Blood and Chocolate

I had gone to tons of funerals before, I mean half of my friends have died attempting the Change on purpose (of course most of them were older than me) so I wasn't new to the experience. It was just the fact that none of them were Donnie.

Jamie was just…a wreck. You couldn't see it because he had always been able to hide behind himself well. But, the misery, the guilt, the longing, it was all there. I stayed up with him the first night, to the dislike of Ben- -who understood why I needed this but didn't like the idea of me alone with a depressed Jamie- -and we just talked.

It hadn't gone so far that his wolf had accepted her, thank God, but they had some pretty special and some intense moments together.

I guess Mei was right, all my friends had lost their virginity.

Donia and Jamie had been each other's first, which usually is a bad combination from what I've heard, but I wouldn't know would I? I can't even remember my first thanks to some…undesirable circumstances.

I watched the casket without blinking, something Ben had to remind me to do every few moments with a gentle squeeze of the hand he was holding. I felt like an absolute failure.

Donia was having her own separate funeral, her relatives thought it better so all her school friends could come if they wished. I heard Jamie let out a low, mournful sound and squeezed his hand with my right hand and leaned my head on his shoulder which caused both he and Ben to grip the hand they held too tightly. I knew Ben understood why I was doing it, it didn't mean he had to be happy.

I started to remember to blink of my own accord. I had seen Donnie a lot in the past week, she still ran for the bus, then she appeared on it, then she got off and stood by the locker next to mine with an annoyed expression at the fact they had gotten rid of all her things already.

She had stopped by to give me the key to her keyboard trunk, it held anything of importance to her, no keyboard. The reason she called it that was because it was the length of one and it probably could've fit one, but it was just a black and white trunk. That had been the only thing out of the ordinary.

She'd sit with us at lunch in the now vacant seat in-between me and Jamie.

I had only spoken with her twice, once when she had left her body and once when she had given me the key. I kept quiet at the lunch table, laughing a little harder than the others when she added a comment to one of Corey's jokes, but otherwise I tried not to let the others in.

I had told Jamie about the first encounter, if he knew about the second, or the fact she still lingered, he'd just be worse. I told him Donia had told me where to find her key, he seemed hurt when he heard that she had kept it from him and not me, but I gave him all their old pictures form when they were dating to make up for it.

I was going to give him the love notes, but I decided I'd keep them until he was better. No sense making him burn something he may want one day.

The Marrok had no need to know of our trying to Change her because it hadn't worked and she'd of died anyways. We were all safe on that one.

It was time to exit the Church and when we reached the outside steps Ben spun me around.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern making him search my eyes for a double and triple check.

"Ben, I'm fine." I assured, "Jamie is the one who isn't."

He inspected me closer and nodded.

"You need a break." He murmured, when I hugged him, letting a tear or two spill over. "Don't think I can't hear all that buzzing around in your head."

"I know you can." I pulled back. "But, it's okay. In two days, it'll be my birthday. And then we can be happy."

He smiled and ruffled my hair. I had gotten it cut a little, it reached just a smidgen below my shoulder blades and was shorter in the front from my face frame and sidebands. The blue streaks were back, just in time for today.

I hadn't been able to break away to get the snakebites though, I was going to have to do that soon.

Although, getting them after I got a boyfriend is a really dumb idea, I'm going to be sore for a bit.

Not too long, I suppose, but still at least an hour.

I really just wanted one post on my lower lip and Donia did say maybe. Snakebites were kind of her thing…

They'd piss Dad off though, that's one reason to do it.

"Not reason enough." Ben chuckled.

"Shh, people hear you laugh they'll think you're a sadistic fool!" I hissed. "And it's not as if you wouldn't like them."

"I didn't say I agreed, I said they were interesting." He rolled his eyes before looking at something behind me. "How's Jamie?"

"I don't know. He talked to me up until two nights after she died. He'll only talk to Dad and Samuel now." I shook my head. "He won't talk at school. He's…almost pining when he eats lunch but not really because he eats. It's…queer and the others are starting to notice."

"Do the 'others' know about him?"

"Well, yeah, we couldn't not tell them! What if he like…killed someone for looking at him? You know as well as I do, he's fairly dominant." I rolled my eyes. People filed past in all black. I was wearing one of Donnie's favorite outfits of mine that, thank God, was black and white. Wearing neon to a funeral would be…not good.

"He's going to get himself into trouble." He shook his head.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, turning around. I know Jamie could've heard us if he wanted to, but he ignored us.

"Never mind, what is your father teaching him?" Ben asked.

"Everything, how to fight mostly. He's going to need that. And of course, the rules." I paused for a moment and tilted my head back to see Ben. "Bran wants to make him an alpha when he's old enough." I whispered.

"To where?" He asked incredulously, keeping his voice down so people wouldn't notice us too much. "Tasmania?"

"No! That's my job!" I snapped, "Somewhere out in New Jersey. He doesn't like their third and he thinks their alpha is going to go within the next ten years." Crazy how we could talk about politics and more death at my best friend's funeral. "That leaves the second in charge. Assuming he has a long life? Jamie can move in when that one is still in power, take over as second from the current third, win about four million fights, and live to become alpha."

