagan her tales and slowly but surely, Loki started to contribute. He peppered in little facts or forgotten details. And soon he was laughing along too. It filled her with warmth. Reagan passed on each of his comments, each time earning a grateful squeeze of the hand from the older woman. Soon, as Loki's enthusiasm grew, she had to start paraphrasing everything he wanted to say because she could no longer keep up word for word.
A moment of realisation hit Reagan then as an intrusive thought entered her mind. She'd seen a scenario quite similar to this before.
Oh my god, she gasped.
What is it?
I'm Jennifer Love Hewitt.
...you're what?
I'm the Ghost Whisperer.
Loki was silent for a few beats.
...Reagan- if you wouldn't mind focusing-
Oh right, yes. She jolted, forcing her attention back to Sygran. Sorry.
Slowly, the process became more comfortable, and the tension in Loki eased and she could feel him genuinely begin to enjoy himself. Reagan was nothing short of elated. She was so certain it would be good for Loki to take this step and reach out to someone so important to him, but she never imagined it would go this way. She was glad for it. Well, that is until Loki decided it was time for her to tell Sygran about how she'd managed to get stranded at his castle.
Loki laughed all the while about it being her fault, how she'd had to call Heimdall. He thoroughly enjoyed her having to tell the story from his perspective, and she did so very begrudgingly.
I thought we agreed that was your fault, she muttered to him once she'd finished recounting his version of events.
I did not, nor will I ever, agree to a statement so thoroughly ridiculous. You should know me better than that by now.
Reagan's nose scrunched in amused annoyance and she rolled her eyes ever so slightly.
"Is that boy still giving you grief, girly?" Sygran asked, having picked up on the silent exchange between the two.
"Oh," Reagan smiled at her sweetly. "No, not at all. He was just realising how stupid he looks in those horns he wears and I was just helping him through the revelation."
Wha- Take that back at once!
A knowing grin spread across Sygran's features.
"I see."
"Now he's saying that he has absolutely no idea how political systems work and while I'm at the library it would be helpful if I could pick out a few books for beginners for him."
"Well, I can certainly help with that."
Unbelievable. I should have known it was a bad idea for the two of you to get together. You're thoroughly incorrigible.
"I see you and I have something in common - it can be quite a treat to get a rise out of the young prince."
Reagan shrugged. "Well, you're the one who told me to give him hell."
She did what?! Reagan. You tell that woman right now that she is a lecherous traitor!
"Ohhh, he just said your cookies are only so-so."
Hey! Way over the line, mortal!
With a wide smile, Sygran leaned in towards Reagan, evidently enjoying the game.
"Well, if that's the case then the next time you come to visit me I shall host you at my home so I can bake for you. Prove the sweet lamb wrong."
"Oh, totally, that's my all-time favourite thing to do," Reagan told her happily and Loki rolled his eyes.
This was a mistake. I don't like the two of you getting along whatsoever.
And Reagan might have found that a little easier to believe if the bond between them hadn't been humming with affection.
Soon enough, the evening grew late and it was time to part ways. The two women stood, facing each other, both a little unsure of how to go about their goodbyes.
Is there anything you want me to say? Reagan asked Loki.
Perhaps just that you think I'm devilishly handsome.
Reagan smirked, thoroughly elated to have him back to behaving like the little shit he normally was.
Okay, well, I'm obviously not saying that.
Why not? It wouldn't be the first time.
Reagan pulled a strange face.
When have I ever said that?
It was one of your first thoughts the first time you projected into my cell.
She felt the way Loki's lips curled into a smug, satisfied smile.
Hmm... that doesn't sound like me, she mused, refusing to even acknowledge the flash of memory he was insistently pressing down the link. Are you sure you're not thinking of someone else?
Certainly not. Just look at this memory! Reagan, look at it-
Loki.
Yes?
She's waiting.
She felt the way Loki caught himself and noticed Sygran's somewhat hopeful gaze.
Loki quieted then and Reagan felt a complex surge of emotions ebbing from him. It was heavy, aching, and she hoped at that moment that their connection - her being there - helped make that burden just a little lighter. She waited, allowing him to weigh his words carefully, and Sygran did the same.
Would you tell her... he said at last. Tell her that I'm sorry I didn't live up to the standard to which she held me. Tell her I'm sorry that what I allowed her to believe of me was a falsehood.
And Reagan repeated the message gently, even as it made her heart ache.
But Sygran just smiled kindly.
"The only thing you have to be sorry for, boy," Sygran said and Reagan felt the nervous clench of his gut. "Is not coming to visit me sooner."
