Well, this definitely shouldn't be too hard. Voldemort bashing and humiliating - something nice and easy for a change!
3 more hours until my blessed sleep! I'm definitely never doing this again!
Voldemort paced up and down in front of his loyal minions. He said in his cold voice, "The Potter boy shall die! I will rend his body from limb to limb and no one shall oppose me anymore!"
They all bowed and murmured, "Of course, my Lord." Many of them kept their thoughts of Yeah right! to themselves.
Suddenly, there was a giant burst of black smoke and a figure in a black hooded robe appear. Everybody shivered and drew back, except Voldemort. Ol' Tommy boy drew his wand, pointed it at the intruder and demanded, "Who… who are you? What are you doing?"
The figure cocked his head to one side, then suddenly said, "Yo, dude! Wassup? You were due, like, fifty years ago! Woah, overdue much? Yeah, anyway, I gotta take you back now, time's up!"
Voldemort was confused. He said, nearly all traces of menace replaced with surprise, "W-what?"
The figure rolled his eyes. No one could see it, but they all knew that he rolled his eyes. He said, "Uh, duh. I'm Death, you moron. You were supposed to be dead aaaaages ago, dude! What went wrong? Love life too much? Jeez, you need to find a girlfriend, 'cause Life ain't returning your love!"
Death then cracked up at his ridiculously bad joke. Everybody just stood there, thinking, Eh-what?
Voldemort finally recovered and said heatedly, "I refuse to die, Death! I can and I will stay in Life!"
Death just chuckled and said, "Jeez, take a chill pill, dude. Now c'mon, pull yourself together!"
Voldemort screamed as Death suddenly clapped once. Voldemort could feel himself being sucked into Death, and he could do nothing about it. Soon afterwards, the rest of Voldemort's Horcruxes were swallowed by Death too.
Death gave a loud burp and grinned at the dumbstruck Death Eaters. "Oh, by the way, it'll be your turns soon! See you 'round, dudes and dudettes! Don't forget your chill pills! And woah, there ain't no way you can eat me, I'm the only one who can eat anyone!"
As Death suddenly imploded on himself, the Death Eaters just stared at each other.
Okay. Definitely slap-happy at this point. See you in an hour!