Chapter Seventeen
Bright morning sunshine woke me. It streamed in through the huge windows, and I looked out to see the turquoise waves glinting in the sun. I stretched, my neck stiff and my legs cramped from being curled under me all night. I put the book back on the bookshelf and went into my bathroom. Someone had already come in and filled a basin of cool water. I splashed some on my face and washed it and then combed my hair. Still yawning from the late night before, I searched in my closet for some casual clothes to wear, like some leggings and boots and a tunic or something. But all I could find were dresses and gowns of all colors and styles. Sighing, I selected a simple, plain one and went down to the Great Hall.
The kings and queens-to-be hadn't woken yet, but the castle and city around it were already bustling with excitement about the day's coronation. After a bit of wandering, I found the kitchen and searched for some breakfast I could fix. But the Cook found me and gave me a rap with a wooden spoon before sending me on my way with a steaming breakfast of eggs and sausages and toast and butter.
For the rest of the morning, I simply familiarized myself with the castle and stayed out of the way of the busy preparations. Oh, and avoided anywhere Peter might be. I went to the stable and borrowed some boy's clothes and took Andy out for a ride along the beach. I told him all about the feast and the ball, and when I told him about Peter almost kissing me, he threw up his noble head and whinnied fiercely. He turned and looked at me with an expression I could not read. "I couldn't help it, Andy! I didn't mean to be rude, but-but…Oh, bother it all. I have no idea about what to do," I sat sullenly as Andy continued to snort and snuffle and shake his head quietly. I took in my surroundings. The beach was beautiful, white sand and sheer, rocky cliffs. The castle was built along many levels of the cliff face, and was above me to my right. I slid off of Anduril and waded out into the waves about ankle deep. The water was as warm as bath water. I looked for seashells, finding a few pretty ones that hadn't been broken. Looking up at the sky, I sighed. "Time to head back, Anduril. I have to get ready for the coronation," I called. He was walking along the water's edge too, looking for shells. When he would find one, he would neigh for me to come inspect it. He came trotting back and I swung back up. He galloped up the beach, ivory hooves thudding dully on the damp sand. The salty wind blew back my hair. I felt so free.
But once I had let Andy loose in the stable and had entered that castle again, I was bombarded again. A few Archenlandian girls had come to Narnia to work as maids, and they dragged me up to my chamber and started fussing over me. They enjoyed it, washing my hair and drying it by the fire and then brushing it until it shone like copper. They fussed over the perfect gown to wear and what shoes to go with it. Their cheerful chatter made me feel a little lonely, or like I had missed out on this kind of thing. But it passed. They made me wear a little bit of makeup, saying that I looked positively lovely in this color or that. By the time they were finished dressing and grooming me, it was almost time for the ceremony to begin. "Come, come look at yourself in the mirror!" "You look lovely, dear!" "She's absolutely radiant!" They cried different praises and compliments and pulled me over to the mirror. For a moment I didn't recognize the feminine, graceful girl in staring back at me in bewilderment. Her golden hair cascaded down her back in gentle curls from where it was braided around each side of her head to meet in the back. The gown they had chosen was a pale, spring green with little golden accents. It brought out her emerald eyes and fair coloring. I looked beautiful, grown up, and graceful. Very much like a Lady of Narnia.
I entered the Great Hall and gasped with wonder. Trumpets sounded in the air, and the Centaurs raised their swords to make an arc down the middle of the Hall that led to the four thrones. Aslan was standing at the end, upon the marble steps. First came Peter, dressed like a king would be expected to dress, in a dark blue cape and shirt with golden accents and golden breeches. Then came Susan, who looked as stunning as always, her dark hair shining, contrasting against the silvery gown she wore, a dark blue cape over her shoulders. My heart leapt when I saw Edmund, dressed richly in silvery and dark blue. And finally followed little Lucy, who was grinning ear to ear. Aslan spoke and I could feel his great voice rumbling deep inside of my chest. I was grinning as he gave each one their titles. "King Peter the Magnificent," and Tumnus went forward and placed the crown upon his head. "Queen Susan the Gentle," Tumnus set the delicate silver on her shining hair. "King Edmund the Just," my smile grew larger as Edmund was crowned. "And Queen Lucy the Valiant," and as her delicate crown was placed on her head, all of the Narnians, including myself, shouted out at the top of our lungs, "Long live King Peter! Long live Queen Susan! Long live King Edmund! Long live Queen Lucy!" Then Aslan spoke again. "Once a king or queen in Narnia, always a king or queen. Bear it well, Sons of Adam! Bear it well, Daughters of Eve!" and then through the open doors that faced the great Eastern Sea came the voices of the mermaids and mermen. They sang and flipped out of the water, splashing joyfully. Turning back to my new Kings and Queens, I wiped away a small tear that had snuck its way out of the corner of my eye.
