Chapter 12: Come Back

Warning: Okay, I know I said at the beginning that there was no yaoi or shonen-ai. I suppose some of this chapter could technically qualify as shonen-ai. But since there's so much else tied into it, and it's anything but fluffy, I wasn't sure it really counted. Nothing except suggestiveness, though.

Cesare paced around his room, completely unable to sleep. Michelotto should have been back by now. He should have been back the day before yesterday. Where was he? Had something happened? Was he all right? It briefly crossed his mind that Chiaro might be sulking from having been made to kill, but that wouldn't make sense. This was only the second person he'd had Michelotto kill in the last month. One of the other Italian lords was getting out of control, suddenly rallying his own army, and he seemed even more ruthless than Cesare, if that were possible. Well, yes, these days it was definitely possible. Especially around Chiaro, Cesare was about as ruthless as a kitten. But Chiaro had actually agreed that Pisano needed to be dealt with, and didn't even seem upset about being sent to kill him, particularly after learning that Pisano took prisoners and tortured them to death.

"Master Cesare?" Volpe stood at the door. "Are you still awake?"

"What does it look like?" Cesare growled.

"Have you slept at all since Chiaro's been gone?"

"A few scattered hours. It doesn't matter. Has there been any news whatsoever?"

"You're worried about him."

"Of course I'm worried!"

Volpe sighed. "You should sleep. Would it help if I held you?"

Cesare blinked at the offer. Would it? Volpe couldn't drive off the demons, but there was comfort simply in being held. But he didn't really want to sleep in comfort while he was worried about Chiaro. And in some odd way, he felt he would be betraying Chiaro if he slept with Volpe, particularly since he doubted Volpe's motives were as innocent as Chiaro's. "No… I don't think so." He sat down and looked at his hands. Above the palm, the skin on his fingers was scaly and reptilian, and his nails had become claws. They'd been like that since yesterday, when his body had gone into spasms from trying to fight the demons and his hands had come out like this. Of course, if he'd simply given in, given them a bit more control, it wouldn't happened, but Cesare wasn't ready to do that yet. But if Chiaro didn't come back soon….

"I wanted to talk to you about him, actually," Volpe said, sitting on Cesare's bed and motioning for him to move closer… as though he were Cesare's father, or some type of priestly confessor. A bit distracted by amusement over the thought, Cesare did so. "Do you love him?" Volpe asked.

Cesare blinked. That was a highly personal question, coming from Volpe. He hesitated, wondering what Volpe was getting at and how he was defining "love." "He's my best friend," Cesare replied. It was always best to give answers that contained information the questioner already knew.

"But do you love him?"

"Doesn't 'best friend' usually imply love?"

"Not necessarily in your case."

Cesare wondered if he ought to be offended, and it was partly out of defensiveness that he answered, "Yes, I do."

"I see." Volpe's tone was disapproving.

"And I don't remember asking for your opinion," Cesare said, frowning at him.

"Loving someone like him will only make things harder for you. He's a hindrance to your plans. You know that."

"Chiaro is a devoted friend who has always served me faithfully," Cesare said.

"Putting constant limits on your ability to increase your power is serving you faithfully?"

So that was what Volpe as getting at. Cesare frowned at his hands. "Tagio, I don't want them to take me over. I want to hold onto my humanity."

"Because of Chiaro."

Cesare thought about this. What would he have done with the demons if Chiaro hadn't joined him? He shivered at the terrifying yet somehow thrillingly attractive vision of having complete power to conquer the world, of giving the demons full control and having everything under his dominion. No smiling, friendly, affectionate, confusing friend to hold them back and drive away the nightmares. No need for him, because Cesare would be the nightmare. A beautiful, powerful, terrifying nightmare.

The demons seemed to be reaching out for him, offering the ability to make this vision a reality. They surrounded him, choking him. "Chiaro," he whispered. But Chiaro's light was too far away. All was darkness. He called on his memories: Chiaro coming into the room with sword drawn, then dropping it to run forward and embrace him. Chiaro on the bridge, pulling him out of the darkness into light. Dancing with Chiaro a few weeks ago, finally secure in his love, finally able to really love him in return. This memory strengthened his resolve. He belonged to Chiaro. He had made that decision. If he became the terrifying, beautiful nightmare the demons were demanding, he would no longer even love Chiaro, much less belong to him. He would probably hurt him, maybe even kill him. His heart cringed back from the thought, and suddenly he was shaking, head buried in his demonic hands. "Chiaro," he whispered again. "Chiaro…." Come back, come back! Chiaro!

