Chapter 19 - Compliments

The house was empty, probably Pili had been successful in dragging Embry to the forest. I went to the kitchen and began preparing dinner, though it was still far too early for that. Kaili sat on the floor and played with a set of spoons and pots. I sat down at the table with a bunch of vegetables to dice them for the soup and dedicated my mind to thinking about some weird perception.

I wasn't dumb. I was just... not used to it. Could it be that Mano was interested in me?

Why did it feel so odd to consider this?

I was used to being the odd one out, unwanted. By Sam. By the packs.

Yes, there'd been a slight change in Jacob's pack, they sort of liked me now.

I was also welcome and loved in Rebecca's family, that was true and amazing.

But being more than that to anyone? That hadn't happened to me since the time Sam had loved me. When he stopped loving me, it seemed like everyone else had stopped loving me, too.

Or was it my attitude that evoked the hate? I thought I had to admit that, but still. No one had given a damn about me, nobody had understood. How could they have?

Was I rendered unlovable because Sam had dumped me down? It had felt that way, but maybe that wasn't the reason, hadn't been the reason all along.

Had I made myself unlovable? By thinking I was, because I had been abandoned, I must have made myself unlovable and insufferable, because I'd given hell to everyone near me, letting them suffer to ease my own pain. That must have been the reason why no one ever wanted me – because I didn't let anyone come near me.

But now, slowly, I was letting go of Sam. I began thinking his name without feeling hollow and broken. It still hurt if I lingered too closely on the details, but I wouldn't do that, either. Sam was... past.

But I still couldn't believe I could find a new love. It still felt like my capability to love and to trust in love again were wearied.

I didn't even know if I wanted to have a new relationship. Yes, it had been four years since Sam left, but it had taken so much time to digest it. I wasn't sure if I was ready.

Beside my general doubts, I had to wonder what I thought of Mano.

Whew, I'd never thought of anyone in that sense for so long, never since Sam, and seldom before. Sam had been the only one I'd ever wanted, ever loved – could I really love someone else?

"Ouch!"

I dropped the knife and looked at my finger where I'd given myself a cut. I went to rinse it under the faucet and watched as the wound bled itself out and the blood was washed away.

By the time I switched the faucet off, the cut was already no more than a pink line, merely a scar, thanks to my enhanced physical healing-process. Unfortunately, the wounds on my heart did not heal as fast. Instead, they seemed to drag on for a longer time.

I sat down to my work again, my finger already healed completely.

Maybe, like an outer wound was able to heal, my internal pain would cease – or at least diminish enough to keep going and to start all over again.

So, what I would do about Mano, I would see. I didn't feel like I was ready for a new beginning, but I would let time point this out. Because, deep within, there was a longing to be loved, to be someone's number one. I only didn't believe it could be possible.

I got up and filled the finished vegetables into a bowl.

Kaili had fallen asleep on top of her toys. I went to put her into her crib before I resumed cooking.

It wasn't long until Embry and Pili came in through the door, chatting loudly. It seemed like Embry had just as much fun as the boy.

"Hey, Leah.", Embry greeted me when he came into the kitchen, immediately lifting his nose as if trying to scent the soup that was boiling on the stove.

I laughed. "Dinner for the wolves.", I said, making it sound like a joke for Pili.

"Leah, 't was so cool!", he reported to me. "We discovered a wolf trail! Did you know there were wolves on Hawaii?"

"You're kidding!", I told him, widening my eyes, acting surprised to humour him.

"No, it's true! I found the trail all by myself and Embry told me it was a wolf! But we didn't find him...", he told me excitedly.

"Well, you can search for him another time.", I assured him.

"Tomorrow!"

"Sure. Are you hungry, little wolf?"

Pili nodded and patted his stomach. "Like a very, very big wolf!"

I grinned and poured him a ladle of soup into a bowl which he began to devour immediately.

Embry got himself a big helping and leaned against the kitchen counter next to me.

"How are you?", he asked me silently. I glanced over at him and met his earnest eyes. He really wanted to know.

I shrugged. "Well. On the mend, if you could say so. I'm better. Really."

Embry smiled. "Glad to hear that."

He really cared. Wow. "Embry?"

"Yes?"

"How's... Seth?", I forced out, halfway through my teeth.

Embry chuckled, then he composed his face again as to not bother me. "He's fine, of course... but I doubt if he's got a clear head to fight with us. You know what, I'm really glad that until now I didn't have to share his thoughts."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm glad about that, too... but it's sort of inevitable. We can't go one short."

I glanced over at Pili, who was still absorbed in eating his soup. Besides, we were talking low enough so he wouldn't overhear our conversation.

"Do you think we should already give Jacob and Quil a call over here?"

Embry nodded. "I think we should. We can't wait for long. We need to patrol again."

"And... what about the… other pack?" Obviously, I couldn't disguise my reluctance to get Sam's pack here.

"Leah... I know it's... hard for you. But... you have to think about the pack. You can't put our life in more danger than necessary, only because... you understand what I mean, right?"

I let out a sigh, but nodded. "I know."

"I'm sorry, Leah."

"It's not your fault. I know you're right. And... I think it's time to face it all."

Embry gave me a hug. "You're tough, Leah. I have to admit that I'm really impressed with how you do this."

"Oh." I smiled in surprise at the compliment.

