I sat in the restaurant, my shift long over since it was a Thursday, poring over a ton of newspapers. Bex was scrubbing at tables throwing glances at me.

"No luck, huh?" She said, spritzing soapy water at the table beside mine.

I didn't take my eyes off the paper. "Is it that obvious?"

"You've sighed at least ten times in the last three minutes, so yes, quite obvious." She sat down across from me for a second. "Honey, I told you, we could help-"

"No, Bex." I cut in. "No. I said no so it means no."

She gave me a helpless look then started cleaning again.

Zach came in fifteen minutes later. "Hey, what's all this?"

"Nothing." I grumbled, hardly even looking at him as he sat down in the seat Bex had vacated.

"Someone's in a grumpy mood." He observed.

"Blame it on PMS, honey." Bex advised.

That struck my attention. "Bex!"

"What? He's your boyfriend, I doubt he cares if you're PMSing, so long as it doesn't mess with his sex schedule." She said.

"Bex!" I exclaimed again.

"Sorry, sorry, I'll leave you two now." She did as she said and I almost wished she hadn't left.

"So what's this really all about?" Zach asked.

"Doesn't matter." I said.

He snatched the newspaper out of my hands. "Cam, if we're really going to do this you have to trust me and let me help you."

I gave him a long hard look and opened another newspaper. "Fine. Tell me if you see the word 'hiring' anywhere."

He frowned. "Don't you already have a job?"

"Yes, I just need another one."

His hand blocked the words on the paper and the other lifted my head. "Cammie, tell me what's going on now."

I blew out a deep breath and started to explain. "My brother and I are having money issues. We can't pay the rent for the apartment and if we don't get the money soon we're going to have to sell it and move."

"Let me help you." He said bluntly.

"No, Zach, I can't let you do that." I disagreed.

"If you don't want me to help because of some pride thing-"

"This is not because of some pride thing, okay?" I interrupted. "My brother and I will get through this one way or another. For now, just help me find a job." I started reading the newspaper again. A minute later I moaned from frustration and put my forehead on the table.

"Okay, come on."

"No, no. It's just," I thought over my words, not knowing how to explain. "It's just, in a way, this is my fault. We wouldn't be having these issues if I'd tried harder in school and gone to college. Without that I can't get a decent job. It's like all my previous mistakes are finally catching up to me."

"What about the job in New York?" He asked.

"I already explained that to you. I can't take it. I have to stay here. I've got friends here, my mom's in the hospital here, I grew up here." Those were probably the lamest reasons for staying. "Look, I don't know how to explain it, I just can't."

So we got through a bunch of newspapers and hardly found anything. The jobs we found didn't work with my schedule, so we were back at square one.

After bitching on and on Zach decided to take me to the movies to calm me down. We ended up watching some corny romantic comedy.

Just as we were settling in Macey came.

She sat down next to Zach but I could tell she wasn't here to watch the movie. "Okay, I know I probably just wasted my money to get in here but Zach I have to warn you about Cammie."

I knew where this was going and leaned over Zach to her. "Macey please. Don't do this."

"No Cammie. I have to. You should've thought about the consequences of what you did before you did it." She looked at Zach. "Zach your girlfriend is a cheater and a slut."

"Oh God." I grumbled, getting up and walking out of the movie theatre.

I ran out of the building, tears streaming down my face, and his arm wrapped around mine before I could flag down a taxi.

"Cammie, wait." He said.

I couldn't look at him. "Zach, you should go."

"Why? Why should I go?"

"Because I don't deserve you. You're so good and honest but me-" I swallowed back a lump in my throat. "I've ruined so many lives. Did you know that my mom has been lying in a damn coma for three years?"

"Cammie, you can't blame yourself for that." He said.

"Yes I can!" I yelled. "Stop being so forgiving! I am the only one to blame because she got the way she is from a car accident while I was driving!" I shook his arm off and waved down a cab. "We'll talk later, Zach. Just give me some space."

I walked into the hospital room to see my mom lying in the same position as always. I wondered if this was how someone looked like when they were dead. She was so cold and pale. Why did people say that dead people looked like wax figures? I've been to a wax figure museum and they were so lifelike it was like looking at humans. Right now, looking at my mom, it was like she was a ghost in human form.

I held her hand and sat down. "Hi, mom."

No response.

"I need to tell you something." I searched her face, hoping for at least some sign that she was listening to me. "It's about Zach. I know I told you about him before." The tears were back. This time of guilt. "I love him, mom. I can't help it. I know I shouldn't. I tried not to love him, I really did. I even had to make myself remember the car crash sometimes. But mom, I love him so much that it hurts sometimes." I started to sob and let go of her hand. I buried my face in my hands and started shaking my head. "I don't know what to do. I've fallen for the guy who might as well be responsible for putting you in this coma."

Oooohhh, why is Zach guilty? You'll find out soon enough =P

So, give you a basic idea of what's coming up here are the song titles for the next two chapters. Leave Your Boyfriends Behind is the first, and Beauty From Pain is next.

I would've posted this chapter yesterday bu I was sooo exhausted I could hardly get my eyes to focus on the screen. I'll try to post the next chap today. Imma go write it now.

Ivoryyy

SONG: Courage by Superchick

http:/www. youtube. com/watch?v=a2MemtgASVA