I'm Back
"Hey you. How are you feeling, do you need anything?"
"A kiss would nice." Came the whisper from beside her. "And some water."
Catherine turned to the woman lying beside her and their lips met. The kiss was gentle and loving and to Catherine it felt like a homecoming. This felt so right that it was almost scary. How could it be that in such a short amount of time she and Sara could become so close. What scared her the most was what will happen once they leave the hospital? She knew that her feelings wouldn't change but what about Sara? Would she realize that it was the experience that was making her feel this way? Would the age difference make her think twice about having a relationship with me? And will Lindsey accept their being together? "Stop thinking."
"What?"
"I can tell that your mind is churning and from the look on your face it's not thinking happy thoughts. Want to talk about it?"
"I'm not sure you want to know."
"Come on Catherine you're starting to scare me."
"I want you to know that I love you very much and that is not going to change no matter what happens."
"I love you too and I'm not going anywhere."
"Sara, I'm 10 years older than you. Shhh." "She laid her finger on Sara's lips when she tried to protest. "Let me get all of this out before you protest"
Sara kissed her finger and pulled it inside her mouth and gently sucked on it. "And stop that, I can't think while you do that."
"Good to know, I'll remember that for later when I want total control of your body."
"You just have to look at me with those big brown eyes to have total control of my body sweetie. Now do you want to know what I was thinking or do you want to continue this line of conversation? I like where this is going better than where we going before." Catherine brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed Sara's fingers one by one.
"As much as I like this conversation or lack thereof and against my better judgment I really want to know what has you so pensive."
"Spoil sport. Ok what I was thinking about was whether things will change once we get out of here," she gestured around the hospital room. "Are your feelings going to change once we leave here? Is it the Moment that is making you feel this way? I'm 10 years older than you, there are younger better looking women out there that might be better for you. What will we do if Lindsey isn't ok with us being in a relationship?" There were tears rolling down her cheeks by the time she was done talking and Sara carefully rolled over so she could kiss the tears away.
"Can I talk now?" Catherine could only nod because she was still overwhelmed by the feelings Sara's gesture of kissing the tears away had evoked in her. No one had ever done something so loving and it brought more tears to her eyes and she couldn't stop them from flowing. "What? I haven't even said anything. Why are you crying? Baby are you ok?"
"I love you. That's all I can say right now. You can talk now."
"Ok. I love you too and it's not because of the situation. I loved you before this happened and I'll love you after we catch this asshole. It's not something I can turn off and even if I could I wouldn't want to. I like the way I feel when I hold you like this, I feel content and that is not a feeling I've had much experience with, but I like it. Yes there are younger woman out there but none has caught my eye since I met you. Ok they caught my eye but there's no comparison. You are the sexist 40 something woman I have ever met. Your body has fueled many a fantasy over the past year." At Catherine's incredulous look she kissed her very quickly. "Your idea of throwing me up against the wall and kissing me stupid is nothing compared to some of the things I've wanted to do to you in my fantasies. And my dreams, don't get me started on those, they make my fantasies seem tame. So age is not a problem. Now about Lindsey, I know she likes me and I know that's not that same as liking me as her mother's girlfriend. We'll just have to wait and see what happens when we tell her. Ok? Never forget that I love you and I will be there in whatever capacity I can."
"Mommy can I come up there with you and Sara?" They both turned to the door and tried to pull apart as much as the bed would allow and both winced from the pain the movement caused.
"Hang on a minute baby let me get back in my chair and you can sit in my lap."
"But I want to lie next to Sara too Mommy." Catherine looked up to her mother who stood in the doorway..
"Mom what were you thinking? You knew there was a chance you would find us like this so why didn't you check before you let Lindsey in?" Both Catherine and her mother looked to the bed as Lindsey had taken Catherine's place next to Sara. Sara looked frightened at first then she lay back as Lindsey gently laid down next to her.
"Sara why do you have a big band aid on your neck? Do you have a boo boo? That's what Mommy calls them when I get hurt. Does it hurt? Mommy and I will take care of you. You can come to our house so it will be easier to take care of you. Mommy has a real big bed, not little like this one, and all three of us can fit in it. I have my own room but the bed is too little for you and your long legs." She giggled a little. "Your legs would probably hang all the way to the floor when you laid down in it. We'll have to try it I want to see if they touch the floor." She turned back to the door. "Mommy can we try that, don't you think it would be funny if Sara had to sleep in my bed?" Catherine had to laugh at the look on Sara's face.
