Lullaby
The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby
Jenny
5/8/10
I immediately looked back up to where I thought Lupin had gone, back to sit with Draco and Tonks, but instead, the doors behind me opened again, and Lupin walked forward. He went and sat in the bar for the left side, my side. "Remus J. Lupin, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Merlin?" Madam Bones asked, and she sounded almost bored.
"I do." Lupin said quietly. I looked down as he continued to look straight ahead. I realized the less connected we looked, the more legit his testimony would seem.
"How long have you been a werewolf?" Dawlish started right away, and Lupin sighed. He actually looked much better than the last time I had seen him. He was wearing fancy dress robes, like Draco was, even though he looked tired. I couldn't help but wonder where he had gotten them.
"I've been a werewolf since I was 6 years old." Lupin answered coolly. I knew he was taking this as an opportunity to help kill some of the werewolf stereotype. I could only hope that it would work.
"Have you noticed that you are more aggressive and irritable, Mr. Lupin?"
"No, my personality stayed the same."
"The same? Explain, please."
"When someone is bitten, the magic from that werewolf is unique. It reflects the person that werewolf is. I was bitten by an undocumented werewolf, so I still don't know their identity. If I have taken on their personality, I wouldn't know."
"So if you were bitten by a more aggressive person, there is a chance that you will be like them after the transformation is complete? Like Jenny?"
"Yes and no. If the person bitten isn't strong enough to fight off the magic in their brain during the transformation, they will change. Jenny was able to keep her personality." Lupin glanced at me for only a second, and then looked back to Dawlish.
"Describe a transformation."
"The magic in a bite keeps it open until the magic can seep into the blood stream and head for the brain. The sensation is cold, and always extremely painful. The only way I can explain it is like getting frostbite on every inch of your body, and that isn't even close to the true feeling. Once the magic either enters the brain or changes all of the body but the brain, it resides in the blood forever, making a werewolf dangerous when it is not aware of whom they really are. If they bite someone, their magic starts the process over again, but with a new kind of personality in question." Lupin said flatly. I knew he was remembering his and mine.
"Is there anyway you can stop yourself from changing in the moons light? Can you choose not to be a werewolf?" Dawlish asked, and Lupin's face darkened.
"Being a werewolf is not a lifestyle choice, it's a forced way of life. Being in moonlight is an uncontrollable reaction. Once you are bitten, you have no choice." He said frostily.
"When you take a Wolfsbane Potion, are you aware of who you are and your morals?"
"Under the influence of the Wolfsbane Potion, it is like being a human, except you are trapped in a wolf's body until morning. You can think, feel and remember anything. Nothing changes except your form."
"What are your normal injuries after a night as a wolf?"
"With the Wolfsbane Potion, almost none. Maybe a strained or pulled muscle, and you are very sore. Without it, you can break bones, lose appendages, and suffer from many lacerations. Also, wolves howl more, which makes you lose your voice." Lupin glanced lightly at me again, but I kept looking straight ahead.
"Are you a threat to society? Will you kill innocent people?"
Lupin chuckled. "Absolutely not. A very dear friend makes potions for me, and I always Apparate to isolated forests during a full moon. Werewolves are not dangerous." Lupin finished firmly. I looked up only slightly at the way he mentioned Draco. A 'very dear friend' was how he put it. What did that mean?
"Thank you, Mr. Lupin, you may be seated." Dawlish said formally, and Lupin left the stand. "As you can see, Jenny's condition couldn't be a contributing factor to the murders she committed. And speaking of, I'd like to ask Jenny a few questions about werewolves." He said, and I looked up in surprise. "So, Jenny, how are you?" He asked me casually, and I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. I thought courtrooms were full of decorum and formality. The snickers coming from the Wizengamot only fueled my thought process.
"Fine." I said quietly, but he almost talked over me.
"Speak up! I want everyone to hear what you have to say." He said earnestly and almost in a jolly fashion, like a giant Santa on steroids.
"I'm feeling fine." I said clearly, and the Wizengamot died down.
"Good, good…but how are you really, Jenny? I know you're lying to me. You can't possibly be fine." He changed topics in an instant, but I was used to it from spying on Umbridge for so long. I knew how to play.
"I really am fine, sir." I said easily, but he shook his head.
