Chapter 5 - Nanny
Pili's face lighted up when he saw me descending the stairs. "You come out with me?"
I grinned at him and jumped down the last few stairs in a swift movement. He towed me by the hand out the back door into the garden. Like I should have guessed, it was artfully designed and showed Rebecca's talent. It seemed so alive, nothing was out of place, but still, it didn't scream "Don't move!" like some perfectionated gardens might convey to everyone. This one was inviting.
Kaili sat under an orchard tree and played peacefully and totally absorbed. She didn't even notice us. Pili let go of my hand to suddenly crouch, then leap up and get hold on a branch. He dangled from the tree for a moment before he swung himself completely up and came to sit on the branch, from where he grinned down on me.
"Wow.", I said, stunned. It didn't look like something a six year-old could usually do. Well, maybe my view on normality had been swayed anyway.
"Want me to come up there?", I teased.
"I don't believe you can!", he shouted back.
"What do I get if I do?"
He pursed his lips and thought about it. "I'll... show you the forest."
"Cool. I love the forest." And it was true... another reminder of my wolf time.. I loved the scents, the feel of the soil under my paws... or from now on, my feet.
For a second, I contemplated whether it was a good idea or if I would give too much away if I leaped up into the tree. But then, I figured, if the little boy could do this, there couldn't be much of a blow-off to it. Without further thinking, I flung myself up the tree. His eyes were huge in astonishment. "See?", I grinned.
We sat up there for quite a while until Rebecca called from the house and Pili quickly scrambled down the treetrunk to run towards his mother.
I went to pick up Kaili and carried her into the house. Rebecca instructed me how she used to bathe them in the evening after she called them in from playing.
While I was dressing the kids in their pajamas, I heard a new voice in the hall. Rebecca's husband must be home. I carried Kaili to the kitchen and sat her in her high chair.
Rebecca entered the kitchen with her husband following close behind. "Leah, this is my husband, Mikala – in English, you'd call him Michael."
"You can call me either way.", he allowed.
"Welcome, Leah." I came forward to shake his hand, and I felt how something triggered my wolf senses. But I couldn't put my finger on it, so I shoved it out of my head.
"Nice to meet you.", I told him. My voice was a little unsteady, but it could also be nervousity. Would he trust me to care for his children?
"Dada!", Kaili squealed behind me, and Mikala stepped forward to sweep her out of her chair and into his arms. Pili came bouncing up and down like before. I'd really have to think of some way to even his temper out so I would be able to get him tired and into bed in the evening.
His father caught him by the arm eventually and hugged him, too. "Hey there, wolf.", he greeted him, and I flinched, startled. It took me a second to recover. It was not like there was any meaning behind it, just like someone might call a boy Tiger or a girl Princess. I blinked twice and calmed myself again.
The family sat down to eat. Some conversation took place, I told Mikala something about my family and about his father-in-law whom he hadn't seen in quite a while, then he asked me about what I'd been up to over the last years.
"Oh.", I frowned. "Not much to tell, I fear. Mostly, I've been... helping my mother since we lost my father."
That was partly true. My mum was tough. The bigger problem was that I hadn't dared to go to college or anything because I was afraid I might snap at the slightest trigger. Which was... true. Oh, yeah, and don't forget the bloodsuckers that frustrated any chance at a peaceful life – stopping an army of newborn leeches, then protect the other bloodsuckers – our personal vampire friends – from their own kind. Parasites. I didn't mind killing them, that was instinctive. But protecting and allying with them... Ugh.
Mikala broke into my obscure reverie with another question.
"Are the Quileute still the same as they've always been?"
I stared at him incomprehendingly. He took another mouthful, chewed and swallowed, before he explained his question. "I mean, do they still live the way their ancestors lived, aware of their traditions and... myths? Or have they swapped their culture for modern customs?"
I wondered briefly if I should feel insulted. Though, it was curious that he would ask something like that.
"Oh, I think... we're about the same. The council of the elders still kind of... rules the tribe, the stories of our ancestors are passed on... though, we're taking part in civilized life, too, what with electrical light and the internet. We use that in the reservation."
He laughed. "You say that like you're confessing something. I think it's good for the tribes to keep up with civilisation, as long as they keep their own uniqueness alive. The Quileute have always been quite an interesting people..."
