Interesting Truth
I took my bruises, too my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need a spark to get psyched back up
'Beautiful' by Eminem
____________

"Maybe you should just sleep with him. Ya know, at least just once."

"What?" Natalie raised an eyebrow, double-checking to see if her friend had just encouraged what it sounded like she'd encouraged.

"Just once to get it out of your system," Paige grinned evilly. "He obviously gets you flustered…"

"No he doesn't"

"Bull. I won't judge if you do it…it'd be hot, ya know…kind of dangerous"

"Exactly -- dangerous. That's why I shouldn't even be talking to him…"

"…uh-huh, and when's the last time you talked to him?"

"He stopped by the other day…" Natalie rolled her eyes.

"At your house again? Girl, you've been holding out on me. Just do him. Have fun -- It'll just be blowing off steam," Paige shrugged.

"Right, then maybe you should sleep with Baggy and get that out of your system," Natalie rolled her eyes.

In the past couple weeks they'd seen the guys some more and Paige and Baggy were always flirty. Natalie usually oriented herself around Billy when those two were too focused on each other. He was far more stoic than Baggy, so she'd also found Heco to be good, light conversation --- she also soon found out that he was under the influence of something most of the time.

"I have a boyfriend but you…you can do what you want. So get yourself somethin', mama."

"Paige…he's Billy Darley. Billy. Darley."

"Eh, semantics. He's made it pretty obvious he's not out to hurt you. He could be a good ally, actually."

"Ally? Is this war?…is that what Baggy is -- an ally?

"Baggy is….Baggy," Paige shrugged. "I'm just saying…maybe it's not so bad having a gang lord on your side?…"

On her side…more like in her bedroom.

Natalie looked over her shoulder to find Billy still sitting on the edge of her bed, elbows resting on his knees and a book opened in his hands. He'd shown up while she was doing homework and though he'd tried to persuade her to quit, she'd refused. In turn, she'd tried to persuade him to go, but he hadn't wanted to. Instead he settled for the book -- "Lord of the Flies." He claimed to recognize it as a book he'd been supposed to read in high school -- an assignment he'd promptly dismissed.

He looked up and met her eye but she just smiled and turned back to the notes in front of her. She had a test the next day and it was hard to study with him there. It made her nervous, not knowing what he wanted. She'd gotten more used to being around him, but there was always something about him -- about never knowing what he was thinking -- that kept her on edge. It was probably the danger, too -- like she'd told Paige a week or two ago -- that made her alert and hyperaware of him.

"What're ya studyin' again?"

"Genetics...it's a second lab class"

"…fuck that," Billy shook his head and she found herself amused with that.

"Don't go Heco on me and tell me college is no use," she teased.

"Nah, I'll leave that to him," Billy scoffed, thinking of his more dimwitted friend. "How long are ya gonna be at that shit?"

"Probably until I go to bed, so whenever that is," she shrugged.

"Exciting night"

"Well my test is in the morning, so I want to get through this tonight"

"Yeah, yeah," he waved his hand, shedding his coat before resuming his previous position.

Natalie returned to her work as well, skimming through the readings again and thumbing through notes concurrently.

"I'm gonna run down stairs; are you hungry or anything?" she offered, rising from her seat.

"Nah"

She nodded and ran down, cutting through the living room where her parents were watching TV and would soon catch the news before they went to bed. She felt a little guilty, having someone up in her room unbeknownst to them -- especially since it was a guy they would never in a million years approve of -- but there wasn't much for it.

"How's the studying, hun?" her dad asked, glancing up from a book he was reading -- always multitasking.

"Alright I guess. The test should go okay."

"That's my girl"

"You got your dad's brains and my looks; just the way I wanted it," her mom chuckled.

"Whatever; you're smart"

"But I had to work a whole lot harder for it than this brain here," she pointed to her dad. "Your brother was the opposite; looked just like your dad and hated school."

Natalie smiled a little at the memory and continued to the kitchen. She grabbed some chips and a pop; on second thought, she grabbed a beer, too, to slip upstairs. Her parents wouldn't care but she kept it discrete anyway in case they thought it was odd grabbing two drinks.