"Honey slow down, I think you are overwhelming Sara?"
"What does that mean?"
Sara spoke before Catherine could say anything. "Too many questions too fast?" Sara put her arm around Lindsey and pulled her closer to her. "Now let's start over with the questions and go one by one ok?"
Lindsey giggled again. "Ok one by one, I can do that. Are you Mommy's girlfriend?"
Sara choked on what she was about to say because it wasn't the question she was expecting. "Why would you think that?"
"Jonathan says he and Mike can sleep together because Mike is his boyfriend. Jenny's two Mom's probably sleep together too. So are you going to be my Mommy too? My Daddy doesn't live with us anymore so you can be my other Mommy." Sara reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Are you sad?" Lindsey carefully went to her knees and reached up to wipe a tear from Sara's cheek and kissed her cheek. "That's what Mommy does for me when I'm sad. She kisses it better. Is it better Sara?"
Sara took Lindsey in her arms and hugged her. "Yeah Munchkin it's all better."
"So will you come to my house, cuz sometimes it's hard for me to email, if you were at my house I wouldn't have to email, I could just come find you to talk to you."
"We'll see what happens sweetie. I might be able to go back to my apartment when they release me from the hospital." "She saw Lindsey's pout and hurried on. "But I will visit a lot now that I know it's hard for you to email." Lindsey brightened at that. Sara looked to both Catherine and Lily. "I think I know where she learned that last trick." Catherine gave her an overly innocent look.
"Can we take her home Mommy please please please?"
"She's not a puppy Lindsey. You sound like you did when we were looking at puppies at the humane society the other day. And as to your question I guess we will leave it up to Sara as to whether she wants to come home with us or not." She turned to Sara with the same hopeful look that she knew Lindsey had on her face.
Sara turned to Lily. "Is there a secret to fighting them when they are like this?"
"Nope it's best to give in right away, it only gets worse. Next you'll have them hugging and kissing you and begging. But in that case you may not want to give in right away, you look like you might need the hugging and kissing and you'd probably enjoy it too." Lily had to laugh at the expression on Sara's face. She saw the love in the young woman's eyes and knew that her daughter and granddaughter were in good hands. "If you'll excuse me ladies I think that I will go look for a good cup of coffee.
"Oh I would kill for a cup of coffee. Make it two, one with two sugars, the other will a little cream and three sugars, Sara likes hers sweet." Lily left and Sara looked at Catherine with a questioning glance. "What I watched you when you made it in the break room." Sara smiled sheepishly. "You know how I like mine too don't you?"
Sara nodded. "I'm just surprised you know how I like mine."
"Why does that surprise you?"
"Actually I find this whole thing kind of hard to believe. I except to wake up and find this had been a dream." She looked down and saw that Lindsey had fallen asleep.
"Why is that?" Catherine felt her heart melt all over again at the sight of Lindsey asleep on Sara's shoulder.
"It's just that you are this gorgeous sexy woman who could have any man or woman she chose and you choose geeky me. What do I have to offer you? I'm not even pretty."
Catherine found herself getting mad at whoever had done this to this wonderful beautiful person. She walked up to the side of the bed and took Sara's face in her hands. "Look at you, you're lying in a hospital bed with bandages all over your body and holding my daughter in a protective hug and a little while ago you kissed her head as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. You are the most beautiful person in the world to me and if I ever meet the person you told you otherwise I will slap them silly." This brought a smile to Sara's lips but it immediately turned to a frown when she thought of her parents.
"I'm not sure I can do this Cat."
"What do you mean by 'this'?"
"I might not be safe with you and Lindsey, maybe we shouldn't start anything."
"What the hell are you talking about, don't you think it's a little late to be saying that? I think we already started something. And if I thought you were unsafe I sure as hell wouldn't be here and she sure as hell would not be there." She pointed to Lindsey as she said the last part. She turned to the door when she heard her mother return. "Mom can you take Lindsey for a walk, I think Sara and I need to have a talk. Leave the coffee I think we both need it."
"Ok but don't mess this one up Catherine." She picked up the sleeping Lindsey and left the room.
