Oh…Er…Um…Hi?

I wasn't sleeping well. Besides the fact I hate hotels, I was alone in the room with an idiot nineteen year old Native American shapeshifter. I hated it and the best part was, Ben had closed the bond so hard that I couldn't even try to force it open. It was like he was trying to give me time to be alone.

I hate it.

I buried my face in a pillow and wanted to scream but I bit it back for sake of everyone else in the hotel. I just wanted to be able to close my eyes and fall asleep, but it wasn't happening.

I glared, with one eye, at Toli. Why couldn't she just have her own room? Or do some girl bonding with Mary Jo or something.

Well…Mary Jo not being here could in fact be part of that problem, but…

Why did Charles have to take her? It was unnecessary. She's just going to get in the way. The most use she is good for is bait and barely even that.

This is all her fault!

I know, I know.

It's not that I didn't feel bad, I felt terrible. Thing is, she didn't have to ruin my life! Yeah, I'm being overly dramatic but I hated being without Ben. It made me unsettled.

"That's it." I muttered, getting up. Making my way to the door, I thought better of it and sat on the floor. If she had been human, I'd have been saying nasty things about her, but she wasn't and she'd hear even if she was asleep. As it was, what I was thinking was kind of nasty. If I voiced it the terms I used would just get that much worse.

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt and sighed, tonight was a really long night because it was only twelve and I had already woken up eight times. I hoped the morning would be better, but it wasn't starting off well.

I must have fallen asleep because at one I woke up again, still on my spot on the floor. I made my way back to my bed. At least I had slept for a whole hour. I sat down and hummed to myself. I wished my dogs were here, at least I'd have company, but they weren't.

I wanted Ben here, it was eating at my insides. He wasn't anywhere and I missed it. i just wanted to be able to know he was alright, because not knowing was the worst. I mean, I'll admit, he's in a hotel, what the fuck could possibly go wrong.

You know what? To a wolf, a lot can!

I looked down at my wrist, to the scars no one had ever mentioned. I'm sure they'd seen them, they weren't obvious, but they were visible. Perhaps no one looked that closely. The pain of losing Ben had done that before and the pain was the same every time he wasn't there, even if I was no longer suicidal.

A moment without Ben is like being sliced open by a thousand silver daggers and it's only going to get worse when I fall into this shit deeper because we aren't even official yet.

Mom had never heard of anything like what I went through when I told her about it. She said she heard of similar things, where bonds would turn a couple into practically the same person, but never of anyone going through withdrawal like I did. Ben was a drug in every sense of the word and I didn't have a rehab for it.

I have to admit, I feel like a weak little girl from a fairytale and while I live with mythical creatures my life is everything but.

I glanced at the clock next to me and groaned quietly, time passes so slowly.

One would think the bond worked the same both ways, but Ben seemed perfectly okay keeping me out, keeping a little space. It was irritating, but I could go for a few hours without him during the day- -school is the perfect example of that. It's just at night when it's the worst. Not that the day is easy, but at least I have things to distract me and I have no trouble sleeping in math class.

I traced each blemishing mark on both my wrists until I had repeated each several times. I wasn't that bad, hadn't been since Dad sent me away because that's when I'd done it. I sighed and brought my knees up for my chin to rest on them. It was going to be a tiring day tomorrow, but I still couldn't sleep.

Our bond was more complicated than I had originally thought. It was still those plastic cups with the string, but it had a twist. It was almost like…like we had to be able to physically touch or something for everything to be alright. Not all of our moves were possessive or just because we're together and we can, it was uncontrollable. He'd pull me onto his lap or I'd hug him or hold his hand.

There were times when I despised his touch because it calms me down and there are times one cannot afford to be calm. I'd have all day today to be with him, but tonight or tomorrow night or whatever you want to call it, would be work. We can't help each other, if I so much as brush my hand against his, I'll be distracted.

Of course, we can't be far apart either, that'd distract both of us more. So the only solution would be to separate so we have chance of touching but don't let anyone between us.

It was not a good plan.

I let out a breath.

If life worked to my advantage we could've had a simple bond…like just having a share mode- -they're all different, but they're all pretty common. No, we can share direct thoughts, we can share memories if we try, and we can feel each other's emotions.

That last one isn't always good.

Then we have this dream problem. I really wish we could fix that, but it's not like we an return the bond and get a new one.

I guess I'll just learn to deal with the empty feeling in me whenever Ben's not there.

I raised my head and looked at the light peeking through the window.

Sometimes nights alone are good.

Gives you time to ponder.

A/N-

Don't hate me! first day 2moro so i seriously have to run and i just wanted to post a chapter about porsche's overall thoughts

Notloggedin:

its look-counting which i shall do in mathematic tomorrow! XD

MANY MANY speeches by both professional speakers, teachers, and students :)

you will know, in the next chapter with Bens POV GAH I GAVE IT AWAY!

he truly is

i am starting to think that is how they pick…its seriously possible! its how i got elected as class rep XD

not a handbook, he memorized the code of conduct u c i kno these things because im the one stuck writing this XD i have to know unfortunately

yeah well

um…good point…i probable could've mentioned that OK they r in california with top 6 wolves (challenge allowance) and charles the assassin because its his job, bran was just very…kind to let adam help

well…i cant say…but yeah…if i cant write a good battle sequence for once in my effing life!

belch never good those early morns

well…no its not longer…sorry D: i just cant unite but ima try 2moro! if not i shall start updating every other day!

khetyan:

YAY! hi!

yeah i wish he'd give me one 2…but i cant drive!

THANK YOU! :D yeah so am i!

its fine! i don't deserve it wen i write chapters like this

OKAY! review! just tell me if u liked this chap so i kno exactly where i stand with starting Ben's POV because i gave that info away unfortunately so yes REVIEW and hopefully i shall c u 2moro! if not the day after is a definite!

GIMH