A/N: This chapter may be a bit premature, but there's follow-up to get to! So please forgive any typos or clunky writing. Impatience beat the quality inspector.

Duty's Choice: The Bastards of Ferelden - Chapter 42

The Whys and Wherefores

Same Day, Same Place

For a moment, Elinora's vision faded. She worked to focus, starting with her hands, clutching the edge of the table. There was still green under her fingernails from trying to feed Duncen. Duncen. Where was Duncen? She looked around her furiously, and found him still in Alistair's arms, making unhappy noises because daddy was holding him too tightly as he stared at the other men in the room. They were still standing.

Elinora blinked and swept her gaze around the high command of the Grey Wardens. "Are… are you serious?"

Izidor smiled. "Deathly serious. We've been discussing it for weeks. Once we toured certain sites in Ferelden, we were almost agreed." He shot a sidelong glance at Tantus. "And now that we've talked with you, we are absolutely positive." He looked to his companions. Rabio was smiling broadly, Bertrand looked satisfied. Zelig continued to passively study her, while Tantus read as more resigned. Bresal wore a grim half smile, though with a touch of pride.

"Why?" Elinora sputtered.

"My dear girl," Zelig began, "For more than a thousand years the Grey Wardens have stood against the Darkspawn, but we wait. We stand vigilant between Blights, biding our time until an Archdemon rises. But that's changed now. An Old God walks the earth, uncorrupted by the Darkspawn. She has chosen your son, the near impossible child of two Grey Wardens, as the next host for another Old God. She has already made one attempt, and she will likely try another."

"But that," Rabio interrupted, "is not why we choose to make you First Warden. If it were simply a matter of protecting you and the little one from her, then we would surround you with guards and lock you up in a tower. No, you," he pointed at her with a smug smile, "are going after her. You do not sit idly by, waiting for her to strike."

Elinora raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Sending out trackers and doing research is hardly a major offensive."

Bertrand scoffed, "It is a sensible move at this point. There is also a slight political motivation for our choice." He glanced at Alistair with a slightly embarrassed throat clearing. "Not only does this appointment show support for the Grey Warden king of Ferelden, but also for his move against the Chantry."

Alistair's eyebrows climbed his forehead. "Really?"

"Chantries throughout Thedas have all but outlawed Grey Wardens from worship," Bertrand continued. "While religious devotion is not directly a part of being a Grey Warden, some of us are faithful and do not appreciate being treated as pariahs. The Divine has been overreaching her power quite a bit since the Blight, and it's about time someone did something about it."

Elinora looked to Bertrand. "The Chantry handles what's beyond, the Grey Wardens what's below."

A slow smile spread on Bertrand's face. "Just so."

"And then there's the important reason," Bresal growled at his fellow commanders then faced Elinora. "You're a competent leader, and the loyalty you inspire in your men is impressive. There was hardly a word against you from Weisshaupt to Amaranthine."

Tantus snorted. "Wagner doesn't count. He hates everyone."

Elinora searched to place the name and came up with a cranky shaven headed mage. "I barely knew the man."

"That never stopped him from passing judgment," Tantus replied snidely.

"Who else did you talk to? Where did you go?" Elinora asked, curiosity winning over decorum.

Tantus ticked the list off on his fingers. "At least a dozen Wardens at Weisshaupt, Wardens and nobles in Orlais…"

Izidor interrupted, "Queen Sereda speaks very highly of you."

Rabio added. "Warden Bittan nearly fell over laughing when we told him."

"Amaranthine is a solid fortress," Bresal got back to business, "with men and women who are loyal to you."

" I see." Elinora looked around the room. Not even a hint of disapproval was on anyone's face. Even Sten looked proud and Maphisa smiled with a brightness Elinora had never seen on the young woman. And Alistair, her steadfast Alistair, gave his blessing with a slight nod of his head.

She drew a deep breath. "Commanders, I accept." Elinora lifted her chin and met the eyes of each of the men. "That being said, I expect garrison readiness reports before you leave Denerim, which I hope will not be immediately. I would appreciate the opportunity to get to know my commanders and their situations."

Izidor and Bertrand drew themselves up at attention then saluted. Bresal kept a steady gaze on her that held nothing but approval while Rabio appeared to be in love. Tantus was already whispering to his assistant. Zelig continued to study her.

Duncen started to cry. Elinora moved to get up, but Alistair put a hand on her shoulder as he rocked his son. "I've got him. He needs a nap." Alistair put on his king face and looked to the men before him. "Commanders, I believe the occasion calls for a bit of a celebration. Feast preparations have already begun, and quarters are available to you and your men, if you'll speak to my steward. In the meantime, take some rest and the I will see you this evening." Alistair gave the commanders a slight bow and departed with Duncen at his breast.

