Disclaimer: My name is King, I got a shiny new laptop and now I have no reason to get out of bed, and I do not own Death Note.
Devil's Trill
II: Things Important
CH11
The Chocolate Fountain
When Soichiro Yagami told his son, "You're moving back in. No objections," the first thought that infested L's mind was just how the heck he was supposed to climb two stories up a very vertical wall, and then get into Light's bedroom through a closed window. The thought, being one of the less pleasant things to think about, drove him into a deep and dark depression.
"Ryuzaki, stop sulking."
L said nothing and considered the option of going in though the front door, and then quickly scrapped it. Nothing got to him worse than not having sex and being in the open at the Yagami house.
"What's wrong with him?"
"Dunno, he's been like that for five minutes."
"Maybe he's meditating?"
What the heck should he do? No sex while Light was around was like no cake. Just awful.
"Ryuzaki, Ryuzaki!"
"Raito-kun needs to stop shaking me before I hurt him with a stapler!"
"What's wrong with you?"
"I am depressed, Raito-kun. My mind has wondered to the dark corners of the world and I'm afraid my ability to leave these corners has faded. I feel very sad."
"Oh, your cake ran out," Matsuda observed, and Light cut a large slice of the Crouquembouche and plated it.
"Here," said Light. "All better?"
L's mood perked and suddenly, climbing the vertical wall of the Yagami house wasn't that big of a deal anymore.
L shoveled the cake into his mouth rapidly while Matsuda and Light went back to work.
'So half of the Yotsuba turned up dead this morning.'
'My, how awful.'
'Perhaps we should go there and check it out!'
"What a marvelous idea Yagami-kun! But not after we have our afternoon tea.'
'But of course.'
Well, maybe that wasn't exactly how the conversation went, and maybe Ryuzaki was dragged out by the shins and forced to abandon his tea, but Light bought him a box of animal-shaped chocolates to 'now shut the hell up, Ryuzaki', and the day took the entire team to the main Yotsuba building that had a fancy name Ryuzaki didn't bother with. Yotsuba didn't look like it would last much longer anyway.
So apparently their Yotsuba-L turned on Yotsuba and now there weren't many Yotsuba people to arrest for hiring Yotsuba-L.
And their L did absolutely nothing for a week.
What a busy job the NPA had.
L excused himself and wondered off as the team did some investigating. Watching Light throw up in the bathroom the second time around wasn't as appealing as the first.
What to do...
Perhaps getting the team to investigate Mello wasn't such a brilliant idea.
So far, L killed a bunch of people and stopped, and Mello was running on a murderous rampage (again), and Light developed some kind of righteous alternate ego, and the team was starting to give him and Light suspicious stares... and apparently there was an FBI wedding party in town.
And these four and a half forces of good, evil and just crazy hadn't had a single entertaining run-in at all.
Things were getting boring very quickly, and L saw a couple of people getting it on on top of a dumpster in an alley. At first he was going to shoot them because he was bored and had done nothing in a week.
And then he changed his mind, left the alley, waved for a taxi and got back to his headquarters though the garage.
He inconspicuously passed the cameras though which he'd known Watari was watching him, grabbed as much candy as he could carry and a spare key to his Mercedes Watari didn't know he had, went through the garage only to dash towards the car as soon as he was sure he wouldn't drop anything, tossed the candy to the passenger seat and sped though the garage doors before Watari could lock him in.
In the four-hour 'drive' he'd done, he managed to initiate three major police chases that he shook off, hit eight pedestrians, ran every red light in the city and didn't drop below double the speed limit.
There was a reason Watari never let him drive.
---
In his life, L acquired quite a few useful skills to avoid detection; he didn't need to use many of those skills as he maneuvered around the rubble of video games, chocolate wrappers, game controllers, cigarette butts, rotting takeout and countless printouts and profiles. He could make as much noise as he wanted, and it wasn't really because there was nobody in the same room with him.
There was.
And his striped back was currently turned to L; the music that came out of the TV was deafening, and the rabid tapping of the plastic guitar was incredibly annoying, and if L would know one person though and though, he knew that if an Nazi army would march though the littered room behind Matt's back and sing God Save the Queen, Matt would not notice.
So L looked around like there was nobody in the room.
Mello and Matt had a defined filing system.
