Hey so sorry it's been so long =( truly i am, because i enjoy this story so I like to put up the up-dates. Between getting over being sick and working all week, I've been doing a lot of sleeping.

But anyway, here's chapter 16 and I'll try not to let it be so long between updates again. It should be.

Thanks for all the reviews; I'm glad you continue to enjoy and I appreciate the feedback

Are you sane? Where's the shame?
A moment of times passes by,
You cannot rewind.
Who's to blame and where did it start?
'World So Cold' by 12
_

Natalie was finally free to relax. She'd turned in her big paper and gotten her two tests out of the way already this week, and had no pressing work to do soon, which felt really good.

She was at the Four Roses and finally drinking since ditching her house .She'd had too much going on to do this whole week to be able to really be free to do whatever she wanted, but now she could do whatever she pleased.

"Shall we get another shot?" Paige offered Natalie her arm after they failed to beat Tommy and Bodie at a game of darts.

"We shall," Natalie snickered, linking arms with her friend to go up to the bar for a drink.

"You ladies look nice tonight," Sammy smiled across the bar to them, filling glasses for them as per their request.

"Thanks," Paige smiled. "Had to let loose, so we dressed up for a night on the town."

"And ended up here," Sammy laughed; he loved his bar but he knew it wasn't a ritzy place where college girls like them usually went.

"Funny how that happens, huh," Natalie laughed before they took their drinks.

She appreciated the compliment, though; they both did. Paige had had a hectic school week, too, with a few tests so they'd decided to actually dress up to have fun and unwind. She wore a short blue dress with some beading on the front and thick straps that went around her neck and crossed over her back.

"How much have you had?" Billy asked her when she found him at a pool table and wrapped an arm right around him, helping herself to some of his beer before setting it back on the corner of the table.

"Yea, where's our coy little butterfly tonight, huh?" Baggy teased from the other side of the table where he now had his arm slung around Paige.

She knew Paige and _ had broken up but she had yet to decide if she and Baggy were doing anything; Natalie was waiting to ask until she had more of an idea so Paige couldn't lie to her about it.

Natalie flipped Baggy the bird and Billy just laughed, ducking to kiss her. She slid a hand up his arm squeezing his upper arm gently.

"Hold that thought; I gotta win his money real quick," he quipped as he straightened up.

Tommy provided both girls with another beer while they loitered around to watch Billy and Baggy finish their game; Billy collected on the bet in the end.

"I almost feel bad for him," Billy chuckled, coming back over to Natalie, who smiled and slipped her arms around him to sway to the music that was playing somewhere.

Billy just grinned and watched her; he knew she was finally blowing off steam from the whole week so he was content to let her be and do whatever she wanted; if that meant she was getting drunk, then he didn't care.

"So how much have you had? Am I gonna feel like I'm takin' advantage of you tonight," he asked.

"No," she rolled her eyes, tugging on his necklace to pull him down into a kiss. "And this isn't how you dance," she pouted, disappointed her efforts to move to the song were futile.

"I don't dance…ya wanna stick around or get outta here?" he asked after checking his watch.

"….we can go," she decided.

"That's what I like to hear," he smirked

He took her hand and accommodated her wishes by twirling her "gentlemanly", landing his arm around her shoulders nicely to walk her back to the booth to grab their coats. She smiled brightly in surprise and snatched her coat readily.

"Hey, it's been a fun night; call me tomorrow, okay?" Paige checked, waggling her eyebrows at her friend.

"Right…get her home safe," Natalie ordered Baggy.

"Yes ma'am," he winked, saluting her with his beer.

"Coat?" Billy asked, grabbing the door.

"I'll put in on in a minute or two; I'm warm"

"I wonder why," he questioned sarcastically.

Natalie shivered when the cold air hit her skin but really it felt nice so she continued to walk without her coat for a while. She slipped her hand into his and tugged him closer to kiss her, which he immediately did, coming to a short stop there on the sidewalk.

"Hey…isn't that -" Natalie began when they parted.

"Billy!"

"What the fuck?" Billy spat, recognizing the voice before he even turned fully around. "What the hell did I tell you, huh?"

It was the man in the suit who'd stupidly stopped at Billy's apartment the previous evening.

"Thought I'd find you over here tonight," he nodded, slapping the side of his sleek black car.

