DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Stargate characters, ideas or themes. They all belong to MGM. I'm just playing with them a little.
Summary: Every possibility, every choice I had ever made, even choices I hadn't, led to an entirely different life until I could no longer tell reality from its alternates.
Rating: T
Spoilers: Every which way from Sunday. The entire Stargate franchise is open season. Can't really warn you cuz that would ruin the surprise, now wouldn't it?
Author's Note: This one is going to be a tad confusing, so bear with me. You might have a 'wait a minute' moment, but I guarantee, there were no typos in here, so just hang on for the ride. ;)
Also, I wanted to thank you all for all of the great reviews. They've been a great encouragement to me! Keep 'em coming! :)
Title: The Many Paths of Daniel Jackson
By: Every Me Every You
Chapter 7: Dreams in the Waking World
The briefing table. Again. How many times had I sat at this table? When I thought about it, it felt like billions of times. Of the realities I'd lived through where I had actually joined the SGC, each probably involved thousands of times of me sitting at this table. This was the first time I could think of that I had sat at this table as Vala's hand gripped mine underneath it.
It had only been the night before that I had confessed my love to her but it felt like a lifetime. The confession had managed to bring a more serene lifetime into focus, one of the rare ones in which I understood what was happening and when we stumbled on Vala's homeworld early in my travels with the SGC, I found an innocent Vala, untouched by Quetesh, living a simple life as a wife to the man she had been betrothed to before the demon had taken her. They had children. A life – a relatively normal one. It had been oddly comforting. Despite the fact that I would never be with her, despite the fact that I lived out the rest of my life buried in books and, eventually on Atlantis, it was a good vision because all of the torture that Quetesh had brought to her life and all the changes it had made to who she was had never happened there.
If it was even possible, seeing her at her most innocent, a loving wife and mother who took us in when we came to town, put us up in her home and cared for me when my allergies raged out of control thanks to a local flower, made me love her even more – even if I couldn't show her that until I came back to the reality I was currently in now.
I wanted to say 'my reality' but I wasn't really sure that was the case anymore. With every day that passed, they all felt just as real as this one.
All concerned eyes at the table were focused on me, as I bounced my leg twitchily under the table.
"Wouldja stop that Daniel?" Jack finally piped up. "You're making everybody nervous."
"They weren't nervous already?" I asked with humor. Everybody had been vibrating with nervous energy before they had even sat down to this meeting. I was simply the only person expressing it.
"Alright," Landry called the meeting to order. "What new information do we have?"
"There is some good news and I'm going to keep it simple because I know Daniel has enough flying around in his head without my mumbo jumbo adding to it," Sam smiled at me.
"Is that all we need?" Mitchell teased, "Sign me up for some alternate realities if it saves me from some Sam speak!" He winked at her and Jack glared at him.
I knew Cam was just joking. I knew he was nervously trying to lighten the mood. I still couldn't help my nasty response to that statement. "Right. Does this look like fun to you?" I snapped through gritted teeth, only to feel Vala pinch the back of my hand. "Ow!" I grabbed my hand from hers, effectively blowing our attempt at being covert about the handholding. "Quit it!"
"Daniel!" She scolded, looking around the table. I followed her gaze and observed the faces of everyone in the room that were staring at us, waiting for an explanation. A small smile played across Teal'c lips.
"What?" I asked, challenging anyone to question me. I was not in the mood. I took her hand in mine again, this time putting it on top of the briefing table for everyone to see.
"Anyway," Sam sighed, her eyebrows rising all the way up her forehead as she questioned me with her eyes. "I've got a handle on an energy frequency that is emitting from the device and is locked onto Daniel's energy signature. If I can just find a way to produce a negating frequency to that one I should be able to…" She took in the blank faces of everyone watching her.
"Think of noise cancelling headphones," Vala helped, clearly the only person with any patience left. I looked to her and smiled. The closeness we had established the night before seemed to have done wonders for her rejuvenation. I on the other hand took comfort in her presence whenever I could get it. In whatever timeline.
"Right. Those work by emitting a sound wave that mimics the incoming noise 180 degrees out of phase with the intruding sound wave, thus cancelling out the sound altogether. We will be creating a cancelling energy signature that we will broadcast in order to block the signal emitting from ever reaching Daniel. Then we can shut off the device and remove the energy crystals powering it."