Reagan felt the ache her words evoked in Loki and studied the woman for just a few moments before she could no longer contain herself. She surged forward and wrapped the woman into a tight hug. What could she say? She'd never been very good at self-restraint.
"This is from Loki," she said, her voice slightly muffled against the taller woman's clothes.
Don't tell her that. Loki grumbled in her mind, though the emotions that ebbed from him didn't quite match his tone. Sygran and I don't hug. We aren't children.
"He's loving this," Reagan assured the other woman, ignoring him.
Sygran laughed as she squeezed her back just a little tighter, knowing full well the truth of it.
"I can only imagine."
The pair soon pulled apart and Sygran cupped her face one last time, her eyes slightly watery.
Reagan let Sygran look through her, and she reached gently for a somewhat reluctant Loki to do the same. She felt a hesitant swirl of him down the link - felt the ache in him as he stared at the older woman through Reagan's eyes. She truly hoped it was enough for each of them to feel like they got that moment together.
"Now you listen to me, boy," Sygran said with a smile. "You behave. You be happy. And you take good care of this one."
Reagan offered her a gentle smile. Not expecting a response from Loki. And as she bid her goodbye, and turned to go, she heard Loki speak, almost as an afterthought.
I will, he promised gently.
As Reagan exited the library and made her way back to her chambers, she heard Loki's voice one final time that evening.
Reagan, I... Thank you.
It was all he ever said on the matter. Never brought it up again. But the weight of those two words - how much he put into that small, simple thank you - Reagan felt every ounce of it.
"By the way, what's the Tournament of the Convergence?" Reagan asked, she was laying at the end of Loki's bed, one leg propped up with the other crossed over it, her head hanging slightly off the edge. Loki lounged at the other end against his pillows, propped up on one elbow, studying her as if trying to figure out how that position could be in any way comfortable.
It was late at night, and Reagan had found herself unable to sleep. When she'd felt that he was awake too, she projected into the cell once again insisted he keep her company until she grew tired enough to sleep.
Though he'd never admit to it, their late-night talks were becoming some of his favourite. Though he suspected Reagan was already aware of that given the rate at which the frequency of them was increasing. These late-night chats were usually just simple and meaningless and calm. Often revealing just a little more that he hadn't known about this strange, annoying girl from Midgard. If Loki hadn't known better, he might even have sometimes - just sometimes - called them intimate.
"Where'd you hear of that?" Loki asked, looking slightly perplexed.
"Everyone's talking about it lately. There are, like, banners and stuff all over the place. It seems like a pretty big deal."
"I hadn't realised it was approaching," Loki admitted, once again struck with how difficult it was to keep track of time in the dungeon, even now that he was spending so much time in Reagan's presence. "It's a natural event that only occurs once every five thousand years when all Nine Realms of Yggdrasil, the World Tree, fall into alignment. For many, it will go unnoticed, but it has been said to have caused strange anomalies in the past - wormholes, shifts in gravity - that sort of thing."
"Oh, yeah that sort of thing," Reagan agreed. "It's so crazy the type of stuff that's becoming normal to me."
"In any case, it's tradition that Asgard holds a tournament to celebrate the approach. They'll soon announce a ball to follow."
"Oh yeah, I saw that too. The tournament just sounds like a lot more fun, don't you think?"
Loki didn't answer, instead, he stared down at the palm of his hand as he ran his thumb along the lines there, lost in thought. Reagan sat up, evidently sensing the change in him.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
Loki nodded.
"It'll just be a shame to miss it," he admitted.
He supposed he should start getting used to it. There'd be a great many things he'd be missing out on, locked away in that cell of his. He'd been in such high spirits of late that it was easy to forget - his sentence of eternity.
"Well, don't worry," Reagan smiled kindly, tapping her temple. "I'll bring you with me."
She was getting so good at reading him. Loki felt the swell of pity she experienced at his expense. No, he corrected himself. Not pity. Empathy.
He couldn't help but soften a little.
"I suppose the whole ordeal will be more entertaining from your, shall we say, unique perspective," he relented.
"Exactly! You just sit back, relax and let me handle the show. You can just treat it like a pay-per-view."
Loki wasn't sure exactly what that meant. But he rather liked the sound of it.
"Whoa. You've never watched TV before, have you?" Reagan said as the thought occurred to her.
Loki shook his head.
"That's crazy."
"It's hardly crazy."
"It's a little crazy."
"I doubt I'd care for it anyway."
"Oh come on, you love plays. TV is just like a ton of little plays. You'd be into it. I'm positive."
Loki just watched her, amused, shaking his head a little.