"That doesn't eliminate the third." Ben frowned.

"I don't think Bran expects him to exactly yield. I think he trusts the third will fight to his death." I shrugged.

"I see…well…Bran isn't exactly the most…straightforward but he has his ways."

"He does. And his way work." I agreed. "Come on, funerals have an after party for some reason and we've got to go to it."

"Don't we go to the cemetery first?" He asked, confused.

"I am not taking Jamie to a cemetery." I growled before blushing when realization dawned on Ben's face.

"You're scared of cemeteries." He accused.

"Keep it down!" I hissed, "No, I'm not scared I'm drop dead terrified. Okay? I don't like them, I never have. I don't know why, they just creep me out."

"What are you afraid of?" He asked gently in a voiced that just begged to be answered.

"I, I don't know." I bit my lip, "I'm- -er- -scared of falling through a rotting grave."

Ben shook his head, but I could see his grin and he started laughing. I heard Jamie actually join in which meant he had heard and thought it just as absurd.

"Stop." I whined.

"I'm sorry, Porsche, but it's ridiculous. You're a werewolf." Ben whispered, still smiling, "Who talks to dead people, vampires, and Fae, and has lived with Charles Cornick, assassin of werewolves gone wrong, and you're scared of falling into a rotting grave."

"Don't make me feel guiltier that I can't go!"

"Come on, we're going to the cemetery." He sighed, kissing my forehead and motioning for Jamie to follow.

"Please no." I said in a small voice.

"It's not a big deal." He told me, "I promise nothing will happen to you."

åßΩ

"I can't." I bit my lip, looking at the ground outside of the car. Ben held both of his hands out for me to take and jump down.

"We aren't parked on a grave, Porsche, come on." He took a step forward and I scooted backwards.

"Ben, I have a fear of cemeteries, okay? You got me this far, please don't make me go further." I whimpered pitifully, looking at the ground like it would burn me to step out on it. Mei growled at the thought of sharing our weaknesses when Jamie was right there, but I doubt he'd do anything to me. To himself, maybe, not to me.

"Porsche, this is an irrational fear. If it was something sensible like…something sensible-"

"Good example." I mumbled.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me forward before getting me to the door and picking me up. He tried to set me on the ground and I squeaked.

"Ben! Put me back!"

"Come on, Donia would want you to get over this."

"She said nothing of the sort, she was aware of my fears before you were and she said no such thing." I scoffed. He tried to put me down again. "NO!"

"Porsche, look, you're going to want to visit Donnie right?" Jamie asked, "Well you can't if you can't get over this. Come on, Ben isn't going to let anything happen and neither will I."

"Damn, you'll make a good alph- -DON'T PUT ME DOWN!" I felt my feet touch grass and I bit back a terrified scream, practically beginning to choke.

"It's okay, look, it's the ground." Ben said softly. "Open your eyes." I hadn't realized they were closed. "You're wearing Mercy's stupid sheep and we're on holy ground."

"Vampires aren't my problem!" I wrapped my arms around myself and kept my eyes closed. I felt Ben wrap his arms around me, but I didn't look to see.

"You're forgetting to breathe." He warned. I took a deep breath and held it. "You'll need to let it out as well, and then you take another one, it's a system."

I started laughing. I couldn't help it. He made me smile.

I still hadn't opened my eyes.

"We're going to go put a flower on her casket, are you coming?" Jamie asked softly. I shook my head.

"Go on ahead, Porsche needs a break." Ben sighed and took me the three foot distance to the car.

I opened my eyes when I felt the car beneath my feet.

"Please don't make me go out there again." I frowned.

"Fine, I won't. Shall I tell Jamie to put an extra flower on there then?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"What's the magic word?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Please tell Jamie I would like him to put a flower on for me." I corrected.

"No, actually the magic word was abracadabra, but please is a good one." He smiled and turned around. "He heard you." He nodded and turned back.

"I feel guilty." I crossed my arms, "Not doing it myself."

"You said she knew so I'm sure she'll understand." He pulled my hair out of the band I had put it in a few minutes ago. I raised an eyebrow. "I like it down." I rolled my eyes.

"Some people are heading back to the restaurant, are we going?" Jamie asked, getting into the back seat looking considerably happier now. I couldn't figure out was he was happy about, all I smelled was death, decay, freshly dug earth, and earthworms and the view wasn't much better.

"What cheered you up?" I asked suspiciously. Ben smiled into the rearview mirror and I growled, "What am I missing here?"

"The funny part or the sweet part?" Jamie asked, still grinning.

"I…I'm not sure, whichever you'd like to tell me first."

"Well, I-er-put her ipod in the casket before they sealed it…with the music blasting." He smiled.

"Jamie, you've been…depressed! You had me watching you for signs of turning suicidal! YOU PUT AN IPOD IN HER CASKET? BLASTING?" I spun around.