The back door opened and a broad, scruffy man stood up from it.

"Mother fucker…."

"That the girl?" the raspy voice asked.

"Oh yeah…"

"Real cute…"

Natalie's heart was racing as Billy stepped in front of her, reaching into his coat for his gun. Before he had it out she felt an arm on her elbow and gasped.

Billy whipped around, gun drawn, but in almost the same second felt a gun at the base of his skull from the man who'd gotten out of the car.

Riley, that mother fucker.

Billy squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, slow breath. He'd gotten out of worse jams than this; he could do it again.

When he opened his eyes he set his eyes on the tall man who had Natalie by the elbow. Billy was getting the distinct impression that this was Ethan, the mother fucker Riley had named as his "boss." Billy didn't know how he and the boys hadn't been able to peg this guy down, but now Billy knew what he looked like and he was dead.

Dead.

"The fuck do you want?" Billy growled.

"Oh I've been waiting to meet you, Billy," the blonde man grinned. "And now I get to meet this pretty thing, too…wouldn't have known to find you with her if it wasn't for our friend Marshal there," he nodded to the man in the suit.

Billy turned his head slowly to pierce him with a long look.

He was dead, too.

"My cousin Riley had quite the beating put on him not that long ago…heard you had a lot to do with that…"

Natalie wasn't sure what they were talking about but she knew more than enough to be scared, what with the gun that was on Billy and the way the man holding her was stroking her arm slowly. Billy was clearly livid and it didn't look like there was anything either of them could do.

"I had everything to do with that; ya shouldda left like we told him cuz I don't give warnings twice," Billy stared him down.

"That's pretty confident talk for a man in your position," Riley spat from behind him, tapping the gun lightly on his head.

"Yeah, and you're only confident now that ya have your gun," Billy muttered.

"Like you weren't confident before just cuz ya had your buddies with ya…well, we brought some friends, too"

Another car pulled up a few seconds later and the front doors opened for two more men to get out.

"Marshal, you can get the fuck out of here now," Ethan ordered him.

"You better hide," Billy added as the man made for his car and shortly took off.

Natalie's heart was pounding and she was trying to look to Billy for some reassurance but his eyes were jumping around sizing everybody up and trying to assess the situation. When his gaze did fall on her, she didn't know what to take from his look. She could only tell that he was pissed, not whether they were going to be okay.

"Well now, I think Riley wants his revenge," Ethan sneered, waving Riley over.

Riley moved around Billy, who made to move but froze when the two new assholes pulled out guns and held them at their sides with pointed looks. His jaw clenched and his blood boiled as he watched Riley approach Natalie and Ethan stepped away.

"You're gonna like this, Darley," Ethan sneered.

"You look good in this dress," Riley told her quietly, tracing one of her straps and then along her neckline.

She pushed away his hands quickly, taking a quick step backwards. He laughed and grabbed her arm and turned to push her up against their car. She grunted when her back met the car and her eyes darted to Billy, who met her gaze for only a second before his eyes darted to the other men.

"The fuck do you want," Billy stared Ethan down.

"You thought you could run us out of town and you've got another thing coming; you thought Riley was a warning, well, this is your a warning. You're not the only badass in town….can't even protect your woman…"

Natalie tensed, imagining just what she needed to be protected from, but as Riley leaned in closer she was pretty sure she was getting a good idea. He grabbed her hips and pushed his hands down her thighs. She was too stunned to react for a moment but when his hands got past her dress and to her skin she jumped and tried to push his hands away. He laughed in her face and pushed his forearm against her neck, pushing her head back and threatening her airway.

Her hands quickly shot up to his arm, trying to tug it away from her throat. Riley's other hand was still up her dress and was soon fingering her underwear.

"Lace…nice," Riley smirked.

Natalie leaned away to no avail and squeezed her legs together when he started to pulled her underwear aside. He just chuckled and pushed her feet apart with his own, wedging his leg between hers to grant himself access.

"Please don't," she gasped, pushing at his chest.

Billy took an automatic step forward only to stop when guns were raised his way. His heart was pounding in his ears and he felt a little panicky even though he wouldn't show it; how could he be calm when he didn't know how far this was going to go? This was happening right in front of his face and he couldn't even do anything.