"You're not going to start lecturing me on this as you did with likable Midgardians are you?"
Reagan didn't answer immediately. Instead, she stilled, taking the time to contemplate.
"No," she answered decidedly. "But if opportunity ever presents itself I'm going to make The Office. I think that's the one that would really get you."
"The office?"
"It follows this group of people who work at a paper company. It's basically just about how mundane day-to-day life can be kind of wonderful. I think you'd appreciate how incompetent the main character is since you like ragging on Midgardians so much. It's full of pranks too. And it sneaks up on you and ends up being pretty touching. And actually, come to think of it... you remind me a little bit of Dwight."
"Who is Dwight?"
"He's this annoying pain in the ass who makes everyone's life so much harder than it needs to be." She smirked at Loki pointedly. "He's always reaching up a ladder for some higher position but never quite getting there. He's super dramatic and thinks he's better at a lot of things than he really is. And he acts like he doesn't care about anyone else but it turns out that on the inside he's a bit of a softie. He's totally my favourite."
Loki fought desperately to keep his expression neutral to her words but the way Reagan looked far too pleased with herself led him to believe the heat creeping up his neck had made itself known to her.
"What do I think I'm better at than I really am?" he asked in his best attempt to sound annoyed.
"World domination," she said simply.
He whipped his head her way to find a wide, teasing grin on her face. How strange it was, that come to be able to make light-hearted jokes about New York. At every turn, she surprised him. Whenever he found himself so certain she'd pull away, there was again. He didn't understand. Though he longed to.
"May I ask you something, perhaps, a little personal?" Loki asked carefully, dropping his gaze to his fingers.
She tilted her head as she watched him, noticing the shift in his demeanour.
"Of course," she said gently.
"What changed for you that day?"
Reagan's brow pinched ever so slightly. "What day?"
"The day you turned up here out of the blue to offer the most constipated apology I've ever bared witness to."
Laughter bubbled its way up her throat and Loki smiled gently in response. She hesitated a little, even as the smile lingered on her lips, as if unsure of how to answer.
"I'd done nothing to deserve your peace offering," Loki pressed, watching her. "In fact, I'd done the opposite. But you mended the bridge. You apologised to me when I think we're both fully aware it was I who should have apologised to you. I've wondered ever since what it was that caused you to come back."
She looked down and Loki's eyes followed the way her hair fell from where she'd tucked it behind her ear. He fought against the urge to reach out and touch it.
"Promise you won't get mad?" she asked softly.
"Pinky promise," Loki replied.
Her eyes flicked up to meet his, amusement caused her lips to quirk at their little inside joke. That night she'd taught him about that felt like a million years ago now. She looked down once more, her smile slowly slipping away.
"Some advice that Sygran gave me had a lot to do with it but really I, um... I found out that you were adopted."
Loki's heart jolted uncomfortably.
"Thor told me that while he was banished, you found out that Odin and Frigga weren't your birth parents, and that's when everything sort of..."
"I see," Loki said.
She looked up to see his gaze was no longer on her, in fact, he was withdrawing into himself. Rapidly. She wanted to stop it.
"I didn't know much about you then, Loki," she continued, treading as carefully as she could. Watching to gauge his reaction. "And I know that you know I wasn't your biggest fan. But something that also sort of stayed with me was that first day we came back to Asgard. I could hear you talking to Odin. I heard the things he said. He said that Frigga was the only reason you were still alive..."
Loki didn't respond and so Reagan hoped it was safe to press on.
"I felt how much that hurt you... It was such a cruel thing for him to say to you. I mean, regardless of what you'd done, he's still your dad... And- your own family shouldn't be the ones who make you feel as lonely as I know you are."
It was a bold thing to say.
Perhaps too bold.
But Loki had asked and she wanted to give him the truth.
He swallowed thickly.
"I can see it, you know. How he treats you compared to Thor."
Loki's eyes flicked up to meet hers, surprised.
No one had ever acknowledged it before. He knew Sygran had some sort of opinion on the matter. But no one had ever said the words outright. In fact, time and time again, when he had said it himself, he had been shut down. Told he was exaggerating or seeing things that weren't there.
"What do you mean?" he asked tightly, not able to meet her eye.
He needed to hear her say it.
He needed to hear someone say it. Just once. To confirm it wasn't all in his head. It wasn't him being selfish, self-absorbed, or entitled. He needed just once for it to be someone else's opinion too. So that he could know it was real.
Reagan seemed to read him, to understand that was exactly what he was asking of her.