"No, no. How are you?" He pressed again, then turned around and said something I didn't catch to Madam Bones who looked at him like he was crazy, but after a moment, the chains unwound, and I felt my eyebrows raise, but remained seated. "Answer the question, Jenny." Dawlish suddenly sounded frosty.
"I'm fine." I emphasized, wondering what the hell he was doing.
"Damn it, Jenny!" He shouted, and pulled me to my feet. For a second, I was back at Malfoy Manor before I remembered where I was. Whatever he was doing, he must have had a motive. He wouldn't hurt me. "I asked you how you were feeling. Now answer me." He demanded, glaring down at me, having to stand a little straighter to get a height advantage. When I didn't respond, he actually slapped my face. It made my cheek sting, and I moved back a step, my hand automatically cupping it, shocked. He hit me. In a courtroom.
"Auror Dawlish, what is your point, exactly?" Madam Bones asked, sounding just as stunned as I was as he continued to glare at me for a moment, and then dropped the act entirely.
"Now, if Jenny really was an angry, lethal killing machine, like Greyback was, would she really have just stood there? Would you have just stood there?" He asked, suddenly buddy-buddy with me, putting a casual arm around my shoulders. I shook my head, still touching the spot. "Here. Episkey." He healed the spot. "Better?" He asked, and I just nodded again. I had really underestimated him. "Now…I'd like to call Draco Malfoy down here please. Just for a moment." He said calmly, turning us on the spot to watch Malfoy cautiously come down. "No, stay there." He said as he began to approach, and Draco stopped. "Now…let's say that Draco was in trouble." He said and I flinched under Dawlish's arm as Williamson transfigured his clothing to Death Eater robes and began to stride over to Malfoy. My heart immediately started to race at the sight of the billowing robes. "What would you do, Jenny?" Dawlish asked me, removing his arm. Williamson whispered something to Malfoy, then stepped behind him and lightly rested his wand on his throat, making my face pale.
"I-" I started, and took a few slow steps forward, but halted when Williamson lightly tapped his throat, and I felt my hand drift down to where a gun used to hang on my hips.
"You'd attack him. Why?" Dawlish said, seeing my hand close around air where the weapon would be.
"Because he's going to hurt him," I barely said it, not daring to look away from Draco. I knew I was trembling again.
"Now, let's say that you and Williamson were evenly matched." He said, and Williamson handed Draco his wand then started to approach me. "Now what would you do? Quickly, Jenny, he's getting closer…" Dawlish goaded, and I took back a few steps to retaliate, until Williamson was right up in my face. Reflexively, I picked him up and body slammed him into the ground. When I realized what I had done, I instantly knelt next to Williamson who was trembling.
"God, I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't mean-" I ranted, pulling him upright, but then I realized that he wasn't trembling, but laughing. Without offering an explanation, he threw a punch, and again, by reflex, I caught it and twisted his arm back. Halfway through, I remembered again, and instantly let go, turning him around. "Shit, I'm sorry-" I ducked as he threw a punch straight for the bridge of my nose and headbutted him so that he stumbled and then fell. I blinked, then immediately crossed over and helped him up. "Honestly, I didn't-"
"You see? Jenny, faced in a dangerous situation, reflexively goes on defense, not offense. I'm sure that in a real fight, she wouldn't stop to apologize to her opponent, but this was just a demonstration with someone she knew. Thank you, Jenny." Dawlish said pleasantly, and I looked between Williamson (who now looked normal again) and Dawlish, then at Draco, who was crossing to return Williamson's wand. He kissed my cheek on his way back to the crowd.
"Here, you're shaking again. Sit," Williamson reminded me kindly, and I blinked to refocus, then took his hand and sat back down again with his assistance. I was trembling again, but I guess that was only to be expected.
"Ladies and Gentleman, you have seen inside Jenny's mind. You have seen proof that in a life-threatening situation, she goes on a defensive streak until it would become necessary to become offensive. You have heard and seen testimony regarding the truth about werewolves. Jenny has had a hard life here in the wizarding world. She's made choices, not all of them good, but she's made the best out of each situation. She's strong." Dawlish glanced at me with a smile, and then continued. "Our mission today was to show you that her murders, although wrong, were actually helpful to the war, and if committed by a wizard, or one of that status- which she is now," Dawlish's face turned satisfactory, "would be celebrated, not brought to court. I have no doubt that if faced with the same situation, most would want revenge. I'll leave you all for today with one last memory."
Williamson rapped his wand on the Pensive, and my face swam into view.