I smiled, but somehow the way Mikala spoke about that topic put me on edge, like there was something I was missing here. But that was probably my imagination running wild.
I wasn't here to think about myths and supernatural stuff. I was here to turn my back on it. Better give it a start right now.
I fell into bed totally exhausted right after I'd been helping Rebecca put the children to bed.
I dreamed again.
Sam was staring at me with a smile on his lovely face. He started walking towards me and even in the dream, my heart skipped a beat. Sam smiled wider, crossing the distance between us in a few strides. When he was almost there, his eyes unfocused. They were not looking at me anymore. He walked on, and the instant he should have stopped right in front of me, he took another step right through me. Without even noticing my presence, he passed, and as I incredulously turned around, I saw right into Emily's face.
Sam hadn't smiled at me. I was invisible to him, a ghost, a fleeing shadow.
I woke up with a start, staring into the darkness. Where was I? Was I alive? I lifted my hand, stared at it. I wasn't a ghost. I was just Leah. Easy to pass by, invisible. Just a genetic dead-end. Me.
It took me a long time to stop shuddering and go back to sleep. The dreams I had for the rest of the night were harmless. Lighter shades of horror.
I used the morning for a walk around the neighborhood. Ainako Ave was a long-stretched avenue, situated right within the green. It was quiet as I walked past the houses. I wondered how far we were from the coast to each side, it couldn't be far. I could smell it and it made me feel like home. I wondered how it would be to phase now and run this unfamiliar trails throughout all the island. I was sure I could have run to the airport of Hilo where I'd been landing and back to Rebecca's house in no time.
CUT., I scolded myself. I was trying to get away from it. And yet, I always kept coming back...
It was innate, I knew that.. There was no getting away from this fate. But why it had chosen me in the first place, I still couldn't reason with. I was, in that sense, one of a kind. Sigh.
After I got tired of walking – not in the literal sense, only in a mental way – I returned to the Hookano's place. Pili spotted me and leaped down from the garden fence where he'd been sitting. Waiting for me, I assumed. "Hi, boy.", I greeted him. He grabbed my hand again and led me through the garden, maybe to show me another secret place of his. Rebecca had clearly designed this garden exactly as the kind of adventure jungle her son needed. And yet, it was not the slightest bit messy. It was amazing.
Pili showed me a place where willow sprouts where arranged into a circle. Only at the front, a space was left as an entrance. Pili crawled in and I followed. It was high enough for him to stand, but I had to stoop. The branches had joined together at the top, building a dome above. It was a natural tent, initiated by an artist, but adapted and grown by nature itself.
"Wow.", I breathed. My awed silence was interrupted by another high voice. I looked at Pili, who was excited immediately and ducked out the willow cave to greet another boy that just rounded the corner towards us. "Keni! Hey!", Pili shouted with joy and the two of them jumped around in the garden, delighted to be reunited. Seemed like I'd sometimes have to keep an eye on two boys. Well, that could get complicated. But I was up to anything.
I told Rebecca where we would go and when we would be back, then I left the garden through the back gate, where we reached the forests' edge after only a few yards of walking.
The boys sneaked through the underbrush like scouts. I did the same, just putting myself to the level of elementary school kids and actually having fun with that.
I showed them how to track the animal trails that led back and forth through the forest. I mostly went by scent, but I'd also learned to recognize other signs like footprints or nibbled plants at the height of a certain animal. We actually encountered a herd of deers, but in the next moment, they spotted us, too, and vanished into the underbrush.
For the fraction of a second, my body tensed to leap behind them.
What happened with me? Although I hated eating as a wolf, my instincts were in effect.
I collected myself immediately and turned my back on the fleeing prey.
I froze as I saw Pili watching me with a curious expression.
"Hey. Let's see if we can find any other animals around here.", I distracted him. He agreed and went on scanning the forest floor for tracks. "This one!", he exclaimed, and Keni came over to investigate the footprints as well.
Glad that my distraction had worked so well, I bowed over the discovery, too. It was a canine footprint. I held my breath. It was smaller than a wolf's paw – a horse-sized wolf of course. But it still was bigger than a normal dog's paw should be. Maybe... could real wolves live here? I laughed internally at the distinction between real and unreal wolves – that was just like that shape-shifter issue the bloodsucker had come up with. So we were not the real werewolves, either. We were just the softie-version. I'd rolled my eyes at that thought.