"Thor thinks Odin raised you both as equals... said you were both born to rule but... I haven't seen much, Loki, you've only ever let a few fractions slip past your shield. But there's nothing equal about the way he's treated you and Thor. To have had to experience a thousand years of that, a thousand years of your own father loving someone else more than you... and then to find out that he wasn't your birth parent and be left to wonder if that was the reason why. It's unbelievably cruel, Loki. And I'm sorry it happened to you."
His brow furrowed ever so slightly - the only outward indication that he was fighting back a tidal wave inside himself.
"Loki, you did some messed up things on Earth," she said, and Loki had to swallow hard against the ache in his chest. An ache that was part hers and part his. "Some messed up things. But... That doesn't make your pain invalid. And your dad is a huge part of that pain. Probably even the main part. For him to have said what he said to you, knowing everything I know now. That was the most awful thing I've ever heard. And you deserve better than that. You deserve an apology from him."
Of all the things he thought Reagan might say when he'd asked the question what changed that day, this was the very last of it. A cosmos of emotions churned within him. Some still so close to the surface - anger at the universe, his resentment for his father. Some new to him - his ever-growing tenderness for this strange mortal girl. And some that he buried so deeply, sometimes he hardly remembered they were there - aching loneliness, sadness, and a want for something more...
"You don't have to be so kind to me about this. I know you feel indebted to me because I helped you but... I don't want-"
"It's not that," she assured him gently.
His gaze flicked to hers, guarded. Reagan let out a low sigh.
"I know what it's like to feel like an outsider in your own family," she admitted.
Loki's brow peaked in silent question.
"Do you remember the memory you saw, the day of my mom's funeral? When I was trying to get my dad on the phone to ask him if he was going to be there while I buried her?"
She glanced up at him and he nodded slowly. He didn't admit it aloud to her but he thought about that moment often. He loathed thinking about his actions now, the way he'd scoured her mind for information to use against her. He'd invaded, violated. He'd just been so full of rage and hatred that he hadn't cared. He'd wanted to hurt her. He'd wanted to hurt anything. But when he'd stumbled upon that memory - felt the pain of it - saw the way she so viciously protected it from him. He'd felt ugly even back then, to have seen that moment. And now, now that he'd come to see her as-
He couldn't allow himself to finish the thought. Pushed it away with force as he focused on Reagan's words.
"He didn't come," she told him with a pained grimace. "He called a few days later and said he was sorry but he couldn't get away from work - like it was some soccer game he'd missed or something. He said it like... like he could make up for it the next time. He'd divorced my mom about ten years before that and I suppose he thought that it wasn't a big deal. That he didn't need to be there for her... but he should have been there for me."
Reagan's voice cracked a little and she took a deep breath and closed her eyes trying to calm herself. Loki's jaw clenched as he watched her. He encased his anger, his outrage, inside a barrier to shield her from it. He didn't want her feeling it in that moment, he didn't want her to know how much pleasure he would take from tearing that man apart.
"It was nothing new, really," she continued. "He was never really there for me. Before they got divorced, I learned to just keep out of his way. He wasn't violent or anything, he just... he never hid the fact that I was just an inconvenience to have around. He'd never wanted kids. But then a few years after he left us, he met someone new and they had a daughter together and something was just different because he became this, like, perfect dad."
"You have a sister?" Loki asked, surprised.
"Half-sister," Reagan nodded. "Her name's Becca. She's a lot younger than me. She's only eight years old. I don't really have much of a relationship with her, I hardly ever see her. But Dad just bombards social media with photos of her. He's always out with her. Taking her to the park, or baseball games, or to have ice cream. And there's always all these comments underneath saying what an awesome dad he is and how lucky Becca is to have him... meanwhile, I don't even remember the last time he remembered to call me on my birthday."
She laughed sadly, and Loki felt the ache that throbbed through her chest at the very thought of it. The list of ways he wanted to disembowel the man was grown at a staggering speed.
"It was cancer. Pancreatic cancer that killed my mom. It was... I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I took care of her, while she was dying. She needed a lot of help toward the end. It was awful - awful - watching her go like that. Watching her suffer. And he never called me. Never texted. Didn't ask if I needed help. Didn't check-in. And all the while, he was taking Becca out to the movies, cooking her dinner and tucking her in every night. I just... I never understood what it was about her that made him step up and be a good dad. I never understood why I wasn't important enough for him to love me like that."
Loki's chest tightened then and he wanted to look away because he didn't want her to look into his eyes and see his own pain reflected there. But he found it was too late. Because he saw it there. She understood. She could see just how large a shadow he'd been pushed into all his life. And he'd never understood why... until he did.