I was pale and waxen, as usual, but even to me, I looked incredibly unhappy and stressed. "Jenny, I'm torn. I approve of what you are doing somehow, but I still want you to try to be safe. I'm trying to be your father and doing a terrible job." Lupin started, and I shook my head fiercely.
"I may have left for a while, but I'll be safe, and you are being a perfect father to me. You'll have plenty of time to keep me in check once this war is over, or I get to most of, if not all the Death Eaters." I finally recognized the memory and looked down again. I couldn't imagine how Lupin must have felt giving this up. This one of the most private moments both of us had ever experienced.
"That brings us to what I wanted to ask you about…Jenny, are you alright? You've killed people, so you must be angry yet." I stared at him a moment, then looked at the floor.
"Well, Lupin…this is why I've been avoiding coming here as much as I have been." I took a deep breath. "I don't mind at all what I've done. I'm not proud of it, but I honestly don't care." Lupin inhaled sharply. "Yes, I'm still angry, and I still miss them. This won't make feel any better, and it used to, but it never fills the holes anymore." I admitted. "It actually makes it somewhat worse…remembering what started my spree everyday, with every kill. But I suppose I sort of deserve it. I am taking lives after all." Lupin hugged me.
"You just put all my fears to rest. I'm sorry it hurts, Jenny, and I'm sorry that you still miss them. I still miss a good friend of mine, who was murdered by Bellatrix and imprisoned for most of his life on a crime he didn't commit." Lupin ended slowly, letting me go. When we pulled apart, both of our faces were tortured and miserable.
"Sirius…Sirius Black. Harry's godfather." I said after a moment, looking thoughtful, and he nodded. "From what I heard," I started, visually trying to cheer him, "he died doing what he wanted, fighting for what was right. It was cruel and terrible what happened to him his whole life…but at least he knew some kind of happiness from you and Harry." Lupin looked up, and my face turned shocked when I saw his tears.
"I wish I could say the same thing for the people you are avenging; your family, your friends." I looked at him a moment, my expression unreadable, then reached into one of the pockets on my jumpsuit and pulled out my battered wallet from when I was a Muggle. I still carried it as a habit.
"Here are my adoptive parents. My dad's name was David, my mom's Barbara. They look nothing like me, but they were good to me." I tugged out the photograph from behind my Drivers License and handed it to him. Seeing that photo made tears spring from my eyes instantly. I still thought of them everyday.
"You were adopted?" Lupin asked in surprise, examining the photo.
"I think I told Hermione once out of the week I spent with her. Don't feel like you've forgotten. I didn't think it was important, considering I would never see them again." I smiled sadly at the photograph as he handed it back. I tucked into my wallet again without looking at Lupin, then felt my fingers drop the wallet as tears welled up over my eyes, despite my best efforts. I put my face in my hands and felt Lupin put a hand on my back as I cried. "They didn't have to die, my family, my f-friends. None of them had to and it's my fault." I said very softly, wiping my face clean and looking up into Lupin's face.
"Jenny, you can't blame yourself for being the random victim of a horrible attack. And if you parents knew the situation, I'm sure they would be very proud of you, just like I am."
The memory ended quickly, and I hastily swiped under my eyes and looked straight ahead unseeingly as a new one began, almost like a slideshow, but silent as Dawlish talked over it. Bellatrix was smashing the lamp down into my face—I was frozen in the moonlight, one sock halfway off—"Jenny is a good person… thrown into our world without a say." Dawlish said firmly. The Weasley's and the trio were sitting on a flight of steps, and I felt my mouth open into a tiny 'o' as a terrible scream split the silence of the courtroom. The agony in that scream was unlike any I had ever heard, and it sent a shiver up my spine when I realized it was mine. Then I flinched when Voldemort appeared in the memory, watching me intently as the fire spit in the background—"Her story and memories are terrible. They hurt to watch. Enduring them hurt Jenny more than I can convey to you, although you have seen that she is not usually as delicate as you see her today." Dawlish continued. I was running through the forest, glancing back to see Kingsley charging after me, twigs slapping my face as I ran faster, trying to get to Draco first—Kingsley was back, chuckling darkly under his breath as he nuzzled my neck, his hands tightening then releasing over my breasts— I looked away, feeling myself tense. "Jenny deserves to be cleared of these charges, and she deserves your respect." Dawlish finished, and thankfully, the memories stopped for good.