I blew out some air from my mouth, frustrated. I had been sitting in the VIP tent for some time (a few hours, I think), conversing with Major Sidney Freedman. A few days after my drunken stupidity at Rosie's Bar (of which I'll never hear the end of from Henry, the lectures beginning as soon as I was barely sober in the Swamp), Henry had ordered me to talk with the major. I agreed to do so, seeing it as nothing more than conversing with someone that was slowly becoming a nice friend. I went into his tent after Major Freedman sat with me in the Mess Tent earlier in the day, asking me to join him in his temporary quarters after my lunch was eaten. Of course, I could not object and accepted his offer of friendship, knowing that some devious conspiring was in the air, friend to the guys or not. We talked during lunch of course, which lead to more intimate details to be indulged later on.

I was right to be careful for now (naturally) and avoided everything that had to do with my life when I asked what was going on. I talked in circles for a while and kept quiet other times, allowing Major Freedman to talk instead. Whether everything I said confused the major, I could not tell just yet. He was a master at controlling his feelings (especially at poker, from what I've seen, screwing Sam Pak out of fifty dollars already) and only wrote a note or two on a notepad when he felt it was appropriate.

Major Freedman was kind to me, as he is with all of the people he talks with. Prodding at me to talk about my troubles and doubts that whole time, he tried probing into my mind, finding the root of the problems I seem to have (supposedly). In the end, he found out that my family was just plain crazy (even Henry), in the most dysfunctional sense, and that there was nothing to be done about it. Otherwise, he saw that there was nothing more to it and that the best solution for me was to leave my family behind (save for Dean) and to move on. I didn't need to see them anymore.

Hell, and I had come up with that solution time and again. Nobody needed to tell me that. I just to keep them closer. The old saying Flagg had was, above all, to keep your friends closer and your enemies the closest. It could have been the other way around (it was Flagg after all), but the training course specifically said that.

"I can't say that the Army is the best place for you to be right now, considering everything," the major added. "Of course, with holes in your records and only the words of the people who know and love you, I can't say much else. Captain, you don't talk to too many people. Only Hawkeye and Henry have been able to get anything out of you and only sometimes. I barely have anything out of you. Why is that? Why talk to a few selected people? Are you too distrustful of everyone here?"

I hesitated, like every other time he's asked me a question, and sighed, answering as carefully as I could. "Major, you can call me Jeanie, first of all, like I've been telling you this whole time. Secondly, I don't know the answer to any of your questions without having time to think about it. It's not like I've had the luxury of having that in my life."

Major Freedman raised an eyebrow. I think he understand the concept well enough.

I paused, then sighing. "I've known Henry for a long time now, almost twenty years. Well, I was maybe ten when we first met and that was about the last time my mother and stepfather moved us and finally decided to settle down. I don't remember, it's been too long. And Hawkeye…well, if you hear anything from Dean and Henry, you'll know the story about Falk and what I was doing, living in the middle of one side of Berlin, West Germany. They – Falk and Hawkeye – are too much alike and I fell in love."

Major Freedman kept his eyebrow raised, as if interested as well as understanding now. "You mean to tell me that you fell in love with another person with the same characteristics?"

"Yes and no," I replied, talking more easily than ever more. "It's not that I imagine Hawkeye as Falk, but that the two seem to be almost the same, like the former love sent me the latter. Well, it's skeptical of course. Father Mulcahy can answer that question for me if I asked." I then laughed, hollow and bitter, in many ways (mostly at the absurdity of the idea of an afterlife for humanity, briefly remembering the family curse for a second). "Major, we've been in circles for three hours now. Why are bothering to talk with me? There's nothing wrong with me."

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to ask questions." Major Freedman smiled. "You can call me Sidney, if you want. And if you want your answer, why don't we talk it out? See if you can figure it out."

"Other than having so many issues in my life and no stable figure, so to speak, and being in a war zone, I can't see anything else wrong with me." I shook my head. "Well, there was Henry and his wife and kids. He wanted a life of his own eventually, so I left the area just before I turned eighteen. It's been over ten years now. Some time ago, I still want him to talk to me like he used to, but he's not readily available all the time. And with the war on our doorstep all the damned time, it's tough to talk to him, especially when he's upset and we're working around the clock. There's a camp to run. There I was at the beginning, alone once more, and seeing another person as the 'love of my life' again."

"What else?" Sidney gently prompted.