Garbage went into the center of the room, work-related papers went on top of the garbage, every drawer had to have a gun and a zombie bat, and every unused power-outlet had to have an Air-freshener plug-in.
Computers and Matt's laundry occupied the window area while Mello's things piled on the bed.
Matt let out an inhuman wail and tapped his plastic guitar psychotically.
Where would Mello keep them?
Near the chocolate.
L shifted the couch (with Matt on it) just enough to pull out store boxes of boots and leather and took off the lids.
Delicious... Swiss... chocolate...
L would not.
Last time he took Mello's chocolate, Matt got a beating, and then L's car went ablaze.
Instead of stealing the chocolate, he pulled out a stack of white business cards that were held together by a hair band.
Mello's fake L business cards.
L took a few and left a few bags of chocolate gummies as fair payment, moved the couch back as Matt jumped off and danced when the TV told him his score.
"Is something troubling Raito-kun?"
Light shrugged and picked up a potato chip from the bag settled in-between his folded legs and continued to stare at Ryuzaki Rue's huge TV.
L leaned further into the headboard and considered if pushing the matter was the best idea. Light's normally bright caramel eyes were dim and his long lashes flickered rarely as if the television had something important to offer. He was still, all-too still and his body was paler than the pleasant hue of pink skin Ryuzaki loved so much. Even his perfect hair looked flat and almost... sad.
L liked Light to be happy, playful, angry, anything... anything but this. And because Light belonged to him, he should be happy, playful, angry or anything else L liked. He wasn't.
And as he found out by trial-and-error in the past, he could not make people feel according to his own mood, and it made him, L, angry. He could have anything he wanted, he could do whatever he damn pleased, and yet he could not make that petty little thing over there with the potato chips--
No.
L would not do this to himself, and something told him he should not do this to Light either. However he looked at it, it was his own fault.
He shouldn't have pushed Light that far, whatever it was that he'd done. His gut told him it was the shower episode and the aftermath.
"Raito-kun..."
"Ryuzaki, I'm watching TV."
How cold.
Light wouldn't even share his misery with his 'friend'.
Did L want him to? Not really. He was never the type for all that sensitive garbage, especially the garbage he himself created. He didn't want Light to feel sad or miserable, he didn't want him to be miserable... and by logic, this probably meant he shouldn't make him miserable.
L did not regret things.
And yet by logic, all this meant that he regretted making Light miserable.
By further logic, it meant he wanted to make Light happy to make himself happy, and he wanted them to be happy... together...
This was stupid.
"Raito-kun!"
"Yes, Ryuzaki."
"Raito-kun is watching a treadmill commercial; I suggest he switches the channel to put up a more convincing front!"
Light sighed and reached over L's lap for the remote.
"There, news. Happy?"
L stared at the TV where he, in his back Mercedes, sped though an intersection and made a sharp turn down the wrong lane, causing a persuading police car to slam into a Coca Cola truck.
Light finally blinked.
"Look at that idiot go."
L made a mental note to take Light for a joyride at least once if he deemed the brunette's poor heart capable of living though it without trauma.
"Holy crap," Light sat up. The Mercedes jumped the highway separator and skid to an exit leaving most of its tires on the pavement. The other cars on the highway piled high at where L cut them off. L did not know this, the police chopper view provided quite an angle at his little adventure. Hadn't Ryuzaki Rue promise the NPA another chopper? L would definitely cough it up just to fly it himself.
The narrating newscaster made sure to note how fast L was going and the death toll of people and cars though each segment of the chase where they managed to capture him on tape.
"Racers! Reckless bustards, that jerk probably doesn't even care how many people he ran over!" Light was getting entertained and livid simultaneously, and L decided to fuel the flame.
"It may be L."
Light stilled, his body suddenly free of excitement, and slumped back into the blankets. The fire was gone.
"You know what, it probably was," he muttered quietly.
L wouldn't take it anymore.
"Raito-kun will tell me what is bothering him, now."
Light groaned and slammed a pillow against his own face and screamed into it, leaving L speechless. When Light stopped moving altogether, L figured he was trying to suffocate himself.
No, no, no. Light did not have the right to his life anymore, L did. He tried to pry the pillow away.
Light kicked him in the shins and rolled away. L was still speechless.