"And now... I think I'm going to dig into this mouthwatering soup you made."

"What day is it today? 'Being extraordinarily nice and sweet to Leah'-day?", I laughed.

Embry chuckled. "No, I'm honest.", he stated and then sat down at the table for his soup.

I didn't feel that hungry after tasting so much of my cooking, so I went to give Jacob a call. Maybe they could come over within the next days...

"Black?", a familiar voice answered the phone.

"Oh, hey Billy. This is Leah. Calling you from your daughter's place."

"Hello, Leah. Is Rebecca at home?", Billy asked.

"No, unfortunately not. She's gone for the day, I'm here, taking care of the kids."

Billy was silent on the other end, and I remembered Jacob thinking about his family. It gave Billy a hard time that his daughters, especially Rebecca, never came for a visit, nor did they even call him more than once in a blue moon. He'd seen Pili once and had gotten a birth announcement of Kaili.

I probably should be more careful in what I said.

"Billy, is Jacob at home?", I asked, realizing that it must be hardly possible, what with his favourite bloodsuckers.

"Yes, for an exception, he is.", Billy said, and I could guess the hesitation in his voice.

"I need to talk to him about our recent vampire mission.", I explained.

Billy harrumphed. "You want to abduct him to Hawaii, as well, right?"

"Um. Yes. We really need him, as well as the rest of the wolves from Sam's pack."

"Humph. I'll go tell him.", he muttered.

"Please do. It's very important."

"I will. Good Bye, Leah."

"Bye."

"Ah – Leah?", he called when I was about to hang up.

I put the phone back to my ear. "Yes?"

"Pass on my love to Rebecca, please. I do miss her."

The gruffness was gone from his voice completely, replaced by real feelings, exposed freely.

"Sure, Billy."

"Bye, Leah."

"Bye."

This time, there was silence when I waited for him to say something else. When I passed Billy's message on, I figured, I'd add a few words and urge her to consider another visit to La Push.

I also knew about Becky's own problem, her trepidation if she had to be in the Black's house, when it reminded her so much of her mother.

But maybe, though death was so much more final than only being left by someone who was still alive... maybe she had to move on, too. At least she knew that her mother didn't leave by her own will. She left while loving her family.

While I stood there musing about this, the phone rang. I took the receiver.

"Hello? This is Leah Clearwater at the Hookano's."

"Leah?"

"Oh, Jacob, hi. That was real fast.", I exclaimed in surprise.

"Sure. It's important. So, I'm going to book a flight right now. But before, I'll be phasing to talk to Quil and to Sam, for coordination. When Quil and I are coming, I'm trying to bring as much of our brothers as possible."

"That's cool. I'll have to tell Rebecca there's going to be a band of savages in her house very soon."

"Oh, she'll be okay with that. We'll behave as civilized as we can. Besides, I've got a younger-brother-bonus."

I raised my eyebrows, even though he couldn't see it. "Are you sure about that?", I questioned.

Jacob laughed. "Of course."

"Dream on.", I chuckled in response. "But remember you've got a task. I won't delay you."

"Good. See you, Leah. Take care of Embry and Seth until I'm over there."

I sighed. "Oh yeah, Seth...", I mused.

I knew the way Jacob's face would look if I could see him. He didn't have to put the question.

"What about Seth?"

"Oh well... a lot of infatuated thoughts we're going to listen to.", I hinted.

"What? OH!", Jacob shouted.

"Yeah. It's what you think. It's one of the dog pack."

Jacob processed that for a moment.

"Well.", he said, a smile and annoyance both residing in his voice. "Good for him, difficult for the pack. One more reason we should not waste more time before we strike."

"Right. So get going."

"Bye, Leah. You're doing a great job."

"Thanks... Bye, Jacob."

I yawned. It wasn't really late, but I had a straining day behind me. Unfortunately, I also had to take care of a little girl that had slept too much during the day and was quite lively by now. I didn't dare to put more of my nanny job on Embry, so I put Pili into the bath tube while I tried to entertain and exhaust Kaili at the same time. When I passed the living room, I spotted Embry sprawled across the couch, fast asleep and snoring slightly.

So I was on my own again. Kaili was still giggling and crawling after me agilely by the time I went to put Pili into bed. To let Embry off the hook, I had to admit that he'd done a great job already in working Pili out so much that he could hardly hold open his eyes until I tucked him in.

"Leaah?", he murmured from under his blanket.

"Yes?"

"Will you tell me..."

I waited a moment for him to finish, but instead of resuming his question, I heard him breathe evenly, fallen asleep mid-sentence. Wow, at least that was great. Embry deserved a box of chocolate or something... I'd think of it, once the whole chaos would be over.

I took Kaili to her room and thought a moment how I could get some sleep without neglecting my duties. In the end, I put the girl into her crib with some toys, hoping she would either entertain herself with that or fall asleep, while I got a pillow and lay down on the floor for the lack of a more comfortable accomodation.

I fell asleep very soon, but I was not granted a long time for recreation, because Kaili started wailing soon after. Still in a doze, I bent over her crib to comfort her.

Delighted with company, she stopped crying and started babbling something instead. I felt drowsy, like I could drop down every moment.

I lay back down on the floor with the girl on my stomach, only dimly perceiving her squirming and patting my face before I was out again.