Chapter 11: My Master

Disclaimer: I don't own Cantarella. However, I do own Barnabas.

A/N 2: As you might expect, this continues immediately from the last chapter. And I am pathetic for updating this soon after a cliffy, but I can't resist.

"Cesare!"

Cesare blinked a few times at the familiar voice. Was he imagining things? He turned and looked through the cloud of demons to see Chiaro standing at the end of the bridge. His light was so bright, and he looked so much like an angel, Cesare could almost see wings in his mind's eyes. Did Chiaro have any idea how incredibly beautiful he looked when Cesare was like this? "Chiaro," he said softly. Why was he here? By chance?

"Can I… don't move, okay?" He looked pale, and he was breathing hard like he'd been running. Why did he look so scared? Chiaro was approaching quickly, but somehow cautiously, like he was monitoring Cesare's reaction to his every step. Confused, Cesare reached out a hand to welcome him. Chiaro's face flooded with relief. He ran the rest of the way, and a second later, Cesare was in his arms, in a tight hug, and the demons were screaming as they faded into the light.

Cesare closed his eyes, clinging tightly. He could almost feel the soft feathers from Chiaro's gentle wings folded around him, sheltering him. Even if this was only a chance meeting, he was grateful for it, would be grateful for any chance meetings from now on. Was there some way to make Chiaro stay with him again? Any way to keep his angel by his side? Would telling him how much he loved him make a difference? Or would that twisted, possessive love only drive him away?

"Geez… don't scare me like that," Chiaro said, his voice trembling. He rubbed Cesare's back then stroked his hair. His fingers were shaking. "What happened? Why are they so bad? Is that just because I was gone today?" He drew Cesare a little closer, cradling him, surrounding him. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have gone if I'd known."

Cesare didn't say anything. He was starting to realize that he'd actually been about to kill himself, and that he really didn't want to. The shock was making him tremble as well, though he hoped Chiaro didn't notice. He was trying to master himself. If he started panicking or crying every time Chiaro went away, Chiaro would feel stifled and find him even more of a burden. As it was, maybe Chiaro really did intend to come back. It was much harder to believe the demons when Chiaro was holding him like this. At last he managed to let go enough that he could look at Chiaro calmly. "Does… does this mean… I mean… were you… headed home?"

"I already went home a few minutes ago, but Volpe said you'd gone to look for me."

"Oh…." It was amazing the number of demons that stopped trying to break through Chiaro's shield of light at the revelation that Chiaro had always intended to come back. Just like he'd chosen on his own to follow Cesare to begin with. Relaxing a little, he looked at Chiaro in concern. "Are you all right? You're shaking. Did something happen?"

Chiaro gave a laugh, and he pulled Cesare close again. "Idiot. How would you feel if you saw me standing at the very edge of a bridge, especially if I had a history of jumping off things?"

Terror flooded Cesare at the very thought, and his fingers clutched Chiaro's shirt. Then he blinked. "That… is how you felt?" he asked, pulling away just a little to see Chiaro's face.

Chiaro gave a half smile. "Yeah… so please stop standing on the edges of dangerous places."

Cesare frowned, beginning to feel a bit worried. Chiaro wasn't really that attached to him, was he? Not really. He couldn't be. Cesare shook his head a little, imperceptibly. "Well… shall we go home?"

Chiaro paused. "Actually… I wanted to go back out, but I wanted to come back and get you, since I thought you'd be done by now. But if you'd rather, we can just go home… I'm sure you're tired."

"Get… me?" The words were having a hard time registering.

"Yes; they're having a dance… just something simple… and I… well, I was hoping you could come and be my partner."

This was such a ridiculous request that Cesare could only stare at him for a moment. "Why?"

Chiaro seemed encouraged by the fact that Cesare hadn't said no. He smiled a little. "Because I want you to. And you might like it."

"But…." Cesare shook his head. "But why me? This is your day off. Wasn't there anyone there that you knew?"

Chiaro blinked and looked a little hurt. "Well… yeah, but I wanted you."

