DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Stargate characters, ideas or themes. They all belong to MGM. I'm just playing with them a little.
Summary: Every possibility, every choice I had ever made, even choices I hadn't, led to an entirely different life until I could no longer tell reality from its alternates.
Rating: T
Spoilers: Every which way from Sunday. The entire Stargate franchise is open season.
Author's Note: Daniel's POV, cuz I love writing for him. Ok, I'm trying this again and this will be a longer one. ME EAT REVIEWS FOR BREAKFAST. So keep me healthy and well-nourished. Thank you.
Title: The Many Paths of Daniel Jackson
By: Every Me Every You
Chapter 4: Fine
This was uncomfortable.
I looked across the heavy, polished wood table of the briefing room at General Landry, who was sitting at the opposite head of the table. Beside him to his left was Dr. Lam, followed by Mitchell and Teal'c, who were closest to me. On the other side of me was Jack, Sam and as far away from me as possible, Vala. Her feet were planted firmly on the edge of the chair, her legs pulled up to her chest, held tightly there by her arms.
I was trying desperately to forget that last vision I had had in the hours between my encounter with Vala in reality and my time in the briefing room. In that vision I had never met Vala on the Prometheus and had instead spent my time in Atlantis. However, I later discovered that Col. Reynolds had struck up some sort of relationship with Vala. Apparently, she had learned more about the Tau'ri and through a series of complex deals and unwarranted trust on Reynolds' part, managed to swindle them out of a large sum of loot and bring the Lucian Alliance crashing down on Earth. With no Ori to hunt, Earth focused on the Alliance as it's primary enemy. Vala's actions had managed to destroy the SGC and effectively cut off all communications with Earth. She had assisted Natan and Anateo in tearing apart the Tau'ri structure from the inside out. When I had returned home on the Daedalus it was to a rotten shell of a planet caused by an all-out war between the Lucian Alliance, the Trust, and the SGC. And Vala had brought the whole thing down on our heads.
I knew that my Vala would never do something so sinister. That things here had to be different. But it was so hard to see that clearly with Earth's rubble so fresh in my mind.
In the vision I hadn't known more about her than a name. Here, I knew so much more. Still, the newfound complete trust that the Odyssey vision had brought had been tempered quite a bit by this new view. Either way, I had made a secret vow to never discuss that one with anybody. It wouldn't do anyone any good.
It was then that I realized that every single person sitting around the table was staring expectantly at me.
"OK…um…it seems that I'm starting to see things…" I started uncomfortably.
"Meaning you're wonko?" Vala jumped in.
I rolled my eyes dramatically. "No. Whenever I go to sleep, I've been seeing…living…gah! I don't how to explain this!"
"You know how to explain all of the many ridiculous things you have explained in the 12 years I've known you, but this is lost on you?" Jack asked.
I took a deep breath. He had a point. I could explain my way around anything. Well, almost anything. But whatever I couldn't, Sam certainly could.
"I fall asleep and I have dreams about what I think are alternate timelines," I spit out finally.
"Dreams?" Sam asked.
"Not dreams, visions," I attempted again. "I live the alternate timelines. I can't change anything, although that might just be because I don't really know I'm in them when I'm in them, so I don't really try. When I'm there, they seem like real life. It's when I wake up that things feel off."
"And this started after you touched the ancient doohickey?" Jack questioned. "How many times have I told you to stop touching things?"
"This was worse Jack," Vala grinned. "He leaned on it like a table. Very careless, Daniel."
"Careless you say?" Jack asked. "Would that have something to do with the reason why you were planning to leave SG-1?"
"Yes," I answered defiantly. "It could be that I wasn't thinking because I need a break. And just what in the hell are you doing here anyway, Jack?" I was not in the mood for the fun and games the arrival of General O'Neill tended to bring.
"Mitchell contacted me the minute your breakfast confession was over to get me to talk you out of it."
My gaze whipped in his direction.
"What?" Mitchell shrugged. "You know I want to keep the band together. Ain't no secret."
"And Jack pulled me off of the Hammond so I could talk you out of this crazy idea of yours," Sam grinned at me.
"Crazy?" I grumbled. "Didn't seem so crazy when you and Jack decided to leave, did it?"
"I do not believe you will find the happiness you are seeking if you depart in the manner you have suggested," Teal'c interjected.
I narrowed my eyes and turned to my right. "E tu, Teal'c?"
