"So…Osaka right?" Takino asked.
"Sure," Commander Kasuga answered.
"How do you know Kagura anyways, Osaka?"
"Well Tomo," Osaka began, "we've known each other ever since I moved to Tokyo…."
It was at that moment that Tomo interrupted Osaka. "I used to live in Tokyo too. That's where I met Yomi."
"Look Tomo," Osaka said, "do you want me to tell you about Kagura or not?"
"Well not really, but I guess I have no choice," Tomo answered.
"Why in the heck would you say that?"
"It sounded better in my head before it came out of my mouth," Tomo replied.
"Let's just say that I've known her awhile and leave it at that," Osaka said.
"No, that doesn't help me at all," Tomo retorted.
Osaka sighed, overdramatically before continuing. "Anyways Kagura and I have known each other ever since I moved to Tokyo. Basically she's obsessed with beating everyone that challenges her, unlike most people who try that she actually has talent. When we were both conscripted into the Navy that natural ability and competitive spirit forced her to become a Navy SEAL."
"And the reason that she happens to be The Queen of Pop?" Tomo asked.
"Honestly I have no idea," Osaka responded.
At that moment Kagura came over. Strangely enough she was wearing an orange tank top…and a pair of what appeared to be waders.
"Say Tomo," said Osaka.
"Hmm?"
"When you said that all three of your guesses were wrong what did that mean?" Kasuga asked.
"Well," Tomo replied, "I was pretty sure Kaorin was a lesbian, that guess was wrong. I was pretty sure the communications officer was a transvestite, also wrong. Finally I could have sworn that Yomi was into chicks and not dudes. I don't really believe her statement that she slept with the communications officer either, she strikes me as too much of a germaphobe to have sex with someone."
"Okay," said Osaka, "way too much information about Yomi there."
"I know right?"
"Hey," said Kagura, "shouldn't we try to communicate with that alien ship, instead of debating whether or not the Lt. Commander is a homosexual?"
"What alien ship?" Tomo asked.
"You blockhead!" yelled Kagura. "The one that crashed against this destroyer less than an hour ago!"
"Hey Osaka," said Tomo, "what does blockhead mean? I've only heard of it before in newspaper comics."
"That's not important!" yelled Kagura. "We need to get those aliens to surrender to us sometime today."
"I agree Kagura," replied Osaka, "why don't we have you lead the diplomatic team."
"I think Takino would be better suited to that."
"Better add Mizuhara in too," added Osaka.
"Sounds good enough to me," Kagura replied.
"What?" said Yomi, "but I'm the least annoying of this ship's officers!"
"True," said Kagura, "but you're also one of the smartest. This means you'll be one of the best suited to encountering unidentified life forms."
Yomi grumbled under her breath but then remembered the promise of a promotion when they got back to port.
"What should I do Kagura?" Kaorin asked.
"You'll train the ship's main guns on that craft," Osaka responded. "If it so much as spits in our direction I want you to blow it to hell."
"Actually I disabled its weapons along with the communication devices. If they try anything, well, they'll become a lovely ball of plasma."
"Well done Kagura, well done," Osaka creepily responded.
"Of course we'll just try talking to them with the communicator first."
"Good idea."
Twelve minutes later it was clear that they couldn't contact the ship. Someone would have to go inside. Unfortunately that someone was Tomo…and Yomi.