A/n: And thus begins the decent. I really want to know what you all think about my portrayal of Ianto. Thanks to everyone who has added me to their alerts and to the two people who have reviewed. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

When Ianto opened the door for Jack, he was ready for this meeting. It had taken him an hour after he had gotten home the previous evening to calm down enough to think, really think, about what he had done to those he considered friends. About what he had done and what he had lost. Who he had betrayed and the consequences that could come from that betrayal.

While he thought, he cleaned. And he packed. He packed up Lisa's stuff, gathering it into piles of things to keep, to give away, and to throw. He also went through his own things, cleaning and tidying so that everything was in order. So that no matter what his punishment would be, everything would be in order for the clean-up. Ianto hated leaving loose ends.

But now Jack was here. Now he would have to face his punishment, no matter what that may be.

"Hello, Ianto." Jack said, coming into the sparse living room.

"Sir."

Jack turned and look, really looked, at the young man and frowned. Ianto, Jack found, could put up a good front when he had to. He figured that was how Ianto had been able to hide everything from the team for all this time. But now that front seemed to be slipping because Jack could see the exhaustion and grief in him. The way Ianto was dressed in jeans and an old jumper, the way he held himself, or lack there of. Jack wondered what was going on in that head of his.

"Sit down, Ianto. We need to talk." Jack gestured towards the only two chairs in the flat.

"I'm sorry, sir. About yesterday."

"What about yesterday are you sorry about?" Jack said, puzzled. He figured that Ianto would start yelling at him, not apologizing.

"For Lisa. For all of the destruction in the Hub. For everyone getting hurt."

'Ah,' thought Jack. 'Sorry for the end but not all the deception.'

"What about Lisa are you sorry for? The fact that you snuck her in behind our back or the fact that you tried to keep a monster, a killer, alive right underneath our noses? Or how about the fact that it did a very good job of trying to kill all of us?" Jack knew he was being harsh, but this had to be said.

Ianto wilted under the accusing stare. Jack could barely hear him when he did finally reply.

"I don't regret loving her enough to try to save her. I love her more than anything. I still do. She's the reason that I survived, why I'm still alive. But I regret what happened at the Hub. What happened to Gwen and the others."

Ianto looked up. "Sir, what's going to happen to me? I know what's standard procedure…."

"But I've never really followed standard procedures have I." Jack looked at Ianto. "I know what standard procedures say. I won't kill you. You haven't done anything to deserve that. Your loyalty to Lisa says a lot about you and your potential to have that same loyalty towards Torchwood. And to be honest, none of us can fault you for the reasons behind what you did. So I threw the whole 'killing for treason' idea out the window."

"So it's Retcon then."

"Ah, actually that's impossible, as you well know. I'm not taking a life tonight, Ianto. Instead, you will be put on suspension. Four weeks of unpaid leave. You will stay away from the Hub and the other employees. I've already told them they are not allowed to see or speak to you without my express permission. By the way, expect a visit from Toshiko tomorrow.

"If you expect to come back to work then you will have to regain my trust."

"What if I don't want to come back to work?"

Jack hardened his look. "Then you will be dealt with. You know too much. I can't have you loose with all that information in your head. But for now that isn't an option, understood? If, after six months you want to leave, then we will discuss this further.

"Now, for regaining my trust. I will be by every few days or so to talk. I don't like all the accusations you threw at me yesterday. Even if they did ring true. So I want to fix that, if we can."

"I hate you."

"I know. I can live with that. I'm not asking you to like me. All I'm asking you to do is to give me a reason to trust you. I'm not ready to give up on you yet."

"What if I want to give up?" Ianto's question startled Jack for a moment. "What if I can't think of a reason to go on?"

"Then we'll find you a reason to go on. Even if it's only your hatred of me and a thirst for revenge. I don't plan on giving up on you without a fight. You have too much potential for me to do that."

Ianto looked at him, doubt and confusion clouding his eyes. "I don't understand, Jack."

"That's okay. You don't need to understand. All you need to do is recover, follow the rules, and regain my trust. You can understand later."

"So." Ianto said after a moment. "What are the rules?"

"The rules are simple. Number one, stay away from the Hub. Number two, if you are visited by any other Torchwood employee, no work is to be discussed. Number three, you are not allowed to be in touch with the others with out my previous permission. And Number four, you are not allowed to leave Cardiff without letting me know about it first. As the month goes on, we'll modify or relax the rules as needed. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir"

"Good. Now, as I said, Tosh asked and received permission to visit you in the morning. So expect her sometime then. I'll come back tomorrow night so we can talk." Jack started to get up and walked towards the door. Pausing, he looked once more back to Ianto. "Don't give up, Ianto. You're worth more to us than you know. Fight for that. Live for that." He took one more look at Ianto, then left.

Ianto stayed where he was long after Jack left, thinking about what he had said. He couldn't quite grasp the thought that Jack said he had potential. Potential for what? Maybe as a traitor, but not much else. And why fight? There was no reason to fight for life. Death, maybe. At least then there would be peace. No more accusing looks, no more nightmares where everyone but him died. No more pills or sleepless nights. No more days where he had to hide the fact that he barely ate anything. He knew what he wanted at the moment. He had tried it in the past. Almost succeeded once. He could still feel the release he had felt at that moment.

Ianto shook his head and went to get the phone. He had promised Rhiannon that he would call her when he felt that urge again. He needed to call her. He needed to let her, let someone, know what was going on. Even if he couldn't tell them everything.

***

"Hello?"

"Rhi, it me."

"Ianto? Are you okay?"

"Is there any way you can come see me tomorrow?"

"Probably. Why?"

"I need to talk to someone."

"You're starting to worry me."

"Lisa died. I want to be with her."

There was silence for a moment. "I can be up there tonight if you need me."

"I should be fine tonight. I just need someone I can trust to talk to tomorrow."

"Are you sure? The urge isn't that strong?"

"I'm sure, Rhi. You know that I wouldn't lie to you."

"Alright. I'll be there in time for lunch."

"Thanks, sis."