The fauns and satyrs struck up a joyful, celebratory tune and began dancing again, as if they hadn't danced straight through the night before. Needing some space, I stepped outside onto a small balcony that overlooked the shining sea and the rocky beach. The breeze played with my hair, tossing it around and tickling my face. Leaning against the rail, I looked down at the sand and rocks and saw the shape of a great cat walking away from the castle. I immediately recognized it as the Great Lion himself, Aslan, leaving us behind. I sighed, wishing he wouldn't go yet. A voice behind me startled me. "It's too bad he has to go so soon. But Tumnus says he's not a tame lion." I gasped and whirled around to see Peter. Uh-oh. The look on his face told me he wanted to talk. He leaned on the rail next to me, watching Aslan's retreating figure. All I could do was wait for him to speak. I didn't have to wait for long. "Rose," he began, his voice serious and soft. "I…wanted to, umm, ask you something." My heart was pounding and my face was beginning to flush. I looked away from him, down the other way and nodded. "Well, you see, now that I'm, umm, High King and all, I…" He exhaled, running his hands through his hair. Looking at me again, he continued. "I really like you Rose…" I nodded and said, even though I knew what he meant, "I like you to Peter. We've gotten to be good friends," I hoped maybe he would take the hint, but I hoped in vain. "Well, yeah, we have, but…I meant, umm, as more…than just a friend." His face turned scarlet as he said it, and he quickly looked away to avoid my eyes. Damn, I thought to myself. This was not what I wanted him to be saying right now. And I had no idea of how to let him down gently. So I just stood there dumbly, waiting for him to speak again. When I didn't answer, Peter looked at me again and, thinking he wasn't clear enough, said, "You know…umm, I, uh, kind of…love you," when he finally got that out, he began talking very quickly, getting redder and redder by the second. "I've loved you ever since that day you stood up to me when I was being an ass and asked me if there was something wrong with being taught to fight by a girl, and you aren't like any other girl I've ever known and you're beautiful and strong and now that I'm the High King I'm eventually supposed to marry and have an heir to the throne and I want it to be you. Not to be the heir, but…" He finally stopped talking, and all I could do is stand there stupidly while he waited for me to answer. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a croak. What was I supposed to say to that? How was I supposed to decline without breaking his heart? And what if he asked why I didn't want to marry him? I couldn't say that I was in love with his brother. Maybe I was being vain, but that could start their rule off badly if I became the Helen of Troy. Only, you know, Rose of Narnia, and I wasn't kidnapped from my betrothed. Peter continued to wait for my answer, and finally I just said, "Peter, I feel…strongly for you too, but differently." Taking another breath and not looking him in the eyes, I went on. "I love you more like a really good friend, or brother, and as my king. But I don't think I'm ready for…marriage yet, if ever. I'm sorry," I couldn't look at him; I felt awful. I wanted to crawl under a rock. He said in a small voice, "Yeah, okay, of course. I understand completely…See you around, okay?" And then he turned and went back inside.
I stayed out on the balcony until the sun sank below the horizon. When its last golden rays were going and the sky was streaked with pink and purple, I heard someone approaching. At first I thought it was Peter, but when I turned and saw, my heart leaped. Edmund stepped out onto the small balcony and leaned casually against the rail, looking at me. "Hey," I said, and then remembering after a moment, "Your Majesty." One corner of his mouth turned up in a small smile. Then he asked me, "What have you been doing out here all evening, Rose? I haven't seen you at all. Peter said you'd been out here," I blushed as his chocolate eyes studied me. It felt like he could see right through me, knowing exactly why I was avoiding everyone out here. "I…just felt a little crowded, that's all." He didn't respond, just continued searching my face. Then he spoke softly. "Peter didn't seem himself after he talked to you. Did you two have some kind of fight?" I looked at my feet. "Rose. He's my brother. I deserve to know, don't you think?" He gave another half smile as I nodded. Taking a breath, I said, "He, uh, he told me he…he loves me. But I don't feel the same way about him." I glanced at Edmund to see his reaction. He was frowning, his eyebrows knitted together. "I hope you weren't too harsh," he said, and I could detect a hint of coldness, which was the last thing I needed. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I said, "N-No! Of course not, Edmund! I was as kind as I could be, but I guess he still didn't take it well." Edmund's expression softened and he nodded. "If you don't mind me asking, why exactly don't you feel the same way? He's the High King, he's good-looking, charming as can be…" He trailed off and I sensed a bit of a mocking tone in his voice. I wanted to shout, Because he's not you! But I couldn't because Edmund didn't feel the same about me, just like I didn't love Peter the way he apparently loved me. And even though I knew that, a small part of me hoped that I was wrong. But if he told me he didn't love me back, that part would die. "I think of him more as a brother. And my king. But not more than that, despite his charm. Now are you done with your questioning?" The last bit came out a little sharper than I had intended. I saw Edmund's eyebrows raise almost imperceptibly, and then he said cooly, "Yes, I'm done. Sorry. I have a bad habit for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong." Then he stood up straight and went back inside. After he disappeared among the still dancing Narnians, I buried my face in my arms, feeling sick. I felt a fat, hot tear roll down my cheek and drip onto my gown. I wiped my eyes, trying not to smear the ridiculous makeup the maids had put on, sniffed, and then crept up into my chamber.
After I had washed all of the makeup off of my face and let down my hair, I climbed into my bed under the soft sheets. Finally I could let my tears fall freely. Why can't it be Edmund instead of Peter? Why do I ruin everything, and manage to hurt everyone? I sobbed until I couldn't make anymore tears come, and until my nose was stuffy and my eyes were red and puffy. Then I finally fell asleep.