"I'm sorry, Reagan, truly," he told her gently. "But you must know... Your father sounds like a fool. Because there is nothing unimportant about you."
She smiled sadly, her gaze remained on her hands. He felt the warmth he'd managed to bloom in her chest. He was grateful for it. He wanted it to stay there.
"Do you ever wonder about your birth parents?" Reagan asked him gently. "Do you know who they are?"
Loki studied her for a moment. Not since he'd found out had he been given the opportunity to speak about this. He could tell her, he realised. He knew he could. He could tell her in that moment exactly what he was and she would accept it. Revulsion might follow, in the hours, the days that came after. But if he told her now, what he truly was, she'd accept it. She'd offer her pity. And slowly pull away politely... Loki dropped her gaze, loathing himself for his cowardice.
He shook his head.
"No," he murmured. "No, I don't know who they are."
Reagan sat quietly, watching him, giving him time to process his thoughts.
"Sometimes... I wonder if perhaps..."
Loki fell quiet and scowled at himself. Part of him truly wanted to get the words out but... there was so much - too much. How could he possibly find the words here and now? How could he ever explain? He felt like a failure.
Reagan sensed it.
"Hey," she leaned forward to catch his eye, and he complied. "It's okay... It's not an easy thing to do. To talk about things you've kept buried."
Loki nodded slowly in agreement, still frustrated with himself. Disheartened. She opened up so easily. So willingly. What was this weakness in him that wouldn't allow him to do the same?
She studied him, an empathetic ache swelling in her chest. Once again reading him like a book.
"Loki... you're not less than anyone else," she said again. "You're not. Not Thor. Not your dad. Not anyone."
"You know..." Loki began. "All the texts, legends written of Asgard - even those on Midgard state - the contrary."
Reagan shrugged.
"Then they're wrong," she said.
"Really? As simple as that?" Loki smiled a little.
"Yep," she said confidently. "Besides, It doesn't really interest me what any of those texts have to say anyway. I've just always been more into Greek mythology, myself."
Loki's head snapped her way, looking utterly scandalised.
"Take that back," he commanded.
"I have a tattoo of Medusa on my ribs," she smirked up at him.
"Preposterous."
"Though actually..." Reagan said, a wild smile stretching across her face then. "I think I do recall once reading something about you giving birth to a horse? Now that, I wouldn't mind reading."
Loki threw his head back and roared.
"Ah yes, that would be courtesy of my brother. A rumour he spread amongst the humans as revenge. They'd wanted to hear tales of the mighty Thor-"
"Which, naturally, annoyed you."
"Obviously," Loki agreed. "And so I had spread a tale about him having to dress as a bride and marry a giant named Thrymr who had stolen his hammer in order to get it back." Loki snickered a little. "I must admit, I was rather proud of him for that one. Though, I can't say I'm too pleased that it's one that stuck around."
"What else did you tell them?" Reagan asked, giggling.
Loki launched into a slew of utterly ridiculous stories he'd attempted to spread about Thor, and Reagan laid down beside him, laughing delightedly as they became more and more ridiculous. She felt every bit as disappointed that these tales had not successfully caught on on Earth, and Loki couldn't help but to adore her for that.
Far too soon, she began to show signs of sleep beginning to take her. Yet as she began to yawn just a little more frequently and each blink took just a little longer than the last, Loki couldn't help but to think - to hope - that she seemed a little reluctant to go.
"Tell me something you've seen," she asked as she closed her eyes and folded her arm beneath her head like a makeshift pillow. The edges of her projection were beginning to blur, he could tell she wouldn't be with him much longer. "Something amazing,"
Loki smiled softly.
"On Midgard, I saw a girl made of fire," he whispered as he gazed down at her.
She giggled just a little, without opening her eyes. "Shut up, I'm being serious."
"So am I."
"Okay fine, something else. Something I haven't seen."
"As you wish," Loki murmured gently.
And so Loki told her of the wormhole, the one he'd fallen through when he fell from the edge of Asgard. And he left out the pain and the fear and the emptiness. Those were not for her. But he told her of the wonders of the galaxies he witnessed. For even in that darkness he saw wonderous beauties. He told her of the colours he'd seen which he'd never even imagined before, of bursting stars, and strange and wonderful sounds that echoed throughout the deepest reaches of space. And she smiled.
"I'm starting to think I might have to keep you," Reagan murmured, even as her project began to fade.
And as he watched her slowly slip into unconsciousness and her projection disappeared before his very eyes, Loki allowed himself to reach out a hand to feel the sheets where she'd lay, longing even for just a moment, to feel the warmth of her.