"Why can we not simply remove the crystals immediately?" Teal'c asked, shaking his head.
"We tried that once before. The device reacts. The minute we get close to the crystals, the device emits a stronger frequency with higher compressions and lower rarefactions. And that has a resulting effect on Daniel's visions," Sam admitted with a grimace.
"What? When?" I asked.
"When we tried to simply remove the crystals last week, you woke up in the lab and claimed you were aware in your visions," Sam nodded. "The fluctuations jumped while I was trying to unlock the crystals and free them from the device."
"That's right. One of my translation implied that if we remove them in the wrong order or shut down the device in the wrong way, we may risk the chance of me being stuck in a vision and unable to rouse myself out of it. I'd be trapped in the alternate timeline." I explained. "I haven't, however, gotten to the part of the translation that explains what the right order is." I tilted my head and shrugged.
"Of course not," Landry shook his head.
"That's why I'd rather be sure Daniel's visions stop before I disable it. If I can manage that we won't risk the same mistake twice. Ever since we tried to remove those crystals the fluctuations have remained somewhat higher. Unfortunately, my fiddling with the device has probably increased the intensity and number of the timelines he is accessing. Or at least there is a direct correlation between the two."
"We caused this?" Vala asked, clearly alarmed by the idea. I was on the same exact page.
"We exacerbated an existing problem," Sam corrected. "The fluctuations were rising at a constant rate, meaning we would have gotten to the extreme level Daniel has been at eventually. Just not as soon. Sorry."
"You couldn't have known Sam," I nodded. "So it's only a matter of time now, right?" I was hoping that it was a matter of a short time. A short time would be good.
"Yes," Sam nodded. "But I can't say how long it will take. It may take a couple of hours. It may take a couple of days. I'm on the right track and will be working through the night to match up the energy signatures. If it works, you will stop getting the visions. Once they stop, I can pull out the crystals thus cutting off the connection entirely."
"And then Daniel will be fine?" Jack asked, his eyes narrowed. He didn't seem to believe it. I wasn't so sure I bought it either.
"Not necessarily," Sam frowned. I gulped. Vala squeezed my hand.
"What he has seen cannot be unseen," Teal'c nodded in understanding, clearly speaking from experience. "What he has already experienced and whatever effect that has had on him will remain. And he will be the only person who can ever truly understand his predicament. It is a similar situation to myself and the Odyssey."
" 'Cept Jackson has a million lives running around in his head," Mitchell sighed, his brow furrowing. "Not just the one."
Six heavy sighs filled the room.
"Hey guys," I smiled, trying to lighten the mood despite my concern. "I'll be fine. I've been a little crazy before. I'll sort it out." I looked to Vala. She didn't look so sure. I wasn't really so sure either. "I'll sort it out," I said again, more firmly, just for her.
Sam's lab…again. I stared at the artifact with disdain. Really, what had made me touch this thing? After all this time, I was still the naïve, foolish child I had been when I started this job.
"Don't do it," Vala settled down beside me, a stern look on her face. I didn't even bother asking her what she was talking about – simply turned my head to face her and waited for her to read my mind. "Don't beat yourself up about touching that thing. What is done cannot be undone."
I smiled at her and sighed, shaking my head. I couldn't believe her. She drove me nuts 98% of the time and somehow I couldn't stop thinking how lucky I was to have her.
"Any new breakthroughs on the translation?" She asked. Sam was tinkering with a laptop working on the frequency issue. Jack, Teal'c and Mitchell were hanging out on the couch, unsure of how to help, but unwilling to leave my side either. I had gotten lucky with all of them too.
The vague memory of what my life was like before I ever met them flashed through my mind and I couldn't help but smile. After the death of my parents, most of those memories were either not good or uneventful. There were bright spots, like Professor Jordan, Steven, Sarah and Share, but my University friends hadn't supported me through my stranger hunches and even Share had never fully understood me on the grander level despite the fact that she understood me on a different, more intimate level. My curiosity had always frightened her.
Sitting here, knowing I was going insane, and yet watching my friends rally around me determined to find an answer, always loving me no matter what foolish theory I came up with, no matter how short-sighted and temperamental I could sometimes be, I found that the artifact was getting blurred by my tears. I hid them well and almost nobody noticed.