"Cesare?" Volpe's voice, coming through a hazy cloud of demons, sounded concerned.

"I don't want it, I don't want to," Cesare said, shaking his head. He closed his eyes tightly. If he imagined hard enough, he could almost feel his love for Chiaro cushioning his heart, surrounding it in just enough light to protect it from the demons. His body went into spasms for a moment, and when he opened his eyes, his palms had transformed along with his fingers. He closed his eyes again. Chiaro!

A hand on his shoulder. He looked around to see Volpe. "I'm sorry," Volpe said. "I only thought it might be easier on you to cut ties with him, rather than keep fighting."

Cesare smiled a little, a smile entirely without mirth. "That's not why," he said, his voice hoarse. "You see it too… the vision of me as the beautiful nightmare… and it's that potential that you admire, isn't it?" Volpe said nothing and Cesare looked away. "That nightmare… is what Chiaro promised to kill me before I become."

"Which is why I say you should cut ties with him. He has no right to do that!"

"I asked him to."

"Why? You said yourself, the vision is beautiful. Why are you so desperate to remain human? Is there any reason at all, other than the fact that that's what Chiaro prefers?"

"I belong to him."

There was a short pause. "What?" Volpe asked, his voice tense.

"I belong to Chiaro."

"What do you mean, you belong to him?" Volpe sounded suddenly extremely alarmed.

"He… I want to belong to him. I want to love him."

Volpe's eyes were wide. "You can't possibly be serious. What next, are you going to give up everything just to make him happy? Be his housewife? Master Cesare, you are a king! You cannot belong to anyone."

Cesare blinked at this. A king could not belong to anyone? He frowned. How very lonely. "No… I mean… I just want…." He looked at Volpe, willing him to understand. He felt suddenly like a child, which was fine when he was with Chiaro, but not when he was with Volpe. "Chiaro and Lucrezia are the only things in all the world that are still precious to me, and I've lost Lucrezia because I couldn't return her feelings and used them instead. But I can return Chiaro's feelings, and I don't want to lose that ability. I like the feeling of love. You don't understand. Conquering the world is important, but this is important to me too." He stood up, and started to pace when he felt Volpe's hand on his shoulder.

"Cesare."

Cesare blinked. Volpe didn't usually use his name without putting "Master" before it.

"Cesare, Chiaro is not the only person who can love you."

Cesare turned to face him and froze a little when Volpe began to stroke his hair away from his face. He was too confused to give any resistance when Volpe led him back to sit on the bed. Volpe drew him into a close embrace, and a hoard of demons surrounded them, making Cesare's body burn. "I," Volpe said softly, "Will give you more than he ever would, if you desire it."

"If I desire it," Cesare repeated. He knew what Volpe was implying, and he was a little startled at how good it sounded. He didn't even like Volpe. What was wrong with him? The demons whirled around him, filling him with pleasant nightmares. Apparently they approved of this perspective union. "But I don't want that from Chiaro," Cesare said, trying to keep his mind. This wasn't him. It was the demons. He loved Chiaro, and not like that. At least, he was fairly sure he didn't. It was hard to know anything for sure right now.

"Do you want it from me?" He had pulled away so his face was only inches from Cesare's. But his eyes were still cool and calculating. The eyes of someone who would seduce his master for the purpose of drawing him away from someone he considered dangerous. "I will help you achieve what you desire. You will be the world conqueror you desire to be. I will help you take flight. All he will ever do is tie you down. I will give you all that you desire, and you need never belong to me. You need never belong to anyone. All will be under your dominion. If you desire it."

