I'm starting on this awesome new chapter. It's kind of a throw-together, so don't be mad about it. It might make NO SENSE at all, but just bare with me here.

I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I could help her
I just watched her make
the same mistakes again

Eli's POV

Maybe that someone or something is just there to whisper in your ear that everything will be okay in the long run, but when you know that really it isn't. That person could be the closest person in your life, or someone just about to step into that category.

I don't think I've ever been so moved by a story. Clare was good at writing about controversial things, but she was never one to write about her own problems. It was like pulling teeth with her—You had to force it out of her.

But that story was beginning to make me worry. What was Clare going through this time? Will it make her go back to the blade?

"So—um," I start. "What is it that inspired you to write that story?"

Her eyes widen like a deer being caught in head lights, but lets out a small chuckle. "I don't know," She flattens out her words as if she didn't know what to say.

"It had to have been something…" I say. Here we go pulling teeth again.

She shakes her head. "Just a sudden burst of inspiration I guess."

My eyes meet her and I could see the unhappiness in her eyes. There had to have been something.

She gives a shivered smile anyways. "I really don't want to talk about it." She says.

I guess the tooth wasn't ready to come out yet, but I nod my head anyways and turn back around.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
She don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

Clare's POV

I count my steps as I walk down the street back to my house. I didn't want to go home and find Kurt there, still being his nosey self.

"How are you?" "How was your day?" "What did you do?" "Did you talk to your friends?" It bugged the crap out of me that he didn't actually care, he just wanted to make a good impression.

The door creaks open and my mom is in the kitchen, and doing what looks like making dinner.

I stand there in the doorway with out a movement and examine the living room around me. Something about it looked so…empty.

"Clare," My mom says happily from the kitchen. "Good, you're home." She starts stirring her dinner in the pan again.

I still stood there, motionless. The only thing I could really do was open my mouth to speak. "What," I snap. "No Kurt today?"

I could feel her eyes roll. "Clare, I know you're not happy about him being around—

"More like utterly in opposition to it." I say walking over to the couch and throwing my bag onto it.

"But he's been a good help," She continues, ignoring my remark. "Why do you hate him so much?"

I shake my head and it stung letting my words out. "You know why."

"Why, because he's not your dad?"

"Yes, and he fact that I find a stranger in my house. Soon after that he becomes my new 'daddy'."

"Oh, c'mon Clare," My mom says. "It's not like I'm marrying the guy."

"Yet..."

She sets down her cooking utensil and makes her way over to me. "I'm sick of your attitude."

I cross my arms in a jerk-off way. "Oh really?" I ask her broadening my so called attitude.

She raises her hands. "I give up." She says and goes back to making dinner. "I could just send you back to Ms. Suvae."

I roll my eyes. She thinks that scares me? Sure I'm enjoying my free time, but a few more modest meetings with Ms. Suvae don't make me want to change one bit.

I smelt the aroma of dinner and realized I really wasn't hungry. "I'm going upstairs," I announce and walk up the flight of stairs and into my room. While falling down onto my comfortable bed, I grab my laptop and then swing it open. I needed something to get my mind off of things.

The first thing I do is log into face-range. Nothing new here, except for my IM list. I check who was on, maybe Alli was on, but she wasn't.

But Eli was on.

I sit there for a moment, stare into my computer as if it was about to do cartwheels, and I didn't know what to do. Most of me wanted him to ask me if I was alright, but part of me was advising against it. Most of me didn't want him to leave alone, but part of me wanted my space.

I don't even know anymore.

My stomach churned as I started to click on his name, and the empty IM box popped up. I didn't what to say, or even if I wanted to say anything to him. My mind was playing tricks on me. It was like an angel was on one shoulder and the devil was on the other. The angel telling me that I should tell him that I needed him there because then he could help me, but the devil telling me to give him the silent treatment. Make him wonder.

As I place my hands in position on the keyboard, something pulled me back. My dignity. If he really wanted to talk to me, he would've talked to me by now, right?

I was leaning more towards the devil on my shoulder. I needed to make him wonder. Make him want more.

I click out of the empty chat box and close my laptop, and then I realized I was losing my mind. I couldn't think, couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep. Something was seriously wrong with me.

My life went downhill, uphill, then back down again. I was on an emotional rollercoaster from all this stress building up in my soul, and I needed to get out.

But the only escape I could think of was to cut, and I couldn't do that again. I couldn't lie to myself about that actually being okay to do. One thing I learned about sin—Hurting yourself is just as bad as hurting others. You are hurting someone, and that someone just happens to be yourself.

A small lie is on the same level of murder to god. Any sin is any sin. I knew in my heart that I could be forgiven, but in my gut I knew that I didn't deserve it. No matter what anyone else says.

It was official; I was losing faith in me, and in god. I knew that no matter what I'd do, this feeling of hatred for myself wasn't going to go away just because I wanted to be forgiven by god, myself, or everyone around me.

I was truly hopeless. And no one could change that.

Her feelings she hides
her dreams she can't find
she's losing her mind
she's falling behind.
she can't find her place
she's losing her faith
she's falling from grace
she's all over the place

"Clare!"

Great, another chance of verbal acuity. Ignoring my eager sense to not listen to her, I walk down the stairs anyways and guess who's there standing by her? Kurt.

"What do you want?" I ask coldly.

"We have some news."

"Are you guys getting married?" I deadpan. Please tell me I'm wrong…

"Well," My mom starts. "Not exactly."

Confusion filled my sense of curiosity as I stepped down the steps completely. "What do you mean?" I ask. My stomach was churning.

My mom looks at Kurt, smiles, then looks back at me. "Kurt got a job offer in Virginia."

I shrug. "Isn't that in the US?" I ask her.

She nods her head. "So," She starts. "He asked us to move in with him…"

She's lost inside,
And she can't get out this time.