"Heads up," she said quietly after shutting the door behind her.

She tossed Billy the beer, which he caught with a wordless nod of thanks.

His phone beeped a while later but Natalie ignored it; he'd gotten a few messages throughout the evening but he'd answered them calmly so there must not have been any real emergency.

"Shit. I gotta go…"

She turned to see him stand and dog-ear his page before dropping the book back where he'd found it.

"Okay…be careful," she added as an after thought as he was grabbing his coat; whatever he had to leave for, it probably wasn't very good.

He paused a moment to look at her semi-harshly before simply giving a curt nod to acknowledge her sentence before shrugging his coat on. Natalie was never sure why he acted like that, as if he didn't like her concern or something. But he never picked a fight over it, so it must not have annoyed him too much.

"See ya around," he threw over his shoulder after cracking the window open and up, ducking through to the overhang just outside her room.

From there, he'd apparently found that he could maneuver himself down at the corner of the house. She walked over to the window after him and saw him skirting along the property line before easily hoping the back fence and disappearing from her view and off into the dark.

She shook her head as she latched the window. She had no discernable idea what she thought she was doing with a gang leader in her house. What was she doing consciously spending time with some drug dealer?

She returned to her studying and went to bed later than usual feeling prepared for the next day's exam.

After said exam, she received a text.

So did you make Genetics your bitch?

She grinned, knowing who it was, though she wasn't so clear on when he'd gotten her number out of her phone. Until now, he'd preferred to show up and invite her along, or whatever, face-to-face.

Of course.

Figured since youre out early

Natalie stopped walking. She had indeed walked outside before the class period was over since she'd finished her test relatively quickly. It being between class times, there were maybe a handful of students wandering in the cool fall air. She scanned the area slowly and her eyes topped on a now-familiar, tall frame.

Smiling a little to herself, she cut across the grass to where Billy was leaning against the corner of the building.

"Hey…aren't you cold just standing around?" she asked.

He shrugged and shook his head as he took a last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out under his boot.

"Wanna get outta here now that that's over or what?"

"No, I can't"

He just narrowed his eyes at her in annoyance.

"What? I have other classes today"

"Blow 'em off," he solved for her.

"I can't…at least not today. I have a presentation later this week and I have to meet with my group."

"Fuck," he rolled his eyes.

"Don't be mad," she told him calmly. "We can grab coffee if you want; I was about to get one from the café…"

"Do I look like I hang 'round coffee shops?'

He certainly didn't.

"…it's not a coffee shop," she argued anyway. "It's just the student center. Don't be scared; college kids don't bite."

Perhaps it was the insinuation that he was scared that got him to follow her, but follow her he did.

"Do you want anything?"

"Nah"

"You don't want a coffee? Are you sure? You left kindda late last night and you don't look like you slept much," she informed him, reaching up to indicate the dark bags at his eyes.

"Fine," he brushed her hand away. "I'll take a black."

She happily put his coffee on her student ID, which had credit there, and they soon both had coffees. Natalie found them a seat at a table in the back corner, where she figured he wouldn't feel like he was "hanging around a coffee shop" if they just tucked themselves away.

"So how much did you sleep?" she asked him, really taking-in how his bright eyes were contrasting with the dark circles under his eyes.

"Last night? I got to crash for an hour or two…same thing night before," he shrugged, slowly starting his coffee.

"Well that's not enough -- you should be sleeping right now"

"It's not a big deal"

"You shouldn't live so hard on yourself"

"Right," he rolled his eyes. "Tell ya what; I'll go catch up on some sleep right now if you come with me," he bargained.

"…I have class, I told you."

He nodded slowly and took another drink.

Natalie wondered at the somewhat-suggestive lines he liked to drop now and then, like suggesting she come to his place. They were always presented innocently enough but he was Billy Darley and if he was innocent she was a Queen.

"So this is college life," he sighed, leaning back and looking around. "Can't say I feel like I'm missin' a whole lot…"

"Mmm…I guess it's not exactly glamorous"

"So why bother?"

"Well because I want to get a job," she chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah…some shrink, right."

"School psychologist," she corrected.

"…so you're gonna keep kids like me in school?" he asked, eyes amused.