Catherine handed Sara her coffee and raised the head of the bed so she could drink it. "Now would you mind telling me what this is all about?" She went over to where Lindsey had been lying and lay down next to Sara and took her hand in hers.
"I'm not sure I can tell you right now."
"Sara, you can't make a statement like that and expect me to blindly accept it. I don't care if you were brought up on a pig farm, I love you and nothing you say will ever change that."
"That's what the others said too. But when I told them about my past they couldn't get out of my life fast enough."
"I'm not going anywhere, so we might as well get it over with." They finished their coffee and Catherine pulled Sara to her and tucked her head under her chin and kissed the top of her head and waited.
She felt Sara take a deep breath and listened as the words began to pour out. "My father used to love to get drunk, he would come home and blame my Mom and me for everything wrong in the world. At first it was just verbal abuse, he told me how ugly and worthless I was and that I would never amount to anything. Things got worse and we lost the bed and breakfast my parent ran cuz dear old dad was drinking up the profits. Then he just stayed home and was drunk all the time and the verbal abuse got physical and he would beat the hell out of my Mom and me. When I got a bit older he decided he would be the one to teach me how a woman should behave for her man, at least that's the excuse he used to rape me every night. That also pissed my Mom off because I was getting dad's attention so she would beat me too. This went on for more years than I care to remember. Then one night, I guess my Mom just snapped she went into the kitchen and got a knife and stabbed him over and over and over again. I can still remember the smell of the blood, and I recall that night every time I smell blood. Then when it came time for the trial she got really angry because I told the story just as it happened. She got mad because I wouldn't lie for her. I couldn't understand why she got mad because all my life I would get beaten if I lied and now she was mad because I didn't lie. As a kid I just didn't understand. This was before the battered wife syndrome so she got life in prison and I went into foster care. And as you know that's no bed of roses either. I was the girl whose Mom killed her dad and I didn't stay at any one home very long. They said I created problems within the household. I never did anything, it was the other kids who lied and told the foster parents I did something that I didn't do. I knew protesting was futile so I said nothing. When I was old enough I left the system, headed out east and I put myself through college and here I am." All of this was said in a monotone voice, no emotion at all. That worried Catherine. Sara was afraid to look up, she didn't want to see the pity that she knew would be there. She gathered her courage and looked up and was surprised to see tears flowing freely down Catherine's cheeks.
Catherine saw the look on Sara's face and all she could do is pull her to her in a tight hug. "Sweetie anyone who would run from you is a worthless piece of shit and I'm glad they did because it's what brought you to me. I can't help but love you even more because to come through all of that and still be the wonderful woman you have become could not have been easy. And you didn't put yourself through just any college you put yourself through Harvard and I am so proud of you for that. I guess this would explain why you freak out during domestic abuse cases, and I don't blame you. It's the same for me and cases involving kids, I see Lindsey lying there. I'm so sorry that I have made matters worse with our arguments but as I already mentioned it was my only way to protect my heart."
"And I'm so damn sexy when we fight." Sara looked up at Catherine and smiled a childlike smile then laid her head back down.
"There's that too. I love that smile, you should do it more often. I do not think you are like your parents. You've taken that experience and you've used it to your advantage on the job. Yes you may drink a bit too much but if like you said it was because I was going out with those creeps, you won't be needing to do that anymore will ya?" Sara shook her head. "Didn't think so. And it looks like Lindsey is ok with this, although I think we will still need to sit down with her and explain things a bit more. So will you come home with me when they release us so I can take care of you? Don't you go all stiff on me." She said when she felt Sara stiffen. "You need to be taken care of for a little while and I want to be the one to do it so deal with it."
"Feisty I like that. Cat just give me time to get used to being taken care of ok? As you can tell it's not something I've had much of in my life and I am so used to doing the care taking. But I guess I can go to your house for a little while and see if we can get along." Catherine playfully punched her on the shoulder. "Ouch, if you're going to keep punching me I may rethink going home with you." She said it playfully and Catherine knew she hadn't really hurt her. "So you think we should tell your Mom it's ok to come back in?"
"I suppose, let me go get her." Catherine leaned down and kissed Sara and what started out as a quick kiss quickly turned into a struggle for dominance between tongues. They came up for air but not for long, Sara pulled her back for more and things were heating up quickly.
"See grandma I told you we could go in. They're making up, that's what grownups do after they fight they kiss and make up. Are you all made up now. Is Sara coming to our house when she's all better?"