Cesare felt his face flush. Chiaro's warmth seemed to flood through the burning cold where the demons had been. He found himself smiling involuntarily. "But… but I'm a man."

Chiaro shrugged. "Honestly, nobody really cares."

"But I can't dance."

"So? I'll teach you. Will you come?"

"Yes."

Chiaro beamed, and his light, if possible, grew even brighter. "Great!" he said. "Come on, my horse is over here."

"But I don't understand," Cesare said as they got on the horse. "Why would you want to be with me? This is your day off. Doesn't this sort of defeat the purpose?"

Chiaro turned and stared at him blankly for a moment, then seemed to realize something. He slumped and slapped his forehead. "So that's why."

"What's why?"

"I'm sorry. I should have known you'd take it like that. Cesare, it wasn't that I didn't want to be with you. That's why I was asking about your plans—I wanted to see if you could come with me. I just wanted a break from being Michelotto, that's all. And I wanted to visit my father's grave. It had nothing to do with not wanting to be around you."

Cesare said nothing. He really wanted to believe this was true, but the demons' explanations made so much more sense. And yet, here Chiaro was. Not only had he come back, but he wanted to take Cesare with him—he preferred Cesare to anyone who had been there.

"Actually, I really missed you," Chiaro said, looking a little shy. "I kept turning around and expecting you to be there."

Cesare frowned. Chiaro was really overdoing it. He knew Chiaro hadn't missed him. Maybe he'd worried about him, but missed? Hardly.

"What's wrong?"

Cesare raised his eyebrows. Chiaro wasn't even looking at him, since he was looking ahead to guide the horse. How did he know something was wrong? When Cesare didn't answer, Chiaro looked round in confusion. "You're lying," Cesare told him.

Chiaro blinked. "No, I'm not."

"You are."

"What… about what?"

"That you missed me."

Chiaro slowed the horse. "I'm not. Don't you think it stands to reason that I'd miss my best friend?"

Cesare said nothing. He was remembering Chiaro's fingers trembling as they stroked his hair. Some part of him really didn't want Chiaro to be this attached to him. He was uncomfortable with the thought that Chiaro might have been heartbroken rather than relieved if he'd chosen to jump. It made him feel an odd sense of responsibility toward his friend that he wasn't used to. But it didn't matter. This was ridiculous. Chiaro didn't need him. An angel could have no need for a demon.

Chiaro furrowed his brows a little, looking worried. "They've… been tormenting you all day, haven't they?" He paused. "What were you thinking? Before I found you on the bridge?"

Cesare looked away. Chiaro might be hurt by how completely the demons had managed to dismantle Cesare's trust. "But see… they're right."

"The demons?"

"Yes."

"Did they tell you I wouldn't come back?"

"They implied you wouldn't. They said you had no reason to. Which is true."

"Cesare, I've told you, I have lots of reasons. I love you."

"Why?"

Chiaro paused. "Because I do."

"See? You don't have a reason."

Chiaro rolled his eyes and gave a sigh, but he smiled as he did so, as if he thought Cesare were being ridiculous. He started the horse walking again. "As you wish," he said, taking on a mock-martyr tone. "I will attempt to sum up my feelings in some logical explanation that the mastermind can understand. You know, I doubt you could do the same."

"Of course I could. I love you because you're my angel."

"Well, then I love you because you're my master."

"But… that doesn't make sense."

Chiaro turned to him with a grin, eyebrows raised.

"It doesn't, and stop laughing at me. Why would you like me because of that?"

Chiaro gave another sigh. "All right. I love… your courage. That you never give up, no matter what gets thrown at you, and you usually just laugh it in the face. I love it that even though you want power, you still won't give into the demons. I can't imagine how hard that must be. I love it that in spite of you constantly acting like you don't really care, you're willing to go great lengths for the people you care about. I love how passionate you become about everything that's really important to you. I love how you laugh at me when I take myself too seriously. Really, I just love hearing you laugh, and seeing you smile… especially when you smile at me. I love it that you don't seem to care about status, even though you're one of the most powerful men in Europe… that you treat people based on how much you like or respect them, not on their positions. I mean, case in point, I'm a peasant, but you treat me like a friend." He paused. "Is that enough?"