"Oh, exactly," she grinned.

He rolled his eyes at the answer but still looked amused so they stayed there for a while before she had to get going to class.

"Last offer of freedom," Billy told her when he made to depart for his car.

"I can't today," she told him again.

"Aiight. Later."

He threw a hand up for a wave as he turned around and trudged off to his car. He always did this, gave her some rendition of "see you later." It was indefinite; committal, but not exactly in a structured way. It was…Billy.

This time, "later" ended up being late that night. Natalie was ready for bed and was actually in bed with a book when she heard fumbling at the side of the house. It scared the crap out of her until she processed that's how Billy got up and in. She heard him at the window and could imagine the curses on his lips when he found it locked. She was out of bed before he knocked, turning the bolts and hosting the window up.

"Move," he grunted, lifting himself in with an easiness that made her question how many windows he'd ever broken-in through.

"Hey…I'm actually going to bed," she told him, hoping he wasn't there to get her to go somewhere with him.

But he was shedding his coat so maybe he didn't have plans.

"Alright. Perfect."

He toed off his boots, too, and all-but fell into her bed on the side she hadn't been occupying.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm gonna sleep," he told her, laying on his stomach and wrapping his arms up around the pillow. "Shit, this bed's comfortable," his voice was partially muffled by his arm.

"Oookay…"

"That fuckin' easy? You're just gonna let me stay?" he eyed her, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"Sure"

"That boyfriend of yours wouldn' have a thing or two t' say? Where the hell is he all the time anyway? You're always around with Paige and this guy don't have anything t' say?"

Natalie tried not to smile and she sat down and pulled the covers over her lap.

"I don't have a boyfriend…"

He immediately narrowed his eyes at her.

"You said --…fuckin' liar"

"…it seemed like a safer way to go at the time and you never asked again, so it's not like I kept lying," she reasoned smartly.

He eyed her shrewdly for a few more moments before dropping onto the pillow again.

"What're ya readin'? he eyed the book in her hand.

"Into the Wild"

"…why?"

"…why not?" she posed back; her dad had always been a big reader, something she got from him, so they had all the popular classics around the house and she enjoyed them --- they broke the monotony of school reading.

Billy just scoffed and turned his head away so her light didn't bother him as much. His breath evened pretty quickly and she smiled when he jerked in his sleep, apparently in the strange in-between-sleep-and-awake stage. A few minutes passed and he twitched again, this time groaning and resituating himself.

"How long're you keepin' that light on? Can't fuckin' sleep…"

Natalie chuckled softly but set her book down. It wasn't her light keeping him awake; it seemed like he'd gone and let himself get a little too tired.

"I can turn it off now"

She twisted to turn her lamp off and was quickly caught around the waist and pulled down properly onto the bed.

"I can't believe ya fuckin' lied to me," he mumbled, his deep voice even more gravely from fatigue.

"You're tired. Go to sleep."

"Yeah…fuckin' whipped…"

"Then go to sleep"

He was rolled onto his side and she stayed where she was on her back, his arm draped over her. She could feel his breath on her collar and it soon steadied. He twitched another time or two and his breath would catch but he mostly stayed asleep. It took Natalie much longer to fall asleep, as she was acutely aware of him, so she didn't doze right off.

When she woke in the morning he was still sound asleep. She didn't want to wake him up but she didn't exactly want to leave him alone in the house so she decided to skip her AM class and turned her alarm off to get some extra sleep. When she woke again he was sill sleep so she got up carefully. She realized, then, that he'd never gotten under the covers, so she grabbed a blanket from the papasan chair and spread it over him carefully. That done, she went about business quietly.

It wasn't that much later when Billy finally woke-up and by then Natalie was on the computer sending her professor an excuse for her absence.

"Time's it?" he ground out when he finally located her, rubbing his eyes.

"A little after 11:00"

"Shit"

"Your phone didn't go off -- I think you're okay"

He mumbled something unintelligible and plucked the blanket off of him, eyeing it curiously since he didn't remember it. He then proceeded to snag his coat and dig for his phone.

"Didn't believe me?" Natalie asked when he slipped it open to check for missed calls.

