Author's Note: Alright guys, hope you enjoyed the first chapter! This is my first flashback post, and I'll alternate past and present with each post. So, next time will be the continuation of my first chapter. If that makes sense. And, I decided to do all my present-day posts from Pam's perspective, but I'm doing the flashbacks from Ryan's. Well, at least this first flashback is centered on Ryan. I don't know how far that will go, but we'll see. I just thought it would be nice to sort of look at their relationship from both sides. Plus, I couldn't think of a good opening sentence about Pam. That was my main reason for the switch J ALSO, Pam and Ryan will seem very different in these flashbacks than in the present. Because obviously, the characters grew up between the two times, and I wanted that to reflect in my story.
Also, little side note. Jim did the whole Stamford thing before Ryan moved up to corporate, right? The timeline is a little fuzzy to me. But I'm pretty sure Jim came back, and then Ryan got promoted a short while later. That's right, right? And, I don't think that Ryan worked in the annex before Jim left, but he did in my story. Cause he moves from the annex to Jim's old desk. But anyway, if someone could 100% clear the whole Ryan-corporate/Jim-Stamford thing that would be great!
These author's notes will never be this long again, hahah. Seriously, they're like the same length as my story! But right now I need to kind of "introduce" you to the story, so yeah. That's why they're all long. And sorry this chapter is all short. It looked so much longer in my Word document /: Still own nothing.
Her eyes were drilling holes into his head again. Even though he could hardly see her face through his peripheral vision, he could just tell she was staring at him. She always did, ever since he moved up from the annex. At the beginning, he always turned to look back at her with a puzzled expression on his face. Sometimes she glanced away quickly, her cheeks brightening as she pretended to look over a fax or answer a nonexistent phone call. Other times she kept looking at him, as if in a trance. Lately, he had been ignoring it. Her staring had become another weird quirk that came with this ridiculous job.
Her staring wasn't really a weird quirk, though. That was just what he filed it under in his brain. It was more like a …sad quirk. Not pathetic sad. But sad like a parent shutting themselves in their daughter's bedroom after she dies in a freak accident. But he didn't have a folder for "it's like child-death-sad" quirks in his mind. And it wasn't just staring. Sometimes, during one of their boss's pointless meetings, she'd turn at him and laugh, or bury her head in his shoulder when Michael did something disgusting. At the beginning, like the stares, he just looked at her like she was crazy. Michael's jokes aren't funny, there's no reason to be laughing. I've never said two words to you in my life, you shouldn't be hugging my arm for security. But now, he simply lets her do what she wants. He'll pretend to laugh with her, even if he had tuned out the meeting and had no idea what was going on. Sometimes he grabbed her hand in comfort when their boss attempted to perform some hideous act. He surprisingly liked these moments. They were the only time during the day she showed some life. As if laughing through the meetings would bring that one person back. As if giving subtle faces to the camera would make it feel like that one person was with her.
They eat lunch together most days. Occasionally he'll be out on a sales call with Dwight or Stanley, and he wondered what she did on those afternoons. Who she sat with, what they talked about. What flavor of yogurt she was eating. At the beginning, all she ate was Mixed Berry. He wasn't sure why. Lately, she had been branching out. He believed her new favorite was Peach. He liked peaches. Sometimes she shared.
They never really talk, however. She didn't really talk to anyone. Only Angela sometimes, which was weird. And Kelly chatted her ear off, but she never responded. Nodded her head occasionally, but never let a word slip out. He only heard her say "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam," or relay the intermittent message to Michael. But she didn't really say it. Her words always sounded hollow; empty. He could hardly remember what she used to sound like. Her voice used always get higher when she talked about something she loved, like art classes or visits from her mother. But not anymore. She used to talk slower when she was bored or upset, but now she uses the same tempo with every rare sentence. She used to have different voices for the different people she chatted with. She'd use her "secretary voice" when she conversed with people she usually didn't talk to, like himself or Meredith. She had a special voice for Michael's different antics, always accompanied by an eye roll or a smirk to the camera. Sometimes her "Michael voice" would be reused on her fiancé Roy. Occasionally, Roy would get the "friendly voice." Sure, all her voices were friendly. But the friendly voice she saved for people she cared about most. Sometimes she'd talk to Phyllis with it. Pranks with Dwight usually brought it out. But there was one single person who would always get the friendly voice. And that one person was gone. He had packed up and left, without so much as a goodbye. He took her voices with him. Especially the friendly voice. The "Jim voice."
Ryan knew that was the reason she had sort of attached herself to him. He wanted to ask if it was because he simply sat at the desk that one person had previously occupied, or if it was the fact that she didn't know him at all, so it was easy for her to mold him into what that one person used to be. Or something entirely different. But he never asked. He used to try to initiate conversations when she started hanging around him, but gave up quickly when he realized it was a wasted effort. She was never going to respond.
Her eyes were still tugging at his face. He wondered if he should glance over at her, or if he should let her live in her fantasy for a little longer. He did nothing.