Cesare frowned a little, feeling a bit confused. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Chiaro actually did have reasons? These things were true, but he'd never thought of them particularly as traits to admire. "But…."

"But what?"

Cesare frowned. "Nothing… I guess."

Chiaro grinned again. "Quite finished arguing with me?" He set the horse into a trot.

Cesare thought for a minute, trying to understand what he wanted to know so he could ask it. "Chiaro… what if I didn't need you?"

"Hmm?"

"If I didn't need you. Would you still want to stay with me?"

"Yes."

Cesare blinked. Chiaro hadn't even given the question a second's thought. "But I thought that was why you started following me."

"It was. But it's not the only reason I stay."

Cesare sighed a little. "I don't understand." When Chiaro didn't answer, he sighed again. "Chiaro, I don't understand. I don't even pay you. You never ask for anything. What are you getting out of this?"

Chiaro slowed the horse and looked back at him, seemingly confused. Then he smiled a little. "You don't get it."

"I know I don't. I said I don't. So explain."

Chiaro laughed. "A servant's reward is his master's goodwill."

"What is that supposed to mean? I'm asking for an explanation, not proverbs."

"That is my explanation."

"I don't understand it."

"That," Chiaro said with a patient smile, "is because you're not a servant." Cesare looked at him pleadingly, but Chiaro just laughed again. "We're almost there," he said. "Listen. Can't you hear the music?"

Cesare listened and nodded. They were quite close. The music was very cheerful. The crowd they were approaching obviously was as well. Chiaro dismounted and tied his horse to a hitching post, then helped Cesare down. "You okay?" Chiaro asked. "You look a little nervous."

"I'm fine."

"Want to learn the steps first?"

"Please," Cesare replied. He was feeling very out of place and wondering if he really should have come. He was dressed simply, but he was still wearing silk.

"Don't be shy," Chiaro said. "It's dark, and no one's paying attention anyway."

Just then, a voice called out from the crowd. "Chiaro!"

Chiaro turned around, surprised, to see a stocky man with a graying beard who was grinning broadly. "Barnabas!" he cried and, to Cesare's shock, ran forward to embrace the man tightly. "I didn't know you were here!" He let go to hold the man at arm's length.

So much for no one paying attention, Cesare thought, trying to look invisible.

"If you are surprised, I am in shock," the man replied with a strong Jewish accent. "Where have you been for all these years? And who is this pretty little—oh," he broke off as Cesare stepped closer, miffed. "I apologize, signore."

Chiaro grinned. "Yeah, you'd better eat your words," he said.

"Ah, now I see how it is," Barnabas said with a mournful sigh. "I always wondered why it was you would not marry my daughter."

Chiaro burst out laughing. "I didn't marry your daughter because she was in love with someone else, you old humbug. Not to mention you said I'd have to convert."

"Would have been a small price to pay," the man said with a shrug. Cesare was beginning to feel a little impatient. Chiaro was supposed to be his partner, not off talking to some strange man.

"Actually, I'm really glad you're here," Chiaro said. "I always hoped I could introduce you." He put an arm around a startled Cesare's shoulders and pulled him the rest of the way forward. "Cesare, this is Barnabas, an old merchant friend of mine who comes through Rome every so often. Barnabas, this is my master, Cesare." There seemed to be a special emphasis on the word "master."

"Your master?" Barnabas asked, looking shocked. Was he angry? Why had Chiaro said it like that? Why not just introduce Cesare as his friend? But a second later, Barnabas broke into a grin. "You're joking!" he said. "The eternal stray has finally found himself a master?"

"I have," Chiaro said, beaming. His face was so bright and happy that Cesare couldn't do anything but stare.

"Is he everything you hoped for?" Barnabas asked earnestly.

"More," Chiaro replied, grinning. "He's also my best friend."

"My boy, I am so happy for you!" the man cried, drawing Chiaro into another tight hug. "So that's why you haven't been around!"

Cesare's mind was reeling. Chiaro was happy to have a master? Proud to have a master? That was something to congratulate? He couldn't help starting when the man let go of Chiaro to suddenly take hold of Cesare's shoulders.

