DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Stargate characters, ideas or themes. They all belong to MGM. I'm just playing with them a little.

Summary: Every possibility, every choice I had ever made, even choices I hadn't, led to an entirely different life until I could no longer tell reality from its alternates.

Rating: T

Spoilers: Every which way from Sunday. The entire Stargate franchise is open season. Can't really warn you cuz that would ruin the surprise, now wouldn't it?

Author's Note: More confusion coming. But by now, you've probably gotten the hang of navigating the mess that is Daniel's brain.

Also, I wanted to thank you all for all of the great reviews. They've been a great encouragement to me! Keep 'em coming! :)

Title: The Many Paths of Daniel Jackson

By: Every Me Every You

Chapter 8: Solutions and Psych Evaluations

Staring out at the crowd surrounding me, I tried to think of the right thing to say. But what did you say to a group of revolutionaries, young Egyptian men, ready to revolt against the only God they had ever known, Ra? My training at the SGC had not prepared me for this. Jack, Sam and Teal'c had tried this before and failed. But now, after years of being alone here, we had a decent underground movement going and we had a shot. But what could I say to these men who were about to risk their lives for this cause?

I took a deep breath and spoke to them. "Gentlemen, now is the time for us to step forward! To make a change! It may seem scary to you, but Ra is not your God. The proof is evident in the very fact that he does not have a hint of what we have been plotting here. If he had, would he allow it to continue? If this was truly heresy, how could we be continuing to conduct it under his very nose? The time has come for us to take back this world. To keep Ra from shuttling our brothers and sisters to other worlds, to keep Ra from murdering those who do not bow before him. We will make him bow before us. Let us fight! And if we should die today then it will be a noble death!"

"Yes, that's a very nice speech. Very inspirational," Jack grumbled, from his seat next to were I was standing on the couch.

"What? What did I say?" I asked, long since frustrated with my constant shuffling through visions and even more frustrated with my new tendency to live out random parts of them in front of my friends.

"I have no damn idea," Jack shrugged. "It sounded very inspirational, but I had trouble understanding it since it was in another damn language!"

"Great," I let out a long, loud and obnoxious sigh as I climbed down from the couch and plopped down between Jack and Teal'c. "How long have I been in Ancient Egypt?"

"Approximately one hour," Teal'c answered, looking over at me and eyeing me with worry.

This had been happening to me for the last day or so, and I had given up on trying to translate anything anymore. Vala was working with little bits of my occasional input to try and use what she had learned over the last few years to translate the text, but I had long ago decided that there was no point in my trying. My input actually tended to make the translation more difficult as sometimes, Vala was asking me questions about one text and I was answering questions about an entirely different one that I was seeing in a vision. After a while, Vala decided to take over the whole project. I was only to instruct after a full quiz on where I was, who she was and what she was doing.

I didn't even know why I was in the room, but I figured the reasons were mainly to remind Sam and Vala of why they weren't sleeping. As though they really needed such a reminder.

I certainly wasn't there based on how helpful I was being.

This was ridiculous. I was useless. A disgusting shell of who I once was. And I would never be anything more if I didn't get myself placed on this mission. And Sam too, of course. Sam and I were a team. And I was really tired of teaching English as a Second Language.

"Look, the only reason you have the Stargate is because of us!" I grumbled at General Hammond.

"We all know that DanielJackson," Hammond shook his head, impatiently.

"I'm a linguist. By all accounts, your team may need one," I pointed out. I needed to remind him of why I was an essential gamble to make. Even if I was very likely going to get myself killed with this hare-brained scheme.

I looked to Sam to come up with her own reason for leaving. She was alarmingly engrossed in something else and didn't even seem to be paying attention to me at all! It looked as though I would have to make her case for her.

"Uh….And what if something goes wrong with the gate on the other end? You'll need Sam!"

"I am unsure of what answer you are looking for," Hammond replied, his gaze skeptical.

"Can I at least ask who is going?" I asked, just in time to see the elevator doors open, revealing Jack O'Neill.

"Great," I sighed. "Colonel O'Neill." I held out my hand for him to shake it. He scowled at me and ignored the gesture. I dropped my hand back to my side. "Fine. Never mind."

My head erupted in pain and I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes to suppress the feeling in any way I could think of. When I looked up, I was walking around in the lab again.

I sighed dramatically and looked around the room, frustrated. "What now?"

"You were talkin' to Teal'c, not Hammond. I don't have any idea what in the hell you were talking about, but you sounded…a little dorky…er." Mitchell's grin was more of a grimace.

"Mitchell," I shook my head, and settled in front of the artifact beside Vala. "Don't worry. We're going to stop these visions you're having. I'm almost there, just give me a little time."