Almost nobody.
"I don't care if you are drooling in a cup at the end of this. I will be holding that cup. Understood?" Vala whispered in my ear, rubbing my back comfortingly.
I leaned to whisper in her ear, my voice cracking as I spoke. "I know. That's why the tears."
She smiled, and I returned to my work, but as I stared on, the words slowly ceased to make sense. Frustrated, I walked away from the artifact. "This doesn't make any sense."
"What doesn't? It was all making sense to you a moment ago?" Sarah asked, leaning on my shoulder and looking at the words with me.
"It was?" I grumbled, looking around for the canteen I had left on the ground beside me, cushioned on my pack. "Sarah, where's my water?"
She eyed me strangely. "Do you want water Daniel?"
I heard one of the grad students react. "Sarah? Did he just call you Sarah?"
Sarah seemed to take huge gulps of air and suddenly I felt as though I may have personally insulted her in some way. I couldn't imagine how. I tilted my head and examined her. She was frowning pretty hard. "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"
"Who is Sarah?" She asked the grad student.
"Daniel's ex," she answered. "She was host to Osiris."
Sarah stared back at me and then seemed to nod to herself as though she finally understood something. "He's in the middle of one right now. He just slipped into a vision and he's filling in the roles."
The words made no sense to me and lit a panic that spread like a gasoline fire. "What? What is everyone talking about? Sarah?"
She smiled patiently at me, but it felt forced. "Don't worry about it. Come on, I think it's time for you to take a break."
"I don't need a break," I said, turning back towards the artifact. "I'm going to crack this thing."
"Not now you aren't," she argued. "Not with that pounding headache I know you are having right now. Let's grab a seat."
I grimaced at the mention of it. "My head does hurt."
She nodded. "Yes, come on sit down. That artifact isn't going anywhere."
"Fine," I walked off of the dig site and a little further out, leading her over to our camp. When we settled down on the floor outside of our tent, I stripped my glasses from my eyes, squinting and rubbing at the bridge of my nose. The sun was beating down on my shoulders, sweat sheeting down my back.
"It's especially hot today, desert or no," I complained, pulling at the collar of my t-shirt.
Sarah still had that concerned look on her face. "I'm not hot."
That amazed me. Her strawberry blonde curls cascaded down either side of her face. "You should tie your hair up. You're going to make yourself sick…and take off that jacket."
Sarah complied and then we sat in silence. "Why are you so worried about me?"
She looked around a little, most especially at a group of local workers who were seated not far from us, and seemed to be paying far too much attention. "You…just aren't behaving like yourself."
I sighed. I knew what this was about. "Look, I'm sorry I pushed so hard this morning about Mom and Dad coming to help us on this dig. It just…well, I thought maybe archaeology was going to end up being a family business. And ever since our thoughts turned to having a baby…I just…we haven't seen them since the wedding. I miss them."
"Alright darling," she answered. It was an odd endearment coming from her, one she didn't normally use. She stroked a hand through my hair and leaned my head to rest on her shoulder. "Of course we should see your parents. You don't see nearly enough of them." She shot what seemed to be a meaningful glance at one of the local workers and I was just about to ask what that was about when a spiking pain stabbed through my head, causing me to cry out in pain and grasp it in my hands.
"Daniel, are you okay?" Vala's voice broke through the pain and I looked to her as soon as it dulled for a minute, rubbing my eyes and trying to focus.
"Yeah," I choked out, grabbing the glass of water that seemingly appeared at my side. I took a sip before speaking again. "What was I saying?"
She sighed, "You were talking about the wedding."
"Right!" I smiled, glad she had gotten me back on track. "We're running out of time, you know. I mean, you were the one who wanted to plan it and you were the one who wanted to wear the mermaid-style dress that you need to be no more than two pounds to fit into and you have to know that if you wait much longer, you're going to have to cut a hole in it for your baby bump."
"I thought we were already married," Vala frowned as though she were trying to keep the whole thing straight in her head.
I laughed. "Very funny Val, but Kormak bracelets and Harrid and Salis don't count."
Vala's jaw dropped.
"He's in a different one now," Sam said from the other corner of the room and I found myself shocked that I hadn't heard her enter.
