The next morning, after all of those nightmarish, surreal events and yet another sleepless night watching out for myself, I was called into Henry's office. It was eleven hundred hours when I was summoned by Radar, who was doing his daily runarounds, calling for all of the major officers and handing out the mail at the same time. I laid on my cot, shocked and without feeling as he came by with letters from Lorraine Blake, my mother and even Dean. Bubbling underneath was…nothing. There was barely anything left of me, those feelings of last night buried inside of me as I tried to battle one catastrophe after another.
I knew that it was about an hour before an afternoon of blood came through to the camp, with more blood on my hands and the pathway still being cleared for me in the misty darkness. There was to be more redness on my hands, on those white, gloved hands that skillfully reached over to help save yet another person's live. Yet, I could not stop it, either with the war or with my personal demons. It was to keep coming and coming until…until…until I am dead and gone.
Does it matter how anymore? Simmons will be coming for more and more and will never stop it until I am gone forever. Next, after me, it'll be Hawkeye and then Henry for sure because they are close and dear to me. Then, who knows who is next on his hit list? It could be Trapper and then Margaret and Frank or even Radar and Klinger and Father Mulcahy. I don't want anybody to get hurt, no matter how much I hate them. I do not even want the nurses in this tent or the next one to face the same things I've had to. I'd rather it be just me than anyone else.
Sighing and barely registering being asked to go to Henry's office, my mind thinking about the coming wounded, I took the mail from Radar and sat up. I knew that we had a short time before they came, for I-Corp phoned the hour before (again, news from Radar), to warn of an upcoming offensive. Seoul had been overrun by the North Koreans and we were pushing them back and forth, although the Communists seem to have control over the capital of the ROK. It was the last offensive before the next tradition holiday armistice, which might never come.
The capital of the ROK was being occupied by the co-called and we were still fighting, no matter what time of the year it was. I didn't think even the most joyous of holidays would stop the war, even for a while.
There were some days left before the end of the twelve days of Christmas with our orphans and the New Year of 1951. It was supposed to be another celebration with them for total cheer, and yet there I was, being summoned to Henry's office. To what end? He always called me and nothing much is accomplished exept for some arguing and maybe some jokes. Sure, we talk and have meetings and things are accomplished, albeit comically. However, when have they been good, save for me telling Henry the truth?
Sitting up, I stared at the door of the new nurses' tent while the others chattered and gossiped about their mail and what they received. Then, I sighed again. I did not really want to hear more news, but to hold onto the best of the night before. I put my own letters on top of my footlocker, not willing to open them just yet, and waited for the composure from my body to speak and to do so without having anyone detect anything wrong.
"What's going on, Radar?" I asked with mild indifference, not wanting to hear any bad news and bracing for it anyhow. "Why am I being called to Colonel Blake's office again?"
"There's, umm, good news," Radar answered carefully. He was not good about keeping secrets and a smile seemed to have betrayed his feelings that whatever he wanted to tell me was good news indeed.
"Unless there's peace to the war, Radar, I don't really wanna hear it…" I trialed in my sentence on purpose and then, seeing the company clerk's confused and youthful face, continued seriously. "Radar, just tell me. It's not like I'm going to be enthused about going 'home' because the Army will probably sent me elsewhere and not stateside. Even if I went 'home', I'd move out as quickly as I could. Just tell me."
"Geez, umm, Captain, the colonel told me not to tell you what I know and what he knows because he'll know what I told you already and it'll be known across the camp…Sir." Radar then smiled again, his talk spinning my head already. His confusing words whirled though and did not make much sense other than Henry was talking nervously and Henry being nervous can be either a good or bad thing.
"All right, all right…I'm up, I'm up. You don't need to persuade me further." I smiled as if I was happy to be hearing about good news and got up.
God, it hurt down there, between Simmons and then Hawkeye. The blood was trickling down my legs as I got up from my cot, to remind me of the night before, after Hawkeye had left me and expected me to come back. Hell, even my shoulder was hurting and it hadn't been bothering me since it came out of the sling the month before. After trying to fight back, I didn't think that weak spots would be used against me. I didn't think that fears would come true and render you without memories, without a clue as to what happened. I didn't think that the walk back into the darkness would be lonelier than I even realized.
The old hurts were coming back quickly and were reminding me somehow that my time was slowly running out. I was either going to win the war against this darkness and try to lift myself out of it or be dead by the next battle.