The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "You should not be angry with ColonelMitchell for contacting O'Neill and ColonelCarter. They would have returned to the SGC as soon as they learned of your illness."
"In a second," Sam confirmed with a nod.
I took a moment to glare at him further before I returned my attention to General Landry. "Anywhoo, I wasn't sure that what I was living through was an alternate timeline. I went through one timeline in which I never answered Jack's tissue box message and another where Ba'al went back in time and changed everything…by destroying the Stargate as it was transported by boat. Only Mitchell, Sam and I remained unchanged by the timeline because we had been gating away at the time. He killed Jack before he made it to the 'Gate, and, in the new timeline Ba'al was poised to conquer Earth with Teal'c as his First Prime. And…" I trailed off, suddenly realizing how little I wanted to say the next part out loud. But my eyes locked onto Vala against my will, and she picked up on my hesitation.
"What?" She frowned. "What happened to me?"
I looked down at the table, suddenly finding the ridges in the wood to be remarkably interesting to me. "Ba'al took Quetesh as his queen. She betrayed Ba'al. Her Jaffa killed everyone except for Mitchell, who made it through and supposedly reset the timeline." Sure, I had lied a little. She didn't need to know that she had been the one to end my life.
"So you got to meet Quetesh?" Vala asked and I tore my eyes away from the table for long enough to see that she had paled considerably.
"Wasn't easy," I answered before I could stop myself. To cover, I looked around the rest of the room. "None of it was. Watching everyone die. And it all seemed real enough that I could remember minute details of my life in the year I spent there. That was when I rushed off to Dr. Lee's office."
I watched understanding dawn in Vala's eyes. I could tell what she was thinking. She now understood why I had acted so strangely towards her.
"I didn't know what it was," I continued, struggling against the need to rush to protect her that had grown out of reliving the Odyssey journey. That was becoming more and more of a convenient explanation. "I was confused. And then I passed out and relived those fifty years in the time dilation field, and I knew I had to speak to Teal'c and get down to the bottom of things once and for all. I finally had experienced something that somebody could prove. And now that I've confirmed it with Teal'c and the translation, I need help figuring out how to make it stop. We need to turn off the device."
"I agree," General Landry nodded thoughtfully. "Dr. Lam?"
"He seems to be in perfect health other than the fainting spells, which only seem to occur when he's experiencing one of those visions," she sighed. "Dr. Jackson and I argued from the infirmary to the briefing room on how to handle this, and I believe I may have given in. He wants to be able to work as much as possible towards translating the writing on the device. Seeing as how there really is nothing I can do for his condition, I am agreeing to allow this."
I sighed a huge sigh of relief and grinned widely. "Thank you Dr. Lam."
She spoke over me. "On the condition that the minute he starts feeling fatigued, which is the first sign before he has one of these episodes, he is to lay down and rest until the feeling has passed. Dr. Jackson, if I have to scrape you off the floor and you weren't even attempting to rest, you will be tied to an infirmary bed until we get this figured out."
"Yes ma'am," I smiled shyly, a little embarrassed by the admonishment.
"Don't worry," Mitchell jumped in. "He won't ignore your orders because he will not be alone until this thing is over. We're each going to take turns to make sure he's following directions."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm aware that this is a newsflash, but I'm a grown man."
"Actually Mitchell," Jack smiled, "you took the words right out of my mouth."
"Yeah, well I've gotten to know our Action Jackson over the last coupla years, and I would like to think I know better than to expect him to stop working…ever."
"Come on guys!" Daniel shouted.
General Landry smiled, "Dr. Jackson, I think you need to learn to accept the fact that your friends know what's best for you."
"I fully agree with chaperones," Dr. Lam added. "You have been known to ignore me on occasion. I also want you to come in for evaluations twice a day so I can be sure your health is being maintained."
"Me first," Sam claimed me, like I was the last piece of pie in the mess hall. "I have to analyze the device and it stands to reason that Daniel should be there so I can start to look into his connection to it. So, it makes the most sense that he should stay with me in the lab."
"Oh, should he?" I groused. "Is that what he should do?" I glared at all of them. I could feel myself beginning to deflate. This was equal parts horrifying and exactly what I had been complaining about when I had decided to leave. I hated that everyone was moving on with their lives and I was stagnant. Now they were all back with me and my life couldn't seem to stop moving and I simply wanted it all to end. Be careful what you wish for.