The group exchanged a look I didn't understand before Sam cracked a smile.

"Catch me up," Sam urged. "What have you got from the translation?"

"Well," I answered, shooting a worried glance at Cameron, "this device was invented by the Alterans for the exact purposes it advertises – to help someone gain an understanding of their lives through an understanding of other lives they could have lived. However, the device has to be activated in a particular way in order to initiate properly. Once initiated improperly, the only way to stop the thing is to disable the crystals in the right order and to manipulate the signal properly. This religious cult, desperate to catch up with their more evolved brethren, abused the device by jacking up the signal, like what we inadvertently did to Mitchell when we tried to remove the crystals the first time. They purposely ramped things up to try to reach Ascension sooner. And it drove them insane. It made them kill themselves."

I looked to Cameron, who looked disturbed. The poor man. This must be horrible for him. Having all of those conflicting thoughts bounding around in his head, colliding and rebounding off of each other. He was so confused. Without anything to anchor him down to his true world, he was floating blindly within a matter of a week. He probably wasn't far from the bodies in the temple. At this point he was surviving by pure will. I was grateful that he was so stubborn. It gave us time to try to save him.

"Did your readings assist you in uncovering the ideal way to halt the device's activity with minimal effects to…ColonelMitchell?" Teal'c asked, shooting a sideways glance his way.

"This is ridiculous," Mitchell growled. "Can't we just tell him?"

I frowned. It was clear what was wrong here. "Mitchell, are you having that vision where I'm the one affected by the device again?"

"Oh, you mean reality," Mitchell scrubbed his hands across his face. "Answer the question, Jackson."

"Well, the bottom line is, this would have been best if The New Guy just hadn't touched anything to begin with, But I do have a rough translation of what order the crystals should be removed in. Here, let me write down the order for you."

I scribbled the combination on the pad as quickly as possible and handed it off to Sam.

"Perfect," Sam rushed to adjust some readings on her computer. "I'm close to cracking the signal issue. Once I do, I can start this sequence."

"Nice break," Mitchell laughed. "We may just save you yet Jackson!"

Vala laughed, but it wasn't a laugh full of mirth, but relief. She bumped Mitchell with her shoulder. I looked at the desk, not terribly comfortable with their contact. I pretended to examine the artifact.

"Tell me Daniel," Mitchell teased, unusual behavior for him in his current state, "why is it so easy for you to believe that I am having a vision that you are having visions, but you can't believe the possibility that it went down the other way around?"

I fixed him with a look fitting the ridiculousness of the question. "Because there is no way I would have been stupid enough to touch the artifact."

Mitchell sputtered out a laugh and was joined by a chorus of laughter from the others that I didn't understand.

I averted my eyes from their gaze, sitting down on the stool. Grimacing against the ever annoying, sometimes spiking and continuously present pain in my head, I rubbed my eyes and the bridge of my nose before looking back up at Sam, Jack and Teal'c.

"I say we don't try saving her at all," I argued quietly, my voice clearly a shock to the rest of my team. I knew they would never expect me to argue this, would never expect me to ever say we shouldn't save someone. But in this case, I had my reasons.

"What? Who?" Jack asked, seemingly very intrigued by my statement. "Who shouldn't we try to save?" He looked to Sam and Teal'c and a couple of other random places in the room.

"This girl. Really, what are we going to do about her?" I answered, my voice bitter and cold. "Her father is clearly an unstable wreck. His wife sold his daughter off to be a host to a Goa'uld. And we want to run a rescue mission, remove the symbiote from her and deliver her back into the waiting arms of that family? For what?"

"Remove the symbiote?" Sam asked through the strange silence that permeated the room around them. She stopped all work and looked at him. "You mean we are going to rescue the girl and bring her to the To'kra?"

My face twisted in confusion. "Why would we do that? We all know they have their own agenda. Who knows what they would do to the girl if we brought her to them? They would probably make her take a symbiote of their own. That wouldn't be freedom, that would be buying somebody free from slavery just to sell them back in. No, we're going to use our base technology to do it."

"What's so wrong with that?" Jack asked tentatively. "If we have a way to free people from the Goa'uld, why wouldn't you want to use it?"

I scoffed at the question. Jack was being ridiculous. "Seriously? You of all people are going to ask me that? The technology is faulty. You saw what it did to Sha're – and she had a stable family."

"Sha're returned to you?" Teal'c asked.

"Yes, for two short years of insanity before she ended it all because she couldn't take it anymore." I barked, reliving the day I'd found her, hanging in our living room.

"Daniel, that wouldn't be the technology," Sam reasoned, her voice soft, walking on eggshells as they always did whenever Sha're came up. "That would be the trauma of what happened to her."