"Sam!" I jumped to my feet and walked over to her, narrowly avoiding the coffee table in the process. "What kind of best friend are you? Can you please get on her behind about planning the wedding? She's finding the whole process overwhelming, but you and Jack did it all so recently, you've got to have some ideas you can hand off to her."
"What?" I heard Jack say and turned to find him standing by the backdoor of the cabin with Cam, Teal'c and Jonas in tow. "Weddi-what?"
Oddly, Sam blushed and ducked her head.
"What are you two so worked up about," Vala rolled her eyes. "Obviously he isn't being serious. You two aren't in a relationship, are you?"
"Well…" Jack trailed off, looking from the guys and back to Vala and me. As if I didn't already know. Vala was acting very strange.
"Anyway Sam, please take her out to start picking things out now," I begged, just wanting to get the whole thing over with. I wasn't much for all of the decorations and madness that surrounded weddings, and I just wanted to skip it all and get to the marriage. There was enough planning to do with the baby. "I would do it, but she says she wants to do it herself. That it's a traditional Earth woman thing."
"Um…Daniel," Sam looked from me to Vala as if trying to think up an excuse. "I've been kinda busy lately."
"Hannah not sleeping through the night yet?" I asked, sympathetically and also in a bit of an attempt to fish for information. I was going to have to figure out how this whole parenting thing worked sooner or later and I just loved the pointers I got from Jack and Sam about their little girl.
"Hannah?" She asked, her face dumbfounded.
"Pretty name," Jack chuckled. Sam avoided his gaze.
"Sure, a year ago when you guys chose it," I responded, exasperated. What was wrong with everyone anyway? They were all acting so strangely .
"Sam?" I tried again.
"Fine, I'll help," she answered, her brows furrowing as she was clearly getting frustrated with me. "Vala, come over here with me. Daniel, sometimes your hyperactivity is less endearing then others."
"Thank you," I mouthed to her before shouting back at the guys. "Cam, Teal'c Jonas – do you think you guys can fire up the grill for Jack? I need to talk to him for a minute."
"Sure thing," Jonas responded, enthusiastic as always.
"Jonas?" Jack asked and I instantly knew why.
"Don't worry, Cam will teach him. He won't break your grill," I promised, leading him out onto the porch. Once we were outside, I took a deep breath, accidentally inhaling a great deal of the tree pollen floating through the air and letting out a huge, body rattling sneeze.
"Bless you Daniel," Jack answered by rote.
"Thanks," I grinned, itching my nose a little. "Allergies." I motioned to the trees.
He gave me his normal look. The one that told me he thought I was an oddball. I was used to it.
"You know, with the wedding coming up, Vala's not the only one with responsibilities she's not holding up. I was supposed to do this weeks ago and still haven't. So," I cleared my throat. "Um…you know we've always been – I mean you and I we're – I mean you're probably the best – um…"
"Ahhh Daniel," Jack teased, "usually so eloquent and yet sometimes, so not."
I shot him a glance through angrily slit eyes. "Best Man?"
"You betcha," he answered before all the words were out. "Whenever you need it."
I laughed. "Good." Then, as another pain lanced through my skull, I hissed air in between my teeth, pressing my palm to my forehead.
"Daniel?" Jack asked, worriedly.
"I'm fine," I answered before I had even truly caught my breath. "Look, I know you're upset about Sam ending up with Cam, but you missed your chance. You can't keep treating him like he's an outsider. He's a good man. And if you didn't want it to happen, you should have said something sooner. Now, I'm sorry if that upsets you but you really have to face reality here. Sam is over you and you have to let her move on."
I knew I probably shouldn't have said that. It wasn't like me to meddle in Jack's affairs, but could I really let it go on? Cam was my friend too, and Jack's behavior simply wasn't fair.
Jack stared at me for a good ten seconds before grasping me by my arm and hauling me back inside the cabin. "I'm tagging somebody else in."
"I lasted much longer than you," Vala teased, her accent and the purr she said the words with definitely designed to send all possible meanings of the entendre floating through the brains of anyone listening. Because despite how much she had tamed, there was still a sexual deviant lurking behind those pretty grey eyes.
But at least she was my sexual deviant. I leaned up against her side, pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek. "I missed you." I turned her to face me more fully and moved to take her lips with my own.
