Chapter 2 - Quitting

When I came home, all lights were out. There was a note on the kitchen counter.

"I'm at Charlie's. Love you, Mum."

Sure she would be with Charlie. Plenty of happy couples here...

I was glad for her that she got along with her life after Dad passed away three years ago. I knew she'd loved Dad, and I thought she really deserved to be happy despite the loss.

I warmed yesterday's lunch in the microwave – the drawbacks of having my mum cook for Charlie instead for her kids.

Move on, Leah., I told myself. I was twenty-two, for crying out loud. I should go to college. Live a normal life. Find a man and have kids, not this year, but still... this was creepy. It was going against the grain. I felt not female at all. Menopausal at twenty-two. And no way of knowing if it would ever turn back to normal, even if I would some day be able to control my temper and quit my wolf's existence. I wanted to be human, for heaven's sake. Not some supernatural creature that fought secretly against other disgusting monsters. That was cool for the boys – I rolled my eyes as I thought of Seth's excitement, but what cruel joke was turning me into a werewolf?

All I wanted was to be a normal woman, have my period back and start aging again.

I felt the anger about fate's unfair treatment shake my body. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing slowly and evenly, to calm down. I would not turn into my wolf self right in the kitchen. No... not now... I could do this.

It was an effort that made me doubt if I could ever do this, but eventually, the shaking stopped. I pulled my plate from the microwave and sat down to eat, only to be interrupted by Seth bursting through the door like a savage. Well. He looked like a savage, too.

"Aw, that smells good. You saved me some?", he said, not even halfway through the hall. I glanced up at him. "Mum's not home yet. Help yourself, it's in the fridge."

"She's with the vampire dad, right?" I rolled my eyes at how he made 'vampire' sound like it was a good thing. "Yeah... guess he rather hangs around with Sue than with a bunch of creepy bloodsuckers or eerie wolves." Seth looked like he wanted to say something, but then he dropped it. It was kind of weird how we were both siblings and pack members. Comrades in arms... how the boys would make it sound.

It bothered me how I saw things from their perspective, as I was forced to share their thoughts. Their point of view made sense, but it was so odd to watch the world from their eyes. I wanted to be female, and that was not a good way to start.

"It's weird how the Cullen's scents grow fainter each day. Can you imagine they'll disappear altogether one day? It's strange to grasp they're really gone..."

"Oh yeah.", I muttered. "Such a shame to lose the delicious scent that makes me want to rip their throats out everytime I smell it." I knew that bothered Seth. He thought of them as friends. Ugh.

"What?", I asked provocatively. "It's a natural response. What you and Jacob are feeling for them is downright pathetic. Do you make friends with the fleas in your fur coat as well?"

"Aw, Leah." he punched my arm and I felt the urge to punch back. Stupid male reactions. Wasn't it enough that Jacob got into palpable quarrels with Paul at home?

"Back off, Seth."

He ignored me, but he took his plate now and dug in, so that provided silence, at least.

I put my plate in the sink and went up into my room, kicking the door shut behind me. I plunged down on my bed and curled up in a ball. My eyelids drooped and it didn't take long before I fell asleep. It was a relief for my body, tired from running all day. But my mind kept wandering, twisting my pain right into nightmares. The presence of Sam in my dreams was not that nightmarish, of course. If, on occasion, he was mine in such a dream, the pain jolted through me the moment I'd wake and feel the whole impact of reality.

Darn, why couldn't I live in a world where werewolves and similiar nonsense were confined in fairytale books? Or horror movies, maybe that was more appropriate.

But even horror movies had endings... maybe not happy endings, but still. My life, on the other hand, was stretched. I was frozen in time. At least until I would finally make it – escape the wolf-being. Turning my back on the supernatural world.

The more I thought about it, the more thrilling it got. I was already sick of La Push – not that I didn't like my people and my mum, but I needed to get out. Maybe, if I got far enough away, it would become easier to quit.

It came back to me when I woke up just before noon – my plans for emmigration, for travelling far away to a place where magic didn't have any impact on life.

Seth was already gone when I came down into the kitchen. My mum sat at the table reading a book. Well, as I approached, I noticed it was not really a book... it was a manual for a fishing sonar system. I could guess where she got it from and to what purpose she was reading it. I smiled at her, amused. She blushed slightly. "Harry was always fishing with him... and Billy's in the wheelchair, so I thought, at least I could go with him now and then..." I grinned. "Sure. Have fun."

I turned back and headed for my room. It dawned on me that I couldn't simply book a flight and take off into the sunset. Where was I going, and what would I do, anyway?

I hadn't dared to apply to a college right after graduation, what with my loose temper issues.

"Leah?", Mum called. I went downstairs where she held the phone out to me. "Rebecca.", she mouthed. I raised an eyebrow. Rebecca? Rebecca Black?

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lee. How are you?"

Definitely – Rebecca Black. Jacob's married sister from Hawaii. I hadn't seen her for years, since she'd left La Push. Besides – she wasn't Rebecca Black anymore, but Rebecca Hookano, if I remembered the Hawaiian name straight.

"Yeah... could be better, you know."

I'm a werewolf just like all the guys at the reservation. I'm a freak. I want to get out of here, get a life, and I just don't have any idea how to do that.

"You sound like maybe it's the right time for a break."

I frowned. "What do you mean?", I asked, confused. She laughed. "Lee, I've got an offer for you. Mh... I'm not sure if you'll like it...", she trailed off.

"Spit it out." She paused again. "I was wondering... my husband and I need to travel from time to time. We'd love to have someone who takes care of the kids for a while..."

"Oh." They wanted me as a babysitter? "When?", I asked. Whether I wanted to babysit or not. It was a way out. I was so desperate I would take any chance, I realized with a shudder.

"When are you free to go?"

I shrugged. "There's no pressing issue here.. I think I can go anytime. Just have to book a flight."

"I'm not asking too much of you? You will be paid, of course."

"Sure, Becky. I'll... call you back as soon as I've arranged the flight and everything."

"Thank you, Lee. Really. I'm glad you'll come here. The kids will love you." "Bye, Becky." "Bye."

I hung up the phone and leaned to the wall. "Wow.", I breathed. Things were, once in a blue moon, working out just fine.

Mum furrowed her brow. I supposed she'd listened to my side of the conversation, though I hadn't paid attention to her. I went to sit at the kitchen table.

"Rebecca Black invited me to Hawaii to take care of her children." "Oh. Really?" "Yeah."

She was silent for a while. Then, she looked up to me. "You really want to quit?"

I knew she didn't mean La Push itself. I nodded slowly. "I do. I... I don't want it to take away my life!" I half-shrieked the last words. "I need to quit. I want to be... feminine again." Mum nodded. She understood. She was a woman, after all. But that wasn't enough to make me stay.

"Are you sure it's the right job for you, though? Children?" No. I didn't. But still... "I think babysitting is a quite feminine job."

Next instant, I thought of Quil and remembered his devotion to look after Claire, playing her games without ever getting bored with it. I frowned. So much for feminine. This werewolf crap was really prone to forward gender confusion.

Mum was not fooled, I knew. "But still, I want to try it.", I prompted. Mum didn't argue, she just stood and hugged me.

"I love you, Leah. You'll do the right things. Take your break." I hugged her back. "Love you too, Mum."