"What the hell are you doing," Light muffled into the pillow from the side.
"What is Raito-kun doing?"
"Hiding."
Hiding.
What Light needed wasn't a psychologist or a pastor. He needed to get away from the investigation. L felt a ping of guilt.
"What are you hiding from?"
"L."
L considered how to reply to this.
"Raito-kun, has L been perusing you?"
Light considered how to reply to this also.
"No," he lied, still hiding in the pillow.
"Would Raito-kun feel safer if he moved in here instead of his father's house?"
Last thing L wanted was Light permanently living in the headquarters, or for any period of time at all. Privacy was privacy. L had people to kill and Light had socks to fold alphabetically. They would kill each other.
Moving in together was stupid, just as collective happiness.
"No, though Ryuzaki?"
"Yes, Raito-kun?"
Light finally emerged from the pillow, his hair ruffled and face red in places from inconstant pressure. L wanted to kiss him.
"Could you ask dad to get the house under surveillance? I don't want to ask him myself."
"Street police?"
"Cameras."
L figured, Light never wanted L to go near him ever again.
Tough luck.
The TV changed its tune.
'Our other story today is the rising popularity of Kira. Kyomi Takada, self-proclaimed god...' something, '... a popular cult in the matter of days, responsible for a shooting in the downtown Tokyo...' something else, '...alleged to be connected to gang violence were found dead....' Woah.
'Kira followers are allegedly responsible.'
"What does Raito-kun think of Kira?"
"Kyomi. She's dead."
"The collective voice of Kira, this... cult."
"Idiot followers."
"And their new leader?" People did not revolt without a leader. Light must know this.
"God."
"That's it. Raito-kun is coming with me to a psychiatrist!"
"What the hell!"
"He thinks a murdering, idealistic nutcase is a God!" L hopped off the bed and started gathering Light's upper garments. "He is coming with me, now!"
"No!"
"Yes!" L threw Light's brown jacket a little too hard and it smacked Light right in the face. L didn't pay mind to it in his frenzy of clothes-gathering until he noticed Light sitting there, cross-legged, staring at the jacket in his hand. Again, those sweet cheeks paled and lashes lowered and eyes dulled.
"Raito-kun!"
"Ryuzaki, can I tell you something?" Light said quietly, still staring at the jacket like it was the most important thing in the world. L could pretend he didn't hear the note of desperation in Light's shaky voice and go on with his episode of getting Light to a shrink.
He didn't.
He didn't want to deal with Light's misery and yet he did not shut him down and went on about his business.
This was what Watari would call humanity.
"Yes?" He sat at the edge of the bed.
Light dropped the jacket to his lap and eyed his hands.
"L... visited me. Once."
L's mind blanked out. Light was telling this to Ryuzaki. The amount of trust it took... The realization of just how much L screwed up downed on him like a monsoon.
Light really was...
Broken.
"I should get the team for this-"
"No! No, don't, please," Light pleaded. L shouldn't let him finish without the team, "let me... just let me finish, then do whatever you want, alright?"
Hesitantly, L lowered himself back to the edge of the bed against all common sence.
"Right," Light muttered. "He... there's no DNA, it's all gone now, but he-"
"Raito-kun..."
"He- he..." Light sobbed. L didn't really know what to do, so he patted Light's shoulder. He should hug him. He should.
Light smirked at the gesture, but his eyes were threatening to spill. Is that what he looked like behind the blindfold? Is that what he looked like in the dark?
L hated it.
"I... it was before... before we started to, and he..." Light's voice was as soft and quiet as L had ever heard it. "Please don't hate me."
"Raito-kun-"
"Don't hate me and," and the softness was gone, replaced by escalating anger, "don't you even dare to leave me because now you think he'll go after you! Don't you dare, you fucking bastard, you hear me?"
Light needed a shrink desperately.
"Is the evidence gone?"
"What?"
"Is it gone?"
"Yes."
"Then I shall, or shall not, tell the team depending on Raito-kun's wishes."
Light told him not to tell.
L realized just how much he'd screwed Light up.
"So whacha planning to do with those?"
"I did not take your chocolate."
"I know; you took my L cards though. I'd know, I made the stupid idiot install surveillance, 'cause you know how he is when he's playing that game shit. Totally deaf. Choco-gummies didn't give ya away, I promise" Mello half-whined and flopped himself onto L's plush couch.