She pulled her head back. "Darling, you aren't generally open to these kinds of public displays of affection."
I pulled her body fully against mine. "Yeah well, you're pregnant, it's not like they don't know what we've been doing."
"Whoa there Princess! No taking advantage," I heard Cam yell from the other side of the room, but I had no idea what he was talking about.
"No worries Cameron," Vala said, kissing me softly on the lips, but going no further. "Nothing more than we've done in real time, I promise."
The spike of pain traveled through my head once again, and I dropped my head to Vala's shoulder, bringing it up to look into Sha're's chocolate brown eyes. "Listen," I told her soothingly. "I know you're scared, but I need you to come back to Earth with me, just until I can help Jack and his team figure this thing out. And if it takes awhile we can come back to Abydos to visit as much as you want, I promise."
Sha're's face fell. "And now I'm out. I need a minute," she proclaimed, tearfully. She walked away, her body pulling from mine so fast that I tripped and when I regained my balance, watched the retreating form of Vala as she sped out of the room.
"Vala?" I called, rushing after her, desperation spreading through me. I had no idea what I had done, but I was confused, I wasn't quite sure where I was right now and all I knew was that she was angry. And she was leaving me. "Vala, please wait."
She turned and walked back into Sam's lab, brushing quickly at the tears in her eyes. "What Daniel? I was coming right back."
"I'm in Sam's lab, right?" I asked. "I had visions. I don't remember falling asleep." I sunk down the wall I was leaning against, feeling my expression go lax as I stared out at the far wall. "I don't remember falling asleep."
"You did not DanielJackson," Teal'c explained, his voice quiet and gentle. "It would seem you were experiencing your visions while still awake and interacting with us."
"Oh God," I sighed, shaking my head where I now held it in my hands. And then realization dawned. "Oh God." I raised my head up and looked at Vala, looked at her fighting off tears with stoic sadness, looking like I had just forced her to live out her worst nightmare. "I'm so sorry, I was disoriented and I didn't know. I didn't understand what was happening."
Vala nodded, but still looked worse for the wear. I looked around the room, suddenly plucking out the inconsistencies in each vision. One jumped out with alarming clarity. "Jack, Sam?"
"Don't ask," they answered in unison. Then Sam continued on, "I just about caught up with the fluctuations and then they spiked in a whole different pattern – most likely evidence of your latest tendency. But I'm almost there Daniel, if you can just hold out a little longer."
I slammed my head back hard against the wall, sending shots of pain through the back of my skull and around to the front where they mingled with all of the tiny nails being driven into my forehead and behind my eyes. "Of course I can hold out a little longer. Somebody help me up?" I asked.
Jack reached out and hauled me to my feet, clapping me on my back as he did. "Hang in there," he said. "Sam is gonna fix this. If anyone can…"
"I know," I nodded.
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you," he added before stepping away. "We haven't even figured out what we're doing yet."
"I get that," I nodded, looking from him to Vala.
"You figure out what you're doing there yet?" He asked, jutting his chin out in Vala's direction.
"Loving her and figuring out the specifics later," I answered, never taking my eyes off of her, where she was leaning up against the table, still looking shell-shocked and a little pale.
"I wish I'd started there," Jack grumbled. "Woulda saved me years of trouble."
I chuckled lightly and headed over to Vala, where she stood, still trying to figure out the artifact. When I stopped beside her, she didn't look up from the text.
"I believe this is the part about the order of crystals to remove. I've seen this word many times in our more technical Alteran work," she explained.
I leaned over her shoulder to confirm her findings. "Yes, that's the word for crystals," I beamed with pride. "Very good."
"We should start translating that part then," she responded curtly.
"Agreed but one thing first," I said, resting my chin on her shoulder and wrapping my arms around her waist.
"What?" she said, dismissively, but I caught it, her body sinking into mine a little. Thank God.
"You still holding that cup for me while I drool, Vala?" I asked, making sure I said her name, making sure she knew I knew who I was talking to before I completely destroyed what we had begun to build.
She looked up over her shoulder at me, and the ice in her eyes melted. "Of course, Daniel. Always."
I shook my head at the absurdity of our situation. "Good. Then let's get to work."
TBC