"No…no, don't"

Natalie's protests fell on deaf ears and she screwed her eyes shut when Riley shoved his fingers inside of her. He treated her roughly and she whimpered, continuing with little success to try to get his arm off of her. She could heard the other man, Ethan, saying something to Billy but she couldn't focus on that; all she could do was feel Riley's hands on her. Her mind was spinning and she got more scared, fearing how far this man was going to take this.

She finally reacted more fully, trying to throw a knee between his legs but he deflected the predictable move. With a frustrated gasp she hit his throat as hard as she could, which unfortunately wasn't as hard as she would've wished because of her position. Still, his arm left her to instinctively grab his throat and she straightened and tried again to knee him in the groin. She was more successful this time, though he was able to move in time to slight the blow to the side.

"Bitch!" he spat, grabbing her around the waist when she tried to get away from him.

He whipped her around and threw her bodily into the car, this time so her front hit the hood and she had to put her hands out to save herself from falling forward into it. He was on her again, harshly forcing his fingers into her while his other hand was tight on the back of her neck, pushing it forward to keep her head down.

Natalie's hair fell around her, creating a curtain around her face and she stared at her hands, which were palm-down on the hood of this man's car. She watched as a tear fell onto the paint near her hand and she sobbed softly.

Before too long he took his hands off her to turn her around and thrust a gun in her face. He pushed it into her cheek and laughed when she tried to turn her head away.

"Now you're gonna go exactly what I tell you, aren't you? …aren't you?"
Slowly, Natalie nodded.

"Good girl…you really are a sexy little thing; Darelye's got good taste …and I can appreciate that…"

He showed her just how much he was appreciating it, grabbing her wrist so he could make her cup his crotch, where he was getting hard.

"I think you know what you need to do now," he sneered, twisting the gun into her face threateningly.

Natalie knew and she shook to even think about it. She couldn't even look in Billy's direction as she considered what she was going to have to do in front of him…

"So what exactly are you waiting for…?"

"Whoa, hold up…Eth, man, some cops just rolled by the end of the street and the stopped to check us out. I bet they're circling around to make sure everything's cool…" one of the other men spoke up, craning his neck to search the intersection as best he could.

"Let's go, Riley," Ethan ordered, waving everyone towards the car, gun trained towards Billy to keep him in check.

Riley cursed but let her go quickly, tucking his gun away before wrenching the door open to the car.

"You have a nice night, Darley…" Ethan mocked, getting in too as one of his boys fired up the engine and shot smoothly away from the curb.

Natalie watched and released a breath she'd been holding once the car finally turned the corner and was away from them. She finally looked to Billy then to see his pone was at his ear, staring at where the car had disappeared.

"Bodie. Get all the guys to my place! Every fuckin' one of 'em. Now!"
He hung up abruptly and turned towards her, looking her up and down as he stepped closer to her. He reached for her and rubbed her arms lightly but she shrugged him away.

"It's not you," she told him quickly, when he scowled. "I just…I don't want anybody to touch me. I feel gross…"

"Fuck…"

She looked up to apologize but saw he wasn't looking at her; she looked over to see a cop cruiser slowing to a stop near them.

"There a problem here, miss?"

"No, there was just a misunderstanding but they're gone now," she managed to tell them.

The officers remained and talked quietly amongst themselves for a moment.

"Do you need escorted anywhere?"
"No, home isn't too far"

"Have a good night then…be safe…"

As soon as the officers were gone, Billy ushered her along with him without actually touching her since apparently she wasn't fucking down with that. He was fuming still but they walked silently and hurried up and into his apartment. When Billy shut the door Natalie pushed her hands back through her hair shakily and finally some more tears fell. She swiped them away quickly and let her face rest in her hands a few moments while she tried to calm down.

Billy took a step forward but remembered she didn't want him to touch her and stopped, unsure what to do.

"…Nat," he finally started, simply holding up his hands; he needed help on this one.

She just shook her head slowly; she didn't know what was supposed to happen next either.

"I need to take a shower," she was able to decide.

"Alright," he sighed; he was only growing more and more frustrated that he couldn't do anything.

She turned away to get into the bathroom and turned back near the doorway, looking back at him.

"Ummm…I know the guys are coming but you're not leaving are you?" she checked, eyes desperate.

"Nah I'll be here when you're done in there," he assured her.