Billy just shrugged -- he just had to be sure.

"Don't ya have class or somethin'?"

"So I skipped one," she shrugged.

"Did I hear right? Never thought I'd see this…" he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I've skipped before," she defended herself.

"Woo-wee; I guess I got a real rebel on my hands then, huh?" he smirked.

Natalie rolled her eyes and turned back to her laptop to read-over the e-mail before she sent it.

"I have time to make you breakfast if you want," she informed him.

"A place to sleep and free breakfast….didn't know I was at the Holiday Inn. Damn."

"I don't have to," Natalie threatened to take back the offer.

"Ya already offered," he argued.

"I'll take that as a "yes, please" then," Natalie decided in a sarcastic manner, sending the e-mail.

Billy smirked and finally stood, crossing the room to lean over the back of her chair. He extended his arms down beside hers, taking the mouse from her to Exit out of her inbox.

"Yes, please," he mocked, turning into her neck, breath ghosting over her neck.

Natalie tried to hide the shiver than raked her when his breath brushed the nape of hew neck.

"Since you asked nicely," she nodded quickly to cover-up her reaction.

She heard a short chuckle from him and she got up once he moved out of the way.

"Your parents are gone, right? Cuz I don't need t' deal with that…"

"They're gone," Natalie assured him, leading the way down the curved stairs.

"What do you want?' she asked, searching the refrigerator.

"Anything -- whatever"

"That's not helpful," Natalie sighed.

He just shrugged and he remained there quietly while she started eggs and sausages that she found; he usually had shitty cereal or some kind of leftover pizza or something when he bothered with breakfast, so he'd take what he could get form her. If he ate "real" breakfast food it was when he and the boys stopped at a diner now and then.

"Help yourself to coffee," she waved at the pot once it was done.

Billy did so and without really even thinking about it made a cup for Natalie and slid it across the counter to her. Natalie had already had some but she accepted another cup of it since it had been a nice gesture on Billy's part. Billy didn't think much about what he'd done except to remember the last time he'd had to fill two mugs was back before Joe went away. Their long-standing, unwritten rule was that whoever touched the coffee first better pour enough to go around.

Joey…

"Shit -- time's it again?"

"11:30ish. Why; can you not stay?" Natalie asked, a little annoyed he'd let her start.

"Huh? No, I can…just have a thing this afternoon," he waved away the question.

He was visiting Joe again today. It was the first time in about a month now, so it was time to make sure the kid was okay and catch him up about life outside.

"Oh some street gang thing," Natalie nodded.

"Careful," Billy rose an eyebrow at her in a sort of warning; he didn't want her asking the wrong questions or making the wrong jokes.

Natalie made no further comment on the matter but went back to getting the food going.

"…and I haven't forgotten about your lie," he added.

"How do you want your eggs?"

"However. Don't go changin' the subject."

"You have a preference," Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Over easy if there's toast comin' my way; over medium if there ain't."

"See that wasn't so hard…and I don't think it's a big deal. When you asked, I didn't know you," Natalie defended.

"And ya know me now?"

"Better than I did then," Natalie decided; she doubted if there weren't still many things that were a mystery to her …okay, she knew he was still a mystery to her, but she didn't think he was there to hurt her.

"Did ya lie because I scared you?" he asked slyly.

"…I guess," Natalie answered honestly, eyes on the stove.

"…do I still scare you?" he asked this time, crossing the kitchen to slide up next to her, whispering into her neck again.

"…not in the same way," she shook her head, tensing and craning her neck away a little bit.

Billy thought this answer over and seemed satisfied with it. He kept his close proximity and slid his hands onto her hips, hooking a finger in belt loops of her jeans to pull her back against him. Natalie wasn't sure where this was going, nor was she sure she wanted to think about it just then.

"Umm…you can make your own toast," she decided pulling herself away even though part of her didn't want to.

Yup, this situation definitely wasn't one she wanted to figure out right now, right there in her kitchen. But with all this extra time together and Billy showing up more often, she was going to have to figure out what this thing was pretty soon.

"The fuck do ya want me to say, Joey? That's all that's happened," Billy told his brother exasperatedly.