"Unsolved issues in my life keep popping up, especially with the former Major Simmons, I've noticed recently." I sighed again. "I feel like history is being repeated again, especially seeing as how I acted the same way I did when my stepfather was molesting me and that I was unwillingly cheating on Hawkeye three times and –"

I stopped suddenly and gasped, putting my hands to my mouth. I didn't realize what I had done until the words poured out of my mouth. I wasn't supposed to let those secrets out, but there they were. Someone else now knew what happened and the darkness had spread out to another person. Another had known of the agony and would either shrug the burden off of their shoulders or take it upon themselves.

Sidney only looked at me, stoic and not showing any emotion whatsoever. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked me quietly, knowing what I was talking about instantly.

"No," I whispered. "Don't tell them…please don't tell. I don't want them to know. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. Please don't! Hawkeye will be devastated and won't talk to me again. Henry will be disappointed in me." I was pleading at that point, so pathetic did I sound and almost like a child too. "Sidney, don't tell them please."

Major Freedman – Sidney – only continued to stare at me, thinking and not writing anything down, like he did before. Slowly though, he explained. "I will not. It'll have to be your decision when to tell Henry and Hawkeye or whoever else you trust. You have to trust yourself to be honest with them and to tell them exactly what happened. However, it has to be when you're ready, not when they are. They themselves have to be prepared for the worst, since they already have heard what was thought to be the worst of your life."

Sidney paused, thinking it seemed, and the words almost came like there was no thought to them, but wise knowledge of the known world. "Already, Jeanie, you've suffered from abuse, rape, molestation, death, disappointment, love, loneliness and even from alcoholism, if you want to admit to it. You can't deny anymore that you've had more than your fair share of the negative side of life. However, you've braved through it for years and now, you seem to relieve yourself by telling others finally. You have a positive in your life."

"Yeah, like it helps to make anything better," I pointed out, recovered enough from my shock as I put my hands back in my lap, acting somewhat like what a lady is supposed to, or so my mother said it was.

"It seems to. Just keep at it. It's helping you obviously and you're opening up to others you barely know."

"But that was only to Hawkeye…"

"Who you barely knew from the start."

"He has an aura of trust around him. He's childish, selfish and even insane. I can't deny that."

"That's Hawkeye though. You hardly knew him and still trusted him with more secrets than anyone could keep."

Before I could reply (I had a sarcastic remark ready to whip out again), I heard the familiar PA announcement, something I had been waiting for since the poker games began some days before. "Attention, all personnel! It's now thirteen hundred hours and lunchtime is over. We have wounded on the compound, coming on the ambulance, chopper, bus and jeep. All shifts are required for this one, on the double! We're in for a long haul!"

I got immediately from my seat, springing into action. "Want to scrub up and help us?" I asked Sidney as he put his paperwork down.

"If I'm needed," Sidney replied as I immediately ran out without thought, switched into a more professional mood, to join the crowds coming in from all sections of the camp.

I caught up with Hawkeye instantly on my way out, helping him with a wounded man at a jeep, whimpering in pain from a wound in the leg. Behind me, a bus came by, Frank jumping in to determine who went in first and complaining that all it held was North Koreans and Chinese and all of them heading to a POW camp anyway. Another bus was supposed to be there, but it was missing. Throughout the chaos, the worst was feared for it and Radar had to call around to see where it went.

"This one can wait," I heard Hawkeye say to the medic nearby. "Get him to Pre-Op though. Where's the other damned bus? Jeanie, help the medic here get Sergeant Thompson here into Pre-Op and come meet me at the last bus, wherever the hell it decides to come. For all I know, it could be turned over in the creek or blown up."

"Sure, Hawkeye," I replied, all in one word, going for the stretcher as Hawkeye ran in the opposite direction, where the missing bus was coming in slowly enough, the driver avoiding the icy sheets of mud on the ground.

However, as soon as I turned around to help the medic with the wounded man and take one end of the stretcher, I felt the blood drain from my face. I was very dizzy and nauseous and felt like I wanted to faint. The feeling lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to waste time and precious lives. I didn't need it happening now, pushing it away and shaking my head. It was enough to get the medic's attention though. His face showed me that he was concerned about me turning chicken on him. I knew that I had to be strong, for him and the rest of them.

"Captain, are you all right over there?" he asked me, still concerned.

"Yes, Sir," I answered quickly, the feeling of sickness rushing out as quickly as it came to me. "Let's get this man into Pre-Op and let Major Houlihan look him over before the next batch."