"Yes she is sweetie. You and I can take care of her for as long as she wants us to ok?" Catherine got off the bed and sat down in the wheel chair and Lindsey sat on her lap.
"Maybe if we take good care of her she'll never want to leave, cuz I know I don't want her to ever leave."
"Hey kiddo, you may not like having me around all the time. You may get sick and tired of me after awhile and tell me to go home."
"We'll see but I don't think that will ever happen. Just think of all the games we can play, the movie we can watch and maybe Mommy will let me stay up late because you are there."
"Think again kiddo, that's not going to happen."
Lindsey turned to Sara and looked up at her with the same blue eyes that drew her to Catherine. "Sara can you talk to her and make it happen?" Catherine waited to see what Sara would say.
"Sorry Lindsey, if your Mom says it's not going to happen then I will have to back her up and say no." Catherine let out the breath she didn't know she was holding and glanced up at her mother who just winked at her. "I don't think you should come to me if your Mom has already said no and you know why?" Lindsey shook her head. "Because I will go to her anyway and if I found out she already gave you and answer I might get mad. Your Mom is in charge, I'm just visiting, and her word is the last word."
"Ah you're no fun." She pouted up at Sara.
Sara gave Catherine a worried look, she didn't want Lindsey mad at her. "Lindsey Willows stop that right now. Sara isn't used to this, she thinks you're serious and now she's worried she said something wrong."
Lindsey looked up at Sara and saw she really was worried and her face broke out in a huge grin. "I'm not mad at you Sara. I'm sorry."
"Lily you are going to have to instruct me as to when they are serious and when they aren't."
"Hey I can't help you because there are times when I'm not sure myself."
"Oh really?"
"Catherine behave yourself. If you really want this poor girl to stick around you better give her a chance to learn the difference or she will be running the other way before you know it. That goes for you too Lindsey."
Both Lindsey and Catherine lowered their heads knowing that Lily was right. "God they're like bookends. Look at that, how the hell, I mean heck am I supposed to withstand two of them? She's a mini Catherine." Both looked up at the same time, Lindsey with a look that said she had no idea what she was talking about and Catherine with the look of a woman who knew exactly what she was talking about. "Catherine Willows you're enjoying this aren't you?"
"You bet I am." She saw the look on Sara's face and decided she would behave. "Sorry sweetie. Lindsey I guess we better behave or Sara won't want to stay at our house ok? I want her to stay as much as you do so let's be nice."
"Ok Mommy I want her to stay so I'll be nice." Sara watched the two of them and if it was possible she fell even deeper in love than before. Except now it was with both of them she was in deep and she loved it. For the first time in her life she felt she was in a good place. She looked Catherine in the eyes and smiled a secret smile that told Catherine how she was feeling and Catherin smiled back. Sara couldn't hold back a yawn and Catherine saw it. She whispered in Lindsey ear and Lindsey smiled back. Lindsey got up off of Catherine's lap and walked round to the other side of the bed and carefully climbed up next to Sara and whispered in her ear. "Good night Sara, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. See you tomorrow." She then leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "That's how my Mommy puts me to bed. Now I just put you to bed." She kissed her again and hopped down from the bed and went back to her mother. "Did I do that right Mommy?"
"Just like I would have honey. Now let's leave so she can get some sleep." She stood up and walked over to the bed and gave Sara a quick kiss on the lips.
Sara whispered, "Is that really how you're going to put me to bed when we get out of here? I hope not."
"Hey if I have to be nice you should too. I'll be back in a little while."
"Take your time I think they have these drugs on a timer or something because all of the sudden I can't stay awake. Spend some time with your family I'll see you later." Her voice was starting to slur a little bit. "Love you."
Catherine leaned down and kissed her once more. "I love you too. See you soon." She sat down in the chair and allowed her mother to wheel her out of the room and back into her own. As she got back into her own bed Julie came into the room.
"Seems you two have kept my staff on their toes today. Well it looks like you'll be moved to a private room together. Captain Brass seemed to think it would be easier to keep an eye on you that way. He also said something under his breath about teaching Grissom a lesson, I don't think I want to know about that. So this afternoon you will be moved upstairs and maybe then this ICU will return to normal. Although I will hate to see the two of you go it will be nice and quiet once you leave. I'll be in to talk to check on you later."