"Why would you want your cards back? They are just a few cards."
"They're my L cards!" the blonde thing protested from L's couch and rested his cowboy civilian boots on L's coffee table. L would have that cleaned later. Mello had no sense of respect for other people's property, really.
"You can have some of mine in exchange for these, the real ones will make your Yotsuba raid look more legitimate."
"You heard 'bout that?" Mello asked sheepishly and L stared at him, "Umm... whoops?"
"Just out of curiosity, what did they do?" but when Mello rolled his eyes and arched his back suggestively, L shuddered and added, "Never mind, I don't think I want to know."
"So I want my cards back."
"No, I think I will keep them."
"Bastard, those are important cards, y'know."
"Oh?" asked L in complete disinterest, but that never stopped Mello before.
"Yeah, I made them as the symbol of my adoration for L. Y'know, back when still thought you were cool?"
"How nice of you."
"Yeah, I'm saint."
L stared at his uninvited guest for at least ten minutes, and if it were any normal person he was staring at, this person would crawl up a wall and then try to physically punch an exit hole in that wall with their body, but this was Mello, and unfortunately Mello was immune to stares, sarcasm and probably bullets, though L never really wanted to try the later. He liked Mello.
"Sooo..." Mello sang and helped himself to L's truffles.
"Can I help you with anything else?"
"Umm, yeah, I got this question, right..."
L sensed this was going to be a long one, so he hopped out of his swirly chair and sat across Mello, and helped himself to his own truffles as well
"Yes, Mello."
"Umm... I dunno how to break this to you... but uh..."
"Mello, language is a requirement in this building, you know this."
"Okay man, you know there's like police right there in the other room, right?"
"Yes."
"Okay?" but when L said nothing, Mello elaborated, "what the hell?"
"I assure you, the idea sounded very entertaining at first."
Mello made a sour face.
"That's what my cards are for? Throwing fake L cards around isn't going to make it very entertaining. Snap out of it."
"I really like this one."
"That's what you always say."
"I mean it, Mello."
"You always mean it."
L sensed something was going to come out of this conversation, and it was not the soulful outpour of blackmail material on Mello's shoulder that Mello always managed to make him do. No, something better.
So L sat through Mello's rant about how L should go to church.
"I want a hug," demanded Mello.
L cringed.
"No."
Mello threw a truffle at him.
And so before he knew it, L was manhandling Mello.
And as fate would have it, Light, along with the entire team picked this exact moment to casually stroll into Ryuzaki's private quarters.
Mogi and Aizawa rolled their eyes as if they expected this sooner or later.
Chief Yagami just stared.
Light's caramel eyes narrowed.
Mello noticed them, so did L, and they both stilled in an awkward and suggestive not-hug in the middle of the spacious room. He felt Mello's hand sneak into his leather jacket where he had his gun.
L had to think fast.
Light was going to hate him, and if Light hated him, there might as well not be any use for Light at all, and L didn't like that possibility.
And then Mello would kill everyone anyway.
"There, it's alright, don't cry now," L told Mello cooingly with his back to the team as if he hadn't even noticed them. Under the pretence of patting the blonde head, he pulled on the hair so hard that the Barbie squealed.
"Maybe... we should come back... later," he heard Matsuda mutter uncomfortably.
Perfect.
L pretended to be caught off guard.
"Matsuda-san! Team..." and he yanked at Mello's hair so hard that the boy groaned. If he didn't take that as 'play along, Mello, or I'll shave off all that hair that you wash four times a day,' than Mello was truly dense.
The look Light was giving him hurt.
He had to do this just right.
"I have awful yet wonderful news," L declared.
"Good news for you, Ryuzaki?" Light said a little too quietly.
"I have awful yet wonderful news for the L investigation team," L clarified, and when not a single person in the room looked like they believed him, he went on.
"I have located another L witness."
'Ryuzaki', who was presumably smart, would never in his right mind make this up, especially just to hide a bluntly obvious one-night stand with a tranny. L figured it would pass.
"This," L spun Mello around and thrust him in front of a team as if he was a rather large blonde item in an evidence bag, "is our second L witness."
Light raised both eyebrows and L cheered at his success.
"He is also very sad about it."
"Uh..." said Mello.