She entered the bathroom a little more comfortably then, fiercely getting out of all of her clothes, throwing them in the corner. She got hot water flowing and jumped straight in. She scrubbed herself down hard but rather quickly, stepping back out with red, fresh skin. She wrapped a towel around herself and left the bathroom, freezing when she realized the living room was full of people and all eyes were now trained on her.

She'd heard Billy's voice but hadn't realized people were over.

"Sorry, I…I thought you were on the phone…" she explained uncomfortably.

"It's fine….hey! Show some fuckin' respect!" Billy bellowed at the room.

Quickly, the guys averted their eyes elsewhere and Billy nodded her towards the room, where she scurried and shut the door to change.

"Alright, like I said…now I know what all those fuckers look like and we know what they drive. You all scour this fucking city looking for that car - you look in every corner of the streets. I'm going to visit my buddy Marshal. Baggy, you're with me," he jerked his thumb towards said man.

"You got it," Baggy nodded; he was ready to go along with whatever Billy's plans were for Marshal after hearing what had gone down.

"Bodie, you split them up and send 'em out. I don't want to see any of your asses until you have leads; I don't care what favors you have to call in or who ya gotta rough up….get news on that car or these punks. I'm fuckin' serious," Billy spat.

"You got it, bro. We ain't gonna let you down; this shirt won't pass"

"Yeah, that's fucked up man. We'll find 'em"

Billy nodded and planted his hands on his hips, watching with critical eyes as Bodie split up the guys and sent them to sections of the city. They all filed out in pairs or groups; Bodie was the last to leave with a reassuring yet manly slap on the shoulder to Billy. Baggy stood by quietly, waiting, and Billy shrugged his coat on just before his bedroom door opened.

"…you're leaving?"

She stood in loose sweats and a black fleece zipped up over a t-shirt looking puzzled and upset.

"I have to go take care of some shit," Billy explained, crossing the room to her.

He moved to cup her face but quickly diverted his hands to rest on either side of the doorframe.

"Billy, don't…I want you stay," she pleaded nervously. "You said you wouldn't leave," she reminded him, a little annoyed.

"I said I'd be here when ya got out of there," he corrected her, reminding her of his carefully worded promise. "Tommy's stayin'; I wouldn't just leave ya here alone right now."

"I don't want Tommy-"

"You like Tommy," he reminded her quickly. "He's gonna stay here and keep an eye on you…"

"Please stay…I'm scared and-"

"Shhh….I'll be back soon," he promised, brushing damp hair away from her face, still not actually touching her skin.

She nodded and watched him leave the apartment with Baggy hot on his heels. Tommy was sitting on the couch and once the door shut he twisted to give her a somber look, which he slowly turned into a smile.

"Hey girl"

"…hi"

She crossed the room and sat at the very end of the couch. Tommy turned the TV on quietly but she couldn't manage to actually focus on it. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. She sat there, practically unmoving, for what seemed like forever. She and Tommy got through a few episodes of some show and she finally got up.

"Where you goin'?" he jumped, surprised by her finally moving without warning.

"I'm gonna take a bath"

"Aiight," he nodded; that seemed normal.

Natalie diverted her path to the bathroom to go pour a glass of wine - this wasn't something Billy'd ever had stocked until she came alone - and then went to fill the tub for a hot, hopefully long bath.

Tommy stayed in the living room watching TV. He wished he was out doing something to help, but he couldn't deny it was nice to just sit for a while; they'd been hitting the streets hard for a while now and it was exhausting.

He jumped again when Billy stomped in abruptly not that long after Natalie had abandoned the room.

"Where is she?" was Billy's immediate question, his icy eyes not finding her anywhere.

"Ran a bath; just got in. She ain't talkin'; like she's in a daze."

Billy nodded and dismissed Tommy with a simple look, and Tommy quickly did as he wanted. Once he was gone, Billy shed his coat and toed-off his boots.

They'd found Marshal with surprising ease; maybe he'd been under the impression Ethan would off him and Natalie; he hadn't even bothered to hide from Billy and the boys/ They'd found him at home. Billy was livid enough to want to draw-out Marshal's end, but he was also eager to get home to make sure Natalie wasn't pulling her damned hair our. So he'd beaten him quickly and brutally, pouring out his anger, and then put a bullet in the back of his skull quick and easy.

He let himself into the bathroom and Natalie jumped but relaxed quickly when she saw it was him and not Tommy. There was a magazine sitting on the edge of the tub like shed meant to start reading it but it sat neglected.