"Leah, what do you think?", Pili asked eagerly.
I frowned. "I think it's a... wolf. Or a big dog."
He stared at me. "A wolf? A real wolf?"
I raised my eyes suspiciously. "Hey, you've ever heard of a fake wolf?" He laughed.
We tried to follow the trail, but soon, we lost it in the underbrush. I could have traced it further by following the scent, but it was about time to return home anyway, so the kids would be back in time fore the evening procedure. Besides, Keni had to make it home to his own place. I let the boys try to find the way, and they did exceedingly well. Probably they were as familiar with this forest as I was with the forest around the Quileute's lands. Although that seemed impossible.
We got home soon enough that nobody had had to worry about us. Keni begged until I went with Pili to accompany him home. Thanks to that, Pili was truly tired when we returned. I put him in the bath tube and helped him dress in his pajama, then we went over to the kitchen. Rebecca and Kaili were already seated, Mikala was missing. I sat down next to Pili.
"I am leaving early tomorrow. I'll be just over to the O'ahu Isle for a project and coming back late in the evening. If you need anything, you can phone me. My cell phone number is on the pin board right below the phone."
After the meal, she gave me a closer instruction into her kitchen work, which I'd have to do from tomorrow on.
We tucked the children into bed. Pili was sleepy, he was out before I could wish him a good night.
I sneaked out of the room and closed the door silently.
"You've got to wake Pili at half past six. He has to be at school at eight. It's just down the street, De Silva Elementary school." I nodded. "No problem."
"I trust you can do this, Lee.", she smiled at me. "Working with the kids comes so naturally to you. Like you're supposed to be for something like this."
Oh, yeah. Because I was designed for easily relating to children, I turned out to be an infertile freak.
"Sure." I tried to make my voice composed, but I could not completely disguise the bitterness.
Becky hugged me good night and I went to my room to go to sleep.
Dreams got worse, as they got more confusing and intricate.
This time, the horror from my first month after phasing came creeping back to me. I counted days, too many days, waited, but there was no sign of my period at all.
The next instant, I discovered horrorstruck that my belly was absolutely oversized. It just wasn't possible. There was just no way I could be pregnant. But there was no negotiation to it...
Sam was suddenly there, he stared at me with an unfathomable expression in his dark eyes. "I don't want it!", he spat out and turned away. I tried to run after him, but when I tried to clutch his arm, I found nothing to hold on to. He walked away. Emily appeared out of nowhere, she glared at me. "How could you?", she hissed. I saw her quivering fervently, and then she sprang at me, shifting into a big, black... hog before my eyes.
I blinked and snapped into awareness. The dream made so little sense that it woke me. I tried my best, but I could not get the hog out of my mind. It lingered there as if there were any meaning to it.
Shuddering, I lay in bet, wrapped in my blanket, and puzzled over a dream. It was a long time of lying awake before I finally fell asleep again.
The next shock came soon after when my alarm clock woke me cruelly. Before I could turn it off and roll to the other side to sleep, I realized it was time to get Pili out of bed, get him something to eat and get him to school. Welcome to a nanny's every day life.
"Good Morning, Pili. It's time to get up." I walked across the room to pull the curtain open, and jumped as Pili shrieked, before he pulled his blanket up above his head to block the light out.
I gently tugged at the blanket, but he clutched it closer. "I'm not getting up!", he proclaimed.
"Yes. You are." Pili grumbled. "It's a school day. You ought to get up unless you want to skip breakfast."
"I want to skip school!"
And here I'd thought that at least first graders would show a little enthusiasm for school...
But now, I had to find a strategy to get the boy out of bed. Rebecca had already left the house, I couldn't count on her. I thought briefly that my wolf self could scare him enough to take me seriously, or else I could drag him out with my teeth. The flaw in that was that I wasn't engaged as a guard dog, but a nanny.
I'd have to find a solution all by my - human - self. This two-selves-stuff was prone to create shizophrenia.
"Pili, come on. If you won't comply, Rebecca might send me home and I can't go to the forest with you and Keni any more." I really hoped that worked and he wouldn't turn the tables on me some day to get rid of me.