"It is something she said she always wanted to do." He looked a little sad for a moment before continuing, "And then I gave her her half."

"Her half of what?" I frowned and he held out a gold chain that hung around his neck. On the end was a locket in the shape of half a heart.

"She has mine, actually, it was for our six month anniversary last, she left it in her locker because she never takes it home. She didn't trust herself not to lose it. She never could open it."

"What was in it?" I asked.

"Besides crazy glue?" Ben chuckled.

"That's mean." I whined, "You glued it shut?"

"Barely, just enough that she could have opened it, but it was hard. It had a note inside it for her to open in three years." He shook his head.

"What happened if she couldn't?" I asked.

"I'd open it for her, it's fairly important." He took his necklace off and opened it, handing it to me.

"you y me?" I looked up and frowned, handing it back. He smiled my eyes widened. "Oh my God…Jamie! You were going to ask her to marry you? We're only Sophomores!"

"In three years! I intended it to be after graduation." He rolled his eyes.

"What happened it you broke up?"

"I would have swapped them out, if she didn't give it back herself. I have an identical one without anything engraved." He shrugged, "I had it all worked out. Hers said 'Will marr.'"

"Well, why give her her half and not yours?" I asked.

"I don't want to forget her." He frowned, "And, plus, I taped a note inside the front half."

I smiled, it was sweet.

I was about to say so when I paused.

"You took advice from Ben?"

"Well…I wasn't about to ask Samuel, he's well…he's not exactly the luckiest in the field of girls is he? And it'd be weird to ask your father, it'd be like asking him to marry you…"

I stared at him incredulously.

"Plus, I figured Ben must know a lot if he got you." He laughed, "I thought you'd die old and alone."

"Oh, gee, thanks." I crossed my arms and turned back to the road in front of us. "Ben, you'd better not use that idea, the secret is out."

"Wasn't planning on it." He smiled, "Though I can't surprise you can I? You already planned when and where."

"That is true." I nodded. "I was thinking, we could tattoo the infinity symbol, you know the sideways eight-"

"I'm not stupid, I'm the one passing your math class." Ben rolled his eyes.

"Right well, we could get it tattooed on the right side of our ring finger on our left hand."

"You got that from NCIS." He chuckled, "I was with you last night when you saw it."

"That episode is funny." I smiled.

"Under Covers was Donnie's favorite." Jamie laughed. I was glad he was happy again.

"Here we are kids." Ben stopped the car and got out.

"Hey, wait up!" I jumped out after him and Jamie followed me.

åßΩ

Why do we have after parties for the dead people? It's just…a downer.

åßΩ

I laid down next to Ben, it was only seven o'clock.

"You alright?" He asked. He knew Mei was on edge after today, too much depression took a toll on her. I think it was just…too much of one emotion in general with only a few exceptions.

She had been on edge since Donnie died, she hadn't liked her much though.

"I'll be fine." I sighed. "She just wants to be let out and I can't do that right now."

"If you don't let her out, she'll come out of her own accord." He warned. "And you'll be asleep and I'll have to figure out how the hell to get her to wake you up."

"That is true." I agreed. "But I'll risk it. I'm tired." I yawned and he pulled me as close as he could. "And I know you are too."

åßΩ

I was pleased to find my room as it was last night when I woke up and I kissed Ben on the cheek. He blinked and growled, pinning me under him.

"What did I say about waking me up on a weekend?" He asked.

"Not to, but if you haven't noticed we're always waking each other up anyways. Come on, I'm starved."

A/N-

Thanks for the support guys! I am sorry about that, this one isn't too long (I actually haven't checked yet) but i know its much better.

XxxxIceQueenxxxX: Yeah…YEAH! thats a very good bright side! WHOOT!

Notloggedin: No worries xD i wont hate u! I love the internet don't u? its so annoying! doesn't work wen u want it to etc. blech technology

hehehe

i wasn't so much going for sad as i was…being me wen i decided to kill her off last week. Actually i was bouncing between wolf, Omega, or witch or…well…dead and i chose dead (obviously)

well, yeah, gosh, im not obsessed with wolves xD

yes but he's my freak thats watt makes him special!

yes it would've been but then id have had to do…things to explain it and it'd of been so hard *whines*

not that i don't put effort into this! i do! i just don't want to get too far off track

:( well her best friend did die xD

i hadn't! good thing too! im the author! xD

hahaha! it would wouldn't it?

GAH! I DONT ENJOY GUILT!

khetyan: :(

eh perhaps…as of now? better as of tomorrow? well…ur gonna have to wait like everyone else xD except me cuz im awesome like that

well she can be :) at her BIRTHDAY! please do bring gifts everyone! it would make it so much more festive xD you're all invited! ok? don't forget! Its gonna be a nice party! lolz im gonna make u all character names and u guys r gonna b there…i think i haven't quite worked that out yet

YAY! so REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW! i still have math to do!

I wish i could steal ben and make him do it for me but OF COURSE HE HAS TO BE FICTIONAL! GAH!

I. Hate. Algebra. Honors.

GIMH