He spotted her glass of wine and helped himself, downing it in one go. He continued to study her and they each just stared at one another for a while. Finally he sighed and fluidly stripped his clothes off to step into the tub with her. He nudged her forward so he could sit behind her, legs bent around hers. The water level rose dangerously, but he was able to settle in and wrap his arms around Natalie's middle. The hot water felt good and he just concentrated on its comfort since they weren't talking. He leaned back, guiding her with him, and probably could've fallen asleep if he hadn't been so keyed up from the evening.

"Are you okay?" he asked, hoping she'd say she needed something so he could feel like he could do something.

"…just scared," she shivered. "I'll be okay…"

Billy sighed and kissed the top of her head before leaning his head back again. He sorely wished she'd given him something constructive to do; he knew she just wanted him to be there, but it didn't seem like enough. Offing Marshal had been good, but he knew Riley and those assholes were out there, so there was still mess to clean up.

"Nat, the water's getting cold"

"I don't care"

"Nat, c'mon," he pushed her to get up but she resisted.

"I just want to stay in the tub a while…I feel disgusting."

Billy frowned and after a moment leaned up to reach past her and drain the water.

"Billy"

"Just hold on a sec…"

The water quickly drained away around them and Billy stood, pulling her with him. He snapped the curtain shut and a few moments later had a hot shower running over them. He grabbed the soap and proceeded to wash her with his hands. From her ankles and up her legs, rubbing soapy hands over her entire body. He slipped a finger between her legs slowly and gently, quickly moved on before she could react. He stoicly cleaned her front before massaging her slick back. He rinsed her before speaking.

"Now you can't say you're dirty. And you're not disgusting; you never have been," he cupped her chin to tell her, looking her in the eye. "You fuckin' listening t' that?"

She nodded. Her eyes were red-rimmed so he knew tears mixed with the water on her face.

"I was scared"

"I know"

"And violated"

"…I know"

"…and now I just feel vulnerable and…and I guess I don't know what I feel… … …stupid, maybe."

"Hey, cut that shit out," he told her firmly. "Don't even say it - they had guns, what the hell could you have done, huh? Ya tried fightin' him and that was fuckin' brave, but they came out with guns and you're still alive; that's all that matters."

She nodded slowly. What had happened was horrible and wrong, but maybe she needed to remember she was lucky, in a sense; at least she was alive.

"That wasn't your fault…ya hearin' that?"

She nodded again and stepped forward to slip her arms around his waist and rest her forehead against his chest. He returned the embrace, turning the water off after a short time.

"C'mon; lets get to bed"

They dried off quickly and Natalie put on the sweats and sweatshirt from earlier and quickly dried her hair. Billy was slightly annoyed by that because he wanted them both to sleep and start a new fucking day already, but he waited patiently in the bathroom doorway because he knew he shouldn't be surprised. She hated sleeping on wet hair - it was one of the many subtle things he was learning about her from really living together. Just like she'd discovered he tried to make his food not touch on his plate if he could help it; this was a lifelong quirk of his that he was a little annoyed she'd picked up on.

She finished and then turned to look at him, looking him over carefully.

"Did they hurt you? I didn't even notice if they hit you or anything, and I didn't ask…"

"No, they didn't. They just tried to hurt me through you," he shook his head.

He entered the room and got to her, resting his forehead down on hers. He toyed with the ends of her hair, unsure how much her request not to be touch still stood outside of the bath.

"…and it worked better than they thought…cuz I fuckin' went and let myself love you…"

Billy had meant to say it; it wasn't a slip of the tongue, but now that it was out there, hanging in the air, he felt uncomfortable with the foreign declaration. It might as well have been a different fucking language he was trying to speak.

So when Natalie got over the shock and opened her mouth he placed a finger over her lips to stop her. He didn't want to talk about it any deeper yet; he was too tired and, well, too amazed with himself.

Instead he took her hand and lead her to bed, each crawling in and settling under the covers facing each other.

"…can I hold you?"

This wasn't normally something he asked, he just did it - hell, Billy Darley didn't ask permission for really anything, period - but he didn't know what was alright and that unsettled him.

Natalie smiled into the dark but nodded and took his hand to guide around her. She felt safe against him and tried to force herself to relax.