He blinked and frowned. "I don't want that.", he stated, and I let out a relieved sigh.
"When I get up now, will you go to the forest with me again? This afternoon?", he asked, eagerly.
"Yes.", I promised, hoping once again that this compromise wouldn't turn into a general rule to get him out of bed.
Pili scrambled out from under the covers and got to his feet. Without a word, he shuffled off to brush his teeth and even dressed in the clothes Rebecca must have laid out for him.
Relieved, I went into the kitchen to set the breakfast table. When I was half done, I heard Kaili wail. I went over to her room to look after her. She stopped weeping when she saw me and looked up with her dark brown eyes wide open.
"Hello, Kaili.", I all but crooned and lifted her out of her crib. She smiled at me and patted my face.
"Do you want breakfast, too, baby?", I asked and she giggled happily. At least one kid that was no morning grouch.
Pili came in and sat down, reaching for the cornflakes and filling his bowl like he hadn't eaten for months. In the fridge I found a jar of baby food, which I fed to Kaili. Pili was quieter than usual and I wondered if that was a good or a bad thing. I glanced at the clock and started. I wasn't sure how long it would take us to school, but it was definitely time to go.
I stood. "Come on, Pili, I think we need to hurry. Where's your school bag?"
"It's upstairs.", he mumbled while he still shoved spoon for spoon into his mouth. "Could you get it, please, we have to go."
He grumbled. "I'm still eating."
"Pili!"
He shoved his bowl aside stubbornly and stomped up the stairs. I sighed. He retrieved his bag and left it in front of me to resume his breakfast.
"You packed everything you need?", I asked.
"I don't know!"
I should have asked Rebecca whether he had been supposed to pack his bag the evening before. I dug into his bag and found a time table. Flipping through his folders, it seemed like he'd put the right things in for monday schedule. I hoped that was the case.
I returned to the kitchen, were Pili was finally done. He put his bowl into the sink and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
"Pili!", I scolded. He ignored me. Kaili had taken advantage of my inattention. She'd taken the spoon and ate the baby food herself, what seemed to be a complicated task. Half of it was already on her pajama. I should have given her a bib. Oh, fabulous. I hadn't thought about the fact that I couldn't leave her alone while I escorted Pili to school. And now, I had to change her clothes, too. I sighed and hurried to find her something clean to wear.
It was already ten to eight when I was done and I wondered if I would find the school. I didn't count much on Pili's help, I was almost sure by now he'd gladly make his teacher believe we got lost on the way to school. I had planned on walking, but remembered soon enough that Rebecca had allowed I could drive her car if I liked.
I'd not been driving much since I got my driver's licence, there was not much need for it at home and besides... I'd had a way to go much faster than by car...
Pili was delighted when he saw that I was headed for the car. He went to sit in the front seat while I was tucking Kaili into the children's seat in the rear. I'd at least washed her face and her hands so she looked presentable. But I'd not changed her diaper yet. I hoped it was okay if I waited until we were back from delivering Pili.
At least, driving was easy, I'd not forgotten how to drive a car. I drove down the street, trusting Pili's navigation, and drove straight until he said to go left. I really hoped he wasn't leading me up the garten path in this, but I took the risk because otherwise I'd be completely lost.
I sighed with relief when I saw the sign that announced "De Silva Elementary School" and pulled up into the parking lot. Pili took his school bag and ran for the door, just in this instant, the bell rang. I figured he'd probably excuse himself by blaming me. Oh, well. Fine.
I'd not even pulled over to leave the school area when Kaili began to cry. It was probably due to her diaper that already emanated the odor of what was inside it.
I sighed, fighting back the curses that tried to slip out – thanks to the werewolf guys, I knew enough curses to make every well-mannered person blush, at least I thought it would. I'd never put it to a test.
I drove home as fast as I sanely could, parked the car and carried Kaili in. At least, I found everything I needed in the drawers under her changing table.
Once relieved from that burden, Kaili was all excited again. She smiled at me with her dimpled face and I took her and cuddled her, laughing with her.
A one-and-a-half year-old was easier to handle than a five year-old. One year-olds had basic needs they wanted to be fulfilled, and they didn't ask for more. And, best of all, they didn't talk back.