"Daniel, you are way grumpier than usual," Vala noted before turning to Dr. Lam. "Is that a side effect?"
"No! I'm fine!" It was the lie I always told. The lie that usually kept them at bay. This time I found I was still staring at everyone's concerned faces. I added apologetically, "I just…what's going on in my head is tiring. And if you haven't guessed, I'm not having a good time seeing everything I'm seeing. So, without any further argument, why don't I just go with Sam to her office and start working on the device. She can monitor me, I can translate, and if I start to feel funny, feel free to attempt to hit me very hard in the head so maybe I miss this round of 'This Is Your Life'."
"I don't think that's how it works Daniel," Sam smiled, "but I'm sure someone here will want to hit you anyway. We'll call them when the time comes."
I looked to Vala who waved saucily at me and then returned my gaze to Sam, smiling widely and shrugging my shoulders all the way up to my cheeks.
"Is there anything the rest of us can do while you work?" Teal'c asked.
Sam winced at me. "Well, I could use Vala's intuitive technical abilities. So she'll be working with us, Daniel."
"Good," I nodded, "I could use some of her assistance with translating. She's picked up quite a lot in her time here." I smiled at her, an offer of peace.
She seemed to take it. "Cameron, I could put you in touch with the person who directed me to the tablet I brought with me when I first came here. He had the goods on an Alteran treasure before. Perhaps he can be of some use."
"Great," Mitchell chuckled without any hint of humor. "I get stuck with your friends."
"T," Jack offered. "You talk to Bra'tac, See what you can dig up. I will, unfortunately, contact the Tok'ra."
"Yay!" Vala clapped her hands together sarcastically.
"This is nobody's walk in the park, princess," Mitchell pointed out. " 'Specially not his." He motioned back at me.
"Yes. we all know how traumatic this has been for him," Vala acknowledged and it was meant to be a biting comment, but it fell flat.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Look, are we ready to go? Every second talking about this is another second closer to God-knows what kind of timeline."
"Yes, you may have to be involved with me again," Vala snapped, rising to her feet. "Frightening."
"Or I may get to watch you kill me again!" I had meant to comfort her. To reassure her. But I was on edge. I wasn't sure what was coming next and what if there was no way to shut this thing off? The words had spilt from my mouth before I could stop them, as they always tended to with her. Our arguments were always so rapid fire, it couldn't be helped.
"Oh." Her face fell.
Silence. Now that was a strange thing coming from her.
"As fun as this is not, all good things must come to an end," Landry shook his head. "Colonel Mitchell, take SG-3 with you to meet with Vala's contact. I will call together a briefing the minute any new information is acquired. People – let's do this as quickly and efficiently as possible. Dismissed."
That was all I needed. I was up, out of my chair and well on my way to the lab before Sam could even begin to say my name. I made my way over to her office without ever looking back and didn't stop moving until I was seated in front of the offending object, perched on a stool with Sam seated beside me.
My head was pounding. I hadn't slept, really slept, in days. My body had rested but my mind – my mind had been all over the place. I turned to look at Sam who was supposed to be working on figuring out how the device worked. Instead, she was giving me a look. A look I knew.
"I'm fine," I shook my head. "Where's Vala?"
"Setting Cam up with her contact," Sam answered eyeing me critically. "Are you?"
"Yes. I'm fine. I just want to solve this," I removed my glasses and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "I really don't want to know what the next one will be."
"Pretty bad huh?" Sam placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Bad," I answered, returning my glasses to my face and bending over the artifact. "But not that bad. Not as bad as I'm sure it can get. Sam, I've had so many regrets and near misses in my life…I do not want to see them all played out for me. Would you?"
Sam seemed to ponder that for a moment before sighing heavily. "Let's get to work, huh?"
And I smiled, knowing she got the point. Then I did as she commanded.
Work lasted about two hours before I began to feel a little shaky. I had uncovered a couple of things in my translations. Apparently, one day, the inhabitants of the planet we found the device on managed to suddenly ascend. They had been working on this through the traditional methods for a great deal of time and had suddenly accomplished their task. I thought I was getting a connotation from their choice of words that those left behind didn't trust their methods. It felt like they believed that some kind of supernatural, Oma-style assistance had been offered. Those remaining had decided that they wished to start figuring out why they weren't taken and pursuing that goal. How they were going to do it was somehow tied up in the device, but I was having a little trouble getting to it.