Elinora watched him go, fighting the urge to run after him. Something about him seemed bruised, and she had a feeling it was his ego. She could feel the yawning chasm growing between them. Alistair's wife just might have gotten too powerful for his taste.

Bertrand cleared his throat again. "I believe I will take his majesty up on such a generous offer. A night not in a flea ridden inn or a tent would be pleasant." The others muttered their agreement. A few more minutes were spent directing them to Wade's Emporium, The Lotus, The Wonders of Thedas and a few other places where they could get their needs met.

Eventually questions were answered and Elinora could get away. "Until this evening, commanders." She left the little dining hall, her four bodyguards behind her. She headed for Alistair's study.

He wasn't there, which didn't surprise her, but it was a good place to lose her escort. "You lot are dismissed, though if you could track down Leliana and Zevran, I would appreciate it. And any other Wardens in the city. We've got a party tonight."

Maphisa protested, "What about…"

"I'm not planning on leaving the palace." Elinora fought to keep the frustration out of her voice. "I need to talk to Alistair, alone."

Maphisa gave her commander a curt nod and headed away, the others drifting after her.

Elinora continued her hunt for her husband. He wasn't in their bedchamber, nor the nursery. Duncen and Maricen were both down for naps, and the nursemaids reported that his majesty had tucked the little prince in and left without a word. Elinora made sure they were aware of the impending princesses, which they were. Maricen had followed her instructions then promptly fell asleep.

From the nursery she moved on to the portrait gallery and the Chantry Hall, both places Alistair like to think. He wasn't in either, but Bertrand was in the Chantry, a deep sense of relief coming off of him as he prayed.

If Alistair wasn't thinking, she reasoned, he was probably fighting. At the practice courts she found him leaning on the heavy railing of the viewing balcony, watching Cailin work with the swordmaster. She leaned next to him, saying nothing, trying to figure out where to start.

Alistair kept his eyes on Cailin and sighed. "Don't you have Warden business to attend to?"

"I don't even know where to begin," she admitted.

"You seemed pretty sure of yourself back there."

With a small shrug she replied, "I always try to sound sure, even when I'm not. Besides, assessments were obvious, its what comes next…"

Alistair interrupted her, "What comes next is you leave me."

"What?" she gasped, the cold statement hitting her like a punch to the belly.

"Grey Warden headquarters are in Weisshaupt, that's where the First is stationed," he intoned.

Elinora caught her breath and found her voice again. "I'll be damned."

"What?" Alistair finally looked at her.

"Headquarters are wherever I say they are."

"How could you…?"

She snorted, "I've broken so many traditions already, what's one more? In fact, I should hope they expected that."

A small smile touched his lips and he actually made eye contact. "Probably. So where?"

"Amaranthine, if his majesty will allow it. Its already fitted for training and the harbor will allow Wardens to move throughout Thedas faster."

"That would have been very helpful during the Blight. I grant you permission and all that rot." He turned back to the court and grew distant again.

Elinora nuzzled his jaw with her nose. "What is it, love? Tell me."

His eyes closed, the admission painful. "We were just starting to become a real family, and now…"

She nodded and leaned her head against his strong shoulder. "I know, I'm worried about that too, I have been in one way or another since you proposed at Ostagar*."

"Any solutions?"

"One day at a time, and make sure that the people I love know it." She looked up to him, her blue-green eyes, shining with unexpected tears, searched for his. "I love you, Alistair."

His arm came around her shoulders, drawing her into his body. He held her as if she might vanish, breathing in the warm scent of her hair as her head rested on his shoulder. "I love you, Elinora."

Tears that she couldn't swallow fell. "I'm going to try. I'm going to do the best I can. I probably won't go down in history as the best First Warden, or the perfect mother or the most attentive wife, but I'm going to try."

Alistair kissed her forehead and stroked her hair from crown all the way down to the tip of her braid, his fingers playing with the brush end after the tie. "That's all I can ask." He let her braid drop away and lifted her chin with her fingers. One light kiss for each tear stained cheek, then a real one, long and deep.

"What did they do?" demanded a small voice behind them. Elinora and Alistair broke away from each other to find a very angry Cailin glaring at them with his arms crossed.

Elinora knelt before her adopted son and took his hands. "Just made our lives far more complicated." She hugged him tightly, glancing up at Alistair with a look that said everything.

This was not going to be easy, but they would manage.

Some how.

*See another of my fics, "Requiem at Ostagar".