A few days had past. Nadine took this time to for herself and tried to get her apartment ready as much as possible for a little visitor who might be a part of her life for now on. She knew she would have to get a bigger place but her apartment will have to do for now. She was still sprucing up the place trying to make it as cheerful as possible. She spoke to Alexis yesterday and they made arrangements to meet and speak to Spencer today. She still had a few hours before she had to go to Alexis' home. She took another once over to make sure everything was perfect as possible. She knew she was obsessing but she couldn't help it. She went into the bedroom getting her purse and emptying the contents on her bed to change her purse. An envelope fell out with her name written on the outside. She put her fingers over the writing debating with herself whether she should open it. At first she avoided opening it knowing she was an emotional mess. Then, she became so busy she simply didn't think about it. Looking at the envelope she felt it was time to open it. She carefully opened the envelope making sure she didn't rip it and unfolded the beautiful paper he had written on and started reading it.

Nadine,

I guess there is only one reason that you are reading this letter and that I have passed away and that we were not together in the end. I wanted to try to explain some things and somehow explain my feelings. First of all, I wanted to just say how sorry I am for everything that had happened between you and me. There is nothing in the world I could say that would make up for the way I behaved and make it forgivable. I will not go into the details or rehash things that were done or said; probably more for myself. When I think back then at my behavior I get so upset for my stupidity. I am so sorry for it all especially for ever letting you walk out of my life. You have no idea how much I've missed you. How I miss your smile, your laugh, your humor, your sweet soft lips, and your warmth. Nadine, it took me so long after I lost you to come to the realization that I love you more than anything in this world. I love you for the amazing person you are with all your quirkiness that come with the package that make you who you are and I will until the day I die. I guess that is true since this letter is upon my death. I know you and you're probably asking why I never told you when I was living. I wanted to so many times. You have no idea how many times I have come to the hospital just to watch you even just to get a glimpse of you. How many times I've wanted to go to you and take you into my arms and kiss you like there was no tomorrow. How many times I wished and prayed you would come to Wyndamere like you used to and you would kiss me like you did when you first kissed me. How many times I have dreamed of making love to you over and over again. All I can say is that I have wanted to and have tried so many times but I couldn't do it. I knew when we were together before and when we ended things how I had really hurt you. I knew I couldn't do that to you again. That's why I had kept my distance and never told you how I truly felt. I know it will be a regret of mine. I knew that you loved me before and I had no idea of my feelings for you. I knew I couldn't love you then the way you deserved to be loved; fully and unconditionally with nothing holding us back. At that time I couldn't do that. But more than anything I wished I had the guts and the courage to tell you how I truly felt before I left this earth. I would have been happy even to be with you one day versus the miserable existence I have been living since I lost you. The only thing I could wish for is for you to find someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. To find someone who would give you all of your desires and treat you like a princess. Just be happy. So you must know by now that I have asked you to take guardianship of Spencer. I know it's a very selfish thing for me to ask. After all I have put you through and all that you have done for me I'm still asking more from you. I asked this of you for many reasons. First, because Spencer has always loved you and you were always good to him and treated him with total respect. Second, if there is anyone who would love my son unconditionally and raise him right it would be you. But I do understand if you feel you cannot take care of him. I know you'll do the right thing. You always do. I guess that's about it. Nadine, take care of yourself and Spencer. I have left a note for him to be given to him when he gets older to understand. I want you to take care of each other and love each other. If you couldn't be his stepmother then be his guardian and the mother he has never had. Be happy and love again. I know one day it will happen. You will meet someone who is worthy of your unbelievable love. You need to take that chance and not waste a minute like yours truly. One thing you have always done was to live your life to the fullest. Don't ever lose that. Live everyday like it's your last. Don't have all the regrets that I have. I love you. Goodbye, my angel.

Nikolas

Nadine folded up the letter and put it on her bureau. She went back to the bed and she lies down with her head on the pillow. She had tears in her eyes and had them practically the whole time she was reading the letter. She closed her eyes and sobbed at the thought of Nikolas finally telling her how he felt about her but it was too late. It was too late for her to take him in her arms and tell him how much she loves him. It was too late for her to kiss him and for them to make love celebrating their love for each other. Too late for them to make plans for the future; for them to be a family just the three of them. She cried over what could have been and of the time she was robbed of. She cried over the times they missed out on. All the holidays they could have shared. All of the Christmas' watching Spencer rip open his gifts. All the candlelit dinners they never got to have. All of the vacations they never got to spend together. All the missed kisses and all the nights they never got to make love. She stayed like that for awhile in the sanctuary of her bed remembering all the times they did share. All the intimate conversations, their first kiss, their second kiss, the first time they made love, all the times they went riding together, and the time they spent together in Ohio before her Aunt passed. Suddenly, a smile crept across her face thinking of all the great times they had shared versus thinking of all the time they missed out on. It might have not been a long time but it was a happy time. She was happy that he did write the letter. She knew she had two things left as a reminder of him and his love. She would have Spencer and this letter. Spencer was always a reminder of Nikolas to her. The boy had his father's eyes, deep and soulful. Whenever she would start to really miss him she would read this letter as a reminder. A reminder of their love but he was right she couldn't dwell on the past. He spent so much time of his life looking in the past instead of looking towards the future. She would need to move on towards a life with Spencer. Nadine looked at her watch and knew she should take a shower and get ready. In less than an hour she would be seeing Spencer to tell him about his father and she needed to prepare herself for that.

I hope you like this chapter. I know it was sad and depressing but I promise some good times will be coming soon. I promise Spencer will be in the next chapter.

Please Read and Review and tell me what you think.

Thanks