It had gotten colder outside, worse than ever before. It was ten degrees and dropping down in the mercury later that night. Grabbing another layer of clothing, to put underneath my coat quickly, I followed Radar outside into the cold and wind and to Henry's office. The both of us walked hurriedly too. We also had to keep sliding and falling, knowing that hell had truly frozen over as we scurried inside. Indeed, the cloudy skies above us were sleeting and not snowing. It was a hard, cold rain that made the ground more slippery.
It's bound to make tending to the wounded harder. Dammit!
Finally, Radar and I entered the office, closing the door quickly when the wind picked up, and it took the both of us to close the door and it took some effort (trust me). Turning around when we were finished, I saw Margaret, Frank, Hawkeye, Trapper and Klinger, waiting outside of Henry's office. Trapper and Hawkeye were huddled together snickering as were Margaret and Frank (except they were cuddling, not snickering). Klinger stood alone, wearing a pair of broken high heels (if I can call them that) and a female Army dress uniform and thick brown coat, his slip sliding down his legs. He was also holding his rifle in one hand, a parasol in the other.
Twirling the parasol inanely as he put down the rifle in a corner, Klinger came over to me, walking awkwardly in his broken pair of shoes. I almost backed away from him, startled by the pushiness of his actions, but stopped myself short and smiled, to hide the pain behind my eyes. I had to pretend that nothing happened last night, just as I told Hawkeye in Post-Op the night before (and explaining the bruises on my face were because I tripped and hit a shelf). I had to keep my secrets well.
"Captain, do you know what's going on?" Klinger asked me, his tone excited. "Did you hear what happened early this morning?"
"Radar said some mumble-jumble about not telling me something that he and Colonel Blake know, but nothing else," I answered feebly, shrugging my shoulders and still hoping that the blood would not show on my pants. I was worried because it was coming down into my boots and I could feel it.
"Seems like we're just having an office party then," Trapper said from his corner.
"If it is, then we need some wine," Hawkeye added with that mischievous grin of his. "This place is an ice box needing some of it. It could also hold it for a few more years if this morning isn't a good year."
"I've heard nothing last night, even in the latrine," Frank chimed in afterward, ignoring us and still holding onto Margaret. "Have you heard anything, Margaret?"
The head nurse, shivering even in Frank's arms, sighed. "Well, Corporal Klinger here said that there was some excitement last night after hitting the latrine…"
"And I hope he keeps his fly shut." The doors to Post-Op opened and Henry came in. He looked tired out from finishing up a shift and dealing with the mismanagement of MPs and Klinger the night before. "Oh, and Klinger, your slip is showing."
Klinger saluted, pulling the offending fabric up under his skirt as he took the parasol and lowered it, tucking it under his arms. "Thank you, Sir. Would you need me to stay here, Sir?"
"No, that would be all for now," Henry said casually. "You did a good job last night, even cleaning up the latrine and entertaining the MPs with a movie afterward. I didn't know you had something hidden in that collection of yours."
Klinger took the hint and left with his rifle and parasol, back into the cold and without indulging what the movie had been (Hawkeye and Trapper had been curious). He too had a hard time closing the door and Radar had to help him, the latter locking it before it swung open. Then, with the transvestite corporal gone, we all turned to Henry for the news we've been waiting for.
Henry sighed. "Come on everybody, let's head inside and talk. I have some good news."
"Has MacArthur surrendered?" Hawkeye asked, his eyes twinkling as we officers, plus Radar (after he made sure that the door was secured) went inside his office.
"Have the North Koreans sent us back our latrines?" Trapper questioned immediately afterward. "We sent them up for peace, remember?"
Henry sighed again as he went to sit by his desk. "After this morning's 'disgraceful' behavior and Major Burns' complaint about it, you two had better shut up."
I walked right next to Hawkeye and pulled up a seat between him and Trapper as we came before Henry's desk. Giving Hawkeye a questioning stare (and still hoping that my legs were not showing red), I received a smile as a reply. Hawkeye was giving me a face that said he'll tell me everything later and that I was sure to laugh. I was quite certain about the notions and left a smile on my face, in order to chase away that darkness, even if it was for a while.
When everybody was seated and settled, Henry finally started this meeting. "All right, everybody, like I've told Radar to tell you, but not tell you specifically what it is, I have good news. I know that he knew and knew not to tell you, unless I knew about it and told him to tell you, so here you are."
"Good speech, Henry," I said very sarcastically (and not in the mood for much more than common sense). I was soon clapping, amused by the nonsensical statement.
"Shut up, Captain!" Frank yelled at me.
