A/N: Sorry for such a long time between updates. And I'm starting to beg here. Please review?!?!? I'll take anything from a simple 'your crazy' to a 'what the hell are you on?' Oh, and you can blame Ianto for the confession at the end. I think he decided to hijack the plot sometime during this chapter. I hope to gain it back sometime.

Chapter 4

Tosh came over bright and early the next morning. She brought Ianto a coffee and a Danish, his favorite flavor even. She knew that it wouldn't heal all wounds, but she hoped that it would be a start.

Ianto let her in without a word, but smiled when she handed the two items over to him. Waving her to a seat, he went and grabbed a plate before joining her.

"Thanks, Tosh."

"You're welcome. It's been a while since I've been over. Still haven't gotten around to decorating the place, have you."

"No. Though I suppose now I have plenty of time to do that."

Tosh grinned. "Yep. I can help if you want. Spend all that money I know you have stashed away somewhere. We can buy out the furniture store to start out with."

Ianto looked down. "Never really did have a reason to spend any of it before. Only things I needed to pay were my bills for this place and my meds. And what I needed for Lisa." He added the last thought almost as though it came to him last minute.

Tosh leaned over and hugged him. "I wish I could take some of that pain away for you. No one should have to go through this alone. Not even you."

"But I am, Tosh. Lisa's dead. There is no one else."

"Don't be silly, Ianto. You have me. I'm not going to give up on you, no matter what you do or say. I'm you friend. Nothing is going to change that. And I know that your sister will always be by your side. Rhiannon is a strong girl. Let her take some of the pain. Lean on her if you won't lean on me."

"Rhi will be here for lunch. I called her after Jack left last night."

"Good."

"I called her because I wanted to end it last night."

Tosh sighed. "Is is because of what Jack said to you last night?"

"No. It's because I wanted to be with Lisa. Tosh, how am I supposed to go on without her? The only reason I didn't off myself after Canary Wharf was because I had to take care of her. Now that she's gone, who am I supposed to live for?"

Tosh grabbed his hand and held on tight. "You have to live for your self, Yan. You have to learn to live for your self."

Ianto thought long and hard about what Tosh said when she left. Living for himself. What did that mean? How could he live for himself? He had to have a reason to live. He had always had someone to look after, some one to rely on him. Now he had no one. Why couldn't they see that?

Ianto got up and started to clean his flat again. Cleaning and organizing had always helped him to stop thinking morbid thoughts. He knew that his friends and coworkers often thought that he was a bit OCD with his cleaning, but he didn't care. It was something that he could control. There was little else in his life that he could control.

***

When Rhiannon Davies walked into her brother's flat, she new that things were starting to get out of control. She could smell the cleaning chemicals from the carpet and could see the the polish on the dinning room table. It almost worried her more than the call she had received last night. She only hoped that he was only indulging in cleaning and nothing else.

"Ianto? You here?"

"Over here." He called. Rhi followed the voice over to the kitchen. Leaning over the counter, she found him cleaning the floor.

"Having fun?"

"Trying not to think."

"Fancy a break for lunch, then?"

Ianto glanced up. "As soon as I'm done here."

"Yan, you are done. I'm pretty sure that you were done the first time you made the floor shine. Now, come on. Let's get out of here and get something to eat."

"I'd rather stay here."

"Tough. Now get up and change into something decent. We're leaving."

Rhi lead them to a small diner about two blocks from his place. It was a small, hole in a wall sort of place where no one really cared about who was talking to whom or about what. The perfect place, she thought, to get Ianto to start talking.

She lead him to a booth in the back of the restaurant. She waited patiently while they ordered their food and drink. She just sat and let Ianto think about what he wanted to talk about. They were comfortable with this kind of silence. It was something they used to do as children, to see who would break down first and start talking.

Rhiannon was content, just this once, to wait as long as she needed to in order to let Ianto talk.

***

"Jack?" Tosh said, coming into his office. "Do you have a moment?"

"For you, always."

"I'm worried about Ianto. I think he wants to give up."

Jack frowned. "What makes you say that?

"The way he spoke, or, I guess, what he didn't say. The lack of emotion. They way he said that he had nothing to live for.

"Jack, I've never seen him that broken down. It was like his whole facade, his mask, was stripped form him. He's vulnerable, Jack. And I'm worried that he won't recover from this."

"Ianto is strong, Tosh. He had to in order to survive the battle in London. He just need time to pick up the pieces and move on. Give him time. He'll find his feet again."

"Do you honestly believe that, Jack?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have given him this second chance."

***

Rhiannon just sat and let her brother talk. He was hesitant at first, as though he was worried that someone might be listening in. As the afternoon went on, his voice became stronger and more animated.

He told her about Torchwood London and the battle at Canary Wharf. How he found Lisa and brought her to Cardiff. He told her thing that he had once vowed to never let his family find out about.

He was still talking when they left the diner to go back to his. He told her about Jack and the team at Torchwood Cardiff. About his friendship with Tosh, his flirtations with Jack. How he had betrayed Lisa and how he had betrayed Jack. How he was betraying him again by even talking about all of this with someone outside of Torchwood. About how tired he was of all the lies and deceit.

By the time he stopped talking he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Rhi helped him into bed and smiled softly as he complained about being babied.

"Go to sleep, Ianto. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Jack said that he was going to visit tonight, " Ianto muttered. "Wake me when he gets here?"

"Don't worry, love. I'll take care of Jack."