"You take special good care of him, yes?" the man said. "Or you may find an army of peasants at your door demanding to know what became of their thief lord." He was grinning.

"I'll… try to keep that in mind," Cesare said a little nervously.

"He's kidding," Chiaro said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh…." Cesare tried to smile as the man let go, but he was still bewildered.

"I'm teaching Cesare how to dance," Chiaro told Barnabas.

"Oh, I see," Barnabas said. "Then I will leave you to it. Come and meet my granddaughter sometime tonight."

"I will," Chiaro promised, waving as the man walked back to the crowd. He smiled at Cesare. "Why do you look so surprised?"

"You're… proud of me," Cesare said.

"Of course," Chiaro said, grinning. "Now pay attention."

It took about five minutes for Cesare to discover he loved dancing, or at least loved dancing with Chiaro. He stepped in and out of Chiaro's light, moving too quickly for the demons to land, and eventually so fast that there was no room for thought, only exhilaration. Chiaro laughed, spinning him in circles and—Cesare was sure—inventing half of the maneuvers they were doing on the spot. Cesare found himself laughing as well, and simply let Chiaro lead. Chiaro was obviously used to dancing with people who had never danced before, which made Cesare wonder if he'd always deliberately picked people on the edge of the crowd to dance with. It seemed like something he would do.

At length, the song ended, and Cesare stood, breathing hard and laughing. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it, that was fun," Chiaro said, putting an arm around his shoulders and leading him over to a barrel of watered ale for thirsty dancers. Presently, Barnabas came over with his four-year-old granddaughter, who insisted on dancing the next song with Chiaro.

Cesare smiled as he watched Chiaro spin the tiny girl in circles, and was startled by a hand on his shoulder that turned out to belong to Barnabas. "I am glad he has found you," the man said.

Cesare blinked. "Barnabas," he said, "I don't understand. Why is Chiaro so pleased to have a master?"

"Ah, now there is a question," Barnabas replied. "I did not always understand it myself, since I am a man who likes his freedom. So is Chiaro in some ways, but…." The man paused and then motioned Cesare to a few of the empty seats. "When Chiaro was a boy," Barnabas said, "he had three great desires. One, of course, was his father's freedom. Another was to wash his hands of his father's business. But the one he spoke the most of was his desire to find someone to call 'master.' You would never think it, because Chiaro only ever worked as a mercenary. But that was because his master could not just be anyone. He had to be someone special, who Chiaro loved and respected enough to serve unflinchingly, whatever he was asked to do. Someone he would not only die for, but kill for as well."

"But why?" Cesare asked. "Why not simply remain a mercenary and hold onto his freedom?"

Barnabas smiled a little sadly. "Chiaro had lost his family, and his father was a prisoner who rarely even recognized him. Nearly everyone scorned him as a thief or feared him as an occasional assassin, when he was desperate enough for money to feed his father. Chiaro was keenly aware of just how lonely freedom could be. He wanted to belong to someone, someone who he, in turn, could dedicate his life to."

Cesare thought about this as he watched Chiaro dance. He remembered their school days, when Chiaro had been alarmingly naïve about almost everything, especially politics, and had made any number of social blunders, a few of which had almost gotten him killed by hot-blooded classmates. Cesare often got frustrated trying to teach him everything, and Chiaro would occasionally respond with his own frustration. "What am I even doing here, then?" he once asked, exasperated. "I obviously have no place here. Why don't I just stay at home and save you the trouble?"

Cesare had been a little alarmed that he was losing his tenuous hold on his assassin. "Of course you have a place," he replied. "By my side. You belong to me." By which he meant for Chiaro not to get any ideas about leaving when Cesare wanted him there.

Chiaro had had the strangest reaction to these words. He suddenly went pink, and looked away, completely failing to hide the inexplicable smile that had spread across his face. He'd muttered something about promising to try harder and went back to his books. Cesare had stood there, completely confused, wondering why Chiaro never reacted the way he was supposed to.