"Sam!" I called for her attention and her head popped up from under the device, where she had managed to pop open the hinges along the side so she could analyze the crystals inside.
"What's wrong?" Sam asked, but took one look at the fact that I was pretty sure my eyes were swimming and rushed around the artifact to grab me by my arm.
"Damn it! I don't want to do this again," I complained as she led me to the couch in the corner of the lab that each of us had crashed on at one point or another.
"I know Daniel, but I'm getting somewhere," Sam smiled. "I'm beginning to understand how the thing works which will give me an understanding of how to turn it off. Well, not how it works so much as what makes it work. How it works would imply I could even begin to understand how you are seeing alternate timelines. That shouldn't be possible."
"Shouldn't be?" I smiled weakly as the dizziness began to take over. I laid myself down on the couch. "If only…"
"Jack suggested I just smash the thing, but who knows how that would turn out," she smiled.
"Jack?" I raised my eyebrow. "You never call him Jack!"
"Um," she shrugged, "about that…"
And then I was asleep.
Libraries. I'd spent at least ¼ of my life in one. Probably much more. I never expected to be spending my life as an ascended being in one, but I guess you never really do know how things are going to turn out.
I never understood why we played these games. We had all of the knowledge and understanding of the world and yet we sat here in diners and libraries and watched the universe as though it was a television show. Something that we should be kept apprized of without ever actually participating in. We had so much knowledge and it was all so much bigger than SG-1, but I, like Oma, couldn't help but take an interest in the individual people.
Now that I had access to all of the ins and outs of every civilization, all of the grand questions I could ever want answered, only the small things seemed important to me anymore. The others keep telling me that was not the way it's supposed to work.
That's what had gotten me locked up in here to begin with.
I interfered with Jack. I interfered with Teal'c. I interfered by trying to kill Anubis. Three strikes and I was out – brought in for a little talking to by one Oma Desala and some of the others. That was when I had discovered the mistake that was Anubis and the punishment it had merited Oma. And I had gotten angry. Of course I had gotten angry. Oma had made a mistake and not only was she being punished for it, but the entire galaxy was being laid to waste. I argued and I was asked a question.
I could have gone with my initial instinct and lied. When they asked me what I was going to do from this point forward, I could have claimed to understand their policy of non-interference. Then I could have returned to human form and fought this battle in a way where I could actually make a difference.
Instead, I lashed out in a fit of temper, self-righteousness (those were mine), courage and hubris (those I had learned from Jack). I told the others that there was no way I was going to ignore the plight of the lower beings. I told them exactly what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it.
It was something akin to pleading guilty in a trial. I had virtually sentenced myself. The others didn't want to allow me to do what I wished to do so they couldn't allow me to run loose. Instead, they assigned me to this old dust covered musky smelling library. There were a few of them waiting outside, in case I tried to escape, ready to engage me in a battle neither of us could ever win.
So, all I had was everything inside, which were only things of the past, nothing of the present or the future, nothing I could taint with my interference.
I read. Soaked up everything I could. Got to know those I had loved better. Learned some things about others that I had never known. Absorbed their past history, as though I was reading books about their lives.
Those close to me, I read about over and over again. I would read through all of them and then read about someone new. And each time I read about them, more filled the book. The others were allowing me more and more information on them.
And then one day, I picked up Sam's book, excited to find a new chapter at the end. And when I got to the end it was only to discover that Anubis had managed to discover the device on Dakara, the one that had been used to seed life in the galaxy, and he had turned it on everybody, effectively destroying all life.
Sam was dead. Her book was over. They were all dead.
That was the last time I read any books in that library. It was also the day that Oma joined me there.
My eyes worked very hard to open and when they did, the fluorescent lights above me in the lab assaulted my eyes and caused me to force them shut again.
"Sam?" I coughed, my voice dry and raspy.
"She stepped out with Vala to get you some dinner," Jack's voice answered. "How you doin'?"
"Dinner? God what time is it?" I asked.
"Well, you didn't sleep the entire day away. Just a few hours this time."
"That's odd, considering," I shrugged and then made another attempt to open my eyes, wincing as the light sent spikes of pain through my brain.
"Considering?" Jack prodded.