Henry shot me a vicious look, telling me too to shut up and to keep my mordant comments to myself, and then continued. "So, everybody, to make this short meeting short, things are going smoothly to, umm, make this meeting short. So, this morning, after Corporal Klinger sacrificed his life and, not to mention, his other pair of high heel shoes and Scarlett O'Hara dress. Because of this heroic action, as well as entertaining the MPs who helped him with a movie from home, Major Daniel Simmons, also known as Jacob Zimmerman, was captured and manacled. He was handed to the MPs from HQ at oh five hundred hours this morning and now is on his way to Leavenworth. We don't have to wait another month or more for a pick-up."
"That's good news, Colonel!"Margaret exclaimed, her eyes glowing with a light that I had never seen before. "My nurses are safe at last!"
The news might have filled me with some sense of safety, although it was hallow. Oh, if only you knew, Margaret. If only you knew about last night, then you wouldn't be rejoicing this early. Or would you? Would you think I deserved such a fate, trice in a row? How would you feel, if one of your nurses was hiding such a disgraceful secret that might be the ruin of her once more? It could even be the ruin of her relationship too, for all you know, and that same man would be dancing away with another nurse.
"Yes indeed," Frank added, smiling. "Colonel, I told you that the extra MPs around the camp would help and it would result in a prisoner capture. The Army came through for us. And what happened? See? We're now safe from our domestic enemies and we can breathe easier, knowing that a known terrorist will be behind bars. Now, if you could please put this much effort into the camp, then we'd be safer."
"You mean, you and Hot Lips here will be safer," Hawkeye commented with another snicker.
"Considering you and McIntyre tarred and feathered the Holy Bible and pasted my mother's picture with mayonnaise and spam on the tent's ceiling, you would ask for more security on yourself and your belongings," Frank whined hotly. "You both not only wasted Army supplies, but also destroyed others' belongings. According to the regulations –"
"Psst, Frank," Trapper interrupted, "it wasn't us. It was the butler. He even told us that the mayonnaise and spam would make the picture stick better."
Despite my dark mood and worry about the blood, I laughed, to dispel the sickness in my mind and to chase way some of the darkness. I couldn't help it either. Nor did I try to stifle it, for I wanted to show Frank and Margaret another side to me, something they hoped the squash out of every nurse (or, I should say, personnel) around. It was a sense of humor that they were missing and one that I wasn't even going to hide.
Margaret gasped at the actions, stomping her foot as she sat, another temper tantrum surely coming. "Colonel, do you hear this disrespect?" she screeched.
"I do, Major, I do." Henry rubbed his forehead. "I'll process your complaints later with Major Burns. Radar, get the forms for that. Also, get the forms to request supplies, those forms that would ask for replacements for Klinger's dress and heels."
Radar was already gone, repeating everything that Henry ordered the moment before.
Frank then looked after Radar as he left, quickly forgetting what Hawkeye and Trapper had done earlier. He even ignored Margaret for a moment. "That little weasel knows too much," he said in a low voice.
"Well, that 'little weasel' also helps to run the camp," Henry commented, continuing to rub his forehead. "You're all dismissed except for Pierce, McIntyre and Morrison. Frank, see me later about your complaints."
"Yes, Sir, I will. You can count on that."
"I bet."
"You'll even have the forms in triplicate, signed and initialed."
"Of course, Frank. You're dismissed."
Frank and Margaret then got up from their seats and saluted Henry, who barely acknowledged them, as per usual. Both walked out together, entwining their arms together when they thought they were out of sight. However, it was obvious they were oblivious as we looked through the windows on the office doors, watching them passionately kiss before finally separating, Margaret going into Post-Op and Frank going outdoors, having difficulty unlocking the door and then closing it due to the wind.
Henry sighed again and got up, going to his cabinet and taking out four glasses and a bottle of liquor. Sitting down again and pouring the alcohol into each glass, he handed them out, asking Hawkeye and Trapper, "Ok, you two…why did you do it?"
Giggling again as I picked up my glass and drank deeply (to forget my troubles once more, to forget that I had a puddle of blood in my boots), I listened to Hawkeye answer. My mind was still wandering back into the exile and trying to hang on for a little while longer, in order to feel once more. However, the alcohol winked at me to drink it, to make it all oblivion, and I had to oblige. I needed more and more and more…
"Frank didn't follow the new commandment," Hawkeye said, laughing.
"What new commandment?" Henry sipped from his own glass gently.
"Thou shall not complaineth to the commanding officer," Trapper added, laughing as well.