"Even at the cost of his freedom?" Cesare asked Barnabas.

"He hasn't lost his freedom. You don't hold him against his will." Barnabas smiled a little. "You can't. Not someone like Chiaro. But he won't leave you either, not unless you send him away. His heart belongs to you. He gave it to you when he chose you as his master. And from the look of it, I don't think he could take it back if he wanted to."

"Chiaro's heart… belongs… to me…?" Just asking the question felt unreasonably audacious.

"Yes," Barnabas replied with conviction. He met Cesare's eyes, quite serious. "So mind you take care of it."

Chiaro's heart belongs to me. Cesare felt his own heart skip a beat. It's mine. I need to protect it. How strange. When had Cesare's definition of "mine" changed from "mine to do with as I please" to "mine to protect and cherish"? But… I can't… can I? He watched Chiaro set down the little girl and get her a drink of watered ale. He had to somehow warn Chiaro, tell him to take his heart back before it was shattered. Then Chiaro looked over at him and grinned, and Cesare's heart skipped another beat. No… I want it. I don't want him to take it back. I'll protect it, somehow. After all, he chose me.

"You okay?" Chiaro asked, coming closer. "You look a bit dazed."

Cesare didn't respond immediately. Why? he thought. Why choose me?

Chiaro waved a hand in front of Cesare's face. "Hello," he sang, "Anyone in there?"

Cesare smiled. Thank you. He didn't need to know why. It didn't matter. What mattered was that he somehow believed it now, and he was grateful. Profoundly grateful. He chose me.

Chiaro gave him a pleading look. "Um, Cesare, are you drunk or something?"

Cesare started laughing. He drew Chiaro into a sudden hug. I choose you.

Chiaro was so surprised that it took him a second to respond, and even when he did he felt a little dazed, though extremely happy. He sensed the subtle differences between times that Cesare would hug him, and this was only the second time Cesare had hugged him without some desire to receive or give comfort. And the first time Chiaro had had to ask. "Cesare?"

"Thank you," Cesare said, still hugging him.

Chiaro blinked. "For what?"

Cesare started to laugh again, true, happy laughter, and he let go a little, arms still around Chiaro's neck, face so close their noses were almost touching. "For being your usual stupid self," he replied, making it sound like a term of endearment. He raised himself to kiss Chiaro's forehead, then nestled his head into the crook of his neck. "I'm lucky to have someone as ridiculous as you for my best friend."

"You know I have no idea what you're talking about," Chiaro said, smiling as he hugged Cesare a little closer, completely disregarding the glances they were getting. He really had missed Cesare today. He'd been in his own world, and yet surrounded by strangers. Cesare's embrace seemed to welcome him home. No matter how lonely the rest of the world was, he would always have a home with Cesare. "Really, I should be thanking you."

Instead of responding to this, Cesare came close so that his mouth was right next to Chiaro's ear. "You belong to me," he whispered. "I want to belong to you too. May I?"

Chiaro's arms tightened around his friend involuntarily. Did Cesare have any idea what he was saying? What on earth had he been talking to Barnabas about? "I'd… I'd like that more than anything," Chiaro replied, trying not to sound as emotional as he felt. Cesare couldn't actually be saying he now wanted to give his allegiance to Chiaro rather than to his cause. Chiaro didn't know what he was saying instead, but….

"Thank you." Cesare still held onto him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I know." His face was hidden, but his voice was smiling. "Thank you."

"Ah." Now Chiaro understood. "You believe me now?"

Cesare nodded against his shoulder.

"Good." He rubbed Cesare's back. "I'll have to thank Barnabas." The last song began. "Hey, did you want to dance one more time?"

A/N 2: So, this is like my favorite chapter. Yes, I definitely made a completely fluffy chapter right after a chapter where Cesare's contemplating suicide. Just for the record, Cesare doesn't actually know the specifics of what he's promising. He's more promising to try to be worthy of Chiaro's heart, which includes protecting it. He's actually still a little freaked out by the responsibility, but he's so overjoyed that Chiaro chose him of all people that he's currently ignoring the obvious problem of his demons and his plans for world domination.