"I just lived an alternate timeline as an ascended being," I answered, trying to sit up a little and being treated to a healthy dose of nausea. "It's spotty. I guess I couldn't have remembered all of it. It was too much knowledge. But I remember enough to know that when I didn't come back, it didn't go well for us."
"Well, we keep trying to tell you we need you around, Danny boy!" He teased, helping me right myself on the couch. "What's wrong?"
"Headache. Nail in the head variety," I grumbled, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands.
"Not what I meant," He nudged my shoulder slightly with his own. "This kinda crap happens to us all the time. I'm talking about before that. What has you running, spacemonkey?"
I lifted my head up slightly to look at him. He was serious. Damn him.
"I've known you longer than anybody else," Jack reminded me, as though I needed reminding. "You believe in the Stargate program. You live for what you learn here. What's going on?"
I looked at him. Tried to assess whether he was anywhere near making fun of me for anything. Opened my mouth to speak.
"Daniel!" Sam rushed into the room fresh off of a laugh she was clearly sharing with Vala. "You're awake."
"Um…yes," I agreed. I mouthed "Later" to Jack and then stood, making my way back to the artifact, albeit a little unsteadily.
Vala rushed forward and wrapped an arm around my waist for support before I even realized I needed it. "Are you sure you're up for this?"
The worry in her eyes made me smile. "No, not really. But I'm not going to pass out right now and unfortunately, it's not going to translate itself."
Vala pursed her lips and eyed me worriedly, but didn't argue. "Let me help you then?"
I guessed that our latest unspoken war was over, ending how most of them did – without ever talking them out, without ever discussing why we were arguing and without ever solving much of anything. For people who tackled huge trials in which the fate of the galaxy was in jeopardy, it didn't seem we had a clue on how to tackle either of our personal problems. One day we would need to work on that. Right now, as ever, I didn't have the time. So I guessed.
We settled into a rhythm. Jack cracked jokes to lighten the mood as Sam tested some energy readings she was getting off of the device that she didn't seem to understand. She was trying to understand what kind of energy it was, or something like that. My head may not have hurt so much that I didn't understand the translation, but it did hurt more than enough to dissuade me from even trying to understand one of Sam's explanations.
With Vala's help, grabbing references to throw at me (sometimes literally…and…ow…), I had managed to get through another significant portion of the text in the three or four hours that followed.
This was the part that made me want to scream. After a great deal of blathering on and on, the text finally began to make a great deal of sense to me. A religious cult. A religious cult had tampered with a perfectly good Alteran device and made it into a damaging, brain melting piece of equipment. No wonder they hadn't ascended. Those that attempted to gain worship through false promises were the lowers of all the lowers. That was why Anubis' ascension had been such a blight on our record.
Our record. For a moment there I had forgotten I wasn't an ascended being.
The room began to spin and I gripped the table roughly, struggling to keep my balance.
"Time to lay down, darling," Vala advised, grabbing me around my waist again and, with Jack's help, propelling me towards the couch.
As my head hit the pillow, I noticed Vala shooing Jack away. I pretended I didn't.
"Don't worry Daniel. I will try to use what you've been working on to get me a little further into the text. You just rest."
"I don't rest," I frowned. "It's like being awake even when you're sleeping. I feel like crap." My voice sounded rough and weighted with fatigue.
Her hand reached out and pressed against my cheek. She smiled at me.
"Are we okay?" I asked, simply. My detachment with this timeline was increasing. I didn't have time to get too far into it, but I needed to know before I went, even if my brain was at war as far as which Vala to believe in.
"I'm fine. We're fine. I can't say I'm not curious to know all of the many things you are thinking right now, but I'm fine."
She was full of it again. Any version of Vala I met could tell me that. Still, the fact that she felt the need to lie right now made me feel like I had been correct in trusting her to begin with.
I leaned forward and whispered in her ear, ignoring the shiver I could feel passing through her as I did.
"Vala, I hate to admit it, but I'm scared to fall asleep. I just need this to stop. The possibilities of what I could see are already starting to get to me. Please, don't leave, okay? Please stay with me until I wake up again?" I asked her, and my hand was grasping hers as tightly as it could without hurting her. I hated how desperate I sounded.
"Of course, Daniel," she nodded. "Whatever you need."
As I began to fade, I could hear Jack asking if I was really alright.
Vala responded by reciting our well-worn lie once again, only this time she seemed like she was trying to convince herself. "He's going to be fine, Jack. He's going to be fine."