"Who cares why?" I shouted back. I was worked up into a righteous fury and I could feel every word my mouth spat out as if it was tangible. "I don't! It's clear that we're ill equipped to deal with the effects of being a host even for a short period of time. I took care of Sha're. I was with her all the time, comforting her, working through the problem. She had a team of doctors on her side. And she didn't make it. We couldn't save her. Who knows if any of the others were failures? We never kept track of them. All I know is this girl…all she's got is her father and I'm pretty sure from talking to him that he's a con artist. If Sha're couldn't make it, she won't. She'll suffer and then she'll die." I reached out, picking up the patient profile we had compiled. "I say we take this…" I looked for her name on the sheet of paper. "This…Vala Mal Doran, and we kill Quetesh and her. I say we put her out of her misery."

"Shit Daniel," Jack shook his head, his eyes desperately darting between my face and a cabinet to the left of me.

"Look," I huffed a breath out, hunching my shoulders over in defeat. "You do what you want. But I won't be a part of it." I threw the file back on the table and headed for the door.

My hands touched the door. I leaned my head against the cool metal. Turned. Looked back into the lab. And looked directly at the shocked faces of my friends.

I dropped back against the closed door, so weary of all of this. "I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely. And it was true. I was. Horribly sorry that all of my friends were baring witness to this ugly thing I was enduring. Truly sorry for being such an eternal burden, just as I always had been, constantly getting myself into trouble. "I'm sorry. I need some space."

"Alright darling," Vala stepped forward, her voice sounding just as hoarse and tired as mine. She stepped closer to me and I could see the dark circles under her eyes, the paleness of her skin, the way her skin was drawn. She wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping. Because of me. "We'll go to your room. You can get some rest. We don't really need to translate anymore."

I reached out to her and cupped her neck in my hand. My head tilted, and I stared into her eyes with all of the adoration I felt for her written on my face. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed by it. Drowning in it. And that was why. "No. I'm going by myself."

"Absolutely not," she shouted, clearly overwrought from her exhaustion. So was I. She tossed my hand off of her and pushed me back into the door. "We made a deal. We had to watch you. We all said we would take care of you. You shouldn't be alone!"

"Please guys," I whispered, sliding down the door to sit on the floor. "Just give me fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes. Do you have any idea what this is like? Watching you guys watch me go insane? Knowing I'm hurting you all with some of the things I say? Do you have any idea what this is like? I'm going crazy and I can't get a moment's peace. Not a moment to myself to sort it out. Please, just fifteen minutes. Please?" I was disintegrating with every word until I was begging and pleading for my own freedom.

"Ok," Jack muttered. Everyone looked to him in shock. Even me. Even as I was begging I never expected him to grant me what I was asking.

"Jack," Vala jumped to her feet and stepped close to him until they were nearly face to face. "We are not doing this."

"We are," Jack answered. "He needs this. And you are not going to stop him."

She stepped away, but her eyes were alight with her internal fire.

I pulled myself up the door to my feet. "Thank you Jack."

"Mitchell, Teal'c, walk him to his room," Jack commanded. "No funny business." It sounded like a joke. It was a warning. Jack wasn't having any disobedience from me. Not today.

"Ok," I turned to Vala. "I'll be okay. I'm not going anywhere. See you in fifteen minutes. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'll be like this never happened, only if you come back safe and sound." She folded her arms across her chest, her eyes fixed angrily on me, her jaw set. And that was how I left her.

The walk down the hall was uneventful, but the moment I was behind closed doors I set to work. Rushing, I grabbed my journal and a pen. I knew where this was going. I knew where this would end now. And I had to be sure I took care of the things that needed to be said.

I wrote…and when I was done, I emerged, found Mitchell and Teal'c and had them lead me back to the office where the others waited. We walked through the doorway and I headed straight to Sam, looking over her shoulder to see the ship's sensors and ascertain the validity of Vala's claim.

"I know it sounds crazy," I nodded. "But I think she's right. Vala's right."

"Well, of course I'm right darling," she smiled, leaning against me, the length of her body stretched against my side, her arms wrapped around my neck. "What am I right about?"

I promptly removed her arms from my neck and shoved her back out of my personal space. "If we get to the Alkesh and use it to replace the last place in the link, we'll be able to keep the Supergate from forming."

"Yes," Sam nodded, not bothering to look up from her work. "She's certainly right about that."

"Let's go," I grabbed Vala's elbow, bouncing on my heels. "I'm assuming we're running out of time."

Vala looked up from my hand on her elbow, shocked. "You believed in me. You didn't ignore my ideas."

"Of course not," I shook my head. "You never tell the truth, but you're not stupid."

"Spectacular," she ripped her elbow from my hand. "I don't think you want to go with me on this one."