Cesare tried to breathe evenly. It was difficult. Volpe understood him, he realized. He understood Cesare's twisted mind, understood all of the dark passions he normally suppressed, and he was appealing to every one of them, trying to call them out. And he was right, Cesare realized. Cesare was much more like Volpe than he would ever be like Chiaro. With Volpe at his side, both of them being calculating masterminds, there was no end to what he might achieve, and on the side Cesare would still have this mockery of love in case he ever got lonely or missed Chiaro. Yes, even with the demons flooding through him, trying to push him to close the space between himself and Volpe, Cesare knew that it would only ever be a mockery of love if he chose to be with Volpe.

"I want to belong to you too." His own voice whispered in the back of his mind. "May I?" He had felt Chiaro's arms tighten around him. Heard the surprising amount of emotion in Chiaro's voice when he said he'd like that more than anything. Cesare hadn't completely understood, but he'd understood enough to know that if he gave in to Volpe, Chiaro would lose his best friend. I'm important to him. How strange. He had always thought how important Chiaro was to him, but he had never considered before now that he was important to Chiaro. He'll come back. I need to make sure I'm still here.

"No," Cesare said at last, fighting the demons that tried to strangle his words. "No, I don't." He pushed Volpe away, and then a fluttering in the corner caught his eye. He jumped to his feet.

"Cesare?" Volpe said, but Cesare wasn't listening.

"Niccolo Machiavelli!" he shouted as the moth headed for the window. "Get back here!"

The moth fluttered back in. "And here I thought I was interrupting something." He took his human form, looking smug.

"Where is Chiaro?"

Niccolo raised his eyebrows. "Well, that would be an interesting piece of information, wouldn't it?"

…

Chiaro! Cesare's voice echoed through Chiaro's mind, pulling at his heart. Come back! Chiaro! He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back his tears. Cesare needed him, and he couldn't go to him. He forced himself not to cry out as his skin was burned by the brand again and again. "What's the matter with you?" Lord Pisano said, standing a few paces off and watching. "Just say you'll betray your master."

"I'd rather die," Chiaro said.

"Yes, but would he rather you die? You can stop for now," he said to the torturer, then turned back to Chiaro, beginning to circle the stone slab on which Chiaro lay, looking like a stalking lion. His eyes were golden with slit pupils. He was a demoniac, worse than Cesare. Was he what Cesare would become if Chiaro could never go back to him? Chiaro closed his eyes, not wanting to see. Was that why Cesare was calling him? Because the demons were trying to take him over? Don't let them, Chiaro thought, wondering if his words would reach Cesare. Please don't. God, don't let them.

"Actually, I'm wondering what's taking him so long," Pisano continued. "I sent him a message. Not directly, but through a secondary source. I would have thought once he heard you were slowly being tortured to death, he'd come rescue his beloved assassin."

Damn it! "He's not… stupid," Chiaro said. "He must know it's a trap. He won't come. I'm… expendable." It was hard to really believe this when he could still hear Cesare calling for him in his mind, but he didn't want Cesare to die for him. Should he kill himself? But then who would keep Cesare's demons under control? Damn it all.

"Hmm… perhaps. Perhaps this isn't even necessary. He has likely already have given in to the darkness. Soon, he will be just like me." Pisano smiled malevolently.

Chiaro opened his eyes and looked at Pisano. Maybe he was right. Maybe Cesare would become like him. And yet… "Friendship goes both ways, Chiaro… I want to belong to you too." No. Cesare wasn't the same. If he did lose himself, it wouldn't be by choice. "No," he said. "He won't."

Pisano cocked a perfect eyebrow.

"He will never… be like you. Cesare will never be like you!"

Pisano smiled a little. "We shall see, won't we? Or at least, I will. I believe your time is running out. Though, you never know. If I'm feeling generous, I might let you live long enough to learn of his ruin."

Chiaro closed his eyes. Would Cesare think he wasn't coming back? Would he believe Chiaro had betrayed him? Would that be reason enough to give himself to the demons? He squeezed his eyes tighter against the tears. I'll find a way back. Please, Cesare, wait for me. Please. "Never," he choked out. "He'll never… be like you."

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know, you hate me. But I need something to get these two to stop being so dense. On the brighter side, Cesare is actually starting to get it, finally. In fact, I was quite proud of him in this chapter. Just hang on until the next chapter, okay?