"Well someone's lost their touch since I've been here," Joe tried not to actually laugh at his older brother's frustration.

"Fuck you"

"Alright, alright. I get she's not some hit-and-split kindda chick," Joe nodded. "But you're into her and it's funny…"

"Yeah it's been a hell of a laugh," Billy muttered.

He'd put-off this part of the fill-Joe-in talk, but knew his brother was dying to know.

"I mean you hang out at this girl's house for Christ's sake…it's been, what, a month -- just go for it."

"Yeah, yeah"

"…man, this is too good. I gotta get outta here…are the guys catchin' on that you're gone over her?"

"I ain't gone over nobody," Billy protested. "Bodie and Baggy call me out on goin' to her place so much," he conceded.

"Could be worse -- could have 'em all on your case."

"Right; I got you and that's enough," Billy complained.

"So what is it about her?"

"…I don't like talkin' about it…"

"Well this is as close to a soap opera as I'm gonna get for at least another month or two. Besides, I'm your brother -- tell me, damn it," Joe pressed stubbornly; he knew he was one of the few people that could talk to him this way….Natalie probably could, too, and that thought made him grin.

"…she just wasn't what I expected, so that caught my attention. And…I dunno; she just treats me like I'm there, ya know?" Billy shrugged; he'd gotten over wanting to hate her and accepted that he didn't, but to hell if he knew how it's happened.

Joey nodded slowly; he got that. They didn't get that much. Their mom had split when Billy was in middle school, making sporadic, non-beneficial appearances once in a while, their dad would just as well shoot them than pay attention to them if it weren't for them brining in money, and the rest of the world, well…it ignored them, trying to pretend they didn't exist. All the guys dealt with it. That's why Bodie held onto Angela, why Tommy still brought groceries to his mom as often as he could, why Jamie helped his pops at the garage across town whenever he wasn't running a corner….they needed someone to notice them.

They all had each other, sure, but they needed something more than that--- not a lot, just something outside of basic functioning and getting by. Bodie loved going home to Angela who was a hard city girl but was a sweetheart for him, and Tommy liked feeling like he took care of his mom and have a little bit of time to grab a home-cooked meal and pretend he was a mama's boy. Jamie still liked shooting the shit with his old man, who had Jamie around in secret because his mom didn't want him around after he joined "that good for nothing gang," and Joe had always been looking for love with girls. It blew up in his face sometimes, but he was used to it so he moved on.

They all did it in their own ways; found other things to love for, things to look forward to in order to keep them going.

Except Billy never seemed to. It worried Joey, so to hell with it if he wasn't going to push him towards this Natalie chick as much as he could.

"…shit, maybe we both got mommy issues," Billy sighed, trying to bring the conversation back up to a place where it wasn't so touchy-feely.

"Nah, it's human nature," Joe dismissed.

"Been readin' too many books," Billy muttered.

"Shut up, man; I'm just saying.

Billy nodded and stretched, sending a scowl in the direction of a guard who he knew was eying him; they were always eyeing him around here.

"Okay, great, now you're pissed," Joe complained, slouching down in his chair after a quiet minute or two.

"No I ain't; I'm just thinkin," Billy assured him.

"About Natalie"

"About a lot of shit," Billy corrected. "Look, time's almost up…you need anything that I can get ya?"

"Nah, man, just keep comin' when ya can…I gotta be reminded there's shit outside of here," Joe sighed.

"Don't start gettin' depressed, alright? That's what the books are for," Billy reminded him quietly but sternly; Joe just had to hold on for a couple more months but Billy knew it wasn't easy to not go stir-crazy.

"I know"

"Alright…I'll ask some of the boys to call, maybe entertain ya with their bullshit for a while. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Joe grinned. "And give me another point of view on this Natalie."

Billy ignored his ending comment.

"Ya keep your head down, hear me?"

Joe nodded as all the visitors started to get up.

"Okay, I'll see you soon"

"Right. You better be with this Natalie by then."

Billy grinned and shook his head as he stood.

"Ya ever read Into the Wild?"

"Nah"

"See if they got it here -- I hear it's god."

Joe nodded, a little confused, but made a mental nose of it. He watched Billy go before trooping back to his damn cell.