"Guys, I think I'm getting somewhere!" Sam cheered from her seat.

I leaned close to Vala and marched her towards the door, whispering as we walked. "You know…you know I…look, I can't let you go by yourself. I'll come with you. I mean, why not? " I grinned and she slowly began to return the smile. "We're stuck together anyway. I've gotten used to having you permanently attached to my side. What's a ride on an Alkesh?"

She brightened, and reached out to touch my face as I finished programming the rings and we stepped onto the ring platform. I smiled at the feel of her soft hands against my face, the exchange a well-worn gesture at this point. Her slate grey eyes searched mine carefully, as though trying to tear the full truth from me. I couldn't help myself. I had to tell her.

"And also," I admitted. "I couldn't let you do something so dangerous alone. Without me."

She swallowed hard. The pain was back and my eyes slammed shut. When they opened again, I was still staring into Vala's eyes and only the surroundings had changed. A bitter smile swept across my face. "The shame of it all is, I hadn't been paying attention. If I had I would have never let you go on that Alkesh alone. And then…maybe we would have had more time…."

"We will have more time Daniel," Vala cried, tears springing into her eyes. "We are not finished yet. Sam is almost done."

"Vala," I breathed, but the air I took in brought no relief. "Sam is dead. They're all dead. And we're almost gone too. "The planet is destroyed. The ship is destroyed. There is nothing on the Earth for us but rubble and here…the life support on this ship is nearly depleted. And we are out of time."

I struggled for air, unable to get anything of substance into my lungs. It was like I was a fish drowning in water, being pulled backwards so I couldn't get anything I needed inside.

"Val," I tried again, sliding to the floor. I knew I still had air. I would fall unconscious before I would die. But it felt like dying anyway, because I knew it was quickly approaching. I had things to say with my last few breaths. Important things. "Vala, I love you. I realized it far too late."

"I love you too Daniel," she slid to the floor next to me. She looked up, obviously beginning to hallucinate. "Sam, he's hyperventilating."

And then I heard her. Sam. And it was clear that I was hallucinating too. "Almost," she said urgently.

And then there was pain and for a moment I thought I may be dead. But I wasn't. I wasn't dead. Just very, very angry.

"You destroyed it, you bastard." I growled at Jack, pushing Shyla aside. "What am I supposed to do without my sarcophagus? I need it!"

I lunged at Jack, consumed by my anger, completely ignoring the way Shyla had hit the floor, hard. And then, something clicked.

This was a repeat. I'd done this one before.

Sam watched me. Stared back at me. "Daniel?"

"Are we ready to do this?" I asked.

"We've already done it. It's done. Are you okay?" I watched her look around to the others.

"I think I'd remember if we sent the message through. We have to go. The fate of Earth relies on us getting that message back so we never meet the Ashen."

The Ashen…this felt like déjà vu as well. Something was wrong.

I tried to focus on anything, to anchor myself to reality and suddenly the thought of Vala forced its way into my mind. And that was when I realized that I hadn't shoved Shyla. I had shoved Vala.

I dropped to my knees beside her. "What the hell did I do? I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was doing."

Vala was rubbing her head, but she was sitting up again. She looked to me and her face revealed her weariness with this whole ordeal, even though she quickly replaced the look with bright eyes and a charming smile. "I'm fine Daniel. How are you feeling?"

"Not well," I shook my head. "The visions are starting to repeat. Which is crazy. I couldn't have made my way through all of the possibilities. How could I be repeating?"

"You're not Daniel," Sam stood, walking around the lab table and approaching me, surrounded by the others. Jack helped Vala to her feet.

"Daniel, I turned off the device 10 minutes ago," Sam frowned. "There is no signal emitting from that device anymore. There hasn't been for awhile.

My God. I was crazy. The words took a moment to fully sink in to the level where I could truly comprehend their meaning. I was insane. Completely. And I hadn't hurt Vala because I was trapped in a vision. I had hurt her because I was still reliving them, even though they weren't being force-fed to me anymore. I had hurt her like I probably would a million times if I continued this way.

The psychiatric evaluation was long and dull. I remembered a room like this. A white padded room. I remembered it all too well. Turning off the device hadn't helped. Turning off the device hadn't saved me. According to Dr. Hutchinson, I had compartmentalized my brain to deal with the problem. Every single Daniel had its own personality, it's own delusion. It would never change. I would likely be that way forever.

That's why when the orderlies came in to administer my medication, I channeled the worst of my experiences. All of the anger, all of the pain, all of the desire in my heart from over the last two weeks, and I attacked.

I made it through a few guards, stealing a zat and shooting anyone who came anywhere near me. But the zat wasn't enough. It wasn't what I needed.

I